Everybody has blue days.

These are miserable days when you feel lousy.
grumpy,
lonely,
and utterly exhausted.

Days when you feel small and insignificant,
when everything seems just out of reach.
You can't rise to the occasion.

Just getting started seems impossible.
On blue days you can become paranoid that everyone is out to get you. (This is not always such a bad thing.)

You feel frustrated and anxious,
which can induce a nail-biting frenzy
that can escalate into a triple-chocolate-mud-cake-eating frenzy in a blink of an eye!

On blue days you feel like you're floating in an ocean of sadness.
You're about to burst into tears at any moment and you don't even
know why. Ultimately, you feel like you're wandering through life without purpose.

You're not sure how much longer you can hang on,
and you feel like shouting, "Will someone please shoot me!"
It doesn't take much to bring on a blue day.
You might just wake up not feeling or looking your best,
find some new wrinkles,
put on a little weight,
or get a huge pimple on your nose.

You could forget your date's name or have an embarrassing photograph published.
You might get dumple, divorced, or fired,
make a fool of yourself in public, be afflicted with a demeaning nickname,
or just have a plain old bad-hair day.
Maybe work is pain in the butt.

You're under major pressure to fill someone else's shoes,
your boss is picking on you,
and everyone in the office is driving you crazy.

You might have a splitting headache, or a slipped disk,
bad breath,
a toothache,
chronic gas,
dry lips,
or a nasty ingrown toenail.

Whatever the reason, you're convinced that someone up there doesn't like you. Oh what to do, what to dooo?

Well, if you're like most people, you'll hide behind a flimsy belief that everything will sort itself out.

Then you'll spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder,
waiting for everything to go wrong all over again.

All the while becoming crusty and cynical
or a pathetic, sniveling victim.

Until you get so depressed that you lie down and beg the earth to swallow you up or, even worse, become addicted to Billy Joel songs.

This is crazy, because you're only young once
and you're never old twice.

Who knows What fantastic things are in store just around the corner?

After all, the world is full of amazing discoveries,
things you can't even imagine now.

There are delicious, happy sniffs and scrumptious snacks to share.

Hey, you might end up fabulously rich
or even become a huge superstar (one day).

Sounds good, doesn't it?

But wait, there's more!
There are handstands and games to play
and yoga
and karaoke
and wild, crazy, bohemian dancing.
But best of all, there's romance.

Which means long dreamy stares,
whispering sweet nothings,
cuddles,
smooches,
more smooches,
and even more smooches,
a frisky love bite or two,
and then, well, anything goes.

So how can you find that blissful "just sliding into a hot bubble bath" kind of feeling"

It's easy.
First, stop slinking away from all those nagging issues. It's time to face the music.

Now, just relax.
Take some deep breaths (in through the nose and out through the mouth).
Try to meditate if you can.

Or go for a walk to clear your head.

Accpet the fact that you'll have to let go of some emotional baggage.

Try seeing things from a different perspective.

Maybe you're actually the one at fault.
If that's the case, be big eno


ugh to say you're sorry. (it's never too late to do this.)

If someone else is doing the wrong thing, stand up tall and
sa
y,


"That's not right and I won't stand for it!" It's okay to be forceful.
( It's rarely okay to blow raspberries.)

Be pround of who you are,
but don't lose the ability to laugh at yourself.
( this is a lot easier when you associate with positive people.)

Live every day as if it were your last, becasue one it will be.

Don't be afraid to bite off more than you can chew.

Take big risks.

Never hang back. Get out there and go for it.

After all, isn't that what life is all about?

I think so too.

It's the third times to get a cold for me in this winter. A day before leaving Korea, I was so sick. I don't want to get sick. I gotta take a medicine right now.

Well, I thought that my landload turned off one of my radiators, but it turned out she didn't. It had a little problem to heat up. So, she's fixed it. I'm so bad.

A lot of things are on my mind these days. Trying to figure things out. I think I should think everything positive. That's the most important attitude toward everything.

