my new niece McKenna Eleanore was born 1/14.... shes adorable!!!! I love our new apartment- though I woiuldnt feel so dumb if we had remembered to switch the electric into our names when we moved in- they shut it off... How the hell do they keep an account billed to no one on for 8 months? Thank God my guy was home from work the day they shut it off! I don't know when I'll ever get my computer fixed and up n running. I miss having the internet. I miss a lot of things, like Spring and the car I never had...(yet). I don't miss a lot of things, and since I don't miss them I probably shouldn't even bother to mention what they might be. But I will say that sometimes you don't even really realize how much you DON'T miss something untill you drown yourself in misery missing that very thing... make sense? I wish it didn't. But some things are fun to miss- so you enjoy them when you have them back. Like Cable television.... time to go watch cartoons!

Hi All! Merry Christmas!!! and what a great time of year this has turned out to be! After all that hectic apartment searching crap we finally found a REALLY nice apartment in Kenmore. It turned out that the realtor who showed us the place knew one of the guys that my guy works with, as he also worked for their realty company. Then the owner of the place also knows another guy from my guys work, so he got two really great references. Its pretty crazy, how much I stress out over shit knowing that the outcome will be better than i could plan myself. I have been shown this time and time again yet I continue to let myself get all insane with worry. I have a great guy that loves me very much, a wonderful baby girl that I am just amazed at watching every single day, and even though there are a few other things that seem to be working against me I know that I should just shut up and let God work Her Magic!
My little niece should be blessing us with her presence any day now. My sister is HUGE with belly and I'm praying that this will happen soon because my sis has been an enormous emotional wreck. On and off of course, but its completely uncontrollable!


well I have to go for now but I wish you all the most blessed Christmas!

my guy and I have to be out of his apartment on the 1st. Some kind of argument transpired between his roommate and the landlord. And because their apartment isn't a place for babies, i have been shuffling between my moms house, my sisters house, and other family members who will allow me to have my daughter there. It's been so stressful and I have reallyu been losing my mind. So we've been trying to find an apartment for the 3 of us but it's very hard because we have credit and reference issues working against us. Yet he has an astounding work history, actually he's been at the same job for 8 years and makes good $$ because of that. . And I have been working from home and caring for my baby girl Hannah for the past year.
I can't help thinking that we may just be better off trying to find another young couple with child or a single mom to share a house or apartment. Ideally it would be a good way to save $$ so work on getting our credit in order and get a car and all that good stuff. I can picture myself and another young mom enjoying each others company and the kids having a live- in playmate would be great, too. Although I can also see some more realistic problems arising from this, any time you bring multiple personalities into a situation there is serious potential for conflict...especially with children involved as many people have different views on parenting.
What do you guys think? Does anyone of any kind of family -oriented communal situations that I could check out? Or maybe there would be someone out there willing to house a young couple and a child for 2-3 weeks in the event of worse case scenerio that the 1st comes and we haven't found an apartment? I guess i'm just trying to explore any options that I haven't thought of yet.

hey everyone! I have a friend Abbey that makes holistic custom jewelery... check out her myspace to view some samples and let her know if you're interested in getting more info! Thanks!!

[link=http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=162922522]

My baby girl will turn 1 year old on Tuesday, Nov 20th!!! We had her first b-day party yesterday and it was a lot of fun! A very good friend of mine that I went to the rainbow gathering with a couple of years ago ( see Spirit Revival- 7/16/04) ran into me 2 summers ago upon his return home to Buffalo. I was 6 months pregnant and having trouble finding a job, so he introduced me to his dad who owned 2 printing/mailing businesses. His dad hired me to do some telemarketing, calling non-profit organizations and asking them if they needed help with their newsletters, appeal letters.. things of that nature. Also stuffing and sealing and stamping thousands of letters at a time!!. It worked out well, and when I was put on bed rest in the beginning of last November he got a computer and a phone for me to set up my office at home. ( which has been a huge blessing so I didn't have to pay for child care for my newborn. Because of that I have had the most gracious opportunity to be with my child and watch her grow. I can't describe how amazing this has been- those of you with with children probably already know. ( I had never envisioned myself as a mother of my own children. I figured I would adopt some child that had already been dealt a shitty hand on this planet and fix it for them. but even at that I was pretty annoyed by infants- i hated those ppl that take babies to movie theaters, when my friends baby would wake me up in the middle of the night i would wish in my head that someone would just shut that thing up! Up until Hannah I had never even held an infant. I was great with kids ages 3 and up- but NO experience with babies. watching her over this last year has been a whole new side of life for me-( by the time I was 23 I had 8 people who were very close to me pass away.starting at 12 years old 5 of them had been close freinds my own age at the times of their deaths. 3 of my natural grandparents are still living today- and 1 of them died before I was even born.) so having this little love has been so refreshing!!! Take into consideration that she really is a total angel! SHe has her moments, and when she was very young she went through a 2 week period of total colic, but so many people keep telling me they've never seen a baby as easy as her- and that I have no idea how blessed I am. ( now I can't even pass a baby in a grocery store without thinking " oh the precious little baby"!!!) So I also have been blessed with so many people that love and care about us! My friends parents have been a great part of that blessing over this last year. They have pretty much adopted us into their wonderful family, and my heart was overwhelmingly thankful when they decided they'd like to have this birthday party to share with us the celebration of her 1st year. My mother has also been a huge blessing in this past year- as we have bonded in a way that we haven't been able to in a very long time. It's truly amazing the side of ourselves that we meet when we have our own children. Watching them grow is truly a miracle- new sounds, new faces, first teeth, big smiles ( and tears that just break your heart into pieces!!!)
Thank you for letting me share this all with you! Hopefully I will have the pictures posted up here soon!

