mobileCategory: ramblins
09/01/07 09:41 - 57ºF - ID#40874
ohhhhhhhh....life
michael stipe and his fine band were on sesame street last week, bringing a little tear to my emotional eye. the song was "shiny happy monsters" alternated with "sad and sobbing monsters" to showcase to kids the wide range of emotions, and the fact that they can so rapidly flip, i suppose. it was amusing also cause this bunch of serious nerd-rockers sort of had to *force* looking like they were having fun, especially m.s. sheesh. you're playing your guitar with honkers. lighten up, buddies.
anyway rem is great, and always goes with fall for me for some reason, and i don't really know where that came from...... i am trying to interest myself in music made more recently, i am sick of just about every cd we have and would like to branch out a bit. then, it requires some degree of motivation and hobby-like time commitment, which turns me off these days. mostly i sit around and wait to hatch.
it is odd, when you go to move, and take everything down, and realize just how much *stuff* you have here and there, useful or not, and how that stuff defines you in a way. so far there are 7 full boxes of books and more to come. so that suggests that that is the most important aspect of our lives. i will most definitely not have that many boxes of clothes, or sex toys. so. it's just odd, looking around at this gorgeous apartment, and how it will once again be a blank slate for the next folks, and i'll have a blank slate in the new house, which will be my slate and no one else's, and no stomps from my ceiling or ll's telling me not to pull out the jimny weeds that are so precious somehow. that part will be awesome. but moving is sort of intense, especially right now... but then, so is everything, right now.
anyway rem is great, and always goes with fall for me for some reason, and i don't really know where that came from...... i am trying to interest myself in music made more recently, i am sick of just about every cd we have and would like to branch out a bit. then, it requires some degree of motivation and hobby-like time commitment, which turns me off these days. mostly i sit around and wait to hatch.
it is odd, when you go to move, and take everything down, and realize just how much *stuff* you have here and there, useful or not, and how that stuff defines you in a way. so far there are 7 full boxes of books and more to come. so that suggests that that is the most important aspect of our lives. i will most definitely not have that many boxes of clothes, or sex toys. so. it's just odd, looking around at this gorgeous apartment, and how it will once again be a blank slate for the next folks, and i'll have a blank slate in the new house, which will be my slate and no one else's, and no stomps from my ceiling or ll's telling me not to pull out the jimny weeds that are so precious somehow. that part will be awesome. but moving is sort of intense, especially right now... but then, so is everything, right now.
Permalink: ohhhhhhhh_life.html
Words: 323
Location: Buffalo, NY
08/19/07 04:35 - 71ºF - ID#40624
it is fun to have fun...
but you have to know how (so states the Cat, somewhat ominously--he IS quite the trickster). i USED to know how, or so i thought, and then for a while i learned how in a totally different way, now i am not sure i know how at all, or even if i really knew how then either. here is a seussian verse about it:
it was fun long ago but rather confusing
to think of amusements as so very amusing
now there is too much and too little to do
minding thing 1 and brewing thing 2
hahahaha.......terrible.
it was fun long ago but rather confusing
to think of amusements as so very amusing
now there is too much and too little to do
minding thing 1 and brewing thing 2
hahahaha.......terrible.
Permalink: it_is_fun_to_have_fun_.html
Words: 97
Location: Buffalo, NY
07/30/07 04:00 - 82ºF - ID#40313
so many things
naturally i wait and wait for a computer, which finally arrives and is glorious, and all i can think to do with it is fiddle around on the internet. i feel so full of lazy interest in so many things, it is a shame that i choose to passively write about them rather than go do research as my pricy liberal education taught. wellllll. sort of.
so since i am so very fond of making lists lately, i shall make one that i can constantly flagellate myself with should more fiddlings lead me here. by this time next year i will be:
1. a beekeeper
2. also a grocer
3. perhaps with a few fingers in catering as well
4. deimpregnated, nursing (most likely), mom of *2*!
