My thesis is falling apart. I picked something too complicated and now it is falling apart. I need to use the same children I studied 18 months ago when I did my Scholar's Project, only now they are impossible to find. I guess this is why longitudinal studies are not common. In my old study I used 3 schools, one public and two private. Now the two private schools that I called only have two of the children I used still enrolled...2!!!! How did that happen? Do that many children change schools? I guess maybe I was unaware of this because I always went to a public school but this seriously puts in a kink into my thesis. Also, it is freakin impossible to get public schools to agree to anything. There is so much bureaucracy in the system. I agree that schools should be highly selective about who they allow to interact with the children. However, if you're gonna say no do it within a month, ditto for yes. I mean I can't wait around a year. Only one committee has to read my proposal, what takes so long!? I am just concerned at this point that my project might never come to fruition and that would be heartbreaking. I mean I guess it doesn't matter that much at this point because no one else is going to see it. I am not going to be done with it when I apply to grad school or anything but I honestly just wanted to do it for myself. I am very attached to this and I don't want to see it fail.

Every Tuesday night I go to a meeting of 13 fraternity brothers. It's called the Intrafraternal Council and my sorority is the only one on campus who is part of if because we can't be part of the council for sororities (it's confusing and not really important why). Anyway, it's a really strange and intimidating experience that I have grown to enjoy.

The council has no faculty members on it and I am basically lumped in with the guys so I really get to experience fraternity brothers in their purest form. Let me tell you, it's not pretty. A lot of the time i feel like I am at a meeting for organized crime. The discussion generally centers around how to break the alcohol policies without getting caught or how to cover up vandalism. I have met with millions of slurs, swear words, and gestures imitating masturbation. Are guys really like this all the time? I am probably just very naive and therefore have no idea what it's really like to be around fraternity brothers since I never go to fraternities but still I am surprised.

I am also surprised that these guys are generally pretty smart. I never really stereotyped them as stupid but I am impressed by the many different ways they think of to screw with the school and other people on campus. It's not that I approve but more that my eyes are opened a bit wider.

While I'm on the subject of approving, I have to mention that I often leave these meetings (where generally my only contribution is to give them an update on the service projects we are doing that week) and ask myself whether it is just as wrong to watch people plan to do something bad and not do anything to stop it as it is to commit the crime itself. I don't want to seem overdramatic, I am obviously not witnessing people plan a murder but sometimes I do wonder if people are going to get hurt in someway by these guys and their irresponsible ways. I know that I am going to sound like a puritan but I honestly believe the alcohol policies at my school are to help people from getting hurt. They don't say people can't drink but they do limit the amount frats are allowed to be dispensing. Girls go to the hospital every week from frat parties where they violated the alcohol policies and then on Tuesday they come into the meetings and talk about how to protect themselves from punishment by the school. Sometimes I feel like an accomplice...like I should try to do something. I guess I fall to peer pressure. I feel intimidated but that's no excuse. What are they going to do if I speak up, call me names or argue with me? I should be more assertive next time.

Ahhh, sometimes simple things are complicated I guess.

It's been a long time since I updated my journal. I think I am going to start allowing myself to write short entries, that way I will feel like I have time to start one. Anyway, the past couple weeks have been hectic. I working on my thesis which is proving to be more difficult than I expected. Basically I have to convince schools to allow me to bring a college student in and have 15 minutes with 4th grades one on one during school. Oh yeah, and I need to videotape it. Not that easiest task as most schools are extremely hestitant to allow their children to be videotaped or taken out of class. Thank God for private schools. Not that they don't care as much, but usually I only need to convince the principal, not the entire district office.

Besides thesis stuff I have been super busy planning a fundraiser. We are having a Monopoly tournament on November 6th to benefit a non-profit that takes care of children in Schenectady, a very worthy cause. We're expecting teams from 10 area colleges, all in all about 350 people. Trying to get money for food, donations of prizes, and all the other stuff is crazy. This is by far the bigger undertaking than I thought. Hopefully it will work out. I'll keep you posted.

Last of all there is the neverending grad school process. I am not feeling too good about this whole application thing. I sat down to try to formulate a resume yesterday and I realized that I have nothing to put on it. That's not going to make me very desireable. Furthermore, I just don't know when I am going to have time to look at schools, write essays, and get all the info together. And then there is the Psych GRE...be still my beating heart. Basically I am not sure where all the time is going to come from. I guess it's not going to come from me writing in my journal...oops. Oh well, I need a break sometimes!