I'm going to New York this Friday night and coming back next Monday night. I talked to my friends in New York about the plans a couple minutes ago. Here the plans are.

Friday, we all hang out, go to bar.. just have a fun night.

Saturday, artistic day. go to galleries as many as we can in New York. Then eat Korean food. My friend, Nick said he will find out if there is any party going on Saturday night. So we can go.

Sunday. cleaning up day. my friend, Craig's house is so massy since he's moved in there. Never been cleaned up. He said he needs a woman to organize his stuff little bit. So I will help him for that on Sunday. Then Nick said, we can go to Karaoke at night.

Monday, my day. Nick and Craig need to work for Monday. So, I will go around New York by myself and have a lunch with Nick. Buy some books.. Then leave for Buffalo.

Well, it will be very fun. I'm so excited.

Wait, it's my youngest sister's birthday. I gotta email her right now otherwise she would kill me.

Oneday at my place in Buffalo, a Korean friend of mine told me that if you yearn for somebody or something, you get feeling lonely and depressed. I was little questionable of that at the time but I agree with that right now.

Now, I miss warm weather and am getting depressed. I get cold very easily. People in Buffalo are telling me because I'm a tiny girl. Actually, my body temperature is very low that is told by my doctor in Korea. When I was a little girl, I got ill very easily. Now, I'm very okay but I can't stand with cold temperature. Well, people can ask me why I came here then. Hum.. actully, I like wearing jackets a lot.. that's why.. doesn't make sense..?

My house is very cold. It is included heat apartment but we can't control house temperature becasue my landload control it.
I think she is very nice but she is such a stingy. She often turns off one of my radiators although I don't have any radiator in my room. So, I've decided to move out after finishing my contract. I like my house but I can't be patient of cold anymore.

I wanted to be clam and to take easy for this year but... cold house makes me feel so bad again. So sad.

I miss my mom's house in Korea and everybody in Korea and it makes me feel so lonely again. There are always enough food and warm-hearted mind. I miss there a lot. I just want to be there right now. So, I called my mom and told her my situation here. She said.
"Move out right away" Well, go back to Amherst again..? I don't think so.

I'm just grumpy right now.

Yeah, I'm here at Paul's birthday party and I'm using his computer to upload my journal. Actually it is the first party of this year for me. Since I got back to Buffalo, I've been chilling out for myself because I was too relexed in Korea and it cause me to be like that.

There are a lot of people here for Paul's birthday. He said, he's just turned 27.. Wow. I wish I was 27. Anyway, happy birthday to Paul. I never had a class with him but finally I'm having a class with for this semester. Last class, he presented picutres that he got inspired for his work.
It was very good. I'm happy to have a class with him.

Well, I think I should get back his party now.

Paul

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.

---

SJ

I've already been here in Korea about 10 days and it's christmas eve already here. I know christmas is the biggest holiday for western culture, but here in Korea it is like another valentine day. Well, some people buy gifts for their special friends, children or parents. Other than, it's really nothing special.

My plan for today is that I will go up to Seoul to see my friend to talk about website that I have to do. Then I will meet my best friends tonight for a drink. Well, my Mom said that she made a reservation restaurant for family dinner for Christmas. So, we are sort of celebrating Christmas. Hum.

I really didn't want to be in US for christmas because I feel so lonely although christmas is not my cultural holiday. Also every shops close for christmas as well. Here in Korea every shops open because it's the peak day to sell stuff for them.

Well, Merry Christmas all you guys.

Soyeon.

I've been writing a paper about a week now. But it doesn't seem to be done forever. I'm getting annoyed by that. Also I'm kind of floating around because I'm going back to Korea for this break in one week. WOW..

I talked to my youngest sister in London and she is kind of jealous of me. Well, she was in Korea for last Summer. I miss my sisters.
Also, I talked to my mom today too. She is happy that I'm going back soon.

So, that's why I can't concentrate on writing my paper for intro to critical theory.