5. a better knitter
6. gaining knowledge of essential home improvement techniques, like perhaps tiling, drywall arts, and hole digging
it is a lot for a year. get going, self. the time for lethargy is drawing to a close. either enjoy it while it lasts, or cut it loose and.......well, read about it while you're waiting. tee hee.
so since i am so very fond of making lists lately, i shall make one that i can constantly flagellate myself with should more fiddlings lead me here. by this time next year i will be:
1. a beekeeper
2. also a grocer
3. perhaps with a few fingers in catering as well
4. deimpregnated, nursing (most likely), mom of *2*!
5. a better knitter
6. gaining knowledge of essential home improvement techniques, like perhaps tiling, drywall arts, and hole digging
it is a lot for a year. get going, self. the time for lethargy is drawing to a close. either enjoy it while it lasts, or cut it loose and.......well, read about it while you're waiting. tee hee.
Permalink: so_many_things.html
Words: 179
Location: Buffalo, NY
04/11/07 04:46 - 49ºF - ID#38854
comitragedy
cry
-stories on npr, like the teacher in afghanistan, who, despite death threats to her sons by the taliban, refuses to stop teaching because her students are "all our children, our people."
-snow in april
-everything left unsaid with rachel
-songs with too many memories attached, remnants of past lives
laugh
-wikipedia's entry on "Mr. Roboto"
-bugley
-alex trebek and paul together in the same room
-obvious overstated factoids, such as "Humans are the only species to develop bunions, as no other species wears shoes." uh, what about horses? har har
-stories on npr, like the teacher in afghanistan, who, despite death threats to her sons by the taliban, refuses to stop teaching because her students are "all our children, our people."
-snow in april
-everything left unsaid with rachel
-songs with too many memories attached, remnants of past lives
laugh
-wikipedia's entry on "Mr. Roboto"
-bugley
-alex trebek and paul together in the same room
-obvious overstated factoids, such as "Humans are the only species to develop bunions, as no other species wears shoes." uh, what about horses? har har
Permalink: comitragedy.html
Words: 91
Location: Buffalo, NY
03/02/07 10:44 - 35ºF - ID#38327
crying while guzzling gas
well, not *guzzling* per se.....but certainly cushy in my american clothes, coat, vehicle, headed to a cozy home without 28 inhabitants to share the 7 rooms and with drinking water that isn't sewage.
so went the story the other day of an iraqi family, who can't afford propane to boil the impurities out of the water, since no one can work, since they are basically in hiding and/or their workplaces have been bombed the living shit out of. so they just let the water sit for a day, and the big stuff settles but the water still tastes like shit.
only read this if you want to become angry, depressed, and/or hopeless about not only US involvement in this 'war', but the state of the world and the fucked up nature of war in the first placenpr
lives are lives and not numbers, but 3,166 american lives vs. a possible 650,000 iraqi? and WTF with the bush administration's "guesstimate" of 30,000. i'm not surprised, but i'm goddamned pissed, and i don't know what to do about it.
i read a political comic the other day satirizing the complete blithe unwillingness of americans to let the war affect their daily lives in any way. i will admit, ok, yes, i am part of that problem. but other than an occasional bawl in the car, other than a many-times removed committal to keep myself informed, and other than flare ups of righteous indignation, is there anything that really *CAN* be done. i can't leave my job or family to hold a sign in NY or DC. or at least i'm not willing to. i admire the women in black organization, but feel slightly hypocritical about doing that, since i'm not willing to give up a lot of my time or energy, since honestly, i'm not ALL that into it.
i don't know. why did i even bother writing this on a public forum, if i really believe there is nothing to be done?
so went the story the other day of an iraqi family, who can't afford propane to boil the impurities out of the water, since no one can work, since they are basically in hiding and/or their workplaces have been bombed the living shit out of. so they just let the water sit for a day, and the big stuff settles but the water still tastes like shit.
