So I picked up the final Crohn's medication today - a steroid called presdnisone . Theis brings me to an even 17 pills a day.

The side effects sound terrible. Not to mention it says right on the bottle to avoid contact with sick people as it suppresses your immune system. How the hell am I going to do that working at a hospital, in Buffalo during winter and living at a house where (e:matthew) nannies children. I seriously am going to need to be in a bubble. So basically, I can expect to get really sick on top of my really sickness. I want to just be put down. I feel like I should just go on vacation.

ANyone know of a good nutritionist in town? I get, I know why I have to eat it as part of my low reside/low fiber Crohn's diet but it seems to hard to think about eating the crap on my copyright 1998 list of food I can consume. According to it.

Fats I can eat:
butter, margarine

Fats I can't eat:
all others

That freakin' cannot be right. Haven't there been so many studies showing that mono and polyunsaturated fats are good for you. And clearly no fat has fiber. When I looked it up online , which I am good at and have the ability to do, it says all oils are fine. But for many people getting this stupid piece of paper they might think they can only eat butter as a fat. It is such a disservice to people to have inaccurate information. The whole sheet has tons of contradictories and is missing commas all over so some of it makes no sense.

Thank god I can eat crispy bacon

Here is the whole list

Well the doctor is pretty sure I have a long term chronic disease called Crohn's disease now that will probably make me go insane. That is not a side effect but knowing my ability to cope with stuff I think insanity might be in store.

Apparently, it is really bad that I didn't take the medicine before. I promise I will now. 9 Pills a day of asacol and I don't know how many yet of steriods. I never took steroid before - do they make you feel weird.

Here are the insides of my colon looking all sick and yucky.



I guess it helps to have a doctor who is a cousin. He told me it is genetic and when I said I didn't think anyone in my family had it, he said I was wrong.

It was so nice of (e:jenks) to shows up and check on me as I woke up. It meant a lot.

blow your house down wih my 50mph wind.

I woke up this morning at 6am for the other half of my yummy lemon-ginger phoso-soda and heard this crazy smashing noise. Turned out the be a doll house from our yard blowing into the air and into the church.



Then all the garbage can blew down. Then this super loud thud which was the attic escape pod hatch. A 100lb metal and wood creation, blowing off the roof and 30 forward and like 100 feet down into the front yard. It was so scary to recover it because I was afraid other things would hit me. I guess (e:terry) never tied it down after going out on the roof at the party. There is no way I can get it back up there without someones help.



Something is exciting about being in strong wind. But also really scary. I wonder what it sounds like in a smaller house.

More love for my new carrier
First another bonus to ATT. I just called a number I saw at our Human Resources for ATT discounts and when I called the representative, she applied a 24% discount to my account. That is a seriously significant discount.

Clear Liquid Diet Day
I didn't even start with my first clear liquid drink of the day but decided to weigh myself just to see how much weight I will lose through the whole laxative process before the scope tomorrow. Looks like I weighed in at 138 - and that is before. Just how little can I weight, like how much is (e:paul) without the food in him. I really don't know how laxative are going to help get any more out of me. Seeing as my body seems to take care of that by itself.

Here is an example day from

Breakfast Hot tea with lemon juice and 1 tsp sugar (no pulp); Apple juice (8 oz); Gelatin 1 cup
Lunch     Hot tea with lemon (no pulp) and sugar; Grape juice (8 oz); Fruit Ice (1 cup); Consommé (8 oz.)
Snack     Fruit juice (apple, cranberry or grape, 8 oz); Gelatin (1 cup)
Dinner     Hot tea with lemon and sugar; Apple juice (8 oz); Consommé (8 oz); Fruit Ice (1 cup)

I think I am just going to need to be sedated. Does vodka count in clear liquid diet? I seriously get crazy just missing one meal as I don't have much reserves.

Mind you just before thanksgiving I weighed about 150. So I figure at this rate I should be down to 100 lbs by summer. I think that is my target "die at" weight. That was supposed to be a pun on diet but it just sounds sad. Kind of like (e:vincent) said - if you get down to 150 and then you get sick it's too on the edge. Welcome to my life.

I am so freakin' scared. Things like this scare me to death. For some reason I am not really able to handle this so well. How are other people so good at coping with body based problems? They just make me feel so temporary. I think had it been anything else I could have lived with it. Save for maybe some injury to my penis. But messing with eating and sleeping ruins everythign for me. In my sad, non social existence, going out to eat was probably the only fun thing I did - and now that is ruined. There is nothig else to do in the winter fr me. I guess i oucld program more, or pick up some other stupid hobby but I really miss the social interaction that is eating.

At least I have a job that I can do without much physical effort. Imagine if I had a physically stressful, non-union job right now. I would probably end up being fired and losing my health insurance if I had any to begin with. I guess I am lucky in a way and should stop complaining. But it doesn't make it any less scary. I suppose it would all be much better if I had a doctor I communicated with I think the scariness is not really knowing anything or what to expect.

I cannot wait until my gastro appointment on the 24th. I will call tehm today and ask if there are any other earlier appointments.