In a previous relationship several years back, I had the experience now and then where I dreaded the breakup, but when I contemplated how I would actually feel if we did break up, I felt a sense of relief. Especially when I actually got near to the point of breaking up a few times.

Being an employee of a business can be very much like being in a relationship. Things are getting increasingly dysfunctional at work right now, and my mental quality of life is being seriously diminished. To the point that I nearly forgot to pick up my son at daycare today. While I won't go into details, I'm feeling very much the same way I felt several years ago about this person that I dated.

Ari Met his first wikipediable person today at the Literacy Volunteers appreciation dinner.



Two weeks ago grandma and grampa took us to the Buffalo zoo.



He slept virtually the entire time.





Except when he's hungry.



They're finally cleaning up Beth Jacob Cemetery in the east side. The last several weeks I've been volunteering to help restore the cemetery (as best we can). It's good to get outside of the house and use my muscles a little. This sunday we're meeting their again, and we might just get to expose a few overturned monuments!






Of all the monuments, this one gets to me the most, especially since I now have a child of my own. The last time I saw it this winter, it was barely visible under the substantial brush and thorns. The area's been cleared enough that the Jewish custom of placing a rock on it can be observed again.



I never thought I'd see the day where there'd be real living people in the cemetery.



A slightly better shot of overturned monuments.

When a great opportunity drops into my lap, I sometimes don't take the maximum advantage of it that I could out of consideration for others.

I need to remember that when I do this, it's often because I'm acting like a wuss and I'm concerned about what others might think of me, and also often because I lack the confidence to make full use of such an opportunity.

What I need to remember most of all is that when I don't take full advantage of an opportunity and water it down out of concern for others, the opportunity is utilized in a half-assed way, and the opportunity:

1. Either completely fizzles out with the net effect of the opportunity being nil and me not having another opportunity like it for a very long time.

2. The opportunity blowing up in my face and possibly in the face of the person to whom I was trying to show consideration, because half of an opportunity can be more unstable and explosive than a full one.

3. Both #1 and #2

4. #1, #2, and the people around me being dumbfounded as to why I made such a half-assed decision.

I guess that the best way to deal with my latest experience with this is to turn it into a learning experience. Yeah, it cost me something, but I'll learn to be smarter the next time around.

- Spent the week with my parents, who left on friday. They really helped (e:inscrutable) and I a lot with setting up our apartment. Which we really need ready for the baby come April.

- Mom showed me how to make both her famous chicken and knuflies and her water chestnut stuffing. I will now be able to make these recipes for my family (the one I'm raising).

- Had thanksgiving dinner with my family (the one who raised me).

- I finally got a new vacuum cleaner to do battle with (e:ktmuffin) and her effect on my ability to breathe.

- Also purchased was a new washer and dryer. I've never actually had my own personal laundry machines in any apartment I've owned. It will be really nice being able to walk five feet to wash my boxers while simultaneously wearing boxers.

- Caught the tail end of (e:lizabeth), (e:john), and (e:jbeatty)'s non-traditional Thanksgiving.

- (e:inscrutable) and I took a road trip to see her parents in Dansville. I got to meet her other brother as well as several aunts. Had a second, belated thanksgiving with them.

- I had way too much turkey. This entire weekend, all I've wanted to do was sleep.

I will not get angry when others say my ideas aren't good; instead, I will take it as them daring me to show the world there's a better way.

I need to keep telling myself that.

I guess I feel a little better about leaving Elmwood and moving to N. Buffalo now that other people are doing it.

(reposting because I can't find out how to delete comments)

Labor Day Weekend Summary

Introduced (e:inscrutable) to the parents, and the four of us had yet another great buffet experience at the India Gate.

Found a nice apartment in Northern Buffalo near Sanders @ Colvin where (e:inscrutable) and I can live together and merge households.

Went to Toronto to see relatives I had not seen in seven years, the last time being at my grandfather's funeral. Nice to see them again in happier circumstances. As my orthodox relatives tend to have lots of kids, I wasn't surprised to find that I had another six 2nd cousins who I never knew existed. And they're all cute, of course.

Experienced the unbearably sad reality that my parents are getting older. Seeing the people who I relied on to protect me and be strong for me requiring my protection and strength was an extremely emotional experience for me. I also started realizing the burden on me to be the strong and protective one in my existing and future family relationships. I see a lot more gym visits in my future.

Got to see Toronto and eat lots of yummy Indian and Thai food. Remembered that I'd actually have pictures of said food if I wasn't dork enough to forget my digital camera. I also saw the Great Wall of China . That's Canadian humor for you.

Got a whole bunch of CD's of Candian artists I've heard across the water on 102.1 The Edge. I've found it surprisingly hard to find Bedouin Soundclash, Ill Scarlett, D.J. Champion, and Billy Talent in Buffalo stores, so I kind of went hog-wild the moment I stepped into HMV.

Got the non-blocking, multi-threaded querying feature of my Postg reSQL Coc oa framework in the initial stages of working, which should help reduce users' perception of latency in applications using the framework. In plain english, I spent some time on my laptop computer doing programming stuff and accomplished something important.

Got pizza scissors. For cutting pizza. I'll add a picture when I have time.

I told my parents tonight. It wasn't half as bad as I imagined it. It's a huge weight off my chest, and with that past me I can finally concentrate on being productive and preparing for the future again, especially since my parents seem kind of cool about it.

Today I have little to write.

I instead reflect on the fact that sometimes there's stuff that you just can't write on the Internet because it's just such a hot potato and personal enough to the point of being inappropriate to share with others.

Time will change this, I'm sure, but it sucks that I have to (justifiably) limit my emotional outlets.

Tues: I ordered something. Something that will help a lot with work. Paul probably can guess what it is, but I'm not going to advertise that I've got one in my house.

Wed: Took (e:inscrutabale) to Baccus dinner & movie for her b-day. They were showing the Big Lebowski. After years hearing all sorts of nerdy folks make references to that movie, I can now be in on the joke, Dude. It's cool watching a movie in that kind of environment, although a city environment doesn't make it always the easiest to hear, especially with zillions of bikers roaring around downtown. I don't think all that wine made things any easier to follow, either.

Thu: (Tonight).

Had a decent walk to SPoT with (e:inscrutable). She ordered what could very well be the most tastiest thing I've had there, which tasted like rose petals and perfume. Which is really weird because you'd never expect such things to be tasty. On the way, some guy driving by saw me and (e:inscrutable) holding hands on the walk back to my apartment and yelled "faggot" at me. It took me as few seconds to realize that he was mistaking (e:inscrutable) for a guy (a girl with short hair wearing a hat looks like a guy with long hair wearing a hat, I guess). It was a little shocking at first, but we soon laughed it off.

Finally, I was surprised to find out that (e:inscrutable) successfully baked the gargoyle I made on Tues. It turned out pretty well considering I was just messing around with the leftover clay from her class and wasn't attempting to make any kind of masterpiece.