today a package arrived in the mail from brandy! I'm so excited i can barely type!

monday was aight... i think? i was extremely tired. i skipped my first class and went to the later one. april and i went shopping for dinner ingredients to make lentils... I found a yam shaped like a phone :)

today was kind of long and busy. i only got 3ish hours of sleep. i had to accompany my sister to court today only to find out i didn't have to... so i was up and awake at 7am for no reason at all :D but i guess it as a nice, productive day. class went fine and i got a lot done for it. spanish group was canceled... le sad.

I thought of maybe stating to garden here, but i really don't know if i should bother. i may choose to live alone, come the end f this lease. i love michael and april but i am sick of hearing april and her boyfriend fight and fuck. i do not want to hear my older sister orgasming... sorry sis. I am also tired of hearing her scream. I've had enough screaming in my life. she's so chaotic. i wish she was the way she is when she's alone with me all the time, because it's like two different people. she's so calm and serene with me. i love that april. i guess i love all of her. she's just tough to live with sometimes. I'm glad i'm such an easy going person, or things would get ugly. I realize that this complaining make me seems a little victim-y but i promise i'm not, i'm just fed up. i know what i wanna do, and that's most likely to just be alone. no one is responsible for any of the ridiculousness you find in your home except for you, and that's such a refreshing feeling - to not blame. to know who did it, and not care. i miss doing that.

i really wish i could have my own garden. to have dirt to dig into, to smell eath, touch green, plant a life, and to watch it grow great and grand, a bit mundane and a bit sacred. pure life, manifested. i want to be in it, around it, touching it, loving it.

hopefully, i'm going to be able to help jodie with her garden projects she does around the city and the one she's starting for O3... i want more of her in my life. she's a positive force, an action oriented person, and i need doers close to me. They give me so much inspiration to be a doer, myself, because otherwise, i fall pray to the sedentary lifestyle.

• sigh* so many things.

i went to a discussion about US-S.korea aggression towards N. korea, the norths reaction, etc...

it was actually a great talk/comment,question session after the talk. Garrett, my friend, presented. it was at the IAC. I went specifically because i am so cautious/iffy about north korea... and i think, more than having opened my mind, the event helped me to make the connection/connect the dots i should have been able to do myself, but wasn't.

I think the biggest factor in all of this, the topic which passes no one's lips in the west is self-determination. it doesn't matter if a people are living under a system we don't like, or are less "free" or this or that, etc - what matters is what THEY are going to do about it. what THEY want. if they don't want something to be there, let them get rid of it. let them change it. it's not our job, it's not our problem, and changing their way of being benefits very few people ever as we see time and time again. i won't go on an endless rant about it, but we all know who i mean. (the aristocracy) i am not us vs them about class warfare, personally, but i can plainly see that it exists. i don't really relate to people as robert the poor person from such and such demographic. I am human d interacting with human f. in so far as i can muster that attitude of being... because it certainly never works all of the time.

why am i still writing?

i had a cleaning fit after going home in the rain. i get claustrophobic around the crowded apartment full of things i do not own, and sometimes i just want to throw everything out and just have a simple home with few possessions

woof.

that's my backyard down there V, all those random backyard pics.

sunday was so lazy.

i had some yummy special coffee my mom taught me how to make when i was little. I guess her Argentinian step mother, Gladys taught her how to make it.

you separate an egg yolk from the white which is tossed out, then in a coffee cup mix the yolk with 1 or 2 spoons of sugar and stir it with coffee... it's so freaking good.



I did a lot of cleaning in my bedroom but at a completely lazy pace. it took me hours to do what should have taken 1.

then we made spaghetti dinner. we had a blush sauce! i cooked everything and michael helped me chop, and april made the salad... sort of. michael mostly made it. april bakd garlic bread. we had sparkling grape juice! i love sparkling grape juice. i promise the food actually looked so delicious. it was amazing. i make amazing spaghetti sauce. i just jumped into it before taking a pic...


then i found some old photos... good times. i looked like a girl when i was little. hard to believe i was at one time blond haired and blue eyed.






