I just paid my ticket for Korea. 13 Hundred Box. Ouch.
If I made a reservation earlier.. it could be 800$ or 900$.. Well, I'm taking Korean airline.. it's the most expensive airline to fly to Korea actually, but I have a lot of milies from that airline.... so after this trip, I can get a free ticket to Korea for the next time.

Anyway.. I'm so happy to go back to Korea.. It's been for one year and also I'm going to see my youngest sister finally. I haven't seen her for 2 years and half. We promised to go back to Korea for this winter together. She is flying to Korea from London on December 12th.. little earlier than me..

I can't wait until December 19th.. oh.. I'm scared what things have been changed in Korea for this time. Whenever I go back to Korea, a lot of things changed.. So, I got confused for little while.

Here is my ridiculous experience in Korea last year.

My mom's front door lock system was changed as the digital door system.. I had no idea what the hell that was. I arrived Korea in the middle of night last year, so got home earily morning. When I got up around noon, no one was there. Everything looked fine and same in a way until I got a big problem with the front door. Maybe my mom didn't realize that she should've let me know the front door system or she just assume that I might figure it out. Well, I wanted to go out for some snack.. but I couldn't open the front door.. it was very strange and I was thinking.. "what the hell is that.." Finally I could open the door in a wrong way maybe, and the alarm system started ringing so loudly. (to be honest, I hate every alarm system) People showed up and I had to explain to them.. I had to call my mom and asked her.. "what's going on here..?" She said,"how come don't you know that?" I replied to her.."How do I know that thing.? Don't you know that I'm from Buffalo where is not that modernized and digitalized?" Well, she gave me the number for the front door over the phone.. but I couldn't figure it out. Then, she remembered where the key was and was telling me to try it with the key. But, I couldn't find the key as well.. There was no key that I picture and know. Well, the key looks like a little magnet that I never be able to guess that is the key. Actually, no one in my family carries the key at all.. they just know the number. It was very embarrassing... People looked at me like a savage.. Oh well..

Hope this time time, nothing much has been changed.. hopefully.

It was a bad day for me again. But, I don't want to write about it. Everybody knows that I get depressed a lot. That's enough information about me already.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

A summer day of this year, while I was talking to my friend visiting from Canada in front of Spot coffee shop where the place that they put some tables for smokers over the summer, I saw Anna and Alan walking by us. They looked so sweet together as even I stopped them for a second. We talked about a movie for some reason, and they were telling me that I have to watch one movie called “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind� That’s how I found it out.

Since the title is such long for me to memorize (Remember? I am a foreigner), I kept forgetting the title sadly. So, I had to ask Alan and Anna over and over again. Sometimes, Alan just gave me his characteristic face, which has the wrinkles in his forehead that actually makes him look like another James Dean, to try to understand me, but rather he seemed like ‘what movie is she talking about’. Well, soon afterward, he understood me and told me once again:� Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind�. Strangely, the word of "spotless mind" didn't get into my mind easily. What's the spotless mind.? Is this a kind of English metaphor of some expression?

I kept checking this movie at the blockbuster whenever I stopped by since the day they told me. Of course, I still didn't remember the whole title.. just something on my mind was telling me.� Eternal Sunshine.. something, something.." But, there was no video titled "Eternal Sunshine something something" at the blockbuster for a long time. Then, I asked myself “how come did I miss this movie? How come did Alan and Anna watch this movie without me?� --- we used to go to see movies all together a lot— “how come did Alan and Anna tell me that’s just like my movie?, why did they make me so curious?.. Eternal Sunshine something something. Damn�

A few weeks ago, I stopped by the blockbuster after few months, and finally found out this movie. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind".. Wow, I knew it that I would notice this movie with just few words. Great!!. But, everything was already rent out. So, I had to come home without any movie at the night. A day after, I went there again.. well, everything was rent out again.. had to come home without any movie. You know if you really want something, but if there is no available such thing.. Nothing can make you feel satisfied anyways. Don't you think so..?

Before thanksgiving day break started, I went there once again, yeah!!, there was finally only one DVD available. Just only one displayed for whole this movie section.. I was very happy and grabbed it right away as if a little girl was holding a toy to her bosom trying to hide it from other friends.

Memory.

