I had three poor refugees (Paul, Terry and Matthew) from their toxic house last night and Robin joined us later. We watched a Korean movie called "Friend", well first second, they wanted to watch a serious German movie, but soon I realized the German movie might make them sleepy and bored, so convinced them to watch Hollywood style Korean movie. Actually, it was the first Korean movie for them ever, well Paul said he has watched Korean Pornos. 8* I think I should ask him where I can get one too ;)

Friend: A Long and Close Company.

I'm thinking of the definition of friend for this moment. In the movie, it says that the definition of friend is "A long and close company". hum.. A long and close company. Do I have one..? I have lost in touch a lot of friends in Korea, but I know I will get in touch with them again whenever I go back to Korea. Somehow it makes me feel shame because I feel like I call them up when I need. I mean it's hard to keep in touch for me because I'm here and our life-style is totally different.. the saddest thing is that we have lost a lot of commons. Nevertheless, they are always there for me.

Just thinking of friendship.. It's easy to say "she is my friend or he is my friend "
But, Don't we just use this word extravagantly? There should be loyalty when we call someone as our friend. My first younger sister said once that there should be needed a psychological and physical attraction to each other, then friendship can go continue.

I'm glad that my friend Craig is no longer mad at me. He was mad at me because I used a part of his personal story for my video work that he insist on. But I was very defensive and thought it wasn't a big deal both him and I at all. Even I thought why he could not think that one as an artwork. Well, I should've known Craig hasn't got over his ex-relationship. So, we didn't call each other for one month and half.

The other night, we finally talked to each other and I let him know that I'm leaving for Korea from JFK this Sunday. He is trying to come by JFK to see me before I leave. I have 3 hours layover. Yea, Craig is my long and close American company that I believe..

Here is a picture of Craig when he visited Korea about 5 years ago.
We went to traditional Korean folk village. The one he puts on is a kind of old traditional punishment for kids. If a kid pee in the bed while sleeping, the kid has to go around neighborhood with on it in the morning. I think it's a cute thing.

I got up early today. It's kind of funny to me because I could never get up early during the semester, but now it's over.. then get up early. I'm too bad.

I'm looking for a song for this morning right now. I've been listening to "The Album Leaf" too much, so I need to change music to something new. How about "The Rapture"?

I need to start updating my website before going back to Korea. Nothing really is there and I want to have own my blog site too. So, I have to bug Paul for PHP things. Also, I've just started making a poster for Elmwoodstrip.com.

It's cold again. I don't like cold and snowy weather anymore. Whenever I complain about weather in Buffalo, a lot of people ask me about weather in Korea. Some people think of Korea is hotter than America. Well, Korea is definitely hotter than Buffalo. But, it is not like weather in middle Asia. Probably it is like weather in New York or Philadelphia in US.

Still looking for a good song for this morning. I think I should come over my friend's house to get some music because he said he has very good music collection. I've been looking for DJ Spooky.

My youngest sister finally got in Korea. We talked last night, but she was in a jet leg, so couldn't really say anything to me. Oh well, too bad, my second younger sister is in China for her business trip right now. So, we can't get all together again until the end of this year.

Coffee and a good music for this morning.. hum sounds good.. doesn't it..?

Well,Well,Well.
Until my friend, Nick in New York asked me to try to connect my video camera (not computer camera) into power book, I never thought it would work. He connected his video camera into his power book.. and I did same way. AND, we had a video camera chat. WOW. I was busy working on my final presentation for tomorrow.. but I had to do this modern experience. I told him if I do the video chat, I should take a shower, and put some makeup on my face. Then I will look better. I'm completely comfortable being in front of my computer right now. Also, even I didn't take a shower for today.. Can you smell something bad from me..?
Nick and I will try this again while I'm Korea. Now we have to figure out how to record our video chatting onto a DV tape. I'm doing memory of time difference between Korea and America, which is 14 hours difference, for one of my thesis project. Korea is 14 hours earlier than America. So, I will talk to him from the future time. Oh well, one problem has been solved.

It's only the time you can get crazy. That's how every parties stand for in America. No more calm person at the party for me anymore. I got crazy again.
But, I'm still not drunk. I really want to drink a lot, then go really crazy like how 19 or 20 years old kids do.. start getting curious of all kind of sexual things. But, I already perceive things good and bad too well.

