Just a quick post from finance.

I love quotes... I have set up my Google home page to always give me three new quotes per day.

Here is one of them:
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- CP Snow

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour. If we refused, or rather used up, such paltry information as we get, the oracles would distinctly inform us how this might be done.


I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.
--Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"

Why do things have to be so complicated??? The buddhists believe in nonattachment because our wants & desires will eventually consume us preventing enlightenment. Easy come easy go I always say. Life's dealt me another bad hand -- ow well-- should have expected it. what else can you do but move on and try to be as happy as possible.

Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

--Shakespear, Hamlet

I guess I've learned to self soothe at some point. It feels good. Life is shit but everythings good.

With Love, MrDT

top 5 music soundtracks of all time:

5. Gone in 60 Seconds
4. Almost Famous
3. Tomb Raider
2. Great Expectations
1. Jailhouse Rock

Alternate: Moulin Rouge (just cause that shit makes me cry).

L8er Love, MrDT

man it gets late around here preety fast. seems like I was just in class an hour ago. i've been rippin tubes for hours and I'm berely coherant. I actually made it to the gym to train with weights today with my trainer and friend who's name is also Dan. He kicked my ass but we had to hold back because I skipped last week to kick a virus. hits from the bong make me lazy. all work and no play make jack go crazy.

oh and speaking of which I was watching this reaity show today on fittv called The Gym...its fuckin hilarious. right in the middle of the episode the show stopped and was like you watch too much tv and i was like your right so i turned off the tv and started surfing the web. is that the new idiot box??? wait which ine was i talking about???

i was thinking about buying a new bike that maybe one day i could use in a road race. somebody got me thinking about triatholons and other really incredible indurance tests. what people don't understand is that yes it is a physical journey that you are on, it is also a spiritual journey where you really get to know yourself and the things you are truely capable of. its so much for the mind to. maybe one day i'll be able to explain it.

well actually here it is plain and simple I have the need to achieve... my career, while extremely interesting, is kinda stagnat. why do something half assed? and why not tell a whole bunch of people who will help you to stick to it?

there's love in the clouds, Mrdt

Well, I had a rewally shitty day today. I'm not quite sure how to feel but I think there are a few things I need to put behind me quickly.

And when in the hell did Ari Gold get a show on the travel channel.

heart, MrDT

Well here I am again. Its 1:00 and I'm the only one up in this camp (except the (e:lurkers)).

I've decided to that I want to share my favorite song with you. Its my user sound that hopefully you are listening to right now. if somebody posted a chat don't worry, just hit the play button again and it will play all the way through even though people are chatting. This is my favorite song because it was my first slow dance ever in the seventh grade with Tracy Settaducato. I had such a chrush on her. It took me all night just to work up the courge to ask her to dance then this absolutely fuckin' beautiful song came on and I got the chance to dance with the most beautiful girl in junior high. I'll never forget it ever. And Tracy, thank you for saying yes even though people told you if we got married your name would be Tracy Tracy.

Actually, the real reason I'm posting this song is because I'm trying to reach out to someone who reminded me what its like to touch and to be touched a few days ago. It's been so long and I've been so busy working on myself that I forgot how good it could feel. So this is for you.

Accepting all Ive done and said
I want to stand and stare again
Til theres nothing left out, oh
It remains there in your eyes
Whatever comes and goes
Oh its in your eyes

Not much else other than I'm meeting with my old trainer tomorrow to discuss my goals for the next eight weeks. I need some coaching and motivation to push myself to the extreme. not to mention I have some symmetry issues to work out. i have to make sure that my dominant side doesn't start to look different than the other. I'm gonna try and put on two more pounds of muscle which isn't easy. my diet has to be perfect...too many calories and I'll get fat which will produce estrogen and not testosterone which is needed for muscle growht. not enough calories and my body will go through atrophy and not grow. my goals are to increase and widen my pecs; round out my shoulders (which will give me a wider appearance); add some height to my biceps; define my tri's; strenghten and straighten my upper back; add some muscle to my famous glutes and add definition to my perfect thighs, hams and calves.

with the greatest love in the world, MrDT

It was the best of times it was the worst of times. I just turned off Bill & Ted's excellent adventure not because it is a stupid movie but because the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia came over the top of me and bummed me right out. The first time I saw the movie I think I was in the seventh grade when all I worried about was making it to soccer practice, delivering papers/collecting, singing the national anthem before the pro-sports games began and my parents were still happy together. life was so much easier then and it was such a happier time for me. I had friends, a bike, incoming cash flow, a happy family, small acting/singing roles at Studio Arena & Shea's and not much responsibility. It seems to me that when I hit high school my life just went downhill getting further and further is this uncontrolable depressive state.

