If you hate Kathy Griffin as much as I did, I urge you to give "My Life on the D-List" a shot. She is actually really funny.

When I was 7 I read a book called Zucchini. I got it out of the Erie county public library in Snyder.

When I was 12 or 13 I was trying to find the book because my friend Erin and I were having a discussion about it and the library denied ever having a copy of it, or that it was even in existence. I was so pissed off and apparently I still am. I was messing around on barnesandnobe.com's used & out of print site and found it.

Zucchini
Barbara Dana, Barbara Dana, Eileen Christelow

Format: Paperback
ISBN: 055315608X
Publisher: Bantam Doubleday Dell Books for Young Readers
Pub. Date: November 1984





I hate being lied to, especially by complete strangers. Now I'm ready to move on.

Apparently KY & Astroglide have gone the way of the baby boomers.

A real man needs the following: (try to read without laughing)


JACK JELLY

Sometimes a guy just needs to get off fast, clean up and move on. Empowered Products' high-grade, no-frills lubricant, gives a guy a slick glide when he needs a quick, one-handed ride. This formula is designed to enhance sensation and heighten a guy's pleasure while he's jacking off. We've developed Jack Jelly specifically to target the needs of a more price conscious market - offering a high quality product with superior lubrication to competing silica-based gels, at a significantly lower price point.??Jack Jelly includes medical-grade oils, Vitamin E, Aloe Vera and no spermacide.

GUN OIL
Gun Oil, the premium, condom-safe lubricant that keeps a man's most important weapon well oiled. If the military issued a lube, this is what they'd distribute with the condoms and artillery. During Operation Desert Storm, Marines jacked off with actual military-issue gun oil while hunkered down in the trenches of Kuwaiti battlefields. A group of those marines has developed a high-tech, condom-safe formula for smooth, rapid-fire action. This silicone-based lube keeps a Private's parts well-lubricated with added Vitamin E and Aloe Vera for longer lasting, slicker ride and minimized skin irritation. The ultra-concentrated formula is designed to out-perform comparable top-shelf products - a few drops lubricate thoroughly without breaking down or drying out. With a suggested retail price significantly lower than its competitors, Gun Oil is a certain bestseller on your lubricant shelf.

STROKE 29
Stroke 29, Empowered Products' premium cream lubricant, is designed to take masturbation to a whole new level. Unlike Silicone and water based lubricants, this thick, non-greasy formula provides more than just wet slipperiness. After years of research, our team has developed a lubricant that gets better the longer you use it. As the cream heats up from repetitive stroking of masturbation, the product texture transforms at or around the 29th stroke to simulate the sensation of aroused human tissue. With the combination of heat and friction, a guy might actually forget he's using his own hand. Stroke 29 provides a glide unlike any other masturbation lubricant available. The product's viscosity stays intact and doesn't break down during its transformation, so there is no need to re-apply. Stroke 29 skin-beneficial almond oil, Aloe Vera and Vitamin E and is fragrance- and irritant-free. Not recommended for use with latex condoms. Approximately 60 applications per jar.

• My favorite is how around the 29th stroke it magically changes... I bet your dick falls off.

I just discovered that if you send a post-it, it goes to your phone. how cool! I don't think I use a 1/10th of the stuff I could on this site.

I have nothing better to do with my time lately than to rent stupid movies and watch them.

I finished Airport '77 and unbeknownst to me, I rented a double disc from Netflix. I'm watching Airport '79 which is just as bad as the second one, er all of them. Lame lines, rampant alcoholism, cheating wives.

I stopped my netflix for the second time. I don't get it, at first I get my movies right away, then three months into it, it takes almost an entire week to get a dvd. Its just a waste of money when that happens. Blockbuster is so expensiver per dvd rental I refuse to do that either.

I wish I could credit the source, but I don't remember how I found out about this site.

Its pretty funny and has kept me amused at work for most of the day.

Has anyone ever seen Airport '77? It has Jack Lemmon when he was in his 40s. Movies from the '70s are so over the top dramatic. This 747 was hijacked and crashed into the ocean, intact. Now there are 30 odd people sitting at the bottom of the ocean trying to figure out how to get out. It's totally lame, yet captivating.

According to Entertainment magazine, male body hair is "so 2005". Now we get to use Philips Norelco BG2020 Men's Bodygroom. Trims hair everywhere below the neck! Is this the male Epilady?





I can't believe they are still in business.

I am stopping short of calling it a crappy day. Its cold and windy outside.

I am mildly annoyed that it has been warm and sunny Monday-Thursday and cold, wet, rainy for the weekend. I hope this pattern does not go through the summer.

In other news, I watched the Count of Montechristo this afternoon. It was a pretty good movie; held my attention the whole time.

I made a banana smoothie today. It was incredibly good, but I think that could have been because I followed the directions.

Apparently they have an entire line of this stuff. I have to go back to Wegmans to check it out.

I hope its healthier than the Breyer's Extra Creamy ice cream I've been mixing in a blender for a milkshake. I'm getting sick of ice cream. Why do all of the good things have to be so bad for you?

Speaking of food, I am waiting for Jeff to get back so I can get some dinner and he's no where to be found and I'm starving.

I went rollerblading on the Tonawanda bike path this morning. It was really nice. I've only been on it twice; the other time was last year on bike. It was a lot of fun but windy.

I was amazed at the number of people fishing. Grossed out was more like it. They were fishing 100 yards from some rusting industrial waste processing system. I bet they eat the fish too.

Alas I don't have pictures, but I'll make sure I get some this weekend.

I bought a pair of rollerblades. I haven't rollerbladed since 5th grade.

I didn't realize that the one's I bought don't have brakes.


I don't know how to stop & it looks really fucking funny when I try to stop.

Look for me on elmwood and prepare to laugh.

It's a totally different workout then I am used to for my legs, stomach and back. I wish there was some type of die you could rub on yourself that would turn colors to show you what muscles were being used. Like blue for inactive muscles and red for actives ones. I think it would be a cool experiment.

:oP