Not that I want to be a pedant (hehe) or anything, but I have learned 80 brand spankin' new words in the past week. It's all part of my study-like-crazy-for-the-GREs summer. Yay me for sticking to the annoying study schedule I made for myself. I felt the excitment today when I got info and an application for grad school in the mail. I think that makes the studying pay off. I am so enthusiastic about going to graduate school. I hope I get it. It feels like school will finally be all about me and what I am really interested in. Sounds great...I hope I'm not disappointed.

On another note, I am recently gone through an uncomfortable series of moods swings. It's been a rough couple days and I think that right now I am coming out on top. I had a very nice talk with Teres that made me feel better (although I am not sure how...are you Teres?). Also, I have realized that it's really important to be your own cheerleader. I know this sounds like self-help crap, and maybe it is, but I really think that it's important. I think that relying on other people to make you feel better all the time is a bad route to take. I know that you can't always take care of yourself or do everything alone, but it's important to at least give yourself credit for what you are doing.

This summer has been/will be rough. I can think of at least 10 things already that I probably didn't do as well as I should have. Even worse than that, I feel constant pressure to do things better and get everything right. However, I have done my best. That's honestly true. Sometimes when your best isn't good enough you just have to say 'tough shit'.

The past couple days have been really fun ones. Andrew, my best friend from school, came to visit for the weekend and we had such a great time. He woke up at 5 am on Thursday just to make the six hour drive to get here by noon. Now that is friendship! We did all the normal Buffalo stuff that you can cram in to a few short days. We ate at Ted’s and Mighty Taco, and saw Niagara Falls. Of course we also did the Taste of Buffalo which is so much fun to do when the weather is beautiful and you are with someone who really likes to eat! Andrew and I also got a turtle dock for our red-eared slider’s tank. We are co-owners of Erik, our turtle, so it was nice to have someone else here who likes to play with him and stuff.

On Friday night we went to East Aurora to see one of Andrew’s friends, D.J. from Sig Phi and swimming. Since I didn’t know a single person (and Andrew only knew D.J.) the party was something I was totally dreading. However, when we got there it was really nice. D.J. is really funny and cool and all of his friends were great. There was a lot of drinking and playing Beirut but they also had a bonfire which made the night super fun. We didn’t get home until 3:45am and I was uber tired the next day but in the end I was so glad I went. I feel like Andrew and I can have a good time anywhere and it was really cool that I got to know someone else from Union who lives in B-lo. D.J. said he would call me to come over and hang out again but I don’t know if I would do it without Andrew. We’ll see I guess. (I would put up pics from out escapades but I know how to make them small enough to fit the limit)

So anyway, Andrew just left and my life is back to usual. I feel bored and a little cranky already. It could be because I haven’t studied for the GREs in a couple days and now I know I am in for it or just that I feel lonely again. Either way, I guess I better get used to it.

So I was really surprised to read Teres's journal about not being an interesting person. I have a couple things to say about this.

First of all, I am sure almost all of us (ok minus Jesse) could stand to keep up with current affairs a little bit better. However, that is definitely not the only way to be interesting. You have tons of interests that most people would be really excited to hear about. I have always thought of you as one of my most unique friends. Your openness to ideas makes you very interesting.

Second, you are very smart. I am not sure how to convince you of how smart you are but I hope that you will just take my word on this one. I know you say that you don't feel like you can catch up now because you are behind on what's going on but I don't think that's true. Sure you may feel like you don't know a lot about politics or maybe even history, but you have never been someone who was afraid of working or who lacked motivation. There are just differences in the priorities you give to learning about things that don't directly affect you and things that do. If you really want to know more of what is going on I am sure you are not too lazy to go to cnn.com and read a couple articles. But if that isn't your first priority most of the time then that is okay too.

Finally, I think you are really observant. Sometimes you tell me things that I said to you when we were in sixth grade. You have a great memory and you notice a lot about people. Just because your observations are on a micro level doesn't mean you are out of it.

I guess I just hope you know that you are a really interesting and fun person. You are really smart and most importantly an awesome friend (oh and don't forget a total hottie). I know that you might think that I am just flattering you but really I don't flatter people unless they deserve it. We could all improve things about ourselves but the best way to do that, I think, is to find our strengths and build off of them. And when it comes to strengths you have a ton Teres :D

This summer is kind of a boring one for me. I am basically doing more studying now than I usually do at school. Last week I took my first practice GRE and it was a total disaster. I had forgotten how much I hate standardized tests until this little doozy refreshed my memory. While it was a bit unsettling to get my scores back, my first experience with the wretched test did teach me a few things. First, I know far less of the English language than I should. Really I know far less than a middle schooler should...but let's leave that alone. Second, all of my math teachers until this point have failed me. Honestly I always did well in math. I even got an A in the math course I took in college. So why can't I do simple things like add, subtract, and multiple?! There is something very wrong here. I have been led to believe that I am competent in basic math all these years when really I am clueless. It must have been a huge conspiracy.

The sad part is I really need to do well on this test. It's so important to my future and I am not sure that I will pull through okay. I also need to take the GREs in psychology. Although I have done really well in all my psych classes in college I fear that I will find out the same unpleasant news in this test as I did in the other one. Honestly shouldn't my drive and passion mean as much as a standardized test score? I guess one might argue that if I have all this drive and passion I should be able to study my butt off for the test and do well in the end no matter where I start off. But I am not convinced that the world is fair in that way. Either way, I am spending a solid chunk of time every day studying. Hopefully it will make a difference.

The last component to my summer is the research I am doing with a professor from school. It's a continuation of a project we started last year dealing with heterosexual marriages in which the male partner comes out to being bisexual. It's pretty interesting and I am excited to get that work rolling now that I have met with my advisor. I definitely need something besides studying and being stressed though. Hopefully something fun will present itself this summer. I am bored way too much and way more anxious than is healthy. We'll see...

I feel like all truly bad confessions start like this but... I swore I was a person who would never have a live journal. It's not really that I think they are such a bad idea or even that I thought I wouldn't really enjoy keeping one, but I saw it more as a contradiction. The thought of a person keeping a public journal just seems strange...like isn’t the point of a journal to be private, to have no one else’s opinions to worry about. I always thought live journals would inevitably lead to insincerity in what a person was writing. I guess this isn't really true for all people but I was (and sort of still am) fairly sure it would be for me. In any case, I have fallen to peer pressure and started one. I can't avoid it any longer because it seems that all of my friends near and far have one. In a time when I don't get to see the people I love quite as often as I'd like to I guess it just seems practical and kind of fun. Hopefully my preconceived notions about live journals will turn out to be wrong. Either way, I have conformed which is something that I have always prided myself in not doing. At least I can say the thing I broke down on wasn’t sex, drugs or that fast life…just a live journal.
I will try to update this baby as often as would make it entertaining and no more than that…God knows my life is not exciting enough to maintain anyone’s interest daily. We’ll see how it goes. For now take care and I will fill you in more later.