Dapled sunlight hits her hair causing it to glisten like gold at dawn. Cold, cold air brushes over her face making her eyes water and her nose and cheeks turn a vibrant shade of pink. "This is winter," she thinks, as she trudges onward, "and I am longingly waiting for Spring." Then, she spies a very little rose bud, somehow still alive despite the cold snap and she smiles. Such a tiny little miracle in the midst of December

Well, the next wedding that I am Maid of Honour in is in three weeks. Three weeks and then my insanity of past almost two years is over! I will actually have money for myself again! And not have to worry about, "Should I bring a date, and if so, who do I actually have to ask?" Those of you that were at the last The Wedding may remember that my date, also known as the Boy, couldn't make it in, so I wound up dateless anyway. But frankly, I had more fun without him so that was a blessing in disguise. It also caused me to just boycott the whole notion of a wedding date for this one. Girls, let me give a word of advice, if two of your very best friends in the whole wide world are getting married within four months of each, and they both love you so much that they ask you to be maid of honour, and Christmas is smack-dab in the middle of both, BOW OUT OF ONE OF THEM! Or, and this is probably more appropriate, ask for help and accept it oh-so-gratefully if help is volunteered. I'm an Aries, through and through (although as I'm born on a cusp, I *do* tend to have some Piscean traits) and I'm not used to asking for help, no matter how difficult it makes my life. In fact, someone could offer to help and I almost always reply, "No, thank you. I can do it myself." And the sad part is, I usually do, no matter how stressed out I make myself! Hello, my name is Andrea and I'm a control freak! At least I can admit my problem.

I have to admit for this, The Wedding, I'm in pretty good shape. I dropped my shoes off today, with a colour swatch of the dress fabric, to be dyed. And my dress has been taken in slightly and shortened. (Here's a sad, sad fact- I have three inch heels for this wedding, and my dress *still* had to be taken up three and a half inches! That is how short I am!) I just need a gift, which is going to be oh-so-exotic money, and a card and I'm all set and ready to go. I say that for now, but something is bound to happen! Oh, well. At least I know my Wedding Anxiety dream won't be coming true.

The thing that is going to suck about The Weddings both being over is that I will have no legitimate reason to continue buying "Martha Stewart Weddings" without my mother looking at me weird. That freaking magazine is like Crack! for those of you that don't know, it's the Wedding Bible. I highly recommend.

I think that's about all. Good night!

Breathless...
With Anticipation, she waits,
As the dye takes hold,
Takes root, in her hair,
"What will he write tonight?"
She wonders.
Alas, it must wait a little longer,
Anticipation, breathless,
Time to rinse.

• sigh*

Good night, sweet prince.
My hair says I must bid you
Adieu.

So, I'm back for the second time to try and post the list of my goals for two thousand and five. I had a whole neat preamble but that's lost to the cosmos forever. (Don't just hate it when your first draft is just kick ass and then you lose it and you have to try and make up all of that creative ground. And for me, it's never as good as the first draft!)

Okay my goals for 2005. (I would like to specify that these are *not* New Year's Resolutions. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. Far too easily broken.)
-Pay off credit cards and KEEP them paid off
-Get proper, nice boyfriend whom I like and likes me back (Sounds simple but trickier than one would think, for me at least.)
-Buy car-either new or used, whichever is better value
-Lose weight, and not the same five of ten pounds over and over again!
-Get student loans out of default
-Start saving for a house
-keep check book balanced.

Personally, I believe that all of these goals are quite accomplishable, something of which I am *very* proud. Wish me luck!

Adieu

I just had this whole damn post, ready to go and the damn thing got erased! mother @#$%-er! ARGH! I hit publish and it came back- NOTHING! Now I have to write the whole thing over again!

