how much for a pound of flesh
the vendors did ask
how much for a pound of your heart
your lover did ask

you know you smile when you sleep?
rolling over, waking up, before you
every morn,
seeing your face, your lips, your smile
hearing your breath when you would roll
over onto my chest
your breast pressed against mine
wet from the shower in you robe, soft
against your cool clean skin
thanking the winds, the sun, the waters
thanking god for bringing you and
i together
walking to work,
happy in the morning,
knowing everything was alright
you were inside of me,
i was inside of you
the little boy in me
the little girl in you
laughter, loving
im going to miss your nitetime smiles
im going to miss your kisses
the little squeak you make when i squeeze you tight
th laught that follows
hearing you complain about what to wear
while i watch the weather
the way you would turn you head
while we danced
i, knowing everyone watching,green
wishing they had what we had
seeing your eyes,
loving your eyes, your smile
god your smile.

told my boss the other day to fuck off. yep, it was great, well not really considering now i am scrambling for a job. it did feel good, but the initial rush wore off at happy hour. it was a job that was going now where to begin with, but i was trying to get interviews so i was not left flat. the only interviews i managed to get were lousy marketing schemes. not jobs, but schemes. pyramid type mothership shit. yeah i really don't think that stuff should be put in the classifieds. its really a bummer to job searchers all over. you send out your resume, accompanied most times with a gut wrenching cover letter, and you get to the interview and the guy does not even have the damn resume on the table, just wants to talk about the GREAT opportunity before me where i can make thousands of dollars, if and only if i bring on 10 other "sales reps" He presents his "success story" smelling of drakkar, brute, or polo and cigarettes. Always has a big raspy your friend in a bar voice, and warm sweaty hands. Handing you a business card for Smith Inc. International TelecomEnterprises.

the only thing to fear?
someone once said was itself.
believe in what you, yourself
know as truth in the seed of your
soul

do not deny the flesh,
it is flush with the emotions of
the heart
breathing in the passion of the sun
high in summer's skies
licking cool dew of nite times
lovers.

confidence in future miracles
only if roots take hold in these dunes
the ocean and the winds conspire against me

May day has come and gone. I always liked the first day of this month. it means only 4 more days until my birthday. good ole cinco de maio or is the de a di? 05/05/05. not too often that happens. pretty cool huh. well i feel as if i am selling my self out. I have an interview on tuesday, and well i already have a gut feeling that it is not going to be a job that i would want to be doing. I have been applying for sales positions. something i detest. Now i am not saying that it is a horrible job for everyone. some people are really really good at it. it is something that i am not good at. but i have come to the end of my rope working for this tyrannt of a man who is my boss. ah but summer is on the way, said it would be here in 15 min to a half hour. haha. thursday, my birthday i am going to spend the day in the village wandering around, hitting up a few places for drinks, browsing the strand, the best book store ever, and then head back to long beach for some live music. it should be a smashing day. my enteries really need some work. it doesn't feel like i am putting my best foot forward. well i am going to read and go to bed. early day tomorrow. i need to get out of here for a while.

False alarm from haikuster last week thursday. Really got me looking forward to the weekend. I was wondering if the santa ana winds had loosened their grip on the one with gypsy dreams. turning 29 in a week or so. cinco di maio. spelling could be off. its always a fun day, celebrating my birthday with a whole bar full of people. the festivities start in long beach around 2 in the afternoon. I wouldnt mind just spending a day wandering around the city by myself and then in the late afternoon, evening, cranking it up a bit. reading a moveable feast and really enjoying it. watched the first mass given by benedict the 16th sunday morning. pulled an all nighter. hahaha. it was actually quite impressive. the tradition, the throngs of people gathered to see the leader of their church perform his first mass. and then after reading he prayed to god that he should not be picked. i wouldnt say that this whole pope go round has made me more religious but it could have. it has sparked an interest in the bible really. i was given a book of poems by this guy who actually did a reading at temple beth zion. my aunt bought me the book, and it is called practical gods. the name of the poet escapes me at th moment. but it is a great book. the guy wanted to write poetry using myths, biblical references, and gods and goddesses of ancient times. Its a wonderful idea. something i would love to do. a lot of dylans music has biblical references in it. anyways. it the whole drama of the pope has made me want to look at how people can be better, or something of the sort. im done for now. looking for a new job

Ah yes lovely lovely spring has finally arrived! it makes winter worth the dreary last months of the ordeal. the first few months of the cold season are tolerable, actually a welcome transition from the heat of summer through the crisp breezes of fall. Spring here on Long Island seems to just show up one day and decide to stay. its like a friend who you have not seen in what seems like years just shows up at your door and stays for a while, no restrictions set by schedule or any other annoyance. And it stays until the springtime sun wakes up one morning and come noon, well you have the intense sun of summer. this season wakes the toes and fingers of the soul, shaking free the frost that settles in late januaru and februaury and solidifies into a deep ennui, a complete hopeless feeling with the relentlessness of the slush on sidewalks, and winds with cerrated teeth. The bodies senses wake up and a certain wanderlust takes over. You can smell it in the air, see it in the eyes, feel it in a touch. woke up yesterday and watched motorcycle diaries. Great movie. really enjoyed it. then got a text haiku from Haikuster and had the urge to drive out cross the big land to the other coast. tap my toes on the carpet of gold that rolls out into the pacific. it was a sad day when the pope died. not being catholic i still think the pope was a good man, though there are a lot of things that he stood for that i don't agree with. I believe he was good because he had hope for the human race, and for the goodness he feels is inate in us. I have been reading a book called the Faber Book of America, and i recomend it to all who may peruse this page. It is not a blow hard, chest beating self affirmantion of our capitalistic superiority, or morass (which ever way you may look at it. i feel you can look at it as the same, our superiority in material goods makes us the man who built his house on sand) the book is filled with eassays by the famous and those not so famous. Foreigners and our own citizens. It is seperated into "chapters" that are a very interesting way of dividing our national personality. Hopefully soon i will have the internet back in my apt, and i will be writing a lot again. i don't quite feel myself when i am not writing, as Haikuster knows, i have even been slacking in my responsibility in my haiku sending sorry!!!! i feel as if i have changed, that i have lost something, a friend when i am not writing. well anyways enough of that blabber. i will talk to you all again soon

