06/04/04 05:21 - ID#34910

lost in myself

I am not comfortable in my own skin. This is a problem for me. To people who don't know me, I exude this confidence. It is all a facade, carefully constructed to keep people at bay and from finding out the truth. But the truth is that I am a carefully constructed wreck. There are times when it is actually an effort for me to hold back rage. I can feel that I am on the verge of snapping but with my will, I manage to hold it down until it passes. And other times I feel as if I am the fool, skipping gaily along life's paths.

Usually, I just feel as though I am lost in myself, trying to find my way through the dark. Sometimes, I even get to see the light, but quickly, I make a wrong turn and I am lost again. One day, I will find my out and actually live a life without fear and that will be a joyous day.

Permalink: lost_in_myself.html
Words: 168
Location: Sunny LA, NY

06/01/04 02:27 - ID#34909

Newbie's Thoughts

What, precisely, does one write to people that are out there in space, nameless faces that I might've passed one hundred times on any given street and not know and yet, possibly, they are reading this. It's an odd thought, terrifying and freeing at the very same time.

Whenever I go to the airport, I am struck by the notion that there are people on planes or cars or trains or boats that I am never going to meet and they are never going to know anything about me and my life and vice-versa. It's like this crazy awareness of how truly insignificant that I am.

I think that is about all for today. We'll see, however. I might strike again!

Permalink: Newbie_s_Thoughts.html
Words: 121
Location: Sunny LA, NY

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