I woke up pretty sad this morning. Last night I had a dream that my friends from high school (the g-clic, much like the T-Birds, a group of about 12-15 guys) and I had gotten back together to hang out in southern florida for spring break. it was like all of us forgot about the reasons we stopped hanging out and started to have some reckless fun in the sun, the way we did after high school. it was a great time horsing around with the old gang, pushing each other around playfully; picking up/seducing girls with ease and arguing over who the man was. i guess deep down i long to get us all togehter again but it would never happen. even though some have moved away the rest of us don't talk anymore for some serious reasons. I could go into it but it would be rather lenghty and petty but I can tell you the reasons range from ratting one another out to the police over drug busts to fucking somebodies girlfriend or soon to be girlfriend.

At the end of january I stopped talking to my longtime friend who I have spent the majority of my time with over the past 12 years or so. I realizd, as most of my friends had previously stated, that he takes advantage of people and uses people for his own personal gain no matter the consequences. Well what he did was the last straw so I just stopped talking to him. he calls from time to time but i don't answer and i don't return his phone calls. although one time i did be mistake and he asked me if i was still mad and I was like yah. then he was like "thats to bad because he knows some easy girls we could have gotten with." then i was like okay bye and that was it.

i'm really tired of the way the people of the world treat one another. its like we make these phony assumptions about who people are and never really give anyone a chance. then we use these people as stepping stones to get to the land of instant gratification. well, not me and probably not some of you. actually, a lot of you are really nice people and it has been a pleasure to get to know some over the past month or so. you all are like my new friends and you couldn't have come at a better time. i've been really lonely and sad longing for the good ol' days. but i realize now that these days can be the good days to cause life is what you make it - you only get out what you put in. half the reason i went back to school was because i wanted to meet a few people that shared some of the same interests i have. but i realized the other night at opm, after one of my canisius classmates walked by me like 6 times looking in the opposite direction everytime, that most people don't give a shit and the reason they say hello in class is so they don't have to sit in silence and stare at the wall. I have to say that (e:ladycroft) and (e:theecarey) are two special people and thank you for the concern you showed by keeping me fully stocked with bottled water.

that's all I have. i still feel like shit but I think its because i haven't been to the gym in a couple of days on account of this cold I have (its better to let your body heal before you puond the crap out of it in the gym).

This was a picture of my garbage can this morning....i've cleared almost a whole box of kleenex:



its time I get my lazy ass to the gym then I have to reheat some food for cash. once again I give you all the greatest gift I can:

Love, Mrdt

i'm really sick of the bullshit politics that go down on this site. what the fuck are you people thinking??? protesting this protesting that. bashing our leaders and decision makers. i say if ya don't like it get off your ass and do something about it. protesting and waving a fuckin' sign ain't gonna do shit. all your gonna do is piss the people on the other side of the street off. and whats that gonna do. you can't change peoples opinions or perspectives like that. you need a more strategic approach that will allow you to influence others. and quoting paul o'neill ain't gonna work either.

now that i have your attention i would like to write about a real concern that i have. you are all very fortunate people. maybe some shit went down in your lives that wasn't to cool but believe me we have it pretty good. I would say more than half the world's population goes to bed not hungry but starving every night. half of that population is children. these children die everday from gastrointestinal problems and malnutriton. they never even get a chance to live their lives. they never get a chance to make a decision, smoke a joint or experience the world wide web. they live most of their short pathetic lives naked in squaller and disease with many insects hovering overhead. can you see this picture??? do you want to see this picture??? I won't post it because it makes me sick to think that human beings have to live in these conditions because their leaders can't get their shit together.

And don't get me started about the homeless population in this country. i'm not talking about the bums who beg for change to get some boose. i'm talking about the people who all of a sudden lose everything and have to live out of cars or on street corners just because they made a mistake and worked for or invested in enron.

So next time you start to bitch about a budget deficit or christian fundamentalists think about the people living in third world countries who if are lucky might get some shelter tonight from the rain and mudslides. who if they are very lucky might get a very small piece of food that will prolong their life for a few more measly days.

