I just noticed that my blogs totally died off right when I went back to grad. school! I know that seems like a totally stupid and obvious thing but I never actually paid attention to the direct correlation!

Oh yeah, and I look a little different now. I've lost some weight and my hair is auburny-brown. I'm hoping to keep the weight off- that was a fantastic side-effect of student teaching! I even actually joined the BAC. Madness I tell you! Perhaps, I may actually start going out again! What a concept! I don't think I'll know what to do with myself with all of this time that isn't dedicated to school, but I'm sure I'll figure it out! :)

My fingers don't want to work today! I keep hit "enter" when I mean to hit "tab." Anyway...

So yes, an era is ending and as one ends a new one begins. How does the saying go- Better the Devil you know, than the Devil you don't? So, I've finished typing grad. project. I finished fixing some things and adding my appendices last night/ this morning and have printed up copy one. One more to go and then to Kinko's for binding. Keep your finger crossed, E-peepers that I get a good grade!

I'm still not excited about graduation. It's weird. I'm looking forward to it, but not excited. I don't think I'm going to feel right about this whole end of school thing until my Diploma actually arrives in the mail. I am, however, pretty psyched about going out with friends after the graduation! There's even a rumour that Mrs. Trisha is going to come up! I think I'm more excited about that than anything else!

Enjoy your day, e-strip.

• Sigh* Three years of work is nearing an end. I graduate with my Masters on Saturday. And yet, I'm still afraid to say that "I'm graduating" lest I jinx myself. I still have to assemble my grad. project and get graded for it. Plus, I will have one class hanging over me as an incomplete but I don't need it to graduate. I need to get an extension in my teaching certification. It's important but not the end of the world if I take a couple of extra months getting it done. Now, the truly terrifying part begins. I'm finishing school and now, I need to work towards that rather elusive goal of finding a great elementary teaching job in Western New York because, frankly, I don't want to leave good ol' B-Lo. I love my hometown. Have become rather attached to it, to be truthful. And lately, I find myself wracked with insecurities about my worth and abilities. I know that it's just stress. (as if the word "just" should ever come before the word "stress!!) I'm making myself mad as I try to fight an ever looming depression- my second this year and I hardly ever get depressed- and hold on to the knowledge that I am a damn good teacher!! ARGH!!!!!

Audeo! It's my new mantra. I want to get it tatooed on my body. I'm just not sure where. Audeo. I just have to remember that and keep my chin up, secure in the knowledge that whatever happens, I am a damn good teacher.

What is so very great about E-strip is that it's always there, even when I'm not. Thanks, E-strip!

All right, I've been a very, VERY bad E-Peep and for quite some time now. I shall try to be better.

A million and one things- Went to Brushwood last weekend- me, the little Anglican girl hanging out with a bunch of naked Pagans! So fun! Those Pagans sure know how to party! Unfortunately, I was exhausted and so did not party my hardiest. I don't know if I even know how to anymore.

Am leaving my job in two weeks- four officially. I start student teaching this semester and so, as I have not figured out how to be in two places at once, and have not been graced with Hermione's time turner, I must do it. It's scary- leaving what one knows and embarking into rather unknown territory. I'm excited. Particularly as I will begin student teaching at the Montessori School in Buffalo.

anyway....

See ya around, Peeps!

Have you ever seen the movie, "Defending Your Life" by Albert Brooks? It came out in the late 80's and is actually, in my opinion, quite brilliant. For those of you that have not seen this movie, the premise is a guy dies in a car accident and goes to the place that is the step before making it into heaven where you must review key moments of your life and defend them. If you defend it well enough, or lived a virtuous enough life, you are deemed fit to move onto heaven. If you do not defend your life to their satisfaction, then you must return to Earth, be born again, and essentially, do it all over again. Lately, due to circumstances that have occured in the past 11 months, I feel that if I had to defend my life, I would fail miserably, that I haven't lived enough, loved enough, was brave enough, honourable enough. I'm rapidly approaching 29 and I'm analyzing so much lately. My birthday is not the reason that I'm analyzing my life- that would be car accident 2 and, particularly, 3 and now, I'm loathe to admit it but it's true so I'll just say it, on my way to buy an ink cartridge at 8:30 P.M. tonight, a black dog just walked in front of my car. I hit the brakes. My car hit the dog. I didn't run over it, or anything, but I bumped it. The dog got up and walked away (it did seem to be hobbling a bit) and I'm wracked with guilt. The dog walked away, so I drove away and that is what is bothering me. Anyone who knows me knows that I love animals but I didn't know what to do. The dog walked away... it was so weird the way it happened, it just kept coming, didn't even try to get out of the way- I keep going over it in my head but I know that the reality is it could have been so much worse. I keep praying for that damn, stupid dog, as though it were my own, praying that it will recover- a bit wiser from our incident. And frankly, I'm more than a little pissed at the people that let it out- maybe they didn't know it got out and was heading for the street, but someone should have been paying attention. My question is-Am I a bad person for what I did? I certainly feel like one right now.
How ignoble of me.