There were two kids kept making out all the night at Robin's party. I don't even know who they are. One boy is one of Robin's student's friend. And the other girl came with some epeeps. Well, no one really cares of them actually, also it didn't even bother me at all. It was fun to watch them making out. I told people that I would tell them like "here is my apartment key, if you guys need a room for making out, you guys can go ahead at my place" and I really did it. This guy apologized to me. But I was totally teasing them.

I think I never saw people making out at the party in Korea. Well, I didn't even go to a party like this. But, I've seen it a lot in America. Well, now.. it's fun to watch it. Go ahead.. whatever.

It was a fun party. Of course, it was Robin's party, therefore it was a good party.
In a week, I will be in totally different situated place again. Even I can't really bring this story to my friends or family in Korea. I have to be another person for Korea that how I used to be.

It was unexpected visiting when I heard my door bell ringing around midnight last Thursday night. I thought it might be Robin. Who could come to visit me in the middle of night without notice? Only Robin could do it. But it wasn't Robin.

As soon as she got in my apartment, she demanded my cigarettes. I had only one cigarette left in my pack. She was in a hurry to smoke and was telling me "I was almost dying to smoke" Then, she said, she has to go right away. But, she stayed at my apartment until 4 am in the morning.

Insoon Ha, a Korean artist, who is immigrant to Canada from Korea with her husband and daughter 4 years ago. She is always like that way. Last time, she suddenly came to the Old Pink in the middle of night, and told me that she smelled me from UB North Campus. It was the beginning of this semester, so I haven't seen her for 3 months or so.

In Korea, we have very strong age hierarchy, which means younger people have to respect older people. I know that American cannot understand this structuralism. She is 2 years older than me. I respect her as an older sister, and I'm proud of her as an artist.

She wanted to see my new work. But, I told her.. I have nothing to show her.

I remember that she was yelling at me once at the Old Pink, "If you do like this (not concentration on my work), just go back to Korea. Here is not Korea, here is America, nobody's gonna care of you if you don't work hard" She got so drunk after her exhibition at Big Orbit gallery at the time. We cried together. I know all of my American friends at the Pink felt strange from what we were doing. But only she and I know what it is. Ah, I remember Robin asked people around to find out what's wrong with us, she was so worried about us. Ah, I love Robin.

She said, her husband wants to go back to Korea, and she feels like a housewife these days. But, she's got a lot of calls from many galleries. Well, she has a show at Albright Knox on April, 2005. But, their immigrant lives in Canada is so tough.

She said, she is impressed that I drove for 21 hours straight for a day. A lot of my close American friends don't understand me why I had to do it. But, she did understand me. I told her. "I wanted to see if I still have my passion, and I did it although nothing left for now"

There are a lot of people I miss and want to see, but I can't do it because they are just disappearing from my sights as time by time. She said, if I miss my past or feel nostalgia that means I'm not satisfied with my current life. But, I disagreed with her, well I agreed with her later.

She left my house with some words "I have to send my daughter to school tomorrow morning, and thank you for the cigarette. you know I can't smoke at home"

I'm listening to one music over and over again right now. I don't know what the title means. Here is the song "Twenty Two Fourteen" from The Album Leaf.


And Insoon Ha's work that was exhibited at Big Orbit Gallery last April which I did a video documentation for her.

Nick, my friend who is in New York, just called me and told me that his AIM is suspended.
How it can be possible..? I don't get it.
He said.. his passward is something about flying kamikaze.. that's why..?
AIM is connected to Government..? I don't get it.

I really think I got too old, or I should say "NO" if people ask me a help, when I'm running around to get my work done.
I got really pissed off this in the morning. It's been long time to get pissed off like that, or I'm just too tired.

A young Korean student asked me a help for his film project. He has a script, but it needed to be translated in English, and also he asked me to do narration for his film as well. Well, I said, YES. I just realized why I don't like students' narrative film project because of this reason. Story of every students narrative work that sounds always the same to me. Either Korean or American.