Take care!!

Okay so it’s time for a bit of a rant. The other day I went to meet with woman because my sorority is running a fundraiser for the charity she heads. I could tell right away that this woman was kind of brash but she was friendly enough to me so I didn’t really think anything of it. However, as we were making small talk she hit on one of my biggest pet peeves ever. She asked me what my major was and when I replied psychology she said that it was great that I was going to be a therapist (she is a social worker). When I explained to her that I was actually interested in becoming a researcher her reply was “Don’t you want to help people?!� I held back my annoyance because I decided that it wasn’t the right situation to let myself get carried away but then she continued, “I don’t understand why people like you, who are educated and given so much, do not want to help your fellow human being.� AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I seriously could have leapt across the table and strangled her right there.

First of all, I am there because I am trying to organize a ridiculous fundraiser for 350 people for her charity. I mean I don’t get paid to do this and she has the gall to tell me that I don’t want to help people! Second, what does she think researchers do?! I mean where does medicine come from? How does she think that therapist know how to help people? Does some magical genius just write out how what therapists should do with a golden pen and then poof! it’s learned and utilized?!

I know that I would not be a good counselor. I am not really built to help people in that way, so there would be no use in me trying that. I want to contribute in a different way. Why don’t people understand that there are lots of ways to make a difference? Besides, although I give all due credit to therapists, they are solving problems one person at a time (if they are able to solve anything). Researchers work on a large scale. They figure out how problems form and what is the best way to fix them. I don’t understand why someone can’t see that.

Finally I could not help but be pissed off at her assumption that I have everything given to me. I am the first to admit that I am very fortunate, but she doesn’t even know me. She thinks that just because I come from a school where most of the people have a lot of money that I am like everyone else. Well, not everyone is like that Union. Yes, lots of people here are rich, but there are a lot of people who aren’t. I work hard in school and I am not rich, so her assumptions about me are far more annoying than they will ever be accurate.

I guess I should be able to take these comments and attribute them to ignorance but they really did make me mad. It’s not the first time someone has thought that my disinterest in therapy equated to me ambivalence towards helping mankind. Whatever. I know that I am going to make things better…even if it’s in a small way. I don’t need that woman’s approval to feel like my goals are worthwhile. Anyway, I am still the sole organizer of her little shindig. Although I could get bitter at her and lose interest in this fundraiser, that is not the kind of person I am. I want to help people…even if it means helping her.

Okay so I got really behind on my plan to write about each day of my travelling last year. I am going to try to catch up now.

[size=l]Sept 10th 2003-[/size]
On this day we toured Brussels. It was an amazing city. We saw the Manneken Pis, a not very impressive but quite funny statue of a pissing boy, the Grand' Place, the central market square of Brussels, which is said to be the most beautiful in the world, and the Atomium, which was built for the 1958 World's Fair.

Manneken Pis


Grand' Place


Atomium


[size=l]Sept 11th, 2003-[/size]
On this day last year we woke up and got on the train to go to Brugge. I wrote in my journal that the people in Belgium were so friendly. We almost missed our train because basically we were lost, and this nice man with two small children came up to us and asked us if we needed help and directed us on where to go...so kind of him. Anyway, Brugge was beautiful. It an old gorgeous town with buildings you would expect to see Germany and canals like in Venice. We took a boat ride and the weather was beautiful. We at frites (like french fries) and really waffles, which had major chunks of sugar in them! The highlight of the day was going to the top of Belfort, an old church in the middle of Brugge. It was exhausting to climb up to the top, but the view was amazing.

View from Boat Ride in Brugge


Heidi and Shannon in front of Belfort


View of Brugge from the top of Belfort



After an exciting day in Brugge we got on a night train to Munich. Sleeping on the train was not so much fun and neither was arriving at 5am to have no place to stay because we couldn't get into our hostel until 2pm!

More on this trip later...I know I am still not up to date, but I am working on it!

Happy 21st Birthday Diana!! Now no more need to sneak into bars...hehe. Have a great day!

[size=l]September 9th, 2003[/size]

On this day last year we woke up at Heidi's brother's apartment in London and prepared to go to Belgium. I saw Jesse in the morning which was unexpected because he was supposed to have his internship but he got fired and exciting because it was the first time we had seen each other since he left home for England.

