hurtling along the expressway, up from
the south shore of long island
it came into view as i ascended upon the rise
around kissena ave.
first the worlds fair, and i felt as if i could
carry the globe myself.
it was a beautiful sun day Saturday.
and the city had audrey hepburn, and
george peppard written all over it.
it is never tiring, the city, the way she looks.
timeless really.
under the river i went, popping out in the middle
of the quiet weekend noise.
Midtown never looks as good,
as it does on a beautiful fall weekend.
people strolling along the avenue, holding hands,
walking dogs, sitting, drinking coffee
morning jogs.
the pushcarts roll infront of their
vendors along the streets
and i think of pea shooters and intense battles from
a book of my childhood.
i cross the rock inbetween the hudson, the east river the long, thin finger like
rock that whitman sang his praises about so long ago.
and down beneath the other river and out into
jersey.
i leave the city behind, pressing on
into the heart of the garden state.
i day dream of love lost, and love yet
to be found. i dream of dances among
candle lit evenings, alone, the two of us.

love, it is something that is on my mind of late. finding love, losing love, it finding us when we are least expecting it. how does one measure love? is it how many mornings you wake up with your arms wrapped around someone, face buried in her beautiful hair. is it how many tears wet ones pillow in the quiet of nite after losing that person? just a quick blurt, work's going well and everything else is good, strange, on hold, in limbo.

Roger water was awesome! the show rocked. there was only one "lull" in the show i could have done with out. well i am not sure if everyone knows, but i am not a big fan of the current administration. however, when i go to a show, i don't want it shoved in my face that bush sucks. i will say he did bash ole tony blair too, but awww......michigan just picked ND....i gotta go. yeah finish the story later

i too dream of canadian nites
with the quiet hum of american radio
purring over the heaters keeping the windows
from frosting over, keeping us from seeing
our breath in the car.
we pull over to the roadside bars,
stomping our boots free of the slush and
snow, shaking the cold off
our sholders as we walk in the door,
ready to drink, and laugh
and feel the soft hips and cheeks
of rosy lipped girls. with sweet lovey doed
eyes, knowing no more, no less than we.
all ready to dance, listen to juxeboxes
belt out the tunes that are the songs
we will dance to, fall in love to,
discover the wonders of our bodies to.
maybe all in the same nite for those lucky
enough.
the wind of our youth, hitchhiking
from the coasts, cross the prairies, navigating
the mountain passes as the heavy winter
skies clear and the brown moon climbs higher in the sky
cleaning itself off, whiter than the freshly fallen snow
some stand outside watching their breath pass
in the air, cold, sharp as glass, the breath so heavy
casting a shadow neath the moonlite.
the bar door opens, closes, and the smells of smoke, beer
sweat drift slowly out on the sounds of
clinking glasses and racous laughter and bop.
the light from within is soft, muted by the dark ruddy leathers,
the heavy stained woods worn from the coat sleeves
of men stopping off on their long wild rides into frontiers of
the provinces, the west.
these canadian nites are american nites too.
the border, the only thing that seperates the people.
but it doesn't really, cause' the wind skips free, dancing the dervish
of wild lusty youth.

going to see roger waters on friday nite at jones beach!!! i am slightly excited. supposed to be 80, and the conert is at one of the best venues. the ocean, the great south bay. a bunch of my good friends and work is going well. at least i think it is. haha...i was thrown to the fire on monday. which was tough for more than one reason. first it was a par=tay weekend. my buddy thomas was going back to ireland after a 2 week vacation on the island of long. then saturday was another friend of mine tommy mcpartlans birthday. wow. what a rager that party was. sunday was the met game. pabst brewing co. field box seats. SWEET! right on the field first and second row. it was amazing. one of the best parts of the game is i caught two balls, and gave one to this little boy whose name happened to be Eric as well, and then this cute little girl got the second one i caught. it was such a great feeling seeing their faces light up and there parents were so happy as well. something so simple. well of course there was a large quantity of barley and hops consumed by us four wild men. which probably accounts for us ending up in bayside at sullivans and my friends chatting up these two anchorwomen from DC who fly up everysunday for the mets home games. it would also probably account for my losing the hat i bought as a gift. a hat i had to go out and buy again. so monday was my first day "on my own" at work, anf after a long weekend of tooooo much fun, i was a little foggy. well shook it off, and i think i did alright. i actually have a lot of responsibiliy making sure these publications meet deadlines. exciting. so now i am just lookin to put my nose to the grindstone and try and keep everything going forward. might be coming home end of october for TKE alumni weekend at buff state. while i was not a TKE, a lot of my friends were, and a couple live in manhattan so we may come up. the next two months are going to be busy on the weekends, plus the brunching season is fast approaching. yes i said the brunching season. usually on sundays a whole group of us get together and go to brunch. usually followed by some cocktails and football at someones house. makes for a nice sunday. well im off to bed. nite all

