Okay, time for a couple of random thoughts:

1) It's official...we have no opposition party in this country. When all you have to do to possibly block the scariest Supreme Court nomination in our generation is vote along party lines and you can't even muster THAT...there is officially no true opposition to the Republican juggernaut that is quickly destroying the Constitution.
I spend most of my time now vasilating on what I feel is the best course of action for the political left in this country. Whether to try and salvage the bloated, festering corpse of the Democratic Party or to scrap the whole mess and try and form a new opposition party. Of course, the real crux of that is the time and effort involved in forming a new party and the viability of the party once it is formed, since this country puts so much stock in "tradition".
Let me explain a little. I grew up in a family that is basically Canadian. That being said, they still followed Canadian politics even though they lived on this side of the border. Anyone who has followed Canadian politics since the Mulroney era can tell you what happens when you divide an entire side of the political spectrum. In Canada's case, it was a divided right, not a divided left. The conservatives in Canada then spent the next 12 years dividing their votes between two and sometimes three new right-wing parties...losing the the Liberals in each general election (until the most recent). Now, it took them 12 years, but they finally put together a party which could win enough seats in the House of Commons to establish a government. What scares me, however, is that Canada is a smaller country and it is less firmly tied to "political tradition" than this country. That is to say, I think Canadian voters are more likely than American to give a "new" party a chance. That's where my issues with viability come in. Building a new party from the ground up would take a LOT of work, and in American society where instant gratification is king, I'm not sure a new party would ever reach "critical mass". Would people become overly discouraged when said "new leftwing party" (this is why I don't run political campaigns...) didn't win many races initially? (and by "initially", I mean maybe for the next 20 years?) And what would happen in the interim? How much damage would the Republican party be able to do with a completely fractured left?
Anyway...those are the political thoughts that keep me up at night.

2) I need to GET OUT more. I've been trapped inside the past few weekends and I'm going completely crazy. This past weekend, being trapped at home was a function of the most ridiculously high natural gas bill I've seen in my entire life. Now, admittedly, I live in a two-bedroom duplex all by myself...but even still, I should not receive a bill for $350 for ONE MONTH of service. It's not like I sit around in shorts with the heat cranked to 85 everyday. This is just ludicrous. So, needless to say, the entertainment budget was cut WAY back at that point. I spent pretty much all weekend playing videogames (I love Gamefly...). I beat "God of War" in 12 hours (that's 12 STRAIGHT hours...for those counting...). Yeah...I'm a loser...a currently poor one at that. I think others on here have mentioned this before, but I make the second highest wage amongst my group of friends, and I'm the one who never seems to have cash. I can't figure it out either........


I'm sure there are more...but seeing as how I'm being paid to actually do work, and not to post journal entries, I should probably get back to actual work....

I can't stand this time of year...it seems like no one ever wants to DO anything. I'm personally "done" with winter for the year...I'm ready to get going, to do things, to get out...anything. I find myself cruising my contact list making random telephone calls to people who all give me the same "nah...it's too cold/wet/cloudy/hot/purple monkey dishwasher to do anything..." and I'm sick of it. I want to get out!!! RESCUE ME!!!

In honour of, in honour of...etc etc etc...

Here it is, boys and girls...

MY 2005 List

My favourite moments of 2005
-Opening day of rugby season...
-The summer fundraiser (16 straight hours of booze and doing horrible, horrible things)
-Thursdays in the Square
-The night with Matty, Fathead, and Frank that started at Geckos, moved to SideBar, and then wound up with 8 rounds of Red Bull & Vodka at THE COLONIE LOUNGE!!!!
-Matty-gras '05
-Running at Chestnut Ridge and Delaware Park
-The Regatta with Kji and the rest of the SLU alums
-Nights with "the veets"
-Saranac Lake Can-Am Rugby Tournament
-The partying AFTER the rugby playoffs

My least favourite moments of 2005
-Losing to Rochester in the playoffs
-Having to move
-Grandmother's death
-Mom's stroke
-Sister's seizure
-The cake eating contest after the Finger Lakes match...
-Blowing the opening kickoff against the Syracuse Chargers..
-"Christmas Fiasco"


Did you keep your New Years Resolution '05?
Hmm...I don't make them...so yes and no...

Did you fall in love in 2005?
NEXT QUESTION! (a la Drew Rosenhaus)

Did you break up with anyone in 2005?
Yes...and it affects things more than I care to admit or acknowledge...I used to think I did feelings well, now I know I'm just as lost as every other male in that awful, stereotypical way...

