Yep, I'm definitely going to San Francisco. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'm tired of regretting what I *haven't* done! So, my trip is booked and I will be going to San Fran. on August 17th- just for a weekend. San Francisco! I can't wait to see the city! And, I have to admit, I can't wait to see the guy that lives there, too, but I'm more excited about the city! I'll let you know how it goes, E-peeps...

These are the thoughts in my head. They go round and round and round until I feel like I'm going to scream. I perseverate and analyze and drive myself, generally crazy. Right now I'm trying to find my way around my future- immediate, almost immediate, a year distant, and God knows beyond that.

Immediate future- pretty much have decided to end the relationship w/ my "Special Friend." Reason, he's not into me, not really. It was, on one level, working, but for the rest of my many levels, it's really not. I'm not angry or upset about this. It has run it's course, come to it's ending and just is.

Almost immediate future- moving to a Spending Money Cash Only basis. I suck with money. Always have. I have decided that from henceforth, I will use my debit card to pay bills and to buy gas for all other purposes, I can only use cash. I get weird with actual money. I get almost stingy. With my debit card, I don't pay attention to what I'm spending and get into hot water. On the upset of financial news, soon to have paid off 4 credit cards! & 2 more will be paid off by September 7. Also, next month, I'm going to set up my First Home Buyers Savings Account!

Almost Immediate future (cont'd)- this has to do w/ a person. I am hoping to go and visit someone who lives in San Francisco. Is this my wisest move? Probably not considering our history. How do you trust the guy that you slept with who didn't tell you he was married until 2 months AFTER? We have Insane chemistry & now, he's divorced. I very much want to go see him... trying to figure out how I'm going to afford it. It's all very confusing.

A year distant- This is related to the First Home Buyer's Savings Account- finding the perfect house for me, in the City of Buffalo. At least, I think I'm going to buy in the City. Things could change, drastically, and this is the thought that plagues me...

Ug, I just wish I could look into a Crystal Ball and get all of the answers. Clarity would be beautiful. See, my thoughts really do go round and round and where they'll stop, I don't know!