hello hello. i have not been here in a while. been busy with my new job, trying to learn everything and stay in an behave a bit more. plus i have been dealing with ex issues, and trying to figure out where i am going in my personal life. i had been "seein" the ex on a regular basis, but that has been interrupted and i am not even sure if i really care. before we statred "seeing" one another again, i met a great girl, we went out a few times, she didn't call me back, then does, and we start hangin out again. a week ago, she calls me and tells me about a serious, i mean really serious ailment that was picked up on a catscan, and bam she has to have sugery on a tumor in her brain. it was really scary. i was scared for her, and i guess a little for me (selfishly) because i was worried she would come out of surgery a completely different person. this is due to an experience in the past. well i spoke with her sunday nite. she is at home with her parents and feeling well considering it was brain surgery. it was wierd. i went to see her in the hospital and she looked fine. strangely beautiful. i mean because she was in the hospital, in bed all day, and cmon everyone knows that when you are in a hospital, you are just not yourself. she was so calm, and it calmed me down, cause i was nervous as fuck. i had no idea how to act, how to behave. it was almost like a date. except i brought two books i picked out for her along with the flowers. we had talked about what she wanted the nite before, and she allowed me to pick the books, so i grabbed one of my favorites, A Moveable Feast by Hemingway, and Jitterbug Perfume by tom robbins cause some people just don't like ernest, and i can understand that....i guess.. an arrangement of lillys, which are still going strong and are her fav flower. not a day went by that i didn't worry about her. i also was hoping that she would not come out of it and lose interest in the things she enjoys, photography being the most important.

so yeah i have a new job. i work in production for a publisher. well its a publisher who does the yearbooks for Pro sports teams, colleges and universities nation wide, and some highschools. its pretty cool. hopefully i will be able to learn a lot, put some time in and then maybe move to a "Publisher" of books. hhahaaha.

hope everyones summer ended well. it was beautiful out in the hamptons after that pesky ernesto finally left us alone. lots of rain before that though. It was to bad i didn't get to see anyone really when i was home. Ran into jenks briefly at founding fathers, but my buddy wanted to go home so i really didn't get to chill. sorry peeps. hopefully thanksgiving.

it was this morning
while driving i saw the
goal sitting in the street

i thought of my goal,
and Michaels too
both tucked safely away in backyards

Mine behind the pool deck
his under the patio awning
attached to the garage in back

it was hazy and humid around 8:30
this morning when i first saw
the goal in the street

summer always meant
swimming pools, kickball in school yards, riding
bikes to the ends of the neighborhood

hockey was tough, no one wanted
to play goal, all of the equipment,
the hot pavement

games in the cool grass
in the welcoming pools,
or racing bikes down neighborhood streets were relief
from the heat, not hockey.

today is the big day. my buddy seth is getting married and i am standing up in the bridal party. its actually my first wedding to stand up in. at present count i have had i believe 8 friends get married. 3 are divorced. not sure if i am one to have in a wedding. though i must say the last one i was a part of, i was a reader, and that couple is doing quite well. there is a funny story behind that wedding too. i was designated reader number 2, and my job was to read the standard letters from paul to corinthians, or something like that. the letter is about love, so anyways. the nite before the wedding was the rehearsal dinner and we all went out afterwords. well my friend kim, who was marrying my friend josh was one of those girls who watched a wedding story all of the time, and is very well lets say particular. so me knowing this did not get drunk the nite before. i tried to get everyone to go back to our rooms relatively early (3ish) and get some rest. well that did not happen. we went back to the rooms and a melee ensued. just wild drinking and william tell reenactments with full, unopened beer cans. so the next morning we all wake up, myself in good shape but the groomsmen and the groom in not so good shape. well at the ceremnoy it was my turn to read. the priest calls me up and i am walking down the isle. he is still standing at the podium which freaks me out cause he did not do that to reader #1. i get up there and i am nervous as hell. an ex of mine is in the bridal girls and basically right next to me. as i take my spot, the priest grabs my elbow quite solidly and says in a low voice, not a whisper, but loud enough for everyone on the alter area to hear.... Shame on you reader number 2 for keeping the groom and his groomsman up all nite with your carousing! i almost shit myself right there. i seriously think i started sweathing bullets. i read through paul to corinthians at auctioner speed and raced down the isle to my seat. oh but it doesn't end there. so now during the homily the priest is exhalting the need for good friends and close ties with your family. he says that friends are important and good to have, of course unless they are like Reader Number 2!!! Damn this guy had it out for me!!! it was funny though because he then described how kim and josh met at a resturaunt in buffalo while kim was doing homework during lunch hour and josh was working. yeah what a crock of shit that was. they met at bullfeathers, ladies nite, josh was bartending and kim was dancing to when i think about you i touch myself. yeah if the old holy roller only would have known!!! hahahaha....then of course during the reception i got razzed by everyone. jay, josh's best man put the priest up to it, and whoa the groomsmen had a great laugh at that one. so hopefully this wedding will go a lot smoother. hopefully the yamake will stay on. first time wearer. should be interesting. the tux rocks, really nice. all of the guys in the wedding party got really nice pocket watches with our initials engraved. nice touch. so yeah people are getting married and buying homes, or condos. yeah im not. kinda worries me...really does...well just that i am in no position to even think about buying a home. oh well. gotta run and get ready to go soon. yeah pics from 3 to 7. anyone jealous? hopefully i will get some of the pics up here for you to see. have fun at the taste....so jealous. havent been there in years.

