so last night, after i wrote my journal entry about nutmeg (#18), i moved over to my dad's brand new house. i am not in to material possessions at all, but i do need to marvel just a bit at the new place; my dad took a lot of care to make sure everything was just as he would like, and it has turned out great.

i got in at 1:00 a.m. since my dad was not yet there (he was watching tv over at his old house, since cable hasn't been set up yet), i decided to send out a lot of blessings to the new house before anyone slept there. (i did not have any sage, or i would have used that.)

i carefully put dim mood lighting on in many of the rooms, and walked around with my lit candle and my bells to send out blessings to each room. as i left each room, i turned off any lights.

the master bathroom has three mirrors on each side of it, and the mirrors all have a lip (or something) that comes down at a slight angle. when i was walking by with my candle, i noticed the many colors that were reflecting in the mirrors. and when i stood just right, my flame extended in both directions, as far as they could go. do you know that you can see the flame flicker much more in the reflections that are farther away? the flame that reflected off the top was rainbow and much larger than the others. it was extraordinarily beautiful.

one thing that i had been missing about my dad's new house is the lack of spirits there. when i was staying with PMT, their house was alive with tons of spirits, which makes sense, as their house is old and many people have been there. (i even grew fond of hanging out with wendy, who lived in the oven, before she locked herself in a vortex and left the home.)

but i found that i was mistaken--there is at least one spirit there. in the sunroom, there were no appropriate lights to leave on, since they were all bright. as i was leaving the room, i happened to notice that the light switch, unlike all the others in the house, was illuminated green. interesting, i thought, maybe i should turn off the light switch entirely to get rid of the glow. but i left it with the dim green glow. no lights were on. i am 100% sure of that.

after i had finished my ritual, i saw a glow from the sunroom. someone had turned on the bright light in there. someone... yes... someone. i am happy to meet you, thank you for having me in your home.

yes, thank you.

i was encouraged to meditate before i went to bed, and after i layed in total relaxation and felt my body floating, just like it would after lying in relaxation after a great yoga class. i felt fine today, but i did wake up from 5 a.m.-7:30 a.m. i will blame the nutmeg for that. it did, however, make me enjoy the beautiful sunrise!

all in all, i enjoyed taking nutmeg, but i would not do it again on my own, although i would love to take it in the company of people i love. i tried it because i have been quite bored and had not been in any altered state of consciousness for some time (excepting a slight buzz from alcohol). considering my usual high tolerance to most drugs the first time i take them, i didn't figure that 1 tbsp. of nutmeg would do anything. i am still amazed.

here is the essay i submitted to UB for nursing school. i'm kind of proud of it (although i liked it better when it was much too long; i had to cut a few hundred words to make it almost fit in to their word count requirements)


    When I was working as a hurricane relief volunteer in New Orleans, I found immense joy in being able to help people directly. I enjoyed cooking and serving meals to over 2,000 people a day. I enjoyed passing out drinking water to residents who had lost everything. I enjoyed picking up trash, beautifying the living space that was covered in debris from the flood. And I enjoyed teaching yoga and relaxation techniques to weary volunteers. But the most gratifying part of my experience actually happened because I had a bicycle accident, making me unable to do the physical work I had come to New Orleans to do.

    We had a medical tent at our organization. Since I had a number of injuries, including fracturing my scapula, I spent much of my time recovering in the medical tent. The registered nurses volunteering there helped me by cleaning my cuts, removing my stitches, positioning my sling correctly, and teaching me exercises to regain strength and flexibility in my shoulder. I know that I felt secure because skilled, experienced nurses were able to help me during this time.

As I recovered, I continued to spend time in our medical tent. The more I healed, the more time I spent focusing on others. I was able to open my heart to people, taking time to help them by cleaning and bandaging their cuts; finding them something to eat, no matter what time of day or night; getting them vitamins and over the counter medicines; and just being available to listen to them. I cherish this time I was able to devote to each person who came in to our medical tent. This work was, by far, the most rewarding work I have ever done.

I came to realize that I would be a much bigger help to people if I became a registered nurse. I have long known that I would like to work in the health care field. I completed yoga teacher training and have studied Reiki and other healing modalities. I have looked in to various alternative and holistic medical programs, but I have found them to have either a limited scope or limited employment opportunities. Nursing is a demanding profession that requires serious course work and credentialing, and offers immense career potential. There are many nurse specialties, and I am not yet sure which I will choose. But I enjoy learning, and nursing is a career that will keep me learning all the time. The human body is a wonder and we are fortunate to have top-notch health care in the United States.