Did you make any new friends in 2005?
A whole new team, a whole new set of brothers...

What was your favourite month of 2005?
Lets go with...hmmm...May or June...it's a tossup...

Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
Only Canada...nothing major..

How many states did you travel to in 2005?
Actually...hmmm..the only state I was in in 2005 is NY...scary and odd...I think that's the first time that's happened.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Every once in a while...

What was your favourite song from 2005?
Hmmm..."Gold Digger" by Kanye West? I don't know...alt rock is dead, hip hop is getting stale...nobody does anything new anymore...I spend most of my time listening to stuff written well before 2005...

What was your favourite album from 2005?
See the previous response...lol.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
I play rugby....'nough said.

Did you do drugs in 2005?
Oh....maybe one....

Do you have anything that you're ashamed of this year?
Hmmm...I've treated some people poorly, and that is something I'm ashamed of whenever I do it...

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
Hmmm....there aren't any real glaring winners to this one...people have been pretty honest with me this past year...

Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
NEXT QUESTION! (again, a la Drew Rosenhaus)

Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
Oh yeah...you all know who you are...lol...just kidding...no seriously..you know who you are and you'll be hunted down and dispatched.... :)

What was your proudest moments of 2005?
-Every time I was selected to start in rugby...
-Making the playoffs...
-Honours/recognition at work...
-Not vomiting no matter how much I had to drink...
-Seeing the people around me succeed...

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
Totally blowing the opening kickoff against the Syracuse Chargers in front of friends and teammates...

If you could go back to any moment in 2005 and change something, what would it be?
No regrets, right?

What are your plans for 2006?
-Start running again NOW, so that I don't pay for it this spring like I do every other spring...
-Refocus on work, get promoted faster...
-Increase the time I spend with friends and family...
-Be a better human being...

I found the secret to making my millions in the brothel industry....get turned down for purchasing a Subway franchise!!!

Apparently Dennis Hof was turned down for a Subway franchise before he invested in the controlling share of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.....now...all I need is the capital required to be turned down by Subway....lol.

That...and some recruits....


;)

So then...long time, no write...I know, I know.

I've been spending most of my freetime lately in hibernation. I love being able to look out of my windows at the snow and wind while sitting in my living room in shorts and a t-shirt. I spend my time reading, listening to music, playing the guitar or watching DVR'ed episodes of HBO's "Cathouse" series and really really really wanting to be Dennis Hof. How does one get into that business?

I get out to run when I can, although I detest being cold, so my off-season training isn't what it should be. This always makes my Aprils and Mays harder than they should be (because I've been so incredibly lazy all winter long), and I promised myself I wouldn't do that this winter...but here I am.

The holidays are always a crazy time of year for me. This year is no exception between family, friends, and work. On top of family commitments I also have our office party (open bars and I are not a good mix due to my propensity for overconsumption, but I will try to be good), and now I've been asked/told/instructed that I have to play host to some friends in from out of town for New Years. Apparently, no one else has space to house one of our annoying female friends (that's an AFF for those keeping score...). On the plus side, I do get to say there's an ex-stripper staying at my place for New Years...even though she is possibly the most grating woman on earth.

I haven't purchased a single Christmas gift yet....which means I'll be stuck at the mall on Christmas Eve or thereabouts yet again. (I really think I lack the ability to learn sometimes...) But what are you gonna do, right? What makes it worse is that I have no idea what to buy anyone...cash in envelopes is starting to sound really really good right about now.

So..that's been my life for the past little while...boring...I know, but boring has its advantages sometimes. Keeps me out of trouble......

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." (and for the 9 trillionth time someone has now abused that quote...)



The fall. I hate it and I love it. I hate the fact that the days are getting shorter and the weather is getting colder and wetter. I love my nice long, hot days of summer. I do not like being cold. I do not like being cold AND wet even more. And there are times when I really don't have much of a choice in the fall (playing rugby, making poor attempts at runs). Last Saturday was a miserable day to have to be outside...but there I was...in rugby shorts and a short sleeve jersey running around in the mud. I was soaked through and cold from the moment I took off my warmups with no chance of escaping it for at least 50 minutes. (40 minutes for the half plus time to change afterward) I stopped being able to feel my fingers after the first ruck. It was awful. It's even worse to make the attempt at going for a run in this weather. Running in the summer is great. Sunshine, nice hot temperatures so that you really feel like you're getting a good sweat in. Even running in the winter isn't bad. Sure, it's cold, but usually you can remain fairly dry, even running in snowy conditions you don't get saturated like you do trying to run in this awful rain.
But I also love the fall. I love holing up in my "Fortress of Solitude" (or someone else's..although I guess at that point it's not really a "Fortress of Solitude"..) and wasting entire days. I love the feeling of walking in out of the cold and into the warmth of my house. I love sitting in front of a fire with someone I care about. (yeah..that was/is/will be amazing.. ) I love snuggling in bed and spending entire days just having fun, feeling warm, being close. I love the fact that some things just taste better in the fall. Things like coffee, hot cocoa, tea, cider, cookies...they're all just better this time of year. Nice warm sweaters...big fluffy ones made out of wool that are so overly luxuriant they're ridiculous. I love the crisp smell of the cool air and even the soggy smell of the leaves. All the rich smells of the fall (smoke, leathery smells, spicy smells....) are wonderful. Fall for me is a time to be "close". To enjoy being warm (preferably with someone else.. :) ), to enjoy feeling cozy, and to enjoy being indoors.

