So it's been over a month since my last post, and yes (e:Mike) I will put up pictures soon but my computer here is too slow and the pictures are huge soooo I'll have to make them smaller and then they will be up!

Anyways until then I wanted to post the fun news that my friend Nicole asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I'm really excited : ) I thought I'd post a picture of the dresses she's probably going to have. I know, how exciting. Stay posted for pics from (e:Mike)'s great party (aka the night of the greatest partnership in the game of Celebrity EVER!!!!!!!!)

[size=xl]HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSE! :)[/size]








Okay I have like 2 oTher pIcTures buT they aren't loadIng. I lovE dial up! Anyway have a great birthday J-Dawg. See you at Christmas :)

I just did a whole entire school day on my own, without my cooperating teacher but with a sub. Everything went pretty well, except for last period, which is sixth grade chorus. I like to think of sixth grade chorus as the ninth ring of hell. I knew going in to the rehearsal that I was going to have to be way more firm and tough, because there are a few boys that are just awful. They talk, they don't have music, they don't stand still, they throw things, and they are a huge distraction to the rest of the chorus, who, for the most part, is a nice group of kids. Well of course those same damn kids were pains in the asses today, especially for their little student teacher, with no big mean teacher in the room. The accompanist ended up kicking this one awful kid out of the room, and from there rehearsal went more smoothly but there was just this negative vibe. Anyway I'm just babbling all of this because then afterwards, this kid came up to me and asked if we could talk. I already know him pretty well from the chorale I interned with last year. He's such a nice kid and good singer. He told me that he's thinking about quitting chorus, and that if he quits, then he's kicked out of the chorale, which is an auditioned and very accomplished children's choir. He told me this and I could see tears forming in his eyes. It broke my heart. What if things don't get better and he ends up quitting and doesn't sing anymore? All because of some damn pain in the ass eleven year olds who don't know how to behave and won't listen to directions or take anything seriously. If I could, I would kick them out in two seconds. I hate thinking that I would ruin music for some kid by kicking him out, but it would hurt me a lot more to think that the GOOD kids who really want to be there, might leave because they can't deal with all the bullshit, and I don't blame them.

Today just got me to realize that everything teachers do REALLY does make a difference, even on a day to day basis. Maybe if I had been a little stricter and not let it get to the point where someone had to be kicked out, the rehearsal could have been great, and I could have established a positive setting that would carry through to next time, but I didn't. Now who knows...That kid will probably hate me, and the accompanist, and just be a bigger pain in the ass in the next rehearsal...and that may impact a lot of kids. I don't blame everyone for being annoyed by the bullshit. Why can't some kids just get a clue?

Sorry for this rant. All I think about lately is children and music and school. And talking to a kid with tears in his eyes hit me so hard that I just had to get it out somehow. It was probably one of the only things I will remember from this experience. Even if I'm just a student teacher, I can do something to help out, and I wouldn't know how to forgive myself if I let anything get so out of hand that some children shut music out of their lives completely. What an awful thing to think about for me...

HOORAY for no school today :)

Student teaching is all right but I can't wait for it to be over...

Fredonia has a fall break - 3 days off this week - but I don't get it because I'm a stupid student teacher : (

Looking forward to being home next semester a lot :) :)

What else...anyone know of any music jobs I can get in January? If I don't findone I guess I will have to sub, which actually sounds super easy to me...like what do you do, all you have to do is make it through the day and you go home with no lesson plans and no responsibility to the school and you get paid! Sounds sweet to me, except no benefits. Oh well. Okay bye, gotta go take full advantage of this day off :)

I am sitting on an exercise ball in front of my computer. My sister is straightening my hair. Yay! I love getting my hair done, I think it's one of the most relaxing things ever. Well unless it hurts.

I've been handed over the responsbility of teaching 6th grade general music at silver creek until I leave to go to my next placement. Great. When I asked my teacher when she would be taking over the classes again, I didn't expect her to say, "Oh, they're all yours!" Ugh. Some of those kids are tough and I am afraid that I'm giving the impression to some of them that I'm a pushover and that needs to STOP!

Does anyone even remember their student teachers? I remember one in seventh grade with Mr. Illuzzi - Mr. Tarantelli - anyone remember? I think I just remember because I think his name is a dance form. And I remember two in high shcool. But I must have had more than that. Student teachers are weird. The concept I mean. Some little kids probably get super attached to this new person in their lives, especially if they are like...looking for attention from someone. And then the person leaves after like a month. Also it stinks because I'm directing the choir and I can't really establish a relationship with them that much because they're just not my kids.

I have a TV in my room. Thats the most exciting thats happened to me in ages!