i hope all had a great 4th of july! mine was great. we threw a party at my friend calvins house and it came of quite well. started out slow, as it was a beach day until around 5ish. then the clouds rolled in and people leaving the beach just came up the porch, pulled up a spot and grabbed a cold one. then the fun began. a really severe thunderstorm or two tore across long island, really intense lightning, rain and wind. that actually pumped the party up it seemed, well that and my stellar djing. after the storm went though, the sun came out and it was beautiful for the very and of daylight. i have to say, watching fireworks on the beach is the best thing ever. the surf crashing, and the ocean being lit up by beautiful colours from the nite sky. it was like being on another planet. afte the fireworks we went back to the party and continued to imbibe. well this morning i woke up with a brand new tattoo of a red heart and aarow though it on my left arm, and my finger nails on my left hand painted red. it was really kinda funny. but totally against the rules. i didn't have shoes on. anyways. it all came off no problem. soluble marker i guess. so thursday i get home from work and there is an email from kerri saying that she has not seen me around, and wanted to know where i have been, and then mentions that her sister had mentioned that she had not seen me out on thursdays in rockville centre either. so i read it and just wonder. that nite jeff and shauna call and ask me to meet up for drinks for shauna's birthday and RJ Daniels in rockville centre. this is the normal thursday nite hang out, and then off to stingers. well i get there and we are all talking having a drink, and 20 min or so after i get there, who shows up. kerri. i wave and she goes outside after talking with the bartenders, and servers. she used to work there. anyways. i end up outside with jeff so he can smoke, and then kerri and i start talking. and we keep talking. well i ended up going to stingers with her and her sister and her sisters friends for karaoke. of course karen and i sign up for our standard country road duete. and kerri sings gailileo as usuaul. drinks are flowing, and there is lots of flirting. hands touching backs and that unmistakable way. lips grazing ears while talking. yeah all of that stuff. one of the other girls says, wow, i really like that kerri, shes great and looks at me and gives me the elbow, so i just laugh and say yup. so its late and karen tells her sister they are leaving so lets go. kerri says, eric is taking me home. i said really? you shouldn't ask first? so on the drive home there is more flirting and then when i get to her house. we kiss good nite. and then another kiss, and another. it didn't really stop. so she asks me in, to stay the nite and that was that. we have texted back and forth, that nite at the bar, we made plans to hang out and do things. it would be great if things worked out. who knows. though i am not limiting myself so maybe that will be a variable in this whole thing. who knows. i sure don't.

