I think I should say good-bye to "Pinback". I'm so addicted to listening to them too much these days. Their musics are soooo great.. but, have to say good-bye to them.. otherwise I can edit my sound for my video.. but, I'm too addicted to them, I can't resist them.. So sad.. They are so good though... It even gives me orgasm... uh.. what can I do..? (e:Robin) is talking to me something, but I can't hear her because I'm putting her headphones... I'm at school to edit video right now.

Sitting on here in my room and listening to Pinback "Grey Machine".

The other morning as soon as I got up, some faint melody was floating in my mind and on my head a little while. But I didn't remember where I heard that song. Perhaps, it just came to touch my unconsciousness from somewhere or my music lists, and then it mixed together as an unrecognizable sound. That could be the sound that I made with my mind and some music that I have been listening.

I don't think I do things anymore like sitting left in my car to finish up listening to my favorite song although I arrive the destination. No more a peace of composure in my heart.. maybe.

It was good to see Ivan and Insoon again yesterday. I went to Cambridge galleries in Hamilton (Canada), where Ivan works as a curator, with Adriane and Arzu. There was a multi-media video installation show opening which is exhibited by a Korean artist whose work is based in Japan and Europe. Ivan emailed me to come up there because it might be a good connection for me. Yeah, I had a good conversation with the artist and she gave me her contact. Cool!! But I can't still have feeling comfortable with that kind of situation.

As soon as I got in the gallery, Ivan found me and gave me a big hug and a kiss on my cheek. I joked him "Snobby Curator" He used to call me "hey! little sister or princess soybean".. (Warning to Elmwoodstrip: I will hate you if you call me princess soybean) Anyway, we collaborated some art performance together a few times. Yea, I guess I get along with him for work.

Leah said at Jay's party last night that I'm Gemini, so I have two minds. So, I told them back that actually I have multi-minds. One mind is at home, one mind is in Korea, one mind is on a dark street, one mind is on a bright street.. Which mind of mine have you seen..? Maybe you haven't seen any of my minds..

Now, I'm sitting here alone at the cafeteria in CFA. This whole building is mine for this moment. Nobody is here. I know Alan is working on his final film at the graduate editing suite. Well, maybe some crazy night owl art students are hiding in their studios or in the dark caves. I always call the graduate editing suite as my dark cave. But, I'm in under the big CFA lights right now.. everything is white here like some mental hospital.

I've been trying to live in this building again. When I used to live in Audubon where is 4 min away by driving, I came up here whenever I wanted. Sometimes I came in the middle of night.. and worked something whatever I felt like..., it was so easy to come up here. But, since I moved in Downtown, this building's gotten too far away from me. I knew that around 4 AM, Janitors turned on their radio and started cleaning up this building. Sometimes we smoked together outside of CFA.

Listening to Pinback's "June" over and over, (This song makes me so sad) and working on video. I made some interesting sound, but I'm not sure where I can use it.. well.. I'm saving for the final piece of something.

I remember, someone used to work at the Conner of this cafeteria with an iBook, and I'm in right next the Conner. I don't even know it is quiet here or not.. because I'm putting on my headphones.

June by Pinback [size=s]<--download the song[/size]

Light flickers in my room
planes flying by
dropping down perfume
blanket out the sky
Wander through the smoke
Grabbing for food
Choking on the air
Might pass out soon

Why do I assume these things are bad, bad,
Burnt down, burnt down?
Bad, bad, burnt down, burnt down?
Why must all those pretty things be sad, sad,
Somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?

Sheep trip over the fence
(Sheep trip over the fence)
Scared animals trample over the bed
Siphoning out my will.
(Sheep trip over the fence)
And it might turn out just like they said,
And it might be even worse in here
Even now

Why do I assume these things are bad, bad,
Burnt down, burnt down?
Bad, bad, burnt down, burnt down?
Why must all those pretty things be sad, sad,
Somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?