I've been chatting with a few people here and there, but honestly, i don't know why i am. i don't really want to get to know these people and possibly care about any of them. I just want to satisfy some bodily urges that can be a bit difficult to satisfy with only my hand. I wish i could telepathically communicate with some random suitably attractive male located a reasonable distance from my home that i would like to sex him, not talk, and then leave, and if it was good enough, do that a few more times. because these are things i cannot bring myself to say. prior to these last two months it had been a year since the last time i'd had sex. i'd like to not do that again. I'm so bad at being promiscuous. i always end up having deep conversation or cuddling instead? sometimes it's just as intimate. sometimes.

saturday was ridiculously exhausting. i was already tired from the night before... then worked straight through a double shift. i ended up doing banquet stuff all day in a room inthe basement for bowling parties. it kind of sucked. i worked 3 parties back to back. one started at 11, ended at 1:30, the next started at 2, ended at 3, and then the next started at 3:30 and ended at 8. so 2 of the 3 parties, i had to magically have set up in a half hour. that was after breaking down the party before and clearing out the clutter. thank goodness i had help.

i went out with rita for ambush, and then we went to old school hip hop night at Hardware. i had fun for a bit but ended up really tired. i guess it was cliff's birthday? i had no idea. John and Mohammed also showed up. April also made a cameo... i stopped at the pink, and then made my drunken walk home...

they have a third bathroom at hardware??? this is new to me. so i took photos lol... they even have some weird extra nook in it.

friday was a whirlwind of school, then work, then rita's house, then going out madness.

work and school were pretty much the same. It was lobster night at work, so i was pretty busy all night long...

I ended up being able to make it to Rita's reading... last time it was at my house, so this time the reading was hosted at her house... next time, who knows! I was so impressed with everyone's reading and poetry. I loved it. I really do know a lot of great writers.

the night wound down, so we went to meet (e:yesthatcasey), (e:terry), and (e:paul) at OHM except they were getting kicked out just as we arrived... *rolls eyes* such delinquents. paul's cousins... melanie? and bob? were there. We went to cathode for drinks and some weird guys came over to chat with us because we were the "beard crew" which i guess is the coolest thing ever or something... or just a cheesy ice breaker. I ended up talking with terry about the reading, and we had come to some sort of conclusion, but i have no idea what it was.

we went back to their house for games but ended up watching comedy instead. everyone fell asleep, and it was really hard to get terry to get up to go to bed with paul upstairs but some how i managed it. their couch is extremely comfortable. i ended up falling asleep on my phone and was late for work saturday morning! >_<

I had an amazing thursday. I woke up to go to the botanical gardens with Jodie. She arrived with fresh made juice for me with all kinds of healthy things in it! it was so good! she's always great to be around. such a rush of energy...

I haven't actually been to the botanical gardens since i was a young child. the only thing i remember was throwing dirt into the fountains with my big brother... we were scolded by an employee.

we went through all of it, it was pretty cool. we even voted on the various series' they had going, on the art and designs. I really had a great time and i'd love to go back again. it was great to be around so much light and life.

we left, and i suggested we go to Pausa, the place i discovered only the day before (e:robert,57460) ... i'm glad i waited to go until i had company. I adored it. by this point, I was sure my photos were not saving (although clearly some did) so i decided not to take any. the inside was totally redone with beautiful wood surfaces, the decor was fantastic, the ambiance was perfect, and the sense of space was lovely. there was portuguese music playing, and wonderful art all over the wall. There was also a space in the back for music to happen. Pausa is classified as an art house - something I don't think i've really seen in Buffalo, before. I have to also add that we ordered food, and it was awesome. the coffee was good, and served in really cute cups with saucers, which sort of encouraged us to get up and walk around with our coffee (idk why, maybe because the saucer would catch our inevitable spills?)

we ordered Xenakis to start, then i had the cage (a sandwich) and jodie ordered the copland, a ham and cheese sandwich. here's their website.

