I can however say on a lighter note, that I went with (e:paul) to MGMT at Art Park, and even though the sound system was not great and the performance itself was lackluster, i still had fun. I felt slightly numb to an extent, until a bit later in the evening. I think i was honestly in shock and hadn't quite adjusted to being back home after everything. I came out of my shell a little more, later.

The show ended and we ran along some trails along the river. I've never been to art park. it was nice, i'd go again just to be on the trails.

We were supposed to meet Rita and Brian there, but there was no fucking way i was gonna find them.

I want to post my iceland pictures here, but i also would like to write things along with it, and for me, that process is overwhelming. there were so many tiny moments and things that happened internally that a lot of why my trip was great is simply unexplainable.

I will try, however.

(this entry is mega pic-heavy)

Exploration is full throttle. I've been in one general part, but it's not a big city. firstly, i love it. it's a great city, with a nice buzz. there's people everywhere downtown, busy busy busy. the people are incredibly nice. I already made one friend! we went for beers at a really cute place. i will have to ask him the name.

i found some neat sights just taking random streets.
i want to go to more of the outskirts tomorrow. maybe find a spring... Idk. I'm wiped out.

a video i took...

so i definitely flew over Greenland. in 2 of the pics you can see tiny cities. i wonder if one of them is Nuuq?

the Boston airport had carmenere! it was my first thought, and the first thing i found. I wish I'd taken pics of the keflavik airport.... it was very unique. it's on a former USA military base.

I'm writing this as my plane flies to Boston. from there, i go straight to Reykjavik. I'm nervous, and excited, and frightened, and ecstatic ... what if it's so boring? no, that's a terrible question, i can have fun staring at walls, I'll be fine, ha.... i wonder what kind of people i will meet? i am going.g to make a post on couchsurfing on the Reykjavik forum to see if anyone wants to meet up. a lot of people post for that... maybe I'll just respond to someone else's?

i haven't read much about the craziness in Turkey, but the guy in front is watching CNN and it's on. I'm excited for the citizenry there. maybe they'll accomplish something. I wonder if there's anything happening in goukichan's city? he probably would respond to me if there was, anyways.

i have to say, there is no peace like being a million feet up in the air, above the cloud cover... i feel so contented to be so insecure, way up high. air travel is a wonderful thing.

(i love lomo filters)

Sunday was a whirlwind. I woke up and got dropped off at home, then headed immediately back out once i was dressed. I got pet food on the way to rehearsal. I was a bit late, but got there by 1:30. Seems like everyone is really coming into their characters. i got a lot of compliments on my reading...

The questions seem to be trickling out, like i expected. On one hand it makes me worried, and on the other hand, it releives me that i have advice to give someone where i had no one to give me advice.

After that, i headed stright to Daniel's house for a barbecue. His family and friends got together to meet Brandy. She must have been so nervous... I didn't have a lot of time to socialize with her or anything, so i chatted up Daniel's grandma. what a cutie that lady is. i love old people.

Bran looked adorable in her skirt and tights (leggings? idk).

I stayed for about an hour, then had to head straight home for my own family get together. April pretty much cooked everything. I was just too tired to help...

all in all it seemed to go well. Kathy and Dad came over with a graduation present for me. I was quite happy to receive that. It will help very much in iceland. I realize now that i will be kind of on a shoestring budget while there. i think i will do pretty much no eating out while there. maybe a bit. i'll just have to buy groceries and cook for myself while staying at the hostel.

It was nice to have a family event where everyone just seemed to get along just fine. Towards the end, i got seriously peopled out. i'm glad it ended early.

I'm supposed to be packing.

Brandy is in town for the weekend. Friday night we went to Soul Night at Milkie's. Honestly, I had an amazing time. Soul music is a truly wonderful thing. I danced my butt off!

The next day, we met at Nektar for breakfast... i got a sweet crepe. the food was awesome. Seems like the merger with Ambrosia went well.