It's up to the trees with the fire storm
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
It's up to the trees with the fire storm
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
It's up to the trees with the fire storm
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
It's up to the trees with the fire storm
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
Sad, sad, somehow, somehow?
It's up to the trees with the fire storm

It's up to the trees with the fire storm

I've been editing video for one of my professors.. finally. Then, I can focus on my work. Sometimes, I get feeling bittersweet from finding out unexpected documented video footages of my old friend or someone who was close to me before. I just told my friend (e:Christopher) through AIM, but I lost my AIM service.

(e:Christopher), glad to hear that you finally had spent a lot of time with Kerstin.
I emailed her for her birthday wish, but I'm not sure she got it or not. Hope, I can see you guys over the Summer. Tell Matthias that I might visit you guys sometime this Summer. I miss all you guys. Oh.. Nick told me that Richard is coming to New York from Ireland for his school trip on 7th of March. I might go to see him too.

Germany, I've always wanted to go to visit.. I've told my German friends the reason. I read a novel where the background was Germany when I was a little girl. The window of Orpheus, I read it about 7 times. I still remember the story exactly and imagine every street in the book. Oh, I will go and see there.

Two of my German friends, Matthias and Marc are over 6 feet 7 sh. Very tall.
When Marc held me up, I always joked that the air up there is different from the ground. I still talk to Matthias sometimes, but I lost in touch with Marc. My first semester at UB, three of us were only the international students in one class.
Although we spoke broken English, we understood each other very well. We had really good time all together, went to a road trip with their almost broken car to NYC, went to their German Mafia parties.. Sometimes, we went to French connection party as well. They made the German style thanksgiving dinner. I cook for them a lot too. (Matthias still thinks that I'm the best Korean cook) Matthias and Marc always hid my car key if I drank even one glass. I should've listened to Matthias and Marc when I was thinking of dating somebody for the first time in US. They were suspicious of the guy I was dating at the time. I cried a lot when Marc left for Germany forgood, and 6 months later, Matthias went back to Germany forgood as well.

Now, one of my good friends, (e:Christopher) is there where Matthias and Marc are in Germany. He might be tired of listening to all my depressing stories. But, he cheers me a lot. Of course, he is there because of his girl, Kerstin. I matched them together. Sweet couple.

Oh well, gotta get back to editing video.

(e:Twisted), I thought that was so cool chatting with video camera, not comcam, but realized soon that everybody knew it already. Oh well.

I actually got a phone call from Nick in New York and talked about chatting with video camera in public place sometime soon again. I couldn't do it in Korea because I couldn't get the wireless service. If you have a video camera, you can hook up it with firewire cable into powerbook or iBook. iChat provides it. You can ask (e:Paul). He can explain it better than me.

Okay.. got another news from Nick.

He(not Nick) was right that he(another Him, not Nick, Not <-him) works for Guggenheim because Nick sometimes sees him at work, and Nick was afraid of telling me the story. That's interesting!!.

[size=s]

Whether you prefer the ultra-compact 12-inch model, the coveted 15-inch powerhouse or the high-resolution 17-inch stunner, every new PowerBook G4 features faster PowerPC G4 processors with speeds topping the charts at 1.67GHz. Want power to burn? The new PowerBook models offer 8x SuperDrives. And each PowerBook comes standard with 512MB of memory and a 5400-rpm hard disk drive. Starting at just $1499.

[/size]
That's an upsetting news for me because I got my powerbook just 3 months ago.
So, mine already got to become the old version today. I should've waited for it.. then, I could have free 256 MB and more 20 GB with the same price.
It's so upsetting..

My friend, Cutie Pie (I made his nick name) Chris Barr cheered for me with sending some music. I think I should go over his house and copy all his music soon. His taste in listening to music is very similar to my taste. I had one person like that not that long ago, but glad that I found another person who can give me nice music. Good!!.

The saddest part in getting old is that there are a lot of things we know we have to compromise, or we are no longer allowed to be whining to others.