So, I just re-read what my goals were- for 2005. In November 2006, I have succeeded in two. Which is better than I originally thought. And I'm working on two more, well sort of working on them. Perhaps I might get the 2005 list completed by 2008, then I'll have to begin on 2006's, or something. That is, if the 2006 list actually wasn't a retread of 2005's.

It's official. I am an idiot. I should glory in that knowledge.

For the next 5 weeks, I will be drowning in a sea of elementary education academia. You see, I have one of those 6 week course jobbies. The cool thing is, as of October 7th, it'll be over! The down side, a shit load of work. Yesterday, on the holiday, I literally did homework from 9:30 A.M. until 9:00 P.M. Granted, there were some sanity breaks, the likes of which went like this- me telling myself "Okay, once you finish this chapter, then you can go take a shower" and "Okay, once you finish this chapter, you can throw out the garbage and do the dishes!" Fun wow. It's really sad when you bargain with yourself to do the damn dishes and take a shower! Aren't those, like, necessities in life? I will get through this, I know I will, but damn, it really, REALLY hurts right now!

• (E:Peeps) confession* Friday, I was a little buzzed and went and bought the new Christina Aguilera C.D., okay, and her last one, too!

And because I didn't want the bored girls working at Circuit City to think that I listen to Christina Aguilera, I bought the new Keene! All of which, I LOVE by the way! And that is my (E:Peeps) comfession.

Ciao!

I had a fabulous, fun, and relaxing weekend, where I met new people, made new friends, and became incredibly attracted to a lovely man the second I saw him, which, honestly, has never really happened before. Anyway, I came home with an enormous sense of well-being and peace, which my job has been trying to suck out of me since I walked in the door Monday morning, and I am valiantly resisting. Ah, Brushwood. What a magical place! I can't wait to go back! (And no, for those of you in the know about Brushwood, I DID NOT walk around naked! That's not my scene!) ;)

So, that's kind of my new philosophy. Phuck it and Enjoy! I've spent so much of my life being prim and proper and not really taking any chance that I've sort of been letting my life pass me by as I sit in the rocking chair on my front porch working on my latest cross-stitch- like I'm 88 instead of 28! I don't know how good I'm going to be at this whole, new philosophy- totally unchartered territory, afterall- but there's so much to see and do and we never really know, well, anything!

I'm avoiding going to work. I technically start at 11 today but as I finished my 100 ques. exam in 25 minutes, I'm stalling for time. *Sigh* I'm convinced that working does, infact, get in the way of a really nice life. I'd much rather stay in the park, or take a page from our dear (e:ladycroft) and go sailing! (That is the thing that I've decided to learn to do once I get my teaching degree- somehow, someway!)

Fellow (e:peeps), have a peach of a day! And remember to Enjoy!

There is something that I have been pondering lately... the idea that we should have "no fear" and whether or not that is really a good thing?

I am addicted to Dove dark chocolate. On the inside of the little red, foil wrapper there is a little inspirational saying. Last week, I kept coming up with the "Be Fearless" one. While on the surface, it is a wise suggestion as fear is generally what holds individual's back, but when you really think about it, though, it's really a stupid idea. Fear is a very real emotion that does serve a purpose of self preservation. It becomes inhibiting when it kicks in over things like spiders, elevators, the dark, etc... and a person becomes so paralyzed he or she can barely move, think, or save one's self should the situation arise. (Believe it or not, the idea is much clearer and eloquent in my head... and the words I am chusing are not expressing it as I would wish, but I shall press on, regardless...) To have "no fear" is to let go of a very real and necessary physiological response that has helped humanity throughout our evolution. The real answer, in my opinion, is to not have "No Fear" but to have great courage, which is to recognize and acknowledge that the fear is there and then move past it, to do what needs to be done. Maybe I'm full of shit but it's my revelation and I'm sticking to it...

So, I say to all of you live your lives with Great Courage! ;)