Well, you can just talk about this movie as one of romantic love story between a girl and a boy. But, the way it presents was fantastic. Well, I’m not gonna go into my interpretation of this movie. I remember that some epeeps complained that I talked about a movie story here, so he lost feeling watching that movie. But, one thing that I want to mention about it as studying film theory ;) (just ignore me). The way the hero remembering of the past with the girl was a great representation at the recalling another way of memory, which used the great duration that comes cross between past and present. And it derives into his real psychological subconsciousness. Does it make sense..? once again, it was melancholy in a way. I already mentioned it that memory is always melancholy because you have lost the moments.. Okay.. that’s enough.

Another thing, I loved the way Jim Carry says,, “I don’t know�, that made me think about myself, because I say “I don’t know� a lot wh


enever I can’t really
articulate what I think.

Yes, Alan and Anna. you’re right!! It was a great movie and I loved it so much.

If anyone has not watched it yet.. please go to watch it.
Well, I haven’t returned it yet. I was suppose to return it last Tuesday, 2 day ago. I forgot it. Well, I remembered it when I wasn’t able to return it. How much do I have pay for late fee..?

I really think I've been in school too long. I'm getting to be irresponsible for my school work these days. I can't make for every single class on time. Always late.
I'm sick of being late actually, but I can't make it on time. I know what it is.
I lost my energy to be there and am exhausted of being in school. I need something new that makes me feel alive. I'm Gemini, which means I can get bored easily.. need to get exciting feelings. Well, I do love reading books and want to know more about art theory and history everything. I do love working, but I don't know I'm not really motivated these days.

I'm going back to Korea on December 19th and coming back January 12th. But, I might change the date to come back to Buffalo.. Maybe.. 11th. I hope this break can make me feel motivated. And, realized that my healthy is not that good these days. I can just fall asleep easily, and also, forget something easily. Oh well, if I tell my mom this, she wil yell at me so badly because she sent a lot vitamins for me, but I took it once or twice... all package just is sitting on my dining table.

I don't like taking medicine. I know that sounds so stupid. Well, My blood type is "O", which means, we don't like medical things. That's just my philosophy.
I know I'm sick.. it is not that I got cold anything.. it is just healthy problem...

Okay.. I gotta work now.

First, I feel sorry for Lliho. Yeah, as I already told you last night, I wouldn't let my boyfriend (if I have one) do that. See..? Something has happened. Hum.. Well, it's okay.. it's much better.. he is not worth, then.

Second, a lyrics of Such Great Heights by The Postal Service.
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
I would like to speculate that god himself did make us into
corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay
and true, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that
catch my troubled head when you're away and I am missing you to death
when you are out there on the road for several weeks of shows and when
you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you home

they will see us waving from such great heights, "come down now,"
they'll say but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now," but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your machine but the persistent beat
it sounded thin upon listening
and that frankly will not fly, you will hear the shrillest highs and
lowest lows with the windows down when this is guiding you home.


Such a great song.. check that out.

Third, my back is still so badly hurting. Halkuster Thank you for giving me an advice for my back hurting. Well, I knew that I have a problem with my back. It's been so long time. But, this time,, I drove too much and didn't take care of it. My friend told me "are you crazy..? are you trying to kill yourself?"
I think I am.. really.. that would be better. Anyway, I will take care of it while I'm in Korea for this winter break. Now, I put something medicine on my back.
Hope it would make my back better.

Forth, I didn't enjoy the Roxy's last night. I don't like dancing.. Well, I can dance..
But, it needs to take a lot of time to make me feel motivated to dance. Does this sentence make sense..? huh..? Well, I had to go.. because it's Anna's birthday going out.. Every her birthday, she wants to go dancing.. I'm happy to do that for her actually. But, I didn't feel to dance last night.

What else..? I think I gotta go back to talking to my friend in Germany on the messenger.. He is demanding on me to send some pictures right now.. oh well...
I need to work real soon,.

I got a power out again. I don't remember how many times I've gotten it for this year. At least 5 times.. Yeah, the electronic situation in my house is so terrible.
Only one fuse for this house although I got the biggest house in this apartment.

Fortunately, my power book is working, so I can use the Internet in my living room depending on someones wireless network. So, I'm sitting in my arm chair and writing journal plus I'm listening to music as well. Hope, my battery can run for a couple hours.