so i have been having some wildly lucid dreams lately. its gotten to the point where i cannot descern between actual conscious happenings and what is going on during my sleeping hours. its actually quite disturbing. i was at the laundromat today and trying to figure out if something i was thinking about happened, or if it was indeed a dream that i had remembered. i think it may be do to my use of the ac in my room. see i just got a comforter for my bed. yeah i know, end of june, what better time to get a comforter. i used to be a blanket person. liked lots of blankets, the feel of them piled on top, the ability to remove one and mediate the temp of my sleeping enviorns. i have to get up early tomorrow and go to church, well temple actually. my buddy who's wedding i am is having the wedding contract blessed by his rabbi. he called on monday and asked if i would like to go. it is a family and close friends event. i really didn't want to go, but being that i didn't go to the stag party in AC, and he invited me to a family event, and i am standing up in his wedding i felt it was the right thing to do. i just get very uncomfortable in religious settings. sounds ignorant, i know. but people can get so easily offended if you don't understand their spritual rites, and such. plus being that it is not christian, i am going to feel extremely awkward and self conscious. i used to feel unfcomfortable when i had to go to church with my cousin and aunt after sleep overs when i was little. my cousin and i would fight because i would not knell and genuflect before entering the pew. i would not use the kneelers, and i would not take comunion. even after being confirmed i didn't feel right taking comunion in a catholic church. didn't like getting up and walking done the isle. now i know that is one of the purposes, well i would assume, it brings a sense of togetherness, community in celebrating jesus's sacrifice for us. but i was raised sitting in a pew, and the "wine" and the waffers were brought to us and passed down the pew while some hymn was being sung by the choir (i think) and played on the organ. well that was a bit of a religious blabber. i really am excited for the wedding though. got fitted for my tux, they are really nice. maybe i will get a pic of me and my date and post it. hopefuly i will remember.

the girl victoria i went on the date with, two dates with and numerous phone convos...... Dead in the water. DUD. KAPUT. so we went to see the break up for our date after the migrane. we had a great time, and that weekend she was having a bbq with a bunch of friends from college, so i was like well i will talk to you later. i figured i would give her the weekend and maybe send a text saying hi. leave her time with her friends from albany, she had said they don't get together quite as often anymore. so saturday i text her hey want to say hi. maybe we can do the beach tomorrow. sunday she texts me, its not a nice day out, my friends have not left, i will call you later. so she does, we talk for a while. she calls back, talk some more and i ask if she has a busy week. working in the city and the commute restricts ones extra curriculars during the week, well for a majority of people at least. i wanted to set up a date for dinner mid to end week at this italian place Sole. its out of this world. she loves food, is italian and has never been there. after go for a walk on the beach and get ice cream at this great place in long beach. have her home before 11. well i ask if she has a busy week and she says "well thursday i have happy hour with a friend in the city, but i just want to come home. i hate staying in the city after work" i ask if she would like to do something and i get the pause. yep. the pause. i knew. she says..well i'm not sure, let me see how the week shapes up and then we'll talk. so we wrap it up cause now i have a hunch its not shaping up like it seemed, and i get the I WILL TALK TO YOU SOON. thats never good. so now i feel the ball is in her court. she knows i want to see her that week, and she said she will let me know. so i am not calling. (yeah i know its kind of gameish. but what am i to do. i have kerri's voice and the things she said when we broke up that kind of steer my thinking. and i know thats bad too.) anyways i don't hear from her all week so i decide to text her on thursday afternoon, hey just wanted to say hi, hope all is well. hoping to elicit a response and move on that.....NADA. its a shame. she was really quite beautifull, and we had awesome conversation, at least i thought so. a minimall of awkward moments, but thats natural i think. so now my roomate tells me that he new girlfriend is bringing a friend out here in 2 weeks or something to go to dinner, and go out and apparently they are all staying here. he's all excited, i guess they are trying to set me up. trouble is our taste in girls couldn't be more opposite. in almost every aspect. well not every, but girls i would date, he wouldnt and girls he dates i wouldnt. at least i don't think. lately everytime my phone rings or chimes for a msg, i have this terrible hope that it is kerri. school is over, and maybe she wants to hit balls, and then realize that she does want to be with me and has made a mistake. for some reason that happens a lot to me. as i am sure many others. funny side note, my date to the wedding, is Jana, the girl i dated before kerri and who after hearing about her came to me and said she made a mistake and wanted me back. the same one kerri and i ran into at dinner and kerri got jealous. it wasnt a conscious thing in asking her, she actually asked to go with me, but i can tell you that after the wedding i will be out in LB in a tux, with Jana, trying to make someone slightly jealous. yup. its mean i know. i guess not good? any moral police out there have any comments?????

spent last weekend in the hamptons. wild debauchery. thats all i have to say about that. oh and me making bloody marys in cups bigger than big gulp cups floating in the pool, bbq'ing, and rocking madras pants. yeah it was an awesome weekend. oh and my sister throwing up in to a garbage can for a whole day. good good stuff. i have more i am sure, but gotta hit the sack. gotta be up soon for this cermony. hope all is well. im gonna come home this summer and meet some of you. really, seriously i will