Well, it's looming over me. I, the writer, have no idea where to even begin. Trisha's was easy in comparison. I just sat down at the kitchen table and wrote what I felt. To be perfectly honest, I doubt I can say what I really feel this time because I'm not sure what that is. But part of me wants to do something else. I don't know. How dorky would it be to just sing a song that I think represents what they'll really be feeling, because right now, that's where I'm headed. I'll have to stew over this some more. Maybe I'll try writing something and if I'm not happy with it, I'll do the song thing. Hmmm... I'll keep y'all posted.

I detest Valentine's Day. Absolutely cannot stand it. I suppose that this is because I have been single for every single one my entire life and I can't stand walking into every single store and being bombarded with red and pink and white and fake "I Love You" sentiments. If you truly love someone, then do something nice when you aren't required by society to be so. It just seems to cause more stress and anxiety to couples and make single people feel really, really low. Last year, I spent my Valentine's Day with one of my very best friends, just talking. And when I went outside, my car wouldn't work. It turned out it was bad gas. What a bummer. Two years ago, I spent the Dreaded Day with my agoraphobic, Schitzo-effective friend. We watched the most Anti-Valentine's Day and Anti-Love movie I could find- my choice- "Dangerous Liasons"- sooo decadent and sooo bad and sooo, well, just sooo. This year, perhaps, I think I will go in the opposite direction. This year, especially as it falls on a Monday, I think I'll come home from work, hole myself up in my room and watch all five hours of A&E's "Pride and Prejudice", perhaps with a bottle of wine. We shall see. But "Pride and Prejudice" I think it shall be. What a lovely way to counter all of the ill effects of that odious, dreaded day!

So, last night, Mrs. Trisha, myself and our dear friend, Miss-soon-to-be-Mrs. Natalie went out for dinner in order to send off our friend to wedded bliss. It was just the three of us as it has been many times over the ten years that all three of us have been friends. Natalie did not want a Bachelorette Party, nothing like the Bachelorette Extravaganza that was Trisha's (and my liver thanks Natalie, Highly!) So dinner it was decided. Trisha was late and Natalie and I were on the verge of freaking out, feeling guilty and trying hard not to. It wasn't our fault that we had a table and were ready to order and Trisha was no where to be seen, right? But, she did arrive, in frazzled fashion and once we heard the tale of In-Laws at her apartment, we totally understood. And then Mine and Natalie's guilt was assauged- our dinner companion had arrived!

We had gone to the Poppyseed, and for those of you that don't know and have never been there, truly great food, everything's fresh, and the prices are pretty resonable. It was so good to just laugh and talk and eat and laugh and talk. After dinner, we were trying to decide just what to do. It was early, only 9:30. Who the hell goes out to bars at 9:30? No one we know, so we swung to Natalie's mom's, to kill sometime and talk wedding stuff and see the beautiful bouquets that she's made for us, and then we went to the Bear's Den, a local Lackawanna watering hole. It was quarter to 11 at this point, still early, but doable at least. So we went out for a beer and just laughed like we hadn't in years. We're all so very different, the three of us, but we work, we blend, we mesh, and as we've known each other for so long, it doesn't seem to matter how long we haven't seen each other or talked to each other, we still fit into our neiches of Blossom (myself), Buttercup (Trisha), and Bubbles (Natalie). For those people out in the cosmos that know us, they know precisely how apropos those little monikers really are.

I can't believe that The Wedding (Part deux) is in exactly TWO WEEKS! And I still haven't written a word in manner of a speech. I'd better get going on that.

TTFN

Dapled sunlight hits her hair causing it to glisten like gold at dawn. Cold, cold air brushes over her face making her eyes water and her nose and cheeks turn a vibrant shade of pink. "This is winter," she thinks, as she trudges onward, "and I am longingly waiting for Spring." Then, she spies a very little rose bud, somehow still alive despite the cold snap and she smiles. Such a tiny little miracle in the midst of December