YAY! I just booked my trip. I am going to England this May to see my family. I am so excited because now all of my flights are booked- Buffalo to JFK to Heathrow, Heathrow to JFK to Buffalo. I haven't been in nearly six years. In that time, my grandmother moved from the Midlands to the East Coast, my older cousin, Georgina got divorced, had a kid, and remarried (in that order!), my younger cousin Denise, moved and returned from Japan (she hated it there! Total culture shock!), her baby brother Alex moved to New Zealand, got married and had a baby girl, that he and his now estranged wife named Ivy (the funny part here is that their last name is Wall. Imagine naming your baby girl Ivy Wall! It's just so mean!) Also, in that time, my goddaughter/ baby cousin turned 6. 6! I haven't seen her since she was 6 months old! Although I do have a mini shrine to the child! And my Uncle Peter was diagnosed with cancer. My Uncle David also moved, but only three houses down, to a bigger house with an actual conservatory. And my Aunt Ruth, the baby of the family, moved to the coast as well, in order to be close to my grandmother. (She couldn't bear the thought of being without my grandmother!) As you can see, there have been many changes since I've last been there, most especially in world events. I can't wait! Now, I have to get my passport renewed and well, some other personal stuff needs to be, how shall I put this, dealt with. I'M GOING TO ENGLAND! WOO HOO!

Let's see, today at work, I finished balancing my check book. Discovered why I was ten dollars short- which was good. I wrote my goals down for the year. They make take longer than a year, but they are all quite do-able. Somehow, someway, I will accomplish them. That's about it. I may go into more detail later. Then again, maybe not. Bye.

I am late. I am remiss. But, I just had to say that I had *Thee* most wonderful time at Paul's Birthday/ Matt, Paul, Terry's Housewarming Bash! Unfortunately, I had to remain sober, but it was still phenomenal and it was so good to see everyone and to meet new E-strippers as well. (E-strippers... hmmmm... sounds like extra fun!) Anyway, it was nice to be missed and I shall try to now disappear for months at a time anymore, both in the written form and in person. TTFN all!

the Spring (I can't fucking wait for it to get here and for snow and cold to go away!)
Faerie ;)

I had a dream last night that actually woke me up out of sound sleep at 4:30 in the morning, two full hours before I had to get up for work. This dream upset me so much, that I couldn't get it out of my head, making it practically impossible for me to fall back to sleep until my alarm went off at 6:30. (woo hoo.) This dream was about the Boy. Dreams about the boy have a tendency to upset me, so it's a good thing that I only have them about once a year. This morning's dream was as all dreams are, surreal and yet real. I was at the McKinley Mall of all places, and for those of you that know that mall, there is a dry cleaners across from Walden's Book Sellers, but in my dream the dry cleaners was also like a Vegas Wedding Chapel, where you can get married very quickly at any time of day. Well, in this dream, I saw the Boy's mother, his sister and his niece and his sister was getting married in this Wedding Chapel. I talked to them briefly and then went outside. He came after me. I didn't even know he was there. And when I saw him, my eyes immediately focused on his left hand. He was wearing a ring and had gotten married. I was devastated, asking him, "You're married?". I burst into tears and hit him. I was hurt and my first reaction was to strike out. He asked me why and did that and I was walking, kind of in a circle, shaking my head, my heart breaking, and I said, "It's too late! Everyone was telling me to tell you and I never did and now it's too late! I love you! I've been in love with you for years and I never told you." Softly, he replied, "I knew". And then, he kissed me. And it seemed so real. After, I looked at him and asked, "Now, where does that leave us." "I'm still married." "Why? Why her?" "She was there on a suicide watch. I seemed like the right thing to do." My head began to spin, knowing that the marriage wouldn't work, but I couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't have kids by the time it failed. I walked away, feeling utterly destroyed. I wound up, at night in AC Moore (of all places!) and bought a bridal magazine of all things! Then, I woke up, upset (but not crying, unlike the last dream with the boy!) and fitfully trying to go back to sleep.

You know what, I can't believe that it is two thousand and frigging five and there are still people who debate whether evolution is a fact or a merely a theory. The evidence seems pretty damn conclusive that evolution happened, happens, and will continue to happen until we blow the planet to kingdom or the sun explodes! And even then, evolution will be happening someplace else in the universe, I'm sure. I'm a Christian. I most definitely believe in God. I go to church almost every Sunday. I also believe in evolution. Why the hell can't Christian fundamentalists get it through their thick frigging skulls that the Bible is a collection of stories to live our lives by and not, how shall I put this tactfully, FACT! For God's sake! There are people that actually still believe in the Usher Chronology! That's just crazy! And the worst part is, is that these people, uneducated elite, seem to be spreading! Just look at the damn last election! Proof positive that Christian Fundamentalists are sending us all to hell in a fire and brimstone handbasket!