yeah, so i missed my shift and quit my job after working for you for 3 weeks..... this is what i get for calling to apologize and ask for a second chance???? I was warned that you were a fucking pervert...yet she said "don't worry, you're not his type" well J, looks like he has no type.
"id like to discuss this with you in person,get to know you a little better..... why don't you call me.... I'll pick you up and bring you back to my place.....I'd like to see what you'd be willing to do to get your job back...... i'd just like to know that whatever we work out doesn't get back to the other girls......"

It makes me fucking sick! Old fat mid-life crisis scumbags see a young single mother like me and think we must be hard up for means of survival. And what makes it even worse is that some women are actually willing to succumb to these pathetic antics and thats why sick bastards like you continue to get away with these behaviors.
Look at me..... I'm a pretty girl. If I were the type of girl to suck a dick to keep a job it certainly wouldn't be yours you ugly fuck. Not for a worthless $7 an hour job doing what i did for you!!! No, you wannabe Big Shot. And I feel terribly sorry for any girl who really thinks that little of themselves. I almost feel obligated to expose you to the people of our city and let them know who's pockets they're choosing to put their $$$ in, knowing that I may also be saving the next poor girl who may not have the intelligence and self esteem that I have.
But you sir, are in luck. this is as far as I will go because in my heart i know that my daughter and whatever she needs come 1st.... my pride and my ego will have to take this hit for the team. But I would suggest that you stop being so quick to underestimate those you consider disadvantaged. Dont worry, I wont tell the other girls what happened between you and I.... judging from how casually that shit came out of your mouth I'm sure there are many out there who already know all about you.




IN THE TIMES OF MY DEEPEST TROUBLES, THOSE TIMES THAT i MAY FORGET WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF- WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES SEEM TO LEAVE ME ALMOST DESPERATE.....i WILL REMEMBER THAT GOD IS MY PROVIDER, AND MY EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT IF I KEEP MY HEART OPEN I WILL BE ABLE TO RECEIVE THE GIFTS THAT COME MY WAY. I NEVER GO WITHOUT ANYTHING I NEED, OR SINCERELY ASK FOR. I HAVE BEEN HOMELESS, YET NEVER UNSHELTERED OR UNPROTECTED. I HAVE BEEN BROKE, YET HAVE NEVER GONE HUNGRY OR UNCLOTHED. I HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE THAN I HAVE MENTIONED-AND YET I HAVE MORE THAN I NEED TO BE HAPPY. ANYTHING I NEED FINDS ITS WAY TO ME, $$$ IN MY POCKET OR NOT. SO THIS HERE OBSTACLE.... THIS TOO IS NOTHING THAT A LITTLE FAITH AND PATIENCE CAN'T HANDLE. ( A LITTLE REALLY DOES GO A LONG WAY WHEN YOU LET IT!!! )
LOVE IS THE LAND THAT I STAND ON.THE WIND MAY BE BLOWING SHARP OBJECTS IN ALL DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS- AND I MAY BE CUT UP AND BLEEDING DUE TO THIS STORM BUT YOU BEST BELIEVE THAT AFTER THE ELEMENTS HAVE SUBSIDED I WILL STILL BE STILL BE STANDING HERE!!!! AND SO IT IS!!!!!!

