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Category: the future

08/11/05 11:13 - ID#27687

Afraid of Being Alone?

Sometimes I think I might be a little too afraid of ending up alone. I’ve already started to worry about not getting married or having children and I’m only 22. Recently I realized that it’s probably because of my mother’s circle of friends. My mom has 6 best friends that she stays in close contact with from college. Out of those friends, three have never been married or had any children and three have been married once and had two children. Basically that’s like a 50/50 shot at either having a family or being totally alone. My mom is the one who straddles both groups. She did marry and have one (perfect) child but then got divorced almost immediately, thus living most of her adult life without a husband. Although I can see from all of my mom’s friends that being married and having kids does not ensure happiness (at least one married woman is very discontent with her marriage and kids), I know the women who didn’t have kids now wish they had. Furthermore, they have told me that they wish they weren’t as picky with the men that they dated because now they realize that having someone can be nice even if they aren’t perfect. Now, I’m not saying all my standards are dropped because I am just terrified of not getting married (not yet anyway) but I feel like looking at them can be a cautionary tale. I know some women can be perfectly happy if they are childless and unmarried, but I know that I want to at least have children. I was born wanting to be a mom. To make matters worse, I know I could never be as happy as these single women because they are all extremely close with their siblings and their sibling’s children. I will never have any nieces or nephews if I don’t get married since I am an only child, so I can’t really rely n family to keep me company. Although I’m sure that my mom’s friends aren’t the best sample of how women end up, I think that growing up see so many single, childless women has made me scared. Thank goodness there are so many more ways to have a child without a man now. I wonder if my mom’s friends would have had children if they could have used sperm banks? Then again I think most of them kept thinking they were going to get married and the time just drifted away. Anyway, I need to shake off this fear for a least a couple more years since there is no way I am getting married any time soon.
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