Okay....I hate my birthday. It's a time each year that I look back over the previous year of my existence and take stock of where I am as compared to where I'd like to be and where I REALISTICALLY should be. (Those are two very different things...I've always had some lofty goals...lol) This inevitably depresses me. Upon looking at the past year over several categories...this is what I've come up with:

Career/Finances:

Where I am: I'm currently a claims adjuster at St. Paul Travelers in Buffalo. I make a decent enough salary to maintain my 2 bedroom duplex in S. Buffalo, my car, my hobbies, and modest fun expenditures.

Where I should be REALISTICALLY: I think this is about right...realistically in the career path I've chosen (and with the current degree I have), my career is progressing along decently. Would I love a raise? Sure...who wouldn't...I don't know many people who think they are either fairly or overly compensated for the duties they perform. All in all...I can't complain TOO much...but it definately isn't approaching my dreams..lol.


Physical Health/Overall Physical:

Where I am: Hmmm...I'm me. *laugh* 6'5", 218 lbs. That gives me a BMI of 25.8...according to those crazy physicians. (a "normal"
weight BMI is between 18 and 25) That makes me JUST BARELY overweight. I eat properly, exercise regularly (thank you rugby), and try to take care of myself.

Where I should be REALISTICALLY: This is one area I'm proud of...a year ago I was 245 lbs. (BMI = 29 or high end overweight..almost "obese"). I lead a far healthier lifestyle...I run, play rugby...generally feel like I'm fitter and quite easy on the eyes if I do say so myself. *laugh*

Social Life/Relationships:

Where I am: Well..on the friends side of the equation everything is great. I've got a fairly large circle of friends and several that I'm close with. I've got an entire TEAM full of friends. I'm just lousy with friends...*laugh*. The real kicker is on the love/relationship side of the equation. That's where I'm lost. I don't know what is going on there...there are things I'd like to see "work". There is someone who I think I could really get to know and care about but the situation seems so far from ideal...what do you do? I find it's a constant battle between the selfish portion of me and the selfless portion. Do I step back from the situation and let everything run it's course without interference or do I intervene on my own behalf to try "fight for" something? I don't know....craziness. Uncertainty kills me...I prefer to live in a certain world...to deal with problems/uncertainties as they arise, to be able to resolve them so that they stop being problems and go back to being "certainties". Time will tell....

Where I should be REALISTICALLY: No idea....*laugh*

There's more...I'm sure I could go on...but I've at least gotten some of it off my chest and things seem a tad brighter. I'm sure everything will work out "the way it is supposed to"...I just want to know what that way is...and I'm having trouble getting some sort of indication as to what that is exactly.