Dear sir,
I know that you will probably never read this, as i realized at the last minute that you are a blind man... but i wanted to apologize for almost running you down on my bike yesterday. i was 100% sober as i was cruising the strip, on my way to start my new job. I yelled "excuse me", and kept cruising... i saw your wife move out of the way and so i thought that you would too. What I should have done was break right then and there instead of assuming that you would be the one to move for me to pass . But I didn't, and by the time i put on my breaks it was too late, my front wheel was between your legs and your butt was up against my handlebars. Had I still been going you surely would've been knocked to the ground. ( I was reminded of the time i was a child, just learning to ride a bike, and i really did run over my friends grandmother. Maybe thats why this is still on my conscience) When you turned around I saw your walking stick and felt like a total asshole. (Even if you hadn't been blind I still would've felt terrible, but this just put the icing on the cake...) I put my hand on your shoulder and I must have apologized 10 times, and you had a smile on your face as you told me, "don't worry, it's ok." I appreciate that smile, because you could've been a huge jerk to me, But it's not ok, and I really am sorry for my lack of consideration.
From this moment on I promise to be more cautious and considerate while riding my bike.

of course, if this were going to become a reality, the blueprint for this plan would have to be much more thought out than whatever i just came up with a 3 am this morning. The whole DNA testing thing, it completely devastates me when i think about innocent people being put to death (or spending any length of time in jail for that matter). I stand firm on the fact that i don't think we have the right to kill anyone...even if they murdered 100 people. i didn't take the DNA testing into consideration- which makes me feel even stronger about keeping them alive to serve a better purpose. What good is that evidence if theyre already dead??? Using them for testing wouldnt be killing them....but anyway
to (e:Drew)- you may have missed my question about the fear of the death penalty not stopping these people from comitting these acts... or going to jail for life, For many of these people jail is considered a safe haven... whatever. Im just wondering if another alternative might make them think twice about their own life and how theyd like to live it.
Our constitution is constantly being amended to reflect modern times... I think cruel and unusual punishment might make a difference.
Also, the psychological effects: I think it would make people more humanized, compared to the "animal" in the cage.... look at the people who run our systems... you mean to tell me that theyre not already de-SENSITIZED? Have you ever been to jail?I think because we're treating these people so kindly, the people running everything despise them for their acts and no longer see them as human anyway. I could be terribly wrong here, but i think any human with emotion seeing another in a cage like that would actually bring out sympathy.. and compassion maybe even... which is what i think these people need. To just Kill killers and wipe them off the face of the planet..what is that teaching anyone?? I think the families would accept this as the persons punishment, punishment they ASKED FOR by committing horrible crimes that would have left them to be killed ... and would rather have their family members alive than dead because of their terrible mistakes. I don't know exactly what we'd do with these people after their testing period was over, but I havent gotten that far into this here...whatever you want to call it. Theory, hypothesis..whatever.
I think that medical testing on people who have comitted horrendous acts of violence would not only set a precedent in our country,and set an example to many, but it may even give the criminals a newfound respect for their own lives, and their own humanity. Kind of like the SAW movies... in a sick twisted way....people who have taken the miracle of life for granted.. when faced with death what would they willing to give to have their lives back....
it may or may not work, but its something to ponder.

Why are we wasting valuble bodies of people on death row when we could be donating them to science and using them as test subjects instead of rats and other animals??? Aside from the animal rights point of views... i hold those, too, don't get me wrong.. but seriously...we spend all this $$$ housing people in jails until they're put to death, all the while knowing that we're just going to kill them. Just like we spend all this $$$ on testing animals that have resemblances to the human make up, and re testing and testing some more... why do that when we could just test actual human beings? If the idea of being put to death does nothing to stop a person from comitting a serious crime, would the idea of being treated like an animal? A real animal... not in a jail where criminals get to sleep on beds and eat real food and change their underwear... I mean throw them naked into a cage full of that rat bedding shit and feed them dogfood... yeah it might sound inhumane but theyre serious criminals...who would have otherwise been put to death. Their lives would be spared (minus whatever effects the tests have), stop the "eye for an eye" mentality and the controversy surrounding that notion...(we don't have a right to put someone to death even though they killed someone else) .... and use their already wasted lives to eventually save thousands of others who may actually do something positive for this planet. Let them die with some kind of real dignity while saving taxpayers a little bit of cash, or putting that $$ to better use. People make their own choices, and if you choose to live like an animal despite your humanity then thats obviously what you want so why the hell not?? Im sure that there are people out there that have already thought this through, but i've never heard this theory so I think im an absolute genious because it just sounds so damn practical!!! Too practical for people in power to come up with on their own. To whomever thought about this shit first... IM WITH YA ALL THE WAY!!!!! SAVE ANIMALS, SAVE LIVES, SAVE $$$$. seriously... its a win win situation!!!!