I'm happy Daniel and Brandy seem to really be working out :) After Nectar, we hung out with Sandy at her shop down the street, and then headed down to the festival. we met Daniel after he got his haircut. I was actually pretty tired-grumpy. i think i was way over stimulated... I had some fun none the less. i feel bad that most of the time i spent with brandy was me being quiet/grumpy. i just didn't have it in me to be bright and energetic... we got to dance, though! so that was fun.

later, we went to wegmans and brought back some sushi and wine and goodies to feast upon. i seemed to perk up with not so sweet foods. after a full day spent with Amanda, Brandy, Daniel and Sandy, I was ready to head home. We never ended up playing the board games amanda brought.

I rested at home for a bit, convinced i was going to go to sleep, but got a last minute invite to (e:paul) and (e:terry)'s house. The wedding shower was man men themed? so i had to dress up. i wasn't as dressy as everyone else, but i think i pulled it off.

I wish i'd taken more photos. We ended up having a spank-off, or something? haha... i guess it was to see which was most painful... the copper pan, the wooden spoon, or the woden fork. I'm always kind of amazed at the shenanigans i find myself in the middle of. Not that i'm complaining..!

Very fun times indeed.

The other day i began cleaning up small amounts of debris and clutter in the backyard. i planted the mint at the base of two trees. i had a few stalks of it, and some of it seems to be doing fine, while the others are not so hot... i think it will survive. i also think the soil may not be the best back there. i planted 2 flowers in the back and they seem to have died. i more or less just wanted to plant a few things just to do it and see how it goes.

there's so much shit to get rid of, that i don't think it will be ready to to anything with until next in the spring.

I took photos, but for some rason, they were all corrupted? hmmm....

I'm excited to do more. i've gotta get some supplies to actually do any of it, though.... garbage bags, rakes, shovls, etc...

i also got a ton of garbage out of the basement. i don't know what i will actually use the basement for ever, but i went down and there were bags and bags of bottles... so i just put them out. they disappeared pretty quickly!

My vision is so bad today. When i close just my left eye, my right eye can't even read things across the street or see faces.

Well, my mom admitted herself to buffalo general the other day. it was actually friday, but she didn't tell anyone until saturday.

I ended up not finding out until much later that day after receiving an upsetting text message at work from my roommate Michael. After calling around and texting every family member a zillion times, i finally got the information out of Sarah. It was a non emergency, and she's fine, physically. She is getting released, today, tuesday after they monitored her for a few days and upped her dose. I went to visit her yesterday, an she seemed to be doing well.

I confronted April, finally.

Last night after she had been causing a raucous for a few hours, i finally hit the wall. She'd been playing loud music and being loud with my other sister, then fought with my other sister, then fought with her boyfriend a few times on the phone... In the middle of her creating drama on the phone with him again, i i finaly got out of bed, walked to her room, and made her hang up immediately.

I began to explain that I was done, that I had had it with her screaming, etc, and it turned into a full on screaming match for a moment. It quickly turned civil, though. I am just not a screamer. I don't have it in me. I was so... repressed? anxious? angry? that when we sat on the couch to talk about things, i was physically trembling. I couldn't stop for 20-30 minutes while i tried to explain myself and my frustrations. This naturally upset her, because she'd never seen me like that before.

I think it was my body just kind of dealing physically with how emotionally upset i was with her. I've never trembled like that before. I was quaking.

Towards the end of it, i think i got my point across... That when I'm home, I just want to feel safe, comfortable, and secure. That when she yells so much like that, it's impossible for me to feel comfortable or safe.

She did the whole crying "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so terrible, i'm the worst, you hate me" thing but that's not what i was looking for.

i don't care if she's sorry. I wasn't there to talk about how terrible she is. I was there to talk aout how i feel about the way she acts, an that i want a change, or something. Sorry doesn't solve anything. Sorry doesn't work.

it ended well, i think? i got my point across, she seemed to understand my frustrations...

I don't know if anything will change.