I'm waiting for my landlord to fix the fuse thingie for my house. I just realized that I need to get some candles. Yeah, I don't have any candles left. So, I'm completely in the dark room only depending on my power book light. I wanted to take a bath. Well, I was just ready to jump into water.., oh well.
Strangely, I'm not really upset about this situation. I guess it is because I can use the Internet and listen to music.

I'm thinking if I were with someone in this situation, what I would do the most..
Hum..? Kiss..?

My childhood in Korea, we had black out sometimes to train emergency, which implied the situation if North Korea invades South Korea. I'm not Korean war generation, so I'm not really aware of how terrible the Korean war was although I have learnt it from School and Media. Anyway, my younger sisters and my peer friends in my childhood were excited of the black out training. Even we didn't know that was for the emergency training. We had no idea. We just went around our neighborhood.. giggling... making friends scared, screaming, finding out which house turned on the light and yelling them to turn off the light. Also, it was so much fun to run into other friends in the dark. Well, I don't think that we have that kind of training anymore. Even I don't remember when it disappeared. Maybe middle 80...

Oh, my landlord came home.. Good. I think it is enough to remember my childhood for today. hu.. ;)

This was the second time to go to Anna's parents house for Thanksgiving day.
I was happy to see Zoe (Anna's little sister) and all people they invited.
Tony Conrad, Steven Eastwood and his little sister from London, Robin and Andy,
Zoe's boyfriend, we had a great thanksgiving dinner all together.

Very relaxing, and fun converstation, drinking wine, making fire, all delicious foods.
So good.. Even I can't describe exactly how wonderful it was.

Polly and Mark, (Anna's parents), Anna, Zoe
Thank you for everything. It was so great.
Thank you so much.

And when I see you, I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged when there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover, it's really bursting at the seams
from absorbing everything the spectrum's A to Z.
(ahh... ahhh...)

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
All the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone,
I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine,
I slur a plea for you to come home.
But I know it's too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay; given you a reason to stay;
given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years...

A Song by Death Cab for Cutie


(A View from My Old Room in Amherst, 2001, SJ)

I usually put my desk near the window where I can look at outside easily.
At home, I'm always in front of my computer, so I need to get feeling refresh looking over from the view of a moment of outside sometimes.
But, here in my current room, my desk is far from the window.
Perhaps, this is the reason I get depressed a lot here.

This song is giving me the bittersweet feelings. Just as how it rings for you.

I'm organizing pictures I took in Cold Spring right now and I found out Ronin's picture. He has so much love to show. I can't believe that I miss Ronin.
While I was driving to school for my evening class today, I saw a dog that looks like Ronin on the street. I was almost calling the dog like "Ronin", but it's impossible that he is here in Buffalo. Of course I miss Woosha as well. They gave me so much love while I got cold feelings. So sad, I will be so mad if they can't recognize me someday.



Here, Drchlorine, please, correct your word.. depressing and whining is a different meaning of context.. Don't even talk down people's feelings. If you aren't like that, then... just walk away.. got my point..?

I'm back to Buffalo. I made it for 15 hours. If I didn't get lost around Chicago again, I could make home for 14 hours.. It's better than 21 hours driving. A lot improved..? Isn't it..? Yeah, I went to Michigan for some reason.. I don't know how it could happen.. I was happy to see my friend Alan back home. He was awake and came out to carry my stuff.. Oh, I love Alan and I miss Robin right now.
Oh well, I need to work right now.. I know that I'm crazy..
But, I need to work for my presentation tomorrow.. I will be okay.
It's good to be home, and it was good to drive.. I thought a lot.. really a lot.

And, thank you for helping me out to find out the direction.
You know who I'm talking about..? ;)

I'm driving back to Buffalo in a couple hours. We had a fun day. My friend showed me his school where he teaches, and little bit about downtown of St.Cloud.
Then, went to Thai restaurant for a dinner and went to shopping mall to check his winter jarket.. Yeah, from what I have heard, it's much colder than Buffalo.
I bet.. Then went to see a movie.. "Ray".. It was good.

I took pictures of this house and him... I'm actually sad right now..
Here is the image that I will remember.