Ahhhhh. I am so mad/sad because I just realized today that my favorite professor was teaching a course this term and I missed it. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but it really is. You see, I took a class with Prof Chalmers Clark my freshmen year in philosophy and I totally feel in love with him. Not actually love, but more total adoration. He is a sweet 60 year old man who loves what he teaches and has a kind sense of humor. I just thought he was so nice. I even tried to fix him up with one of my mom's friends! Alas, he already had "a sweetheart waiting for him back home." How cute is that?!

Anyway, he was just visiting that year to teach one class because he is from schenectady and his mom was sick so he had to take care of her. Again, how cute!? So when he left I didn't take any other philosphy courses and I have been searching the course listings ever since to see if he returned, but he was never listed. THen, today when I was waiting for a friend I saw a sign on a door that said "Prof Clark has cancelled philosophy 113 because of the snow." At first I wondered whether it was the same person (obviously there are a lot of Clark's). So, like the loser I am, I raced to the nearest computer and looked up the course listing and found that he is teaching not one but TWO classes this term at Union. He even has a little bio online as a visiting prof. I was sad because I thought his mom might be sick again, and even more sad because I would have taken one of his classes if the stupid registrar hadn't listed him as "Staff" when we were selecting our courses. But more than anything else I was glad other people got have him as a prof. I used to tell people about him and how great he was. I always hoped my enthusiastic course evaluation would encourage Union to bring him back to us.

Anyway, now I will just have to feel sad that I missed him. It was my last chance to ever have a course with my chum Chalmers. I will miss him getting way to excited about philospohy and swinging his arms wildly with his shirt that has sweat stains on it. Oh, Chalmers...

Here is the bio he put on my school's website (I especially love the last sentence!):


Chalmers Clark will split his time at Union and as Visiting Fellow in Philosophy and with the Institute for Social & Policy Studies at Yale University. His background is in the naturalized epistemology of W. V. Quine. His interest is to extend Quine's scientific holism into the domain of moral and political thought. The result has been research and publication in several interdisciplinary forms. Current work is on trust relations in the professions (medicine especially), the professions as stewards of public trusts, and the role public trusts play in the basic structure of a free society. After class, Chalmers practices (not plays) the violin, runs (slowly), and looks for short cuts to logic problems.

Lately I feel like I am in a tough spot. You know when you have to say something that is going to make someone unhappy and you would do anything to avoid it but it's one of those things that has to be done? That's how I feel. There are only a few things in life that I would really not be willing to compromise if I knew that it would make someone I cared about happy, but it seems like this is one of them. I hate being in the position to upset someone. ahhhhckkk.

Thesis is not going to be done on time.

I'm teaching a class Friday that I know nothing about.

Interview on Monday that I don't want to go to.

Stressing because Buffalo is so freakin mismanaged.

that's all, thank goodness

There is an entire like of Casa Visco sauces in the grocery stores in Schenectady. (e:Mike) and (e:Paul) do you have any family in Rotterdam, because that's where this stuff is from. I will let you know how it tastes...

First off, Happy Valentine's Day!

I don't understand why so many people hate Valentine's Day. I know that it can make you feel sad to see so many people in love if you aren't but Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about love with a partner. I received cards for this "holiday" from the most important people in my life and none of them were a boyfriend. (Thanks (e:Mike) for the awesome card...I'm in it forever :)) The only people i bought cards for this year were my mother, grandmothers, and Mary (a family friend). I think it's great to have a day when you can tell the people you love how much they mean.

I know usual gripe (which I just recently heard from my roommate) about Valentine's Day being a commercial fabrication; not really a holiday, just a way to make money. My response to that is that in our society EVERYTHING is seen as a way to make money, that should devalue it. All holidays, even the most religious, are slutted-out to drum up sales. I think that if there was going to be a day created to increase greeting card sales or chocolate consumption then having it be about sharing love isn't all that bad. Furthermore, you don't need to spend a lot of money to get in the spirit of Valentine's Day. Homemade gifts are always the best in my book.

I guess I just wish that people could take a glass half-full approach to Valentine's Day. Most people have someone they love and many people who love them. Rather than focus on the fact that you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, why can't you look at what you do have? Maybe I just view it this way because I was raised to see Valentine's Day as a time to tell all the people you love how important they are. It was more of a family affair than a couple's thing in my house. I think that's the way it should be.