I loved it. I can't wait to go back.

the rest of the day... i'm not really sure what I did? I think i just lounged around. moodiness happened. I got over it.

then friday happened.

last Wednesday I went to see Purity Ring. It was amazing. a coworker/friend Corina, (e:xandra), (e:yesthatcasey), (e:terry), (e:paul), and Rita all went as well. unfortunately, i left my phone at home and could take NO pics... i don't think any one else but paul posted photos? (e:paul,57461)

the opener, Blue Hawaii, started as kind of a snooze but then picked up pretty quickly. I ended up really liking them... a lot. it was kind of like grimes meets young magic, but with more structure, and better to dance to. here's their bandcamp. Her voice has an intensity live that is lacking a bit her recordings. I prefer the live better.

Purity Ring was even better in Buffalo than they were in NYC at the Hammerstein, back in january. In jan, it sounded more close to the album, but in Buffalo i could see that they had made an effort to mix things up. they performed at least one new song, or cover. i thought someone said it was a cover, but i couldn't recognize it.

the night ended strangely... we tried to go to tranceformation, but we got the date wrong, and ended up at broadway joes for a hardcore show with men punching air. it was surreal. then we went to cathode, where NO music was playing, and everyone lurched to stare at us when we walked in, and everyone just seemed generally annoyed... so we quickly left and went to Q which was also strange, but there was a juke box, so i guess we stayed because of that. the bar tender was a total douche.

Rita drove me home and i stayed up thinking for a couple hours.

there are so many different colors in my beard. black, blond, various browns... and best all, red. i might go chops.

a new place! on Wadsworth where sugar city used to be. excited to try it.

I was way exhausted monday morning. I had bassically zero privacy except for in the bathroom for 3 days straight. I needed to sleep and introvert. I skipped my first class and slept for maybe 12 hours. I went to my evening class and got my test grades back. i did pretty well for having not read a single page of those chapters until 2 hours before i took the test (i just went though and took notes at the library to study up) and i even got full credit on the bonus essay. \:D/ Yay!

I ended up going to cathode for big ass drink night with Rita. (e:xandra) and (e:yesthatcasey) ended up meeting us out. I got really confused by the dyngus day schedule and thought something else was going on and decided not to go, but i actually wish i had because i got it wrong. Next year, I guess. Maybe it was for the best.

I ended up seeing some people i knew there and met a few new people... there were A LOT of attractive men there that night... ( i never see any, and i knew almost none of the people there by face that night) I had a few chances to make conversation, but i just couldn't. I want to try, but i just don't have it in me, yet. I've never been good at meeting guys and i probably will never get better at it, and i don't even really want to, but the distraction would be nice... i know it's not a good idea, yet, though. I don't know why i'm even half-assed trying. I guess because one never knows what could happen... ugh. but i don't even want anything to happen. i want to retreat into a clam shell and hit any man that comes near with a stick and tell him to get off of my property!

I am focusing more on me and what i need to be getting done... i mean i was for the most part before, but i have a bit more time to myself now. April and Michael are working a lot so i get to be home alone more, which i've really been liking.

I ate 1 burnt cookie (i love burnt cookies) and a bowl of fruit with yogurt curry sauce on monday. way yum.





today, tuesday, I got up a little earlier to go to the registrar... they didn't believe that my middle name is wisdom so i had to show proof of i.d. to get them to print it on my diploma. seriously, people lie about their names on something they might put on their wall in an office one day?! why would i lie?

got some work done before spanish lit and wrote my ensayito. luckily i printed it before the laptop died because i lost the file just before emailing it. thankfully sister cristel accepted just the paper copy.... i read part of a story in class and presented my ensayito... she gave me really high compliments on my spanish... i was kind of embarrassed, but it made me happy. i don't really like to get recognition in front of other people. maybe because it others me from the rest of the group and i'd rather not stand out to much. but of course another part me me craves the validation, the recognition. i know i'm good at some linguistic things. I have the interest, so it comes quicker for me than for some.

after that, i recollected myself at home then went to my spanish group. I really do love ashker's... we were all really chatty and exuberant this time... we didn't even get to read from casa de los espiritus! we just kept talking and talking... the owner is super hot. he's a shorter beardy man with nice shoulders and a great ass.

time to brew a new batch of kombucha! i think i will try to start exercising a bit when no one's home. i think with a bit of effort, i could get rid of the extra pounds fairly quickly.