only read this if you want to become angry, depressed, and/or hopeless about not only US involvement in this 'war', but the state of the world and the fucked up nature of war in the first placenpr
lives are lives and not numbers, but 3,166 american lives vs. a possible 650,000 iraqi? and WTF with the bush administration's "guesstimate" of 30,000. i'm not surprised, but i'm goddamned pissed, and i don't know what to do about it.
i read a political comic the other day satirizing the complete blithe unwillingness of americans to let the war affect their daily lives in any way. i will admit, ok, yes, i am part of that problem. but other than an occasional bawl in the car, other than a many-times removed committal to keep myself informed, and other than flare ups of righteous indignation, is there anything that really *CAN* be done. i can't leave my job or family to hold a sign in NY or DC. or at least i'm not willing to. i admire the women in black organization, but feel slightly hypocritical about doing that, since i'm not willing to give up a lot of my time or energy, since honestly, i'm not ALL that into it.
i don't know. why did i even bother writing this on a public forum, if i really believe there is nothing to be done?
Permalink: crying_while_guzzling_gas.html
Words: 329
Location: Buffalo, NY
02/22/07 02:31 - 34ºF - ID#38243
suburban foo!
hmm. city or rural. the difficulty becomes land. while a city garden can be lush and wonderful, in the end it is a rectangle where the kids like fishies will bang into the sides of the tank eventually. however they and i and we have the advantage of lots of types of food and arts to feed us, and more than one option of transportation.
muy muy importante.
city schools. blech.
but ugly rural houses. blech.
and...would country living bore the hell out of us? certainly! we would have to find or make fun in the gardens and the woods, or bust. what of the winter? when even the free library is miles away.... and always drive drive drive everywhere, every day most likely. ew.
then naturally there is the option of leaving buffalo altogether, worried threadbare like the corner of an old afghan by now, should we stay or should we go...... february is a bitch of a month, in't it.
muy muy importante.
city schools. blech.
but ugly rural houses. blech.
and...would country living bore the hell out of us? certainly! we would have to find or make fun in the gardens and the woods, or bust. what of the winter? when even the free library is miles away.... and always drive drive drive everywhere, every day most likely. ew.
then naturally there is the option of leaving buffalo altogether, worried threadbare like the corner of an old afghan by now, should we stay or should we go...... february is a bitch of a month, in't it.
Permalink: suburban_foo_.html
Words: 163
Location: Buffalo, NY
01/09/07 07:41 - 30ºF - ID#37618
my 'a' is broken
and i sort of like the nub under that left pinky, and that i have to pay extra attention to the fact that my 'a' is being typed properly. 'a's are everywhere, a lot. heh heh would always have to be heh heh, and never ha ha without it. everyone's laugh would be much more sarcastic, and the vaguely german spelling of 'lugh' to boot. srcstic lughing germns.
enough of that. i will get it fixed, then i will not remember what it was like, the feel under my pinky of this tiny green dot that resembles an upturned breast. oh, all the things we don't see that govern our lives so. how quickly our focus shifts to survive a simple 24.
enough of that as well, miss wax fantastic. i like southern yankee's 'i despise' list. it is so much more honest to do this in january than resolution-ing. i despise getting older, when there is no one to tell you you're doing just fine anymore. when you have to convince yourself you are, and of many other things. i despise thinking of it as 'getting older,' which only makes me feel it more precisely.
on my languorous drive to work, i began to think about some well spent times of yore, and to sort of feel as though they were colors of a sort, vibrant or shady, and then almost taking on a texture as well, like tattered or shiny or, oh, waffle weave, say. it makes me think i should make something out of fabric, but then also i got to thinking of a (particularly female) preoccupation with redecorating rooms, and almost wondered if my 'colors of my youth' meanderings tie into that. that if the 'colors' and 'textures' aren't happening to you (or if you aren't making them happen) as experience, you will then try to impose it physically (change of scenery/brighten a room/liven things up are commonly used phrases for the phenomenon) upon your world.
but when you are done, then what?
you might just need to rework your sentence so it does not possess one ' '.