I have been fortunate to spend time in a number of countries, gaining an understanding of people from varied backgrounds, which will help me be culturally sensitive to my patients and their families. I speak Spanish fluently, and see my Spanish ability as an asset to most hospitals. Everywhere I have been, the most rewarding times were those when I was helping people. Being a nurse will allow me to help much more-I will directly affect people's lives every day.

    I know that nursing will be a challenging career. And I am certain that my varied experiences have made me a strong person. With a solid education and practical clinical experience, I know I will be able to face each challenge I encounter as a nurse. I look forward to embarking on a career where I can use all aspects of myself-my physical body, my intellect, and my compassion.

i took 1 tbsp. of nutmeg this morning at 11:15 am.

i wasn't surprised that the nutmeg took so long to kick in, as i had read a lot about it on this site: before i took it.

but i was surprised at how much it affected me. one person from that site described taking nutmeg as the time 15-30 minutes after taking mushrooms, before you start tripping, but definitely feel something. i would say that is about accurate for my experience. it didn't go beyond that feeling, which was nice. and i would also describe it as having an extremely wonderful meditation.

and it lasted so long. it is now midnight, and i haven't fully come down from it yet. i would estimate that i was "high" from about 4 pm to 11, from five to 12 hours after taking it. but i wasn't outrageously high that other people would notice.

---

it's been an incredible day. i bonded much with my dad, which was wonderful. i kept seeing the beauty everywhere, colors were slightly enhanced.

the best part of my day was that sounds were enhanced. and since tuesday is the night of my drumming lessons, it was amazing. we had an advanced class tonight, since the energy was so good and there were mostly experienced drummers there. and i kept up with most all of it, even improvising some when it wasn't even requested. i kept hearing different rhythms and each individual drum tied together. it was intense.

then it turned out that my drumming teacher had chosen tonight to play a very spiritual song. it was about the interconnectedness of all the universe, and that particular rhythm we played cast a web of positive protective energy around us all. it was amazing that we could all follow it.

(i'm seriously not making up what he said about the song--i know it can sound a little bit out there, especially in the state of my slightly altered state of consciousness. he said it, not me, but i certainly felt it.)

i was invited to stay and drum with part of the group afterwards, but i had something else i felt pulled to do. i went to the gypsy cafe and heard such an amazing dj playing. i don't normally get in to dj music, but my brain was ready for so many rhythms playing all together beautifully. the boy was seriously ON; it was fantastic. wow.

wow was the word of the night. wow.

i just kept feeling the interconnectedness. and everyone i spent time with had such amazing energy. even when they didn't start off with good energy, they were all quickly focusing on the positive.

music, drumming, smiles. yes, yes, i hear the rhythm in my typing as i am writing this.

who would have thought?

nutmeg.

peace and love to all.

NOTE: please do not go out and rush in to taking nutmeg. please. it is super powerful, and at least wait until i tell you how i feel tomorrow!

love and peace and oneness

i am so excited!

tonight i played in my first drumming circle. yay! i have been taking drumming lessons for the past three weeks, and i have improved tons each class (the first week, i pretty much sucked). i can't say that i was great tonight, but i was able to play with people! for the first time, when a drum was passed to me, i didn't refuse. i am super happy about this.

next, i would like to learn to play the accordian. if anyone has one they'd like to get rid of, let me know. i'll buy it from you.

the banjo would be awesome too. i don't think it's possible to make the banjo sound sad, ever.

i had a fabulous weekend soaking up some carolina culture.

saturday evening, i attened my second ever pig pick'n. we had a huge bonfire and the moon was full, so there was lots of amazing energy. everybody was having a lot of fun, and it was super to meet people that i only knew from J&J's, the local diner where everyone knows each other, in another situation and to have a fun time with my dad. some top point of the night were:

bobby looking over at my dad and telling us that, even though my dad was by himself, he was smiling. i'm glad my dad enjoys people watching so much. you see, he isn't in the best of health, so i'm really happy that he can still enjoy himself. my dad also enjoyed seeing the wood he had brought over go in to the fire. i think there's really good energy when you burn things you don't need (this was extra lumber from my dad's new house) especially at a communal fire like this.

conversation with jeff, who was extremely intoxicated, Renee, jeff's wife, and me.
Jeff: Ahyoo sluhkinuhlthhhhislliin?
Oda: <looks very confused>
Renee: <translates for jeff> Are you soaking all this shit in?
while i might choose to change the word 'shit' to something more positive, yes, i was taking it all in, taking in all the love. it is great to see everyone enjoying being together, outside at a fire on a chilly night.

