Apparently KY & Astroglide have gone the way of the baby boomers.

A real man needs the following: (try to read without laughing)


JACK JELLY

Sometimes a guy just needs to get off fast, clean up and move on. Empowered Products' high-grade, no-frills lubricant, gives a guy a slick glide when he needs a quick, one-handed ride. This formula is designed to enhance sensation and heighten a guy's pleasure while he's jacking off. We've developed Jack Jelly specifically to target the needs of a more price conscious market - offering a high quality product with superior lubrication to competing silica-based gels, at a significantly lower price point.??Jack Jelly includes medical-grade oils, Vitamin E, Aloe Vera and no spermacide.

GUN OIL
Gun Oil, the premium, condom-safe lubricant that keeps a man's most important weapon well oiled. If the military issued a lube, this is what they'd distribute with the condoms and artillery. During Operation Desert Storm, Marines jacked off with actual military-issue gun oil while hunkered down in the trenches of Kuwaiti battlefields. A group of those marines has developed a high-tech, condom-safe formula for smooth, rapid-fire action. This silicone-based lube keeps a Private's parts well-lubricated with added Vitamin E and Aloe Vera for longer lasting, slicker ride and minimized skin irritation. The ultra-concentrated formula is designed to out-perform comparable top-shelf products - a few drops lubricate thoroughly without breaking down or drying out. With a suggested retail price significantly lower than its competitors, Gun Oil is a certain bestseller on your lubricant shelf.

STROKE 29
Stroke 29, Empowered Products' premium cream lubricant, is designed to take masturbation to a whole new level. Unlike Silicone and water based lubricants, this thick, non-greasy formula provides more than just wet slipperiness. After years of research, our team has developed a lubricant that gets better the longer you use it. As the cream heats up from repetitive stroking of masturbation, the product texture transforms at or around the 29th stroke to simulate the sensation of aroused human tissue. With the combination of heat and friction, a guy might actually forget he's using his own hand. Stroke 29 provides a glide unlike any other masturbation lubricant available. The product's viscosity stays intact and doesn't break down during its transformation, so there is no need to re-apply. Stroke 29 skin-beneficial almond oil, Aloe Vera and Vitamin E and is fragrance- and irritant-free. Not recommended for use with latex condoms. Approximately 60 applications per jar.

• My favorite is how around the 29th stroke it magically changes... I bet your dick falls off.