When I was with Jesse we walked around Russell Square and the British Museum. The British Museum was so amazing and huge. We saw the Rosetta Stone and an exhibit on mummies. We also went into the Reading Room which is like a big library with a huge list in the front of all of the famous people who have had "tickets" (library cards) to the room. I wrote down that I was particulary impressed that Karl Marx and Virginia Wolf were on the list.

After seeing Jesse we got on the train and went to Stansted Airport outside of London. There we flew Ryanair to Brussels and took an autocar to our hostel. Our hostel was unbelievably loud and busy. It was like staying in a huge club where they played overdubbed Eminem all night long. I remember that I did not sleep well that night. We stayed in a room with 6 other girls and by the time we woke up the next morning I was ready to get out of there and do some sightseeing.

Hi Everyone! It's been a while since the last time I posted. I have been busy moving in to my apartment at school and starting classes. Now that the first day is over I have some time to update. First of all, I love the first day of classes. I know that is a really dorky thing to say, but it's true. I get really excited to get my syllabi and see what's in store for me. In any event, today was fun because I had my first classes. However a big let down was that neither professor gave out a syllabus! Very disappointing. I am taking Hebrew this term...don't ask me why. I thought it would be fun, but with the first day of class all we did was listen to her speak in Hebrew and then try to get us to answer her in Hebrew. I had no idea what was going on. She wouldn't even let us write anything down (not that I know how to write in Hebrew yet). I felt like I was testing my memory far too much! Anyway, I am still motivated. I already made an appointment to go for extra help. I blame my mother for not sending me to Hebrew school like all my classmates (there are 7 other kids and they can all read and write, just not speak).

In other news, I have decided to do a series of posts for the next 10 or so days because they were very special to me a year ago. On this day last year I travelled to England for the first time. It was the beginning of a 10 day trip I took with two friends before we each spent a term abroad. After the 10 days and 5 countries, I went to York England for the next four months. I kept a journal the whole time...here's the short version:

[size=xl]Sept 08th 2003[/size]
Okay so on Sept 8 I got on the plane in NYC with Heidi and Shannon to go to London, Heathrow. This was so scary for me as I knew I wasn't going to be seeing my family for so long (I am a big baby). That's pretty much all for today...I mean the flight was 6 hours.

My little drawing of the seating arrangement...


The monitor that showed Heathrow...

This is Mike on his birthday with his idol Mrs. Heller:



I love his face!!

Last night was a lot of fun. Mike, I hope you had a great birthday because I know I had a good time. Mr Goodbar was an interesting time. Diana, who is not 21, was not allowed to go in to the bar. So Teres asked the at the door if they would let her in anyway, but the guy was really mean and said no. Not to be discouraged, we slyly devised a plan where Mike and I would go in the front door while Teres and Di walked away (in order to look like Di gave up). Then, Di would jump over the bar in the front and get in through the patio and Teres would follow. The planned worked without any problem. However, outsmarting the stupid Mr. Goodbar doormen was not satisfying enough. We needed to add insult to injury. Later that night there was a contest for all the women. The girl at the bar who could come up with the "most creative" way to use a press on tattoo would win an adirondack chair. We thought it was really sleazy, but then Di came up with the idea to cut the tattoo in half and put one side on each of her breasts. That way when she squeezed her boobs together the tattoo would be whole. SHe and Jill ran into the bathroom and applied the tattoo. Lo and behold, Di won the contest and the chair...AFTER sneaking in when the jerks told her she couldn't. Very funny night.

So anyway, my friend Jeremy from school is coming up to Buffalo to drive back to Schenectady with me this weekend. On the one hand I am excited, it will be nice to have someone to share the long drive with. However, I am also a little nervous. I have so much to get done and I am not sure if I can do it all with someone else around. Plus these are my last couple days at home. I won't see my mom for a long time, although I will see my friends for Andrea's wedding in like two weeks. Anyway, I guess I don't have much of a choice about it. Just have to get stuff done whether I want to or not.

Okay, one more gripe. I have to write this 8-10 page paper about my research this summer and the TAing I will be doing this year before I get back to school. This was totally sprung on me at the last second and now I have to rush to get it done. How frustrating! I guess I shouldn't complain. I know it only a paper and really I don't have to do any research. I just hate not having ample time to prepare work. I hate having to rush!