i am in one bad-ass period-inspired mood. emotional roller coaster? an understatement.
so i've been having a ton of trouble with my weight lately. i'm big, and i weigh even more than i look like i weigh. lately the way i look has been bothering me more and more after watching that show 'America's Next Top Model', seeing Mischa Barton on the OC, and going to school with a bunch of hundred-pound, Prada-carrying bitches. it's getting on my nerves. so a couple weeks ago i started watching what i eat- definitely not a diet or anything, i still eat what i want, i just try to eat less of it and eat as little as possible. and it's been really hard to not just sit down and binge eat in front of the television, cause i haven't gone out in months, and i've been working really hard to try and get skinny. i want to lose 30 lbs so badly it kills me sometimes.
my dad, who, one year ago, weighed about 240 lbs, now weighs about 180 lbs. he works out 6 days a week with a personal trainer and isn't on a diet but rather a "lifestyle" where he eats a bunch of steak and vegetables and protein shakes but no carbs whatsoever. so today, he and i were at wegman's, and he was scrutinizing everything i bought. so i went and got a couple slimfast shakes and saw that they're only 180 calories and a meal supplement, so i figured that maybe i could have them in the morning when i normally skip breakfast, and that that would be better than a pop tart or mcdonalds. so he starts freaking out on me about how i bought all this other fattening stuff and then those shakes. i said that on the slimfast bottle it says that people dieting should eat no less than 1200 calories a day, and how i know i used to eat that easily, but don't anymore, and he was like 'i've seen you eat 1200 calorie french fries!', and i just flipped. i said how i KNOW but he wasn't listening to me because i said i USED to eat that much but i havent in WEEKS and maybe if he were around a little more he'd know that.
i swear, he doesn't know fucking anything. i could go out and stay out all fucking nite and he wouldn't know, it's disgusting.


gah. okay. </rant>

i need to get out. this attic is getting smaller by the second. anyone doing anything tonite? give a call.