The Low were great last nite. though i would have liked to hear more of their older stuff, and at the tempo i am used to i also know that it was to promote their new cd. anyhow. caught up with some old buds last nite, the haikuster being one of them, her and her mad lot of raging accomplices. i was actually all over last nite, from the concert to a couple of seedy establishments in town, then on to mohawk place where i caught part of a really cool band, then to bullys and finally on to fahertys. it was quite a nite capped off by some intense, or not so intense foosball. great game, really it is. we shall see what tonite holds. tomorrow is the daunting trek home to ny. traffic is going to be a bear. agckh. lousy anyhow i am off write more later enjoy the lovely day

Well its the day after the day, the big day of big eating and big laying around, of families coming together and being big and noisey, new little additions trying out their fawny legs, rumbling around issuing loud procolmations from their newly toothed yaps, while everyone looks at them in wonder and delight. the slightest change in their expression illicits a response of varying degrees from everyone in the room. its actually really funny watching how we (i use this term lightly in my case) adults respond to the children. twins, a boy and a girl (sure i mentioned thembefore) 14 months old. i taught nick how to stick his tounge out to be funny. i would stick mine out and he would try and grab it, so then he would do the same. it was quite a game for a while. then there was uh oh, apparently its an age old game that even i played. he would push the sippy cup off the table, and i would pick it up, then he would do it again. well that lasted all of two uh ohs. yeah i was not that enthusiastic about that one. Wednesday nite was an interesting nite. started by spreading some holiday cheer around during happy hour at bullfeathers. met some friends i have not seen in a while. actually they met me as i was eating and reading quietly in the far corner, well that ended when they rolled in like a pack of thirsty sailors. after happy hour went home to eat dinner with the parents and then take a nap in preperation to what i thought would be a nite of ranging around downtown and running into people i have not seen since the Clinton years. Well that didn't happen. just basically found out highschool friends don't understand that people change, are different, and that there is really nothing to gain by tolerating each other anymore. Its sad really. but that is just the way it goes. Taxied from the burbs to Elmwood where we caught the tail end of the biggest party nite of the year. it was fizziling out quite rapidly. as was my desire to continue the celebration. Its SNoWing! I know I still live in NY, but it somehow seems colder this year, and the cold has been someting i have always enjoyed. Plans for this evening are slowly coming together. The LoW concert, and then off to a party. fantastic. should be good. holiday cheer. though with that is that ennui that seems to attack me yearly. I really hoped that jana would have made this trip with me. holidays are the best time to be in a relationship, well not that any other time of the year isn't. just there is something about coming home, especially living away from family and friends, you come into town, wrapped up in wools and cottons, packages in colorful papers and bags, smells of wood burning in cold late autumn early winter crystal clear nite skies, warm wooden bars reflecting neons and laughter, slaps on the back from friends, great big hugs and smiles to match, cold drafts of fall and winter brews warming the frosty ears and limbering up vocal chords, families gathered in frosty windowpaned houses that rumble and move to the riotous laughter and evervescent love. in quiet moments a squeeze of the hand, walking out side stealing warm soft kisses inbetween wintery breaths, long drives home through bear tree stubbled mountains, along cold tired slowing rivers and creeks where tressel bridges stretch their legs to cross the cold waters, afraid of their toes getting wet, coming upon the great city, christmas's city of lites of diamonds sparkling in towers of nite highs, great christmas tree lites compete, superscede the majesty of these towering magnificies scraping the sky of which santa will wisk in his sleigh on that fateful nite in snowy childrens books decembers. when lovers look on each other with eyes of holly and ivy, soft, lusty eyes of flannel sheets, cold floors and warm feet exchanging gifts in pure nakedness wrapped in not swaddling cloths, but bed linens throwing shadows in mulberry candle lite. maybe the reason that love is so intense, magnified in the autumn, winter months is becaus
e everything is dormant, the trees, the grass, the sky, all have a bleak, deathlike quality to them. love, affection, passion, all include the promise of life, future, prosperity of the flesh, of the heart, of the mind.

home for the holiday, the drive up from New York was actually not that bad. that probably is because i left around 430 in the morning. it was a beautiful drive, the city all lit up and little traffic, well i guess that is relative to what i am really used to. while in my last post i was really looking forward to coming back to buffalo for a few days, now that i am here, i don't know how i feel about it really. there is so much sprawl out where my parents live. everything is so damn far apart. don't get me wrong i love space. it is a great thing to grow up with, but i think right now i much prefer a busy hectic setting. I am however looking forward to seeing the LOw on Friday nite. really psyched. catching up with a few people whom i have not seen in a while will also be nice. the holiday party schedule is already being scratched out, and it seems as though this year will be a doozy. I am really going to be taking advantage of that. i really am out of things to say, well not really, just that everything is whirrrrring about in my head so quickly that i need to slow it down, maybe a few pints of black and tan, we'll see. dee, hope to see you when you are in town.