Not really. Okay. This is stupid. I'll be home next Friday night. :)

My proctoring job is so boring. I have lame chores that I finish in the first five minutes, and for the rest of the time I read blog sites. By read I mean stalk. Chris thinks it's weird, but livejournal truly is fantastic. By the way (e:Mike), Anne's password is what I said it was before, with a capital B at the beginning don't forget!

Student teaching is pretty much a breeze right now. I have barely taught at all, but I guess that's how it's supposed to be. I know I should get ready for many more things to be thrown at me at once and I will no longer have this hour free to stalk blogs. I don't really like the word blog. I have this problem when I speak in front of the class, particularly the middle schoolers - it happened last semester when I interned with a choir. My mouth gets REALLY dry almost immediately. I guess it's nerves or tension or me speaking too highly or something. A lot of new teachers have problems at first with talking. I guess I am just totally aware of how difficult it is for me to grasp the attention of sixth graders and I get nervous and probably talk too much - which usually is not the way to go. I tend to babble...kinda like I just did in this last paragraph, yikes.

I absolutely love my new voice teacher and I think I am singing really well and I think I MIGHT do a recital next semester again, but this time it would probably be somewhere in Buffalo because a) I wouldn't be a student anymore and b) there are some really nice churches in the b-lo area that would be great to sing in, I think.

I am on the quest to get rid of my [size=l]FRIZZ[/size] once and for all. Does anyone have any tested and proven ways of getting rid of the frizzies??? Most people I ask just say to use Frizz Ease. I guess that would make sense based on the name of the product. I have pretty much come to the belief that more expensive products probably really do work the best - like salon ones. But that's a little more than I can afford right now.

Finally, the Tops in Fredonia closed and we now have a giant Martin's across the street from the old Tops. I miss Tops. It was a classic old style Tops, not too big, usually pretty quiet, and I'm always true to Tops. Martins is pretty obvnoxious...although everyone raves about the organic section, but I have not explored that yet. I like artificial flavors and colors. : ) Quality is totally going to close, as there is now going to be a Super WalMart and Martin's. Frankly I'm surprised we even still have a Quality. Poor Quality. Poor Tops. Give groceries a chance.


(the picture version of my entry)







I told you I was bored.

I hate not posting for a long time. Although I guess that's stupid to say since I can control that.

I'm student teaching now and tomorrow is my first actual opportunity to be responsible and in charge of 6th graders. I'm nervousish..but not really...yet...I'm almost taking well to having to get up every day at 6. HAven't slept in yet...many more opportunities to do that, though.

[size=l]Happy Birthday Di!!!!![/size]...(ok oops sorry...I'm a day late posting, but who's counting?)... Hope you had a great day in Bostonia.

I need a new picture.

This is boring.

Daily updates will commence this week I think. Although I will probably do it (e:Jessbob) style and actually update every day for a week or two and then slack off a little. But at least I know my roommate's names. : P

I got a car yesterday. How exciting. Actually I was really excited. But now today has turned into ridiculousness about getting the car registered and insured. I'm trying to make it to Albany today and it's already 10:03 AM and we haven't gotten to the DMV yet because my dad has some stuff at work to do. So who knows how long that will take, plus going and buying new bolts to put new plates on, getting back home, putting the plates back on, going to the insurance company so they can take pictures of it...all so I can go to Albany. I'm starting to think I should just go to Albany tomorrow. The worst part about all of this I can't do it by myself because my dad is registering the car under his name so he has to go to the DMV and the insurance and all this stuff. And my dad doesn't deal well with working under stress and waiting around and paying for things and pretty much everything that will be happening today. He doesn't get violent or something but sometimes it's almost worse the way he is constantly sighing and staring out the window and closing his eyes like nothing worse could be happening. He probably isn't even thinking these things at all but I have dealt with it for 22 years and since I'm so sensitive to everything it just makes me feel terrible and that I'm wasting his time. My sister can make jokes and make everything less tense, but I just feel guilty and helpless and I shut down because I don't know what to do. If I don't fight it I can end up being the same way, getting so upset about the most tedious and minor things that are definitely not worth the stress or energy to be angry. I definitely do that on my own sometimes and putting two people together who do that is NOT a good situation, and I find myself having to really make myself be as smiley and optimistic as possible so I either ignore or overcome the terribleness I feel from my dad's actions. I am really looking forward to going to the Adirondacks and I want to leave today and I will be upset if I don't. And I love Tom my new car and I wish that all this paperwork and errands didn't always have to be such a dramatic experience and such a big deal. And while I'm so lucky and grateful that my parents haven't cut me off and still support me, I know I could do this all on my own if I had to and I wish I didn't have to rely on others so much. I really do have great parents, despite what I say, they would do anything for me and my sister and I guess I can say that if the worst thing I can think of that's happening with my family is that my dad and I are rushing around so I can take my new car on vacation...I don't really have it bad and I am being silly. Of course at the same time I can't help but have these sad and frustrated feelings.