I got some pictures from my youngest sister today..

Things are always changed quickly in human beings. It took me long time to understand, rather compromise with that. So, I'm trying to memorize everything what I like, what I love, but I keep forgetting it day by day. Then, on a insignificant day, suddenly everything comes up to me and swamp me into the irresistible yearning for the period of the youth.

Oneday, my co-worker, he told me over the phone that I have to see there are a lot of gradient colors between the white color and the black color in human beings. Even if something I think right went the wrong way, try not to be questioned or frustrated that is what he meant to me. Of course I was against with him like.."I DO NOT DO LIKE THAT." But he is right, and I'm still struggling to deal with the virtue of the middle path.

Autumn of the year in 2003 has almost gone. I loved Autumn in Korea, especially I loved November in Korea. People in Korea say that Autumn is for men and Spring is for women. Well, I think I'm not a woman then. hu~ There was a gingko tree behind my company, which was used to locate in the middle of downtown in Seoul before moving to the new building. The circumstance surrounded the old building seems always busy from many many high buildings, people and cars. There are a lot of planted gingko trees on the streets and they change their leaves to the yellow color in Autumn. It makes the busy city beautiful.

On a rainy day in November, I went out for a lunch with some of my co-workers and found out a gingko tree that was stood alone away from its friends behind my company. The tree was soaked by rain and lost a lot of leaves that scattered randomly on the street at the moment. It looks so lonely and poor, but it's beautiful that I told my co-workers at the time. One of my co-worker replied to me that I'm very romantic.

Hum, It hurts me a lot now.

-- One person who is quiet, Not harsh, - When alone like this, is beautiful

November 23, in Buffalo. SJ..

One Sound,
Reflection to You,
Drifiting Down and Down.

The Sadness,
Once,
has gone and never come back
Holding with the Dreams,
Emptiness.

A Strangled Shade,
Set at the edge of another Shade.

Bruised Hearts.
Though united as One,
There are still Blank Spaces,
Transience.

On a Sunny Day,
I dance with a lilting Music,
While Driving.

By Soyeon Jung.

I had a belief of the first snow in my unsophisticated childhood. - In Korea, there is not that much snow like Buffalo so that many people have some romantic wishes for the first snow day - Now, the belief is already faded away beyond my memories. However, it sometimes comes back every Winter because there is always the first snow day.

I used to tell my friends that I would call a man I love on the first snow day of the season, then tell him "I love you". But, I never had a chance to do like that.

A male friend of mine from high school joked me a long time ago. He said, his phone would be very busy on the first snow day because he might have gotten a lot of phone calls from girls who want to do like me. So he said, do not get disappointed at him although I can't reach him on the first snow day. Just keep trying to reach him. Well, we laughed a lot at the time. I still remember that. I miss my teenager life. I was so innocent. Everything was so innocent.

There is a particular flower in Korea. - I don't know the name of the flower in English - It blossoms out in the middle of May. Many young girls or people grind the flower with some Korean powder until the juices from the flower comes out, then put it on their finger nails. Later around,it comes out as nail manicure like died nails with the natural color. If the died nail with the flower can stay until the first snow day of the season, people say your first love will come true. That's the story of the first snow day in Korea. I don't think many people still remember that. Or believe it, Or they do not care of this anymore.. Or it is already forgotten.

Of course,I believed it. So, I tried it many many times. I wanted my first love to be come true, but my nails grew up very fast and it disappeared quickly before the first snow day. For the reason, I made own my way that I wrote above. So, my friends joked around with me a lot at the time. Well, I'm too old to do like that or too old to believe it. But it always leaves me a sentimental smile and a yearning for my innocent feelings.

This year, I still don't have anyone I can call. Instead, I'm telling people I know about the story. I don't know whom I will tell this story for the next year. Well, I will just keep telling people the story as long as it stays inside of my mind.

Perhaps, the flower wants to be just there like the way it is...

November 14th.. on the first snow day in Buffalo. -- SJ