My love & support for these people is unconditional...I give money through all avenues. United Way, Catholic Charities and I joined the One campaign started by Bono and U2 to fight poverty.

I love all of you people to, even those of you who don't know any better, MrDT

Well it happened, I finally got sick. Its been over a year since I had som much as a sniffle. Sunday was such a beautiful day so I decided to open some windows and get some fresh air in. Well, i fuckin forgot to close my bedroom window before I went to sleep and woke up shivering with out any blankets covering me. Now I have a scratchy throat, some body aches and a stuffy nose(which may be my allergies that I usually ignore). Now i'm confined to the home so I can repair as quick as possible.

I've beeb thinking quite a bit about my favorite superhero, Superman and how his alter ego is Clark Kent as opposed to all other superheroes who's alter egos are the superhero. In other words Spiderman like all superheroes puts on a costume to transform from Peter Parker to Spiderman while Superman puts on a costume to become Clark Kent. Everyday when Peter Parker wakes up in the mornig he is just Peter Parker but when Superman wakes he's Superman. Superman touched down on earth wrapped in the S which over time became his cape. But more importantly, as Superman tries to blend into the human race he becomes Clark Kent, which is his perception of the human race. In his eyes we are weak, sick, lazy escapists and in general insecure bumbling idiots.

Some times I question how can I gain more control over my life. Then I realize I am in complete control of my life. I control what goes in and when, what comes out and why; the things I do; the things I say. I am a product of my decisions and if their is something I don't like I change it. SO why is it when I have some herb I can't control myself and smoke everynow and again or when I have a free day why do I always go way over board. Lastly, why can't I remember to shut the fuckin window so I don't get sick and weak or file unemployment on Sunday???

I haven't had one constant stream of thoughts in many, many months, maybe years. When I started working at the Casino I lost the time for mind quieting exercises because I was working like 80 hours a week. I know I should pick it up again and that I should be more focussed in school but I don't bother. It seems to me like I'm out of control again but I'm the one flying this bird. Why am I getting so lazy??? Why do I make so many excuses that completely set me up for failure???

I guess the need to find my kryptonite and get rid of it for good. In the meantime enjoy this acappela version of the Superman theme... I used to be in a fifteen part all male acappella ensemble like Boys2Men that I started in high school...I'll get into that l8ter.

I really do love you all, MrDT

I have to write an easy fucking paper for my marketing class tomorrow. It should only take a couple of hours but I'm so motivated to just watch Fox's Sunday night programming which I DVR and play with my genitalia. I need the weather to break...I need to finish up with this semester...I need to scrape my stem for a hit. God I'm such a fiend. Its like all or nothing with me. If I have some all I do is think of reasons to smoke it. Then half the time it makes me lazy and extremely unproductive and the other half of the time I find it difficult to truely ponder the answers/solutions to the difficulties I have in finance or form.

I've really gotten a good handle on what the hell I'm doing in the gym, which is good. It took me about a year to find the proper form, technique by learning how to rip my muscles so they fill up with blood and repair ready for an increase in stimulus. I can't believe the weight I'm finally working out with...it took so long to pick up those 60's. I think the most important idea that I learned is to keep things fresh and to not stick to any type of routine. One day be that slow power lifter guy...the next week be the guy doing crazy circuits and drop sets. One thing that really pisses me off, though, are the jerks who not only sit on the equipment but also are in the process of hurting themselves by performing the movement backwards. These people put all this weight on their back then they bend over with it (as I hear the muscle fibers of their lower back seperate). Then one of two things happen : they leave a lot of sweat behind or they don't re rack their weight. So I have to pull off all this little weight just to put on some real weight which slows down my routine. And then they never walk back into the gym, ever.

I'm not sure where I was goin with that so I'm gonna stop and hit the water pipe. Oh Yeah.............................. That's the shit boy...hit this chief...Man you should have heard me try to explain why all the clocks in my house are set at a different time. What a bumbling idiot I can be when I'm stoned.

Well, I hope you had a good time, I for surely did. Things sure are funnier under the influence...to bad that there are side effects and at some point you have to come down. Have you yet?? Come down??? I'm quitting again because I'm not adult enough to know when enough is enough.

Perpetually high but with lots of love, MrDT