i absolutely love fires on the full moon, and there was such amazing energy. at one point i realized my smile was just too immense, so i got away from the crowd for a bit to smile with the trees and the moon. and my friend tom noticed my smile, which also made me happy.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

we got home pretty early from the pig pick'n, so i went out to the gypsy cafe (the only place i had been out to here so far), and had a very lovely time with a group of hippies acting wild and crazy, seeking truth, and loving each other.
bash, who is the boy i like, (geez, i tried to write like in past tense, but it wasn't honest so it didn't end up that way), anyway, bash told me he's attracted to me and kept me smiling with his wonderful questions and search for meaning in his experiences. however, it seems that marcy, his fiancee (oops!) wasn't too happy with bash. but i would never do anything to break up any relationship. i think bash and i have a lot to learn from each other and i do hope we get a chance to explore that without having to have our attraction for each other get in the way of anything. i know it is possible.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++

sunday, i went to a bluegrass festival with some other friends. i enjoyed learning so much there. i was in a super social mood, and talked with tons of people: the square dancers who were having so much fun (i think i want to learn it!), the vietnam vet selling knives (my friend said it was the last place he expected to find me, but i love everyone and i like knives), the hippie who travels around with him mom selling glass art, and many people who thought i was bizarre for not wearing shoes. it was sunny and 65 degrees--i don't know why anyone would want to wear shoes on such a gorgeous day! but answering "i'm from buffalo" started up many a friendly conversation. i'm glad the conversations flowed so freely, especially in the face of all the prejudice against hippies here. only positive vibes around today. people are really friendly in the south.

it was a very wonderful weekend, much peace and love.

i gained six pounds today. i don't know how that is physically possible.

hormones are weird.

so, since yesterday was halloween, i decided that i was free to dress up in my favorite gypsy clothes. mind you, these are not clothes i would normally put all together, except maybe at a full moon fire circle that had really good energy.

i even spent $2 at the dollar store on my outfit to get the more "steroetypical" gypsy look, purchasing large hoop earrings and eyeliner.

since i didn't have any evening plans, i got dressed up for the whole day. i figured it would be fun.

however, instead, i discovered just how prejudiced people are in the sticks of north carolina. all day long, people made a point to let me know, both verbally and with unkind looks, how unwelcome i was, at restaurants, gas stations, and especially at the nursury i went to visit (because i figured that being around plants would be better than waiting around for the car inspection watching fox news.)

since i am white, i have never experienced such outrageous prejudice directed at me. damn, it feels horrible.

why would anyone judge another person on how they look? it really saddens me to feel so much prejudice still exists, and i am also sad at how little i have noticed until it was directed at me personally. i feel horrible that i live so unaware of how so many minorities suffer every day from unfounded prejudices. that is so completely, absolutely WRONG and unacceptable.

why don't we just all love each other? it really isn't that hard...


(lyrics below by melanie)

Beautiful people
You live in the same world as I do
But somehow I never noticed
You before today
I'm ashamed to say

Beautiful people
We share the same back door
And it isn't right
We never met before
But then
We may never meet again
If I weren't afraid you'd laugh at me
I would run and take all your hands
And I'd gather everyone together for a day
And when we gather'd
I'll pass buttons out that say
Beautiful people
Then you'd never have to be alone
'Cause there'll always be someone
With the same button on as you
Include him in everything you do.

Beautiful people
You ride the same subway
As I do ev'ry morning
That's got to tell you something
We've got so much in common
I go the same direction that you do
So if you take care of me
Maybe I'll take care of you

Beautiful people
You look like friends of mine
And it's about time
That someone said it here and now

so i went to my first ever pig pickin' today. yes, me a long time vegetarian. it actually wasn't as bad as i thought. i imagined a pig all together roasting over an open fire on that thing that rotates the dead animals around. but the pig was cut in half and cooked in a humongous barbeque-type cooker.

my dad asked me if i could be 'normal' for the pig pickin'. he said if people ask me where i live, i should just say buffalo. i guess he doesn't really like that i say that i'm a traveller. it sound too weird. i do have to give him some credit though, because he said the people at this pig pickin' weren't his friends, but his neighbors and that it's o.k. for me to tell his friends more of who i am. that made me feel much better about the request.

i think i did the normal thing pretty well: i wore jeans and a t-shirt and certainly no one thought that i was a gypsy, so i guess that made my dad happy.

but i found that my 'normal' self didn't have much to say.

