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08/13/04 01:38 - ID#34943

nauseating moment

I have to get this off of my chest, and hopefully settle my stomach at the same time. Last week, one of the bank customers, a regular, asked me out. Sound flattering? Except for the fact that he's a gross old man, older than my father. He always sort of gave me the willies, but as he seemed harmless enough, I was my usual bubbly self- too many years of work at the Disney Store rubbed off. So last week he asked me out, I dodged it, replying that I'm not allowed to date customers, which isn't true, but he doesn't know that. I just didn't want to hurt his feelings. He responded with "I'm probably old enough to be your daddy." The fact that he actually used the word "daddy" creeped me out, as well as nauseated me, and everytime I thought about it all weekend, I would get that same sick feeling in my stomach. Everyone I told about it would laugh and say, "Well, did you look up his bank account and see how much money he has?" Sorry, not funny!
So, he comes into the bank this morning and I don't want to wait on him, ever again. And the girl next to me gets up and leaves her cubicle so I have to wait on him, or it will seem like I don't want to, which I don't. He asks me what I'm doing next week, I'm business like and just replied that I don't know but I'll be kept busy. And then he says something like, "I know, you can't date customers, not that you would date me anyway. But I've got the money, honey" My answer was a very frank, "I'm 26." He replies, "Yes, and your good looking. Before you know it, you'll be 62." What the Hell is that supposed to mean?! As he walks away, he says, "I'll see you next week!" I'll be diving under my desk like it's a bad sitcom! So now, I have knots in my stomach and I can't get rid of this general feeling of icki-ness. I hope it passes soon, but I doubt it.

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08/10/04 03:43 - ID#34942

the Violence of the Young

I read an article about Japanese children that have a problem with sudden bursts of rage. It spoke of an eleven year old girl who lured her friend, who was twelve, into an empty classroom where she slit her throat with a box cutter and then kicked her head and body while she bled to death. When she walked into the classroom all covered in blood, she said in perfect calm, "This isn't my blood". That's when they discovered the other girl's body. All of this because the girl, her friend, teased her on the internet about being chubby. And then later, the girl who killed her friend, wanted to apologize to her for what she had done, because she couldn't comprehend that by committing the deed, she had ended her friend's life. It seems that there is a serious problem among the young in Japan not comprehending the finality of such actions because they are so accustomed to just starting the game over. Psychologists also sited the fact that these children live in small, crowded apartment builidings and don't own pets so they never get the chance to learn about the finality of death at a young age.

I read this story and chilled me. It's a different society, half a world away and yet, they also have this issue with rage in their children and those children committing unspeakable acts against each other. I feel lucky that I didn't grow up in such an age, but I genuinely fear for the future with children like these on the rise. In our already war torn world, what will it become with them as adults?
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08/09/04 01:23 - ID#34941

Who am I?

I know I'm not the only person on Earth who seems to be a different person when I'm around different people in different circumstances. Most people are in denial about this. I just find it to be a fact of life and of survival. There are shades to me, certain things that are constant, and there are other things that only appear around certain groups of people. There's "Church" Andrea and "Work" Andrea. There's also "Outgoing" Andrea, "Introverted" Andrea, and "Bitch" Andrea. These are all aspects of my personality, but they are separate and distinct, and there are many, many shades more. For others, this can be a problem, especially when all they see of me is one of the shades, and then to see me in a different space, or shade, they have a problem with it, and suddenly, I am not who they thought, or blah, blah, blah, etc... I am who I am is the answer to that question. I suppose who I am all depends upon where I am, and what mood I am in, when you meet me.
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07/29/04 05:36 - ID#34940

Reading list

So, no, I haven't begun "Man in the Iron Mask" like I said I would. As I perused my bookcase, I did not see it there amongst the Harry Potters, the Anne Rice- Lestat Books, Clive Barker's Abarat (which is amazing! I HIGHLY recommend!), and others previously mentioned. But, I did come across "The Treasured Writings of Khalil Gibran". My father bought it for me several Christmases ago and I never really gave it much thought, but this time, something made me pick it up. I haven't read very much of it at this point because, frankly, I've been too damned tired, but what I have read is simple sublime. Trisha, I finally get what you've been talking about all these years! It's tragic and soothing and hauntingly, amazingly beautiful. Check it out. I doubt you'll be disappointed.
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07/23/04 04:54 - ID#34939

The second attempt

I'm going to attempt to begin reading the Man in the Iron Mask. I began this once before but, as it wasn't as interesting to me as the Three Musketeers, I put it down. I have to stop doing that. I've gotten into this bad habit of beginning books and not finishing them. It must end!
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07/22/04 05:59 - ID#34938

Let the Debate Rage On...