In any event, I would like to take this chance to say I love you to all the people who mean so much to me. If I've done my job you know who you are.

My roommate has been gone for a little over 24 hours and I am bored silly. I like having the apartment all to myself, but once the ability to walk around naked lost its excitement I found myself tired of being alone. I have a lot of work I can do but it's hard for me to be productive unless I have had some down time first. I guess I have come to realize that I don't really feel like I can relax when I am all by myself. It's weird because I am very much of a solitary person. I mean I like being around people but when it comes down to it I enjoy being alone more than most. But lately I have been lonely and bored. I need social stimulation. Something is lacking...

Beside those profound thoughts, I have noticed that my behavior is really strange when I am by myself. Why is it that I can't sleep with my bedroom door open? I mean, I know that no one is in the apartment, so why do I need to close it and lock it to sleep? Also, I close the door and lock it when I go to the bathroom. There is really no need for any of these things. I realize that most people would think that i do it out of habit but that's not it. I have consciously thought about what I am doing and then tried not to do it, and I just couldn't sleep or pee. It's something about security I'm sure, but it must be pretty strong if I can't override it by thinking about it consciously.

Last thing. I really hate it when people lie. No, this isn't an epiphany I have come to after years of thinking that I really loved it when I was being lied to. It's just that lately I have noticed that people lie a lot about stupid little things. I do it too. I know that it makes me a hypocrite to say that I want other people to stop doing something that I know I do too, but I find it hard to justify other people's lies and easy to justify my own. I am sure that's how people are able to lie. Sometimes I can see why people do it, for convenience, or because they genuinely think it's better for someone else. It's just that I don't understand why they let it get so out of hand. I find omitting info to be so much scarier than lying because at least with a lie you probably have the feeling that what you are doing is wrong. When someone leaves out details it can easily slip right by the conscience. I don't know why I am rambling about this. I need my roommate to come home or a live person who doesn't have a swim meet to worry about so that I can talk to someone. ugh, I am in a strange mood.

(p.s. Jess, like the title?)

Okay so lately I have been noticing this crazy amount of cars with "W in '04" bumper stickers. Like the circular ones and the rectangular ones that say Bush Cheney in '04. It seems like in the past couple weeks the number of these stickers has risen dramatically where I go to school. I think that the W '04 Phenomenon, as I would like to call it, is a product of all of the people who were Bush supporters during the election but felt embarrassed. I'm sure no one wanted to admit that they supported the dumb guy that they themselves didn't think would win. However, now that Bush won AND he has been inaugurated I think that people want to admit that they supported the side that got into office. I think it's pretty pathetic if you don't feel strongly enough about the side that you are on to admit it to other people without being embarrassed. I realize there were some people who did openly support Bush (and plastered their cars with those ugly stickers) and some people just don’t like bumper sticker. But obviously there are plenty of people who felt like putting a bumper sticker on their car would be too much of a commitment. Just imagine that...you will vote for someone, but you are too afraid to put a bumper sticker on your car that says you support them. I mean after all, what would happen if you had put it on and then they lost?? Maybe you'd have to hold firm in your convictions. Parish the thought!

On another note, graduate school interviews are scary!! :o

It's been quite a while, hasn't it? I guess I haven't written in a bit because there hasn't really been much to talk about. School has been busy and I haven't done anything exciting except writing a paper on the period of adolescence. I suppose that was something to talk about...

Although the paper turned out well (it was the first paper I think I have ever sent to Jesse that he hasn't had to edit!!) the experience of handing it in was brutal. The seminar class I wrote the paper for is specifically on Adolescence. This was our first position paper, which basically means that you have to take a position on a question and defend it in 8 pages or so. When you hand in the paper the class listens to your positions and discusses it- that means you are put on the hotseat of a little bit and forced to debate with everyone else. Although the idea made me nervous, I figured it wouldn't be that bad because the class is only 2 hours long and other people surely wrote the paper this week (you can pick 4 weeks out of 10 to write). NO. I was so wrong. As it turns out I was only one of two people who wrote the paper AND the other person had an elaborate excuse for why he wasn't going to be at class (it had something to do with a passport, a three hour traffic jam, and his brother being in Toronto International Airport). So basically the two hour class turned into me defending against everyone else's criticism and opposing positions. Who would have thought that defining adolescence was such a controversial topic?! We even split up into groups to brainstorm things that I did wrong...and I had to be in a group! Total disaster, seriously.

