Today was the last day of school for the high school kiddos. Even though I have only known them for like 2 months, I actually got a little teary watching their senior video. Maybe it was becuase it reminded me of our high school graduation and how far we've come since then! I will miss the kids a lot. I think I won many of them over in the end. I even made a couple appearances in the video!
So from now on all I have is middle schoolers. Blahhhhh. But only a week and 2 days. This job has really flown by. I wonder if I will be around next year? I had reservations about it because I didn't know if I would get any benefits by not being full time, but the high principal just told me that they would love for me to stay and that the job would include full benefits. So that is very enticing!!!

Memorial day at my house is such a good time. The parade, the food, the friends. That's really all I want to say.

What does everyone else do for the holiday? I feel like unless you have a parade that goes right down your street, no one really does much for Memorial Day except be excited that you don't have to work.

Pretty much every morning when I wake up, I have no desire to go teach. Every day I hope that there will be a half day I forgot about, or an assembly, or a snow day...is this unusual or potentially bad? I mean not a lot of people like their job but seriously every day I think to myself that I would rather just not teach. Even if I think it will go well (which it usually doesn't, haha...), I know that I would much rather just go back home and do something else. I wonder if this means I chose the wrong profession...probably not. I can see that it is hard to look forward to something that you don't think you have gotten the hang of or feel totally sucessful at yet.

How many other people feel this way in the mornings???

It's been awhile folks. First of all, go Sabres!!!!! How exciting would it be if we won the Stanley Cup. I think maybe the best part of it would be that (e:Mike) and I would have an excuse to play the Ricky Martin CD a lot more - Cup of Life, of course, but we may let the CD run to hear a Spanish Hercules song or two...

As (e:Mike) already wrote about, we exercised our vast knowledge of rock music and tightness last night while munching on delicious cookies and freezing our buns off. Just remember when 'Swami' becomes the next rock and roll legend, we were responsible.

I am totally okay with not working very much this summer and being able to go visit people. I've already saved up a decent amount of money from my long-term job, so I'm okay with having a not-as-high paying job this summer. On my list of places to go (some day trips, some a bit more extensive)

- Colorado for my cousin's wedding
- Boston to see (e:Maureen)
- Letchworth to camp with a couple friends from school
- Long Island to visit a different friend from school
- Toronto for the day
- New York City...okay I probably won't go there but I haven't been there in awhile and I feel like we're due for a trip there
- The BEEEEEEEEEEEEACH

((e:Jessbob) I totally would put Albany on my list but I don't know if I'm ready to go back to Albany b/c of a certain somebody that lives there and that I would think of nonstop if I was there! I like Albany though. You should take a weekend and go hike in the Adirondacks. I do miss those mountains, if nothing else.)

Where else does anyone want to go this summer???? As I said I am way more interested in having a great time this summer going places rather than making a lot of money. Let me know!..........

i just conducted my first concert :)

First of all I slept in until 9:30 today. I realize to some of you that is not late at all, but I thought about and 9:30 is FOUR HOURS after I normally get up.

I also completed my first entire week of teaching on Friday. The first two weeks were all four day weeks, but this one was complete. Believe me I felt it. The whole week I've only gotten about 5 hours of sleep per night, so I was ready to sleep in. School is getting better in some ways, but I have a long way to go before I really get the hang of it. By a long way I mean like years. Ha. I don't expect to master the art of teaching at JFK, but I can improve on many things.

Last night was Fredfest. For those that don't know, that's a festival in Fredonia with a concert/carnival thingie and a lot lot lot of drunk people. Really it's all about the drunk people. I chose not to go, mostly because I spent 4 days in Fredonia last week, and also because I really just hate being there. People invited me to go but I know if I went, that HEwould probably be there and it would just make me uncomfortable and upset, especially if I was drunk. (I almost capitalized it to say "He" but then I realized that would look like I was talking about Jesus and I don't think Jesus would be at Fredfest). I saw him WAY too much that weekend. But I'm actually kinda grateful. Because I saw him so much, I really got to take a look at who he has become, and hear what other people think of him - not just my friends who would naturally tell me mean things about him, but others. They tell me he has become a pretentious SOB who walks and talks like he is the greatest thing. In other words, he thinks he's too cool for school. Whenever we would see each other at a recital or something, I refuse to be the first to initiate conversation, which means we wouldn't talk unless we were standing right to each other, because HE doesn't walk up to you, YOU walk up to him. He's too great for you NOT to. Anyway these are the combination of my observations as well as other people's thoughts. The two of us actually ended up hanging out with a bunch of other people on Friday night, and it plain old just sucked. I actually had to get up and go for a walk because I just couldn't stand being in the same room with him any longer. I don't think he could have appeared any less interested in what I was saying or made a bigger production out of himself, telling funny stories or jokes to make it seem like he was the funniest, best thing in the world.