Of course much worse things are happening in the world today, so . . . blah I don't know I'm silly and sick of this entry and I hope the DMV isn't awful but of course it probably will be...

On Wednesday my Grandma passed away. My grandparents lived near Atlanta for my whole life, so here I am in Georgia at her house. Today was the funeral and tonight we began to go through some of hers and my grandfathers things (he passed away in 2002). It is so neat to see all of their stuff. Although I make fun of (e:mike) for being a packrat, that's what my grandparents were, and everything is so neat to find and look at. We've found old jewely, letters, worksheets and knick-knacks in their old cedar chest. My mom and I also found an envelope with the words "This is personal, do not read, destroy promptly in case of accident, Mom". How mysterious! So I went and asked my dad and he smiled and said that he and his two sisters had talked about it with their mother and she said that only her three children were allowed to read what was inside...which is love letters between her and my grandfather! (Or at least I hope from my grandfather?!) So I am a little jealous but I also think that is really sweet.
Being so far away, we only got to see my grandparents once or twice a year, so we weren't very, very close. But when we did get to see each other a couple times a year, of course it was absolutely great. I know many people would probably this same claim, but I am fairly certain that I had the best, most classic Grandma ever. AT LEAST the best cook. I mean if you didn't come back from a trip to Georgia weighing at least 5 lbs more than when you got there, you were surely ill. One thing I will miss soooo much is her amazing pound cake. She was so well known for it that I printed up recipe cards and we gave them out at the wake as people came in, and everyone loved it. Her pound cake was honestly the best and it makes us all sad to think she won't bake us another, something she loved to do.
And my grandfather was the most caring and selfless person. Many of the things we found of theirs tonight had little slips or paper that he had written, always marking down who gave it to them, when, and what/how much it had meant to them. They just loved their family. They even got to see their first great grandchild born in 2002, and my grandma lived to see a second great grandchild. Even though we weren't close it is really hard to be here and not have my grandmother here fussing and cooking and cracking a few jokes here and there. The last time she came to Buffalo was for my recital. She was sooooo happy to be there and I was so glad she got to come. I sent her a recording of it before I left for Europe and my dad said she loved it and they listened to it on the Monday before she passed away. It was really hard to sing at the funeral because it was as if I knew she was listening to me, so I wanted to sing well but at the same time no one can sing well with a lump in their throat.
We were here for her birthday last year too, and she got to meet Chris ("just the nicest boy" she told me EVERY TIME i talked to her) and because his birthday is so close to hers they had a birthday cake together...her last birthday, and we got to be there, which I think is really lucky.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I will really, really miss her, and am grateful that I got to talk to her when she was in the hospital last week. I know that when I sing I will always remember how happy my recital made her and that she was proud what I did no matter what...I love you and miss you, Grandma and Granddad...

I'm here in Guilderland for the weekend. I turned down (e:mike) and (e:maureen) about going out last night, thinking that i needed to be up for a bus at 9:50 am the next day. Well sometime after that I decided it would be a better idea to take the bus before it in case the bus was delayed crossing the border like the train always is. OMG I hate the stupid train from buffalo to albany. It is seriously AT LEAST an hour and a half late every time, no joke...stupid customs. So anyway I ended up taking a bus at 5:40 am. Who does that? I totally should have gone out with (e:mike) and (e:maureen) and then just gone straight to the bus station after the bars and a jim's steakout trip. So anyway I didn't do that after all, but I made it and the bus was on time and not too sketchy.
Tonight I went with Chris's family to a restaurant that is very well known in the area for their beef and steak and stuff. It was super tasty and expensive.
ps Ever since I met Chris's family they call me MK like most people. But they all emphasize the M instead of the K. This is unlike everybody else who says my name...they say it like MK. So Chris of course told them that they say my name funny and now they are trying to not say it that way. Which is fine and nice, but now everytime someone starts to say something to me, they get interrupted by everyone else saying variations of "NO you said it wrong! It's EmmKAY! Not EMMkay! Or should we call you Mary Kate? What do you think EMMKay? Oops I mean EmmKAY!" So basically no one ever gets to say anything to me because they don't know how to say my name. Who would have thought a name with only two letters would cause so much catastrophe?
I am super sad to not be able to go to the party tomorrow. : ( I hope everyone has fun and has some drinkies.......YAY 10000....YAY ELMWOOD STRIP..................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!