Well, we couldn't figure the audio record system in school last night. I get always confused by patching thing. I don't even know why it wasn't working. So, I convinced him to do in another way. But he needs my voice anyways. So, I came home to record my voice with my shotgun micro phone and camera until 4 AM. Then, had to go to school to give it to him this in the morning. So stupid because I forgot to bring my cell phone.. so I had to wait for him about 30 min in front of CFA although I have so much things to do. I was so pissed off. I think I just got too stressed out, or I got too old to be energenic.

I've been running around to finish up this semester. I can't smell it to be done.
There are a lot of paper works. I have to hand in working-in-progress paper work for my thesis project supervision. I knew that I have to write about a specific statement for that, but I didn't know that I have to do paper work for this thing until my thesis project done.

I just need to stay home. I love staying home, especially sitting in front of my computer that makes me feel okay.

If anybody wants to see my real madness, ask me a help when I'm too stressed out. You will see what the real madness is.. I can be a total different person, which is only my sisters knew.

I just slept for 3 hours and half for today. No enough sleep..
Yeah, I can't blame anybody.. I put myself in the sleepless way because..
I'm a last minute person.. Don't even try to be a last minute person.

Yeah, I finished my paper.. but I really don't think it is good. So, I told my professor that I want to hand it in again on Wednesday. I already gave him my paper today.. but I feel terrible with my paper.. So, I gotta re-write it.

Oh, I got my tickets for Korea today. Happy.. So happy. I'm going home in 2 weeks. Wow..

I got some good pictures from the event last Saturday. I really like my new user pic because you can't see my face., rather it looks like some faceless ghost holding the camera. I love it.

I gotta go back to work again. Damn.. never ending story to finish up this semester.

I went out to eat with Robin in the middle of last night again. It was around 3 or 4 AM. I think Robin and I are the crazy night owls. Actually, I had to go to the bed earlier than I do normally last night because I was involved in the film production event called "Emergent-C" today, which was suppose to start at 9 AM in the morning and it was suppose to be shooting for all day long today, Saturday. Well, I just slept for 3 hours (who I can blame.. nobody, right? because it is my bad life-style) and went over the first location. Of course, I was late about 20 min.

A lot of people were already there. My role for this project was a document camera person 1, which means I should be there earlier than the other people. But it was kind of okay although I was late.

The main theme is that this film crew are missing the director, the producer and the writer that actually we have. So, there is only the shot list but no script. So it is kind of like a props project.

There were probably 15 or 16 people at the first location.
One assistdent director
Three sound people,
Two camera people,
Three set designers,
One photo document person,
Three actors,
Three Runners and project documentary person that is me.

We shot there for 2 hours and half, then moved to Delaware park which was the second location. Oh my god, it was freaking cold and windy. We shot there about 2 hours again... Then went to Steven Eastwood's house which was the third location. We had a lunch there. Fortunately there was the other documentary person, so I could leave for a couple hours. So, came home around 2:30.. and slept utill 5:30..

Then went over Steven's house again, then I took over documentary role.. Finally, we were done around 10 PM. It was really exhausting, but fantastic. I've never done this kind of big project that a lot of people involved. Everybody seems very professional (except for me). I had a really good time today although my arms are so hurt from holding my camera about 8 hours today. Crazy..

Now, Robin is at my house and she is trying to change her user pic for Elmwoodstrip.com. as I'm writing this journal. She found out some pictures of hers on my computer. Even she found out some pictures of mine as well. She said that I was cute with short hair-style, which she has never seen... "Thank you! Robin, but I'm not sure I want to try it again though" Yeah, I had a very very short hair-style about 3 years and half ago.

Well, my rice is done now. So, Robin and I are gonna eat some rice with Kimchee.
Does anyone know what Kimchee is..?

Then, Robin is researching something for her paper.. and I'm writing my paper.
Good friendship.. isn't it..?

Paul, yeah, I'm happy now :) .. great job. I feel little sorry for you because I feel like I pushed you to do that somehow.. But,, it's much better navigator.. Don't you think so..? Yeah, I'm also trying to fix some HTML code for my friend's website right now. Well, I gotta stay away from making website. I have so much things to do. Papers.. proposals.. writing grants.. I'm getting to hate writing paper stuff..
I'm tired of writing English except for writing journals on Elmwoodstrip.com ;)