I have to get into this because, well, I just do. I completely understand what Stickboy saying about time. There are times when I am so busy I beg for that reprieve of just being able to stay home and veg. out to an action movie- no thought involved- and I won't go out, even for my friends because, frankly, (and this is going to come out badly but there's no other way to say it) I come first. I agree that I would have to be ludicrisly interested in someone in order to take the time to crawl out from that state of mind. I haven't had that happen yet.

That being said, my big beef is with those stupid ass games that people insist upon playing! The whole, "I'll call you!" and then they don't and then wonder why you didn't call them. Because you said you would call me. I can't stand that stupid deception and men and women do it. I don't because I mean what I say when I say it. Duplicity sucks!


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07/22/04 12:11 - ID#34937

miss that Girl!

I really appreciate everyone's input into the book thing. Frankenstein is definitely one to add, especially considering that it won the contest amongst Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, and Mary Wolstonecraft Shelley. Let's face it amongst that crew, it can't be a slouch! Enough of my mini-history lesson... I have a tendency to do things like that. I think it has something to do with the fact that I absorb information like a sponge.

The real topic of this e-mail is my misery over my other best friend being away. Trisha is one, and she has not gone away for the present, but my other best friend is Dina, a very bohemian, artist, who I rely on probably more than is actually healthy. She is my guru, the one person that I turn to for everything and have been doing so since I was fourteen. Sometimes it amazes me that we've been friends for nearly 12 years and other times it just seems like she's been there forever, that there wasn't a time before we were friends. And now, she has been camping for weeks and I'm freaking out because I need to talk to her! It never fails, she goes away, stuff happens in my life and then I'm practically going into convulsions because I can't talk to her! I wish I knew what it was about her that has this crazily calming effect. She is my sanity.

God, I miss her!
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07/21/04 11:07 - ID#34936

Literature

Thanks, MK. I had read "To Kill a Mockingbird" and it is also one of my favourites but it had slipped my mind when I was writing that impromptu list. I also read, believe it or not, "Peter Pan" and "the Wizard of Oz" which for those of you who have not read "the Wizard of Oz"- it's frikken' Great! And I love to see compare and contrast it to the movie. Especially now, after I'd gotten my history degree to understand what he was REALLY saying, the hidden meanings that the piffle of the movie covered up by completely gutting the book... Before I get lynched, I love the movie but I have to appreciate it as far away as possible from the book. That's all. TTFN ;)
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07/22/04 12:16 - ID#34935

Educational Lapses

After reading other entries, or talking to other people, I am sometimes left with the realization of how my education is lacking. Upon reading Stickboy's second to most recent entry, it occurred to me all of the "Classics" of literture that I have not read.

I have not read 1. The Huntchback of Notre Dame
2. The Grapes of Wrath
3. Crime and Punishment
4. the Count of Monte Cristo
5. Wuthering Heights
6. the Scarlet Letter
7. Jane Eyre
8. A Tale of Two Cities
9. A Christmas Carol
10. Emma
11. Frankenstein
12. Dracula

And that's all I can think of for now, but I know that there are Many, Many others.

I have read Ivanhoe, A Farewell to Arms, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, Persuasion, The Three Musketeers (so Fabulous!)... and some P.G. Wodehouse (of which I am sure my spelling is off!) I feel so illiterate! I shall just have to knock these off one by one. Any other suggestions for my reading list would be appreciated, but keep in mind, they must be "Classics". I'll let y'all know how it goes. If it goes at all!
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07/18/04 06:10 - ID#34934

Pink Virgin

Up until last night, I was a 'Pink' Virgin. I had never gone and had heard a great deal and, well, it was time to pop that proverbial cherry.
So, as yesterday was the oh-so-fabulous Trisha's birthday, after Shakespeare in the Park, we headed on down to Frank's and then over to the Pink. I must say, I had a total blast! Although, it truly sucks being the only non-smoker amongst my friends. But alas, such is my decision so I shall bear it, although not very merrily.

It was great to meet other epeeps, to put a journal to an actual person.

Oh, and the funniest thing was after the Pink, as we headed back to T's apartment in a not-so-drunken stupor, we popped into Cathode Ray, well, I popped in, she hopped the fence and as a result, got kicked out! And the most chivalrous, gorgeous gay boy of all time defended her beautifully. Wherever you may be, thank you ever so much. It was great!


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