Well, the next wedding that I am Maid of Honour in is in three weeks. Three weeks and then my insanity of past almost two years is over! I will actually have money for myself again! And not have to worry about, "Should I bring a date, and if so, who do I actually have to ask?" Those of you that were at the last The Wedding may remember that my date, also known as the Boy, couldn't make it in, so I wound up dateless anyway. But frankly, I had more fun without him so that was a blessing in disguise. It also caused me to just boycott the whole notion of a wedding date for this one. Girls, let me give a word of advice, if two of your very best friends in the whole wide world are getting married within four months of each, and they both love you so much that they ask you to be maid of honour, and Christmas is smack-dab in the middle of both, BOW OUT OF ONE OF THEM! Or, and this is probably more appropriate, ask for help and accept it oh-so-gratefully if help is volunteered. I'm an Aries, through and through (although as I'm born on a cusp, I *do* tend to have some Piscean traits) and I'm not used to asking for help, no matter how difficult it makes my life. In fact, someone could offer to help and I almost always reply, "No, thank you. I can do it myself." And the sad part is, I usually do, no matter how stressed out I make myself! Hello, my name is Andrea and I'm a control freak! At least I can admit my problem.

I have to admit for this, The Wedding, I'm in pretty good shape. I dropped my shoes off today, with a colour swatch of the dress fabric, to be dyed. And my dress has been taken in slightly and shortened. (Here's a sad, sad fact- I have three inch heels for this wedding, and my dress *still* had to be taken up three and a half inches! That is how short I am!) I just need a gift, which is going to be oh-so-exotic money, and a card and I'm all set and ready to go. I say that for now, but something is bound to happen! Oh, well. At least I know my Wedding Anxiety dream won't be coming true.

The thing that is going to suck about The Weddings both being over is that I will have no legitimate reason to continue buying "Martha Stewart Weddings" without my mother looking at me weird. That freaking magazine is like Crack! for those of you that don't know, it's the Wedding Bible. I highly recommend.

I think that's about all. Good night!

Breathless...
With Anticipation, she waits,
As the dye takes hold,
Takes root, in her hair,
"What will he write tonight?"
She wonders.
Alas, it must wait a little longer,
Anticipation, breathless,
Time to rinse.

• sigh*

Good night, sweet prince.
My hair says I must bid you
Adieu.

So, I'm back for the second time to try and post the list of my goals for two thousand and five. I had a whole neat preamble but that's lost to the cosmos forever. (Don't just hate it when your first draft is just kick ass and then you lose it and you have to try and make up all of that creative ground. And for me, it's never as good as the first draft!)

Okay my goals for 2005. (I would like to specify that these are *not* New Year's Resolutions. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. Far too easily broken.)
-Pay off credit cards and KEEP them paid off
-Get proper, nice boyfriend whom I like and likes me back (Sounds simple but trickier than one would think, for me at least.)
-Buy car-either new or used, whichever is better value
-Lose weight, and not the same five of ten pounds over and over again!
-Get student loans out of default
-Start saving for a house
-keep check book balanced.

Personally, I believe that all of these goals are quite accomplishable, something of which I am *very* proud. Wish me luck!

Adieu

I just had this whole damn post, ready to go and the damn thing got erased! mother @#$%-er! ARGH! I hit publish and it came back- NOTHING! Now I have to write the whole thing over again!

YAY! I just booked my trip. I am going to England this May to see my family. I am so excited because now all of my flights are booked- Buffalo to JFK to Heathrow, Heathrow to JFK to Buffalo. I haven't been in nearly six years. In that time, my grandmother moved from the Midlands to the East Coast, my older cousin, Georgina got divorced, had a kid, and remarried (in that order!), my younger cousin Denise, moved and returned from Japan (she hated it there! Total culture shock!), her baby brother Alex moved to New Zealand, got married and had a baby girl, that he and his now estranged wife named Ivy (the funny part here is that their last name is Wall. Imagine naming your baby girl Ivy Wall! It's just so mean!) Also, in that time, my goddaughter/ baby cousin turned 6. 6! I haven't seen her since she was 6 months old! Although I do have a mini shrine to the child! And my Uncle Peter was diagnosed with cancer. My Uncle David also moved, but only three houses down, to a bigger house with an actual conservatory. And my Aunt Ruth, the baby of the family, moved to the coast as well, in order to be close to my grandmother. (She couldn't bear the thought of being without my grandmother!) As you can see, there have been many changes since I've last been there, most especially in world events. I can't wait! Now, I have to get my passport renewed and well, some other personal stuff needs to be, how shall I put this, dealt with. I'M GOING TO ENGLAND! WOO HOO!

Let's see, today at work, I finished balancing my check book. Discovered why I was ten dollars short- which was good. I wrote my goals down for the year. They make take longer than a year, but they are all quite do-able. Somehow, someway, I will accomplish them. That's about it. I may go into more detail later. Then again, maybe not. Bye.