enough of that. i will get it fixed, then i will not remember what it was like, the feel under my pinky of this tiny green dot that resembles an upturned breast. oh, all the things we don't see that govern our lives so. how quickly our focus shifts to survive a simple 24.
enough of that as well, miss wax fantastic. i like southern yankee's 'i despise' list. it is so much more honest to do this in january than resolution-ing. i despise getting older, when there is no one to tell you you're doing just fine anymore. when you have to convince yourself you are, and of many other things. i despise thinking of it as 'getting older,' which only makes me feel it more precisely.
on my languorous drive to work, i began to think about some well spent times of yore, and to sort of feel as though they were colors of a sort, vibrant or shady, and then almost taking on a texture as well, like tattered or shiny or, oh, waffle weave, say. it makes me think i should make something out of fabric, but then also i got to thinking of a (particularly female) preoccupation with redecorating rooms, and almost wondered if my 'colors of my youth' meanderings tie into that. that if the 'colors' and 'textures' aren't happening to you (or if you aren't making them happen) as experience, you will then try to impose it physically (change of scenery/brighten a room/liven things up are commonly used phrases for the phenomenon) upon your world.
but when you are done, then what?
you might just need to rework your sentence so it does not possess one ' '.
Permalink: my_a_is_broken.html
Words: 355
Location: Buffalo, NY
08/20/06 08:23 - 65ºF - ID#36377
how in the hell did i end up sane??
well, in comparison at least.
3 year disintegration, during which either 1) families and/or individuals dissolve, the effervescence of which bubbles constantly against my skin, up and around my breathing apparati, so that i can only get sips of air in the constant onslaught. or 2) there is no dissolution, simply an ever present parental/familial lack unnoticed due to a heretofore preoccupation with self, i.e. immaturity; which made life seem as grand as most dub their childhood. was the childhood grand, or simply the perception of it? perhaps this is only my adult self learning to breathe.
Mother: who will i give my love to?
Father: i give it to God, who will solve everything.
Mother: did you say something?
Father: who are you? well, how bout i'll come over, but not to find out. (next day) i'm sick. i can't come over. (repeat)
Mother: will anyone love me, ever again?
Father: if there's no pain, praise God. if there's pain, praise God anyway. You can read the book of Job about that.
Mother: i spent much more than i meant to this weekend. (repeat)
Grandmother: let's see.....knight, bishop, pawn, qu--oh, okay, queen (phew).....now where did that other knight get off to?
uncle: when do we eat?
stepmother: i'm not fine, and i want everyone to know it.
stepfather: i'm fine, and i want no one to know it.
me:
3 year disintegration, during which either 1) families and/or individuals dissolve, the effervescence of which bubbles constantly against my skin, up and around my breathing apparati, so that i can only get sips of air in the constant onslaught. or 2) there is no dissolution, simply an ever present parental/familial lack unnoticed due to a heretofore preoccupation with self, i.e. immaturity; which made life seem as grand as most dub their childhood. was the childhood grand, or simply the perception of it? perhaps this is only my adult self learning to breathe.
Mother: who will i give my love to?
Father: i give it to God, who will solve everything.
Mother: did you say something?
Father: who are you? well, how bout i'll come over, but not to find out. (next day) i'm sick. i can't come over. (repeat)
Mother: will anyone love me, ever again?
Father: if there's no pain, praise God. if there's pain, praise God anyway. You can read the book of Job about that.
Mother: i spent much more than i meant to this weekend. (repeat)
Grandmother: let's see.....knight, bishop, pawn, qu--oh, okay, queen (phew).....now where did that other knight get off to?
uncle: when do we eat?
stepmother: i'm not fine, and i want everyone to know it.
stepfather: i'm fine, and i want no one to know it.
me:
Permalink: how_in_the_hell_did_i_end_up_sane_.html
Words: 232
Location: Buffalo, NY
08/06/06 08:28 - 82ºF - ID#36376
things i'd like
attainable or not, i'd like to keep this list in mind as my mind reels lately with an uncharacteristic lust after objects. and SO, here are the things my heart really wants, not necessarily in priority:
1. learn chinese, go to china for a long long time. many 'jong's.
