can it?

today i am obsessed with random events. forming a pattern somehow, in some mathematical model i can't begin to comprehend.

there is a big bin at the grocery store of green beans. i sort through, finding the unmottled and most robust, as seems to be the ritual as i have seen so many women (all women) do it before me. you do not just throw a handful of beans into a bag. you meticulously sort, finding the unmottled and most robust. i rip such a one from its paltry looking sisters and think as the bean must be thinking: goodbye, my quintuplet darlings, us born from the selfsame flower. i am destined for a different pot from you, if indeed you make it to one. looking as such, you may just end up in a wegman's rat's belly, or, back to your base molecules as some food for a future bean that looks as appealing as i.

there is a wall of eggs, each in its pastel green styro, blinding me in the decision making process. how can i possibly choose a carton containing eighteen perfectly fresh unbroken eggs showing no signs of the atrocities from which they came? do i select from the top, bottom, or middle? the 1st, 2nd, or 7th column? after all, each egg in any given carton is most likely from a different fowl. so many, at this time of year, are destined for a dye bath, and eventual garbage pile. how many easter eggs can 1 person eat. and children won't eat an egg when there is cadbury to be had. eight out of eighteen are now garish and beautiful, like a wife of 28 years who finally decides to go out on the town. the rest, who knows? the thousands of ones left on the shelf, who can know? the pans and trashes and bellies they will end up in.

and so, when i chose my numbers for tonite, to gloriously and forsakenly stake my claim in a gluttonous 105 mil, i simply let these randoms do their thing, and my vision blurred, and i chose only based on the spaces in between things that appear empty, but end up ending up somewhere no one can know and rarely imagine.

based on so much thought, i just know i'm gonna hit it. ha ha..........

holly, love the picture...
and your stories
(and i have been putting myself away in the ground for a long time. it feels bad.)



who else but us and the other few we know dream of, of all things, a *goat* farm?!? (and sheepies, of course, matthew).

springtime is for bathin em in the river.


sigh... oh will oh will it happen someday?

if you find yourself caught in love,
say a prayer to the man above,
thank him for everything you know,
you should thank him for every breath you blow,
if you find yourself caught in love,
say a prayer to the man above,
thank him for every day you pass,
you should thank him for saving your sorry ass.

--belle and sebastian

gemini:

don't stay in today! while walking, you will catch sight of a rotten tomato, which will then become allegorical for you. you will realize the transitory, fleeting aspect of this thing called life, and that someday we're all worm food in the end. you will make attempts to become just as juicy and satisfying as that tomato was in its prime.

saggitarius:

the stars have it in for you, saggy baby! you will encounter the devil in the form of a tea leaf, floating around the bottom of (what else?) your teacup. he will proclaim in a booming voice only you can hear, that you were not meant to wear those socks today. he will arrange it so that your favorite possession will be taken away if you don't take them off immediately. so either don't drink tea, or don't wear socks today. the stars will allow you to choose in this instance.

libra:

strangely, six virgins will offer themselves to you today. unfortunately, you won't get the message, for reasons too numerous (and complicated, starswise!) to list. so sorry.

taurus:

you are beautiful, in every single way. no, words can't bring you down. you are beautiful, no matter what they say. no words can't bring you down. no, no. so don't you bring me down today.

capricorn:

hey cap, when's the last time you asked yourself: what are a few of my favorite things? somehow you've forgotten that bathing in custard or belting it out barbara (striesand, who else?) style used to be a crucial part of your emotional health. let go, capri! let the stars......

dear ob/gyn:
please write me a descriptive essay of just what goes through your mind as you deliver a child.

dear artist:
how does average, boring life factor into your thoughts?

dear old lady:
what is the thing you want most to remember?

dear so-and-so, walking down the street:
tell me something that will make us both smile.






asking these questions is what i want my life to be like.

i didn't want to look outside,
and so i looked on the internet for 'spring scenes'
this is what i found right away!
what a breath.......

if you have money
you can buy the good soap
the kind that is viscous liquid
it smells like the company's
rendition of 'spring breeze'
but to me it smells like fake watermelon
and makes me want a ring pop
it's the only difference
from the cheap kinds--
they work just as well
but it would be so gross,
an ivory flavored ring pop
no, no ivory flavored ring pop.

but i like it.... yeah yeah. you get it.

i like the new colors too. hurrah for green! it is spiffy. quite horrorshow.


for anyone and all interested:

quite in the future, but:
july 9 10 11 GREAT BLUE HERON music fest
in the lovely sherman, ny on a beautiful piece of property where there is plenty of room to set up tent villages, then live in them for 3 days or so.
for those who have never been, it is mucho mucho fun and feels good. if, like myself, you have never heard of a single band on the flyer (which we'll post soon), don't worry, you'll have a great time anyway. well, in *almost all* cases. like if you hate camping or something. (?!) if you volunteer for 9 hours, your ticket is free. # for this 716-761-7190. otherwise, $44 bucks p/p by may 11. i am super excited as we missed it last year with lament. lots of hippies, families, dancing, and music music all the time. no more burrito bago tho. :(


my question of the day: is physical violence inherently wrong?

if you have a minute, please respond to this, by post or personal e-mail to me, it matters little, it is just a little thing but amusing: what is your terrible food weakness? that thing you know is super gross but that gives you some kind of endorphin rush just seeing it at the grocery store, and you have to have it every so often.

mine? cheap deli american chz, olive loaf, and slim jims. ewwwwwwwww.
wait, no. yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

by the gnarled strawberries,
in the package so cleverly concealed,
from the produce shopper's eye

by the future in-laws'
big honkin suv,
on loan for a small while,
i admit i love it
for all the reasons women love those
i will be sad when i have to give it back

by office humor
it's not ok to be weird
everything is so normal
the weirdness comes out by osmosis
why do i want to be a waitress again?
why in boulder?

by a girl i love
what's up with her
i can't ask
it's not good

by my growing ocd sense of responsibility,
i write birthdays on calendars now,
conduct calls on my lunch break,
think about the next day's food supply

momma, is this what life is like?