Anyway, I have recovered from the academic beating and surprisingly I am pretty proud of the paper that I handed in. You would think that I would feel doubtful about my position after all that but I think the experience simply reaffirmed my original ideas on the topic. I am pretty sure that is called belief inoculation, a very cool concept if anyone is interested (yay, psych GRE Teres!).

The only other thing going on in my life is that Shannon, my roommate from last year, is coming to visit for one night on her way back to Portland. She works at a hostel there and loves being a west coast girl. Crazy how much has changed since she lived with Heidi and I last year! I am excited to see her and have the sore stomach that comes from the uncontrollable laughing that she always elicits. I guarantee that for two weeks following her visit I will talk like her...and it will be extremely annoying!

Well that's all that I have for now. I sure made a long post out of absolutely nothing. Hope everyone is well. Take care and keep on keeping those resolutions (if you haven't broken them already)...tata

School has officially begun for me and so far my classes are excellent. It's so nice to be a senior and be able to finally take only classes that matter to you. I have really good professors this term and a lot of out-of-class time. I've also gotten to re-connect with a couple friends from freshman year. It seems that things do come full circle (right Teres ;) ). Well I am going off to read for fun while I still have time. I'll check in again when I have something more interesting to say...it might be a while. take care.

...year, classes, interests, and goals. Exciting stuff if you ask me. I can't wait to start my new classes and get cranking on my thesis. This is the term when all of the floating ideas come into fruition. I can't wait to get my thesis going and work with the kiddies again. It's been two years and I wonder if I will remember any of them. I see their names when I am making up the schedule and they all seem so familiar but really the only child I can remember clearly is the one who decided he didn't want to keep doing the experiment halfway through. I'm really happy that the school district gave me permission to videotape the kids. It's going to make such a difference to be able to watch the experiment over and over. I can't wait to get started :)

Anyway, this is the last night I am going to be sleeping in my bed in the BUFF. I love my bed at home. Sometimes I think I get more sentimental leaving my bed than anything else in Buffalo. But it will be nice to get back to my apartment and be more independent. I like not having someone asking me where I am going all the time (not that I go that many places).

As usual I am a little worried about moving the turts. I worry that I am not providing a stable enough home life for my little semi-aquatic friends. If I were them I wouldn’t like someone transporting me in a neon orange party bucket every ten weeks back and forth from Buffalo to Schenectady. I mean I do put a seatbelt around the bucket when we are driving, but still they may feel unsafe. The trips have been good so far, but it only takes one bad experience.

Okay, well the next time you hear from me it will be from the Neck. I hope everyone have a healthy and happy New Year. Take care!!

I have come to the end of my graduate school applications. It's hard to believe that the whole process started just this summer...it feels like i have been working on them forever. Now the only thing left to do is call to make sure they are all complete and wait. Although I'm sure most people finding the waiting part of applying for something tedious, I think it's nice. I like putting it out of my mind and thinking that it's someone else's responsibility. yay for being done!

I really hope that I get into at least one school. I mean of course it would be freakin fantastic to have a choice, but one would be ok too. I don't feel very confident about my chances but at least I've done what I can do.

In other news, Christmas wasn't very nice this year. I'm not sure what was missing but something just didn't feel right. There was no excitement on my part, and there were too many other things (and people) to worry about. I can't tell you how much I need to shake something up. Not in a crazy way, obviously, just in a way that changes a lot of things. I need a bunch of changes all at once but they have to be positive ones. I'm not really sure if I know what needs to change...okay, well I know a couple things, but really there are some things that are just lurking. I can feel it.

My aunt told me that she spoke to a psychic who told her that this year was going to be a good one. It's really funny because my aunt doesn't even believe in psychic but there she was telling all of us not to worry because this year would be great. She said the psychic told her that last year 2004 was destined to be a bad year and every psychic knew it. I thought back to all of the things that happened in my life this year and basically I feel like i have to believe her that 2005 will be better.

On the other hand, I know this year could have been much worse. I can't imagine all of the poor people who have suffered this year, the soldiers around the world fighting who have been away from their families, all of the children who have been hungry, and the elderly people who have been alone. I am very thankful for all that i have. I hope that 2005 will be a better year for everyone. I don't think that's too much to ask.