So even though it sucked, at least now I know that I can be around him and really see him for what he is now and not what he used to be. And I hate being around him so much that I won't even try and act like I enjoy it or would attempt to hang out ever again. I may never even see him again. While I have mixed feelings about that last statement, I know that I will be totally and completely fine. Just being away from it all this past week has really made me feel better about everything. Separating myself from the past is really the best.

All of that actually isn't the reason I started writing about Fredfest. I was just going to say that it made me a little sad that no one called me from Fredonia to even see if I was hanging out. I did get one text message during the day from a friend I haven't seen since like January. We talked about hanging out this weekend because she would FINALLY be in fredonia. But I knew it would be in my best interest to stay away from the festivities. I do wish a teeny bit that people would have called to see where I was, but oh welllllllllllllll...

And ANYWAY if I had gone to Fredonia I would have missed Stick It!!! (e:Mike) and (e:Jill) I'm sure you did your hardest tricks but I hope you controlled them. ps I actually went to a movie and DIDN'T get popcorn. I don't think this has ever happened before. Let's go to another movie very soon so I can get popcorn! WITH LOTS OF BUTTER!

Have a good weekend everyone

happy birthday mo!!!! :)

i had a good day at school today...it must be because of your birthday...!

i'm sick of writing sad entries but i feel the need...i'm sorry.

so being in buffalo is really great. i'm enjoying living at home, i'm making money, teaching is...well...teaching, whatever. i barely think about fredonia or anything that happened there recently because it is just not a part of my life anymore and i'm so separate from it. and it's great. i enjoy the brief visits once in awhile but that's it.

i've been in fredonia since thursday night, at rehearsals and recitals and stuff. it is just cheaper to stay rather than drive here and back every day. well while it may be cheaper, it is certainly not worth it emotionally. i really really just want to get the hell out of here and go home. this is all because last night i hung out with my ex for the first time since december. i mean there were a bunch of us around but he was there. we were all drinking and eating barbecue and it felt just like the way it used to...with the obvious and enormous difference that we aren't together anymore. and while i thought i could handle it, i couldn't. granted i had 4 beers as well, which i originally thought might help the situation but it might it worse. i actually got up and left in the middle of while we were eating to go for a walk around the block and cry. and then when i came back it was jsut the same. it was like he didn't even notice that i had left. i'm sure he knew why i did. but he didn't say anything or act like he cared at all. and ya know what, he probably doesn't care. because he is in fredonia all the time. he has made a bunch of friends and hangs out with those people all the time. he's made new memories at fredonia and is probably having a great time. but for me, when i come back to fredonia, it's like i never left. i pick up right where i left off ion december, which was, well, terrible. it is so unfair. he is fine. i'm not. i don't even LIKE him anymore. but it is so hard to look at him because all i see when i look at him is all the memories that we made together. to think that we meant so much to each other, and now it's all over and we essentially have no significance in each other's lives anymore. how sad is that. i don't know. it just makes me miserable. i should never have come here and tried to act like everything was fine because it obviusly isn't, as my eyes are spilling over with tears just writing this. and now i'm going to be forced to see him again at a million recitals today. and i don't want to. i would be totally fine if i never saw him again. i wish he was graduating and going back home to be far away from me.

i can't can't can't can't wait until time has passed and i will be okay with everything. but i'm not okay at all. i have thought about nothing else but him since i woke up. why ami like this???? ok i have to stop writing or i will be a basket case. i want to go home so bad.

i am updating from the apple store. i love it in here. i pretty much drool over everything. i can't wait till my computer at home bites the dust and i'm forced to buy a fancy expensive apple computer. i think i'd want a laptop but maybe not...mmmm i love these computers. and i love not having school this week. :)

I'm offiically on spring break from school. Well ok in about 16 minutes I will be. Thank goodness. I am really hoping to use this week productively and really do some good plans and regroup and figure out what I need to do to make the rest of the year go smoothly. Every day there are good and bad things. It is just so hard because I don't know the kids. I would love to be able to joke around with the choruses, because I think that would start establishing a good relationship and they would connect to me etc. But I'm sort of naturally not that funny or spontaneous. And all my friends know I'm awful at telling stories. So I kind of just, play and they sing. Or talk to their friends and are generally rude, haha. What am I saying,. I'm bavbbling. I am really tired. On each of my free periods today I had 8th and 7th grade girls hanging around my classroom. Now, it's true that I'm trying to be cool and get to know the kids but holy heck are they crazy. One of them left her lunch tray here. Gross.

Wow all I talk about is teaching. and i dojt know how to end this my mind totally just wandered for about 10 minutes. I forget where I was even going with this entry. Well, happy Easter and I can't wait to eat candy. (e:Mike) let's have a chip and dip party sometime!