"...Can't look below me, something will throw me, Curse at the windstorms that October brings..."

Have you ever been so happy you just want to burst? Have you ever lay awake in your bed at night and not been able to sleep because the entire world feels like it's spinning? (in a good way...and not because you're drunk/high..lol) The nervousness, the butterflys, the "walking-on-air" feeling....how cliche and yet how entirely true sometimes. I find myself walking around with a goofy grin on my face all day long, my mind replaying snippets of conversations and interactions. "It's 3am and I wanna go to bed, I've got a lady runnin' through my head..." And then lyrics like that start making sense...and you smile even more, maybe even laugh to yourself. And then you start to wonder if this is REALLY how you ought to be acting as a 26 year old male....and after that you tell yourself you don't care. That sometimes it IS okay to feel like a teenager again, sometimes that level of giddy excitement IS appropriate, no matter how old you are. That level of "alive" is the right way to be...

That...or I'm crazy....and if I am, I just don't care...:)

First off, I'd like to thank (e:LadyCroft) and (e:Theecarey) (and later (e:) David) for coming out and supporting myself and the rest of the SBRFC Thugs in our outstanding win over the Cortland-Homer Thundering Herd on Saturday afternoon. Thank you for braving the wind and rain and overall "grayness" of the day to come out and cheer us on (with your amazing pink and tinfoil pom-poms.. :) )

Where to begin with this past weekend...hmmm...it was absolutely amazing. Saturday started out great with the huge win in rugby. Then we had a great time having a few beers and watching the "show" after the match. After going home and getting cleaned up I decided to head up to (e:Theecarey)'s place for a bonfire (which, living in the city, I don't get to have anymore..) . I got up there and talked with (e:Theecarey) for a while before (e:pyrcedgrrl) arrived with the party supplies. (Except the gin which was safely tucked away in the impregnible packaging it was purchased in.....) (e:David) and (e:LadyCroft) arrived and we had a full-blown party/bonfire/get-together/funtime. We stayed up talking late into the night before I was finally forced to call it an evening and head back to the city. I had a great night....entirely unexpectedly. :)

Sunday was a day spent cleaning, doing laundry, and mowing the lawn (in addition to napping to catch up on all the sleep I missed over the weekend).

All in all it, it was an absolutely amazing weekend....yeah...just amazing.... :) .

As so many of you have expressed an interest in watching a local men's rugby match, I've decided to declare this Saturday (yes, tomorrow!), WNY Rugby Day!

As such, everyone is invited out to watch your own South Buffalo RFC Thugs take on the Cortland-Homer RFC Thundering Herd. The game begins at 2pm in Switzer Park (formerly Knox Park) in West Seneca. Directions to the pitch can be found by clicking on the South Buffalo Rugby link in my "links" section. Or by calling yours truly @ 716-949-0090 (and for those who don't know, my name is Austin, or "Derf", or about a million other nicknames). You're encouraged to bring chairs (although we do usually have an awning over a set of bleachers) and beer.

So bundle up, bring out the booze and your voices and help cheer on the Thugs as we look to clinch a playoff berth with a win this week.

