it has occurred to me that getting a frickin cell phone has changed my life rather significantly. i can't think of a single thought i had today. why have thoughts when you can talk on the phone? talk talk talk, gabb, gab, chat, chit, and rat-a-tat-tat-t-dow. i really hate being on the phone. i really, rilly do. when i am not i simply sit, tho. and watch birds. eventually it prompts me to call someone. since my gramma does not work, i call her often.

where are you reepicheep?

so now i am having a beer, and dancin wit myseh-elf (oh oh) via a gift called writing. thoughts in the last five minutes:

pink is for minks.

work would be good, if you "earned" in a day what you "earned" in a week.

somewhere out there, a motorcycle has crashed.

now if i could somehow smush these three thoughts into a story, but oh, to do it plausibly. ohhhhh. woe. i am unbrilliant at present. help! i enjoy myself too often! candy at work is slowly becoming the highlight of my day. the pleasing green background of e-strip is like a delicious margarita, making me want to get a blender, stat.

three boobed woman, muselike, staring mystere at a skyscape seemingly bare, visit me. we shall meet in our dreams at the spider lounge, where you will be drinking a milky elixir made from unknown precious goat fluids and i shall be smoking a sorrel cigar as i approach you. and our discourse shall shake the time space continuum. if you please, and i will sacrifice to you a bottle of cold duck and five shoots of scallion and call on hermes to witness.

i never, except i am going to make mine non-sexual, which is much less fun. but there's a lot of new folks, and i'm shy. (phhfff) ;)

SO, in my life i have never:

1. taken a bath in anything other than water
2. eaten a snail
3. grown a third breast and/or nipple
4. actually seen an ocelot
5. been out of north america :(
6. heard the cry of the blue-footed booby
7. shorn a single living thing
8. witnessed a birth
9. waterskiied
10. attempted to grow a very large pumpkin

like flacidness, i too hope to experience all 10 things on his, oh i mean my, list someday.

i have been delinquent.

thanks to all for the uniqueness of your presence and presience at le bar-b-q. we, as in paulnotpaul and myself (trisha) had a fantabyulastic time... good thing tomorrow is sunday. the day of our lord jeebus, wherein i can pray for the sinner that is me.

to get the warm juicy feeling, i have been prompted by our luxe webmaster to post my knowledge of salts. which i actually learned from a magazine. the practicality of these uses may just melt all e-strippers' hearts-o'-ice after my long and derelictionous absence, which is regrettable and pathetique.

enough about me. you are soooo interesting:


rub salt in the cavity of a chick-in or turkydear to keep the bird moist (before cooking, duh) mmm. nothing worse than that dry bird.

add a pinch o'salt to cream or egg whites to make them whip up higher. nothing better than that high whip.

salt raw eggplant to draw out the excess moisture (and cut down on the oil absorbed during cooking-- nothing like saving dough on that precious olive oyl).

banish onion odor from your hands by rubbing them with salt and a splash of binegar. i'd so rather smell like binegar than onions. though i still hold fast to my theory that onions are momma nature's secretest vagina.

put a dash of salt in your vase with cut flowers--they'll stay fresh longer. hurray, less trips to mother nature florist. on elmwood.

clean sink drains by running a hot strong salt solution down them. no more odors, no more grease build up. bye bye dran-o. you expensive whore.

rub salt on your grill tools. it magically rids them of the black grease stuff that is carbonized lighter fluid, et al.

polish your fine brass or copper pieces with a paste made of equal parts salt, flour, and binegar. lay lady lay. lay across my big brass bed.

my personal fave, living in this podunk backweather berg: make a solution of 2 teaspoons salt in a gallon of water. spray it on your car windows, wipe it dry. frost will not build up inside them, saving precious minutes in your already late workaday morning time. which you could spend much better getting an egg mcmuffin of course.

there you go. everything you might want to know about the amazing salt of the earth (and a real good dancer) except how to mine it. oh, and there are special kinds of salt that do special things to special foods. but that may be a story for another day.