I'm very moody now. I just want to be a little girl who can be very whining for a little moment.. But, if I do like that, people think I still need to grow up.. or spoiled or.. immature... I don't know..

I miss my ex-boyfriend in Korea just for this moment.. we were together for 6 years. He was too good for me.. He could listen to all my complaining.. yelling... screaming.. twisted jokes.. irritating words...
but, I made him cry so badly.. We couldn't stop crying when we had the last dinner together.. Oh well,, it was a long time ago... it's been over 6 years already..

I think I'm very moody now...

Listening to Sonic Youth's Unmade Bed right now. I think I should connect my speakers to the powerbook and I can listen to this one very loudly. Then I can totally go wild.

I used to like listening to music in my car in the parking lot in Korea. Cause, it could be my world and I was only one to go crazy with loud music in that area. I didn't like listening to music with somebody loudly, because the taste could be different and I didn't want somebody to bother me or complain to me.

Oh well, gotta take a shower to go to the mall with (e:Robin) in one hour. Glad I finally can stop by Apple store..

I am responding (e:metalpeter)'s collecting question as well here.

In my early teen-age times, I used to collect "Wham" pictures. I don't know how many people can remember them here. But, they were one of popular British group in 80. I was, of course, one of those teenage girls who could cry and scream when they saw their favorite celebrity. Well, it makes me smile now; maybe my youngest sister can be surprised by the fact that I was like how she is right now (she is 9 years younger than me). Sometimes, she tells me her favorite actor and talks about the actor's lifestyle whatsoever. I just listen to her, but give her very pathetic eyes and ask her; "How old are you?" Anyways, I had to watch "Wham" music video all the time and buy their pictures whenever I saw at any shops. A lot of people got into George Michael than Andrew Ridgeley at the time. Me? I wasn't that interested in the famous one. Maybe, George Michael was too muscular to me, his beard, his fashion style. But, Andrew Ridgeley was an awesome cool looking guy to me, his delicate face, his fashion sense. I told my friends in my middle school that I was going to marry him and I really dreamed about it. However, one day, my father found out that I was collecting celebrity's pictures and he was really enraged. Then, he ripped all their pictures in front of me. Ever since, I never collect celebrities' pictures again.

In my high school, I started collecting LCD. One of my male friends was collecting LCD and I was jealous what he got. I already had classical music collection that my Mom bought for me, so started collecting pop music to comfit with my male friend. I just didn't like listening to him talking about how much he loves music. I loved music as well, (I've always loved music) but if I bought a pop music LCD, I had to hide it from my father's sight. My friend was raised by the liberal father, but me? I was raised by very conservative father.

I think I stopped collecting LCD when my another male friend from college went to the military service. He gave me all his LCD. There was my favorite Japanese group "Safe Zone" LCDs as well. We couldn't buy Japanese music at the market at the time. It was illegal. In early 90, we still had some issues between Korea and Japan because of the historical reasons. Well, we still have some issues, but now the relationship between Korea and Japan is much better. Anyway, I knew that this male friend knew that I liked the Japanese Group, "Safe Zone", but I didn't know he liked me. Then, CD came out.

After graduating college, I started to work as a graphic designer and web designer about 6 years before coming to United State. Of course, I made a lot of money at the time, so, I could collect perfumes. I still have some here in Buffalo, but I gave my younger sisters most of them when I left Korea. My favorite perfume is Issey Miyake's Odyssey. I might collect perfumes someday again. Also, I used to collect commercial post cards that some cafes or restaurants provide displaying for customer service. If you have been to my house, you might have seen some post cards on the walls and perfumes in my bedroom.

I'm actually thinking of collecting cards. Then, I can send one to my friends sometimes. Just wait.. who knows you will get one from me soon.

I'm uploading some MP3 music of Max Richter on my server right now.
You can download them and enjoy the tranquil music. But, don't get feeling melancholy.

-- Soyeon.

Max Richter: The Twins (Prague) -

Max Richter: Embers -

Max Richter: On the Nature Of Daylight -

Max Richter: The Trees -