So..who's coming out? :)

There are few things pure in this world anymore, and home is one of the few
We'd have a drink outside maybe run and hide, if we saw a couple men in blue
But to me it's so damn easy to see that your people are the people at home
Well I been away but now I'm back today and there ain't a place I'd rather go

I feel home when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home, and that's just what I feel
Cause home, to me, is reality and all I need is something real

We're feeling alright headin out tonight maybe off to a dark driveway
I say now, some feel bored, and some are looking for more, but we all just decide to stay
We got nothing to do, but when I look at you I see something that I know and love
And with the crack of a smile we all stay awhile, we know from home their ain't nothin above

Well in the end, we can all call a friend, well that's something that I know as true
In a thousand years, and a thousand tears, I'll come finding my original crew
Cause to me throughout eternity there is somewhere we are welcome to go
I said it's something free that means a lot to me, when I'm with my friends I feel home

I feel home when I see the faces that remember my own
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home, and that's just what I feel
Cause home, to me, is reality and all I need is something real
Home to me is reality and all I need is something real, I feel home

--Of A Revolution, "I Feel Home"

After reading some of ((e:theecarey))'s and ((e:paul))'s journal entries and talking with ((e:theecarey)), I decided to post about my experiences and feelings growing up here, moving away, and ultimately returning "home".

The prevailing goal in my life from roughly the age of 10 through 18 was the overwhelming desire to "escape" Wilson. For those who havent' had the pleasure, Wilson is a small town in Niagara County on the southern shore of Lake Ontario with a population of about 7,000 people. It's primarily an agricultural town (although we do have the Pfeiffer's Salad Dressing factory...many a field trip there..lol) and as such, there isn't much to do. We spent much of our youth imagining what it would be like to be able to go to the movies or a department store without driving for half an hour. All we wanted to do is get out, away from the dirt, away from the rust, away from the cows.

And it was definately a "we". Growing up in such a small town, you end up growing up with the same 120 people you graduate with. My friends and I (there were six of us...Eric, Craig, Jeff, Tony, Noodle and myself) all had the same goal. Big plans, big dreams, escape. It didn't matter where as long as it wasn't Wilson.

Needless to say, I was extremely excited to get into St. Lawrence. After all it was 5 hours from the "hell hole" where I grew up. Even if the town of Canton isn't a big city, it was still bigger than Wilson..and a large portion of the students at SLU had a certain "urbane" feeling about them. (A lot of prep school kids from New England) I had finally done it, I had escaped. I spent the subsequent 4 years reveling in my new freedom and falling into incredibly amounts of debt. It was at this point that the 6 of us started to lose touch...we still spent our summers together, but we were in schools all over the state (Craig in Binghamton, Eric in Bradford, PA, Jeff at NU, Tony at Geneseo, and Noodle at UB). We never completely lost touch...we knew we'd "always be friends". We were raised together, did everything together, that's just the way it was.

If I was excited to go to SLU, I was about 10 million times MORE excited to get an offer in Toronto right out of school. Friends of the family offered me a position working at a major landscaping firm in the city as a logistics manager. I had a great job, making disgusting amounts of money, living in a city I loved. I met a girl, fell in love, got engaged. (We'll call that "the mistake".) I basically didn't talk to my friends from home for 2 years. I had new friends, a new life, a new career. They were always at the back of my mind, but I never seemed to be able to find the time. And besides, I'd find time eventually...I had this great new life, lots of money, the whole deal.

Until it all came crashing down.

My then-fiancee decided we wouldn't "work" (3 months after I had invested $3000 in a rock...). I was crushed, I needed to escape. I suddenly felt VERY alone, in a place that felt very foreign all of a sudden. I felt like I had no one, nothing. I enjoyed my work, but of course that started to falter because of stress at home. I ended up quitting and coming back to WNY a month after the breakup. I had nothing...literally. All of my money had gone into the life that "we" had built. (and the ring I never got back. ) It was one of those "her money is her money and my money is her money" situations and I was so completely engrossed in it that I didn't even notice or care. I came back to Wilson (to my grandparents' house) with little besides a few posessions and my car. I got home and felt even more incredibly alone, because I had been stupid enough to not keep in contact with anyone for 2 years.

I'll never forget the two days after I got home. At the peak of feeling depressed I decided to call my best friend (Jeff) to see if he still even remembered me. To my surprise, the response I got was amazing...he was almost overwhelmed to hear from me, hear about my life, to just talk. He told me to keep the following night free (as if my social calendar were so full..lol). The next night he gave me a call and told me to get over to his place. I was expecting a quiet night with him, but when I arrived......all of my friends were there. I was whisked away down to Chippewa to celebrate all the birthdays they'd missed with me. It was absolutely amazing...like nobody missed a beat. Just like old times. And I guess that's when I realized the value of home. I realized that no matter where I go or what I do I will always be a farmboy from Western NY. No matter how far or hard I run, it's what I am. And I also realized that no matter where I go, no matter how long I go without talking to them, I'll always have the friends I grew up with.

And I'll always be able to go "home".