2. a house that wraps around my self like a blankie
3. 3 nights consecutively of uninterrupted sleep
4. three boobs. hahahaha..... that might help with #3.
5. go swimming more
ok, so only one of those is materialistic, which is good but a little bit cheating since i have been wanting all kinds of ridiculous nonsensical things i don't need lately LIKE: purple coneflower, antiques, a sea salt and peppercorn grinder, a wool coat, and that downy spray you spritz on your clothes that magically erases all the wrinkles. ALSO a $3700 couch, $1800 "wine cubby" wall (what the hell is a "wine cubby" and why do i want it?), exotic lotions, a $78 shirt, an $88 sweater, makeup brushes, dill weed, fabric, a swimsuit (uh, summer's done, son), and naturally, 85,000 pairs of shoes. weeeeelllll, i kind of actually DO need the wool coat, and maybe 2 out of the 85,000 pairs. there. that is a little more honest. it actually feels a lot better to admit all the dumb things i want than to put it all nicey nicey. hey. and i am a material girl.
1. learn chinese, go to china for a long long time. many 'jong's.
2. a house that wraps around my self like a blankie
3. 3 nights consecutively of uninterrupted sleep
4. three boobs. hahahaha..... that might help with #3.
5. go swimming more
ok, so only one of those is materialistic, which is good but a little bit cheating since i have been wanting all kinds of ridiculous nonsensical things i don't need lately LIKE: purple coneflower, antiques, a sea salt and peppercorn grinder, a wool coat, and that downy spray you spritz on your clothes that magically erases all the wrinkles. ALSO a $3700 couch, $1800 "wine cubby" wall (what the hell is a "wine cubby" and why do i want it?), exotic lotions, a $78 shirt, an $88 sweater, makeup brushes, dill weed, fabric, a swimsuit (uh, summer's done, son), and naturally, 85,000 pairs of shoes. weeeeelllll, i kind of actually DO need the wool coat, and maybe 2 out of the 85,000 pairs. there. that is a little more honest. it actually feels a lot better to admit all the dumb things i want than to put it all nicey nicey. hey. and i am a material girl.
Permalink: things_i_d_like.html
Words: 224
Location: Buffalo, NY
07/27/06 08:32 - 75ºF - ID#36375
busyness equals lonelyness?
or perhaps they are weird sisters of a sort. it would seem they are opposites but think how if you haven't spoken to your friend in soooo long the 'i'm sorry i've been really busy' line is the first one you use. it'd be much more honest, and would probably help patch the friendship better, if we just said 'i'm sorry, i've been really lonely.' 'i'm sorry, i've been focusing elsewhere, and our relationship has suffered for it.'
friends are so important, that is a thing i must remember. in my life, people and things have come before (and i *have* loved them all) and the ones i've hung on to are simply the ones that have hung on to ME. plenty of things have changed and then some things just stay the same. friends are hard to make and even harder to keep and i am rambling but i write this as a note to myself for the future, from this the past: if someday you wake and ever should think 'it is only when we're young that we shake each other's hearts ', then you must slap yourself and do all in your power to find that again and make it happen.
"and no kinds of love are better than others (la dee ta ta taaa...)" -lou reed, velvet underground
friends are so important, that is a thing i must remember. in my life, people and things have come before (and i *have* loved them all) and the ones i've hung on to are simply the ones that have hung on to ME. plenty of things have changed and then some things just stay the same. friends are hard to make and even harder to keep and i am rambling but i write this as a note to myself for the future, from this the past: if someday you wake and ever should think 'it is only when we're young that we shake each other's hearts ', then you must slap yourself and do all in your power to find that again and make it happen.
"and no kinds of love are better than others (la dee ta ta taaa...)" -lou reed, velvet underground
Permalink: busyness_equals_lonelyness_.html
Words: 226
Location: Buffalo, NY
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