what is it about this whole finding a mate thing that makes people behave in ways they wouldn't normally? i guess emotions must be really intense.

i met a guy two nights ago, and i really liked him. it is extremely rare that i meet anyone i'm interested in, so i had such a smile every time i thought about him. everything he said that night was so right on, and it seemed like we had such a strong connection. he totally got who i am and it was obvious that he was very interested in me. and i was certainly intregued by him as well. i kept on thinking of the things he said for the past two days.

well, i saw him again tonight (at a bar, we weren't on a date or anything). despite the fact that i had a super-good night and totally enjoyed myself and meeting lots of new people, i found myself leaving the bar sadly because it didn't seem that me and him had that connection tonight. i guess the one amusing thing is that we literally crashed in to each other three times during the night, and considering that his name is bash, i think that's super-funny.

so why am i thinking that the night was not good? what happens to us? why are we so irrational for no reason? if i had never met him the other night, i would be much more smiley right now. though, hopefully, now that i wrote about this in my journal, i'll get over it quickly. (and i actually do feel much better now than i did when i was driving home.)

well, on better news, i have another friend now and josh and i are meeting up at the arboretum tomorrow. he is really cool and i'm happy to have another friend here.

p.s. (the next day) i decided that i was just over reacting last night in my semi-drunken state, and i realize that there is nothing at all that i need to fret about. i was mostly upset because the boy and i didn't really get to talk that much during the night.

yes, indeed, we are all one.

i had an amazing day.

i started out working, doing some leaf blowing. i decided to pretend that i was high when i was blowing the leaves. surprisingly, it worked quite well. i was totally enjoying everything. the weather was perfect today and the sun was shining strong.

then i went over to my dad's new house to help out tom with a few things there. my dad was at the doctors, and it was just me, tom, and buck, some of my dad's friends (and handymen).

for the first time (i guess because my dad wasn't there), i had a some good conversations with buck and tom. i was talking about my life a bit and mentioning that i have lived in communal places with a lot of hippies. buck saw that tom and i were getting friendly, and he pointed out that tom is a biker, not a hippie. i said "i like them, too." and i really mean it. i like everyone who is real, not afraid to be who they are.

after we finished most of our work, tom said those magic three words that have sparked many a friendship. :-`D

indeed, tom is definitely a biker. he just spent last week at biketoberfest (or something like that) in daytona beach. and he's super patriotic, at least to all the bumper stickers he has on his helmet. but i really like him, i always have ever since i met him a couple years back.

so we hung out for a bit and then i realized how little i've been outside. and really, it was absolutely gorgeous out today.

then i went for a drive by myself, over to topsail island. the beach is very pretty there. it was destroyed by hurricane fran some years back (probably about 10 by this point), but it was nice to see just how well they've recovered. (the island looks better than ever, and it really is great that it's so clean there, especially because i recently spent three months in louisiana doing hurricane relief work. it touched my soul.)


smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smiles

for the first time in a while, i went to fairy land for an extended period of time. i will try to describe what it's like when i have a permagrin on my face.

smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smiles

the perfect moments come when you realize that every experience you've ever had in your life has come together and you are just filled with so much joy. every memory is pure love, every single thought helps to make you realize that you have manifested everything that happens and that it is all love. i enjoyed discovering the beauty here today.

i enjoyed driving my 1989 honda on cruise control. you see, i am not really the best of drivers unless there are things on the road that i need to pay attention to. i like to be on auto pilot, driving along slowly and seeing all the beauty that is everywhere. each song that came on the radio fit my life perfectly. i even tuned in to "peace train" at the line:

now i've been crying lately, thinking about the world as it is.
why must we go on hating?
why can't we live in bliss?

which is telling my life exactly as it is right now. and i got to enjoy all the clapping and good vibes for the rest of the song.


i passed fairytale lane
...and i smiled for all the time i've spent in fairy land
i thought of my new biker friend
...and i smiled that i now have a friend in north carolina
i went to the beach
...and i smiled because i had forgotten how salty the ocean water was
...and i smiled because the birds were calling out to say "love"
i thought how i had called out to my soul mate the other day when i was feeling down
...and i smiled because he responded
...and i smiled because i don't need to be with her, or even to know where she is because he is ALWAYS with me, inside me
and i talked to my friend kimberly
...and i smiled because i was able to put at least a little bit of a smile on her sad face
and i enjoyed the sunsine, and i enjoyed the water
...and i smiled for everything that was manifest today.
...and then i smiled some more.

we are all one
many, many blessings to you.

LOVE!