back to one of my oldest user pics...
I think I was around 8 or 9 years old in that pic. The bathing suit in the picture brings up a funny memory for me. That was my sisters bathing suit. One day I got mad at her so I cut the crotch out of that suit, hahaha. Like she wouldn't notice. God, I'm so stupidly vindictive sometimes.
I'll be back in Buffalo in 10 days or so, see y'all then

Gracie turned three yesterday. My sister sent me this picture from her cell phone. Gracie is the littlest one. She is a darling.

since I am the one who does the whole journal thing and talks about my day too much, here goes...
well actually I'm going to write about my night last night. Albrecht came back from erfurt or where ever and said he was going to see a classical choir perform in Jena and he said I could come with. I thought shit why not and got on my bike and peddled and peddled to the train station.
We stopped for some gluhwien and went to to the concert. The 2nd half of this show was a gospel choir, which was strange for me to see. I must say it was a far cry from the Gospel of snow springs Baptist church in Adairsville. Really the only song I knew that they performed was "go Tell it on the mountain" it's only today i realize that i know this one not from church growing up but from the bob Marley version .
I tried to explain a bit to Albrecht and Anna what i knew about Gospel. The symbology of the river Jordan for the Mississippi in the underground railroad and the like. I think Albie has a different concept from me as to what gospel music is. This German gospel choir with all their damn christmas carols blowed and we all agreed on that. I was wearing the appropriate clothing though, in "my heat belongs to Satan" baby tee.
After I got back from Jena I went home cooked up a funky carrot onion soup then went off to the falcon to find Naomi. I ran inside the falcon bar but no Naomi, so I went to her house and she gave up on me, said "u stood me up" and was curled up in bed watching a film. I dragged her out of bed and back to the falcon, where we preceded to get drunk with a bunch of Bavarians. Then we did the twist to Little Richards "Lucille," got all the germans twisting as well. The Czech Republic guy, who told me the joke about americans, asked me if there was any chance for love between us. I told him "I love u but i don't wanna marry u" and ran off. One of the Bavarian guys, Daniel, told me to read this mark Twain essay called "the awful German language" . Once my head is cleared up from last night I will certainly take a closer look at it but for now I type this journal and listen to the Pixies "where is my mind"
After Falcon around 5 in the morning. Me, Naomi, and our new found friend, Satan (Phillip really, although it took me a while to get that out of him) went over to a student occupied house for an international party. Naomi became really happy because she finally found some Italians in Weimar. I sat on the couch and some dude tried to mack it to me, but I wasn't having that so... I ran out of cigarettes and money and went home.
the end

Get on the damn instant messenger some time, won't you?

Strange day here in weimar. my buddy Naomi returned from Lithuania and we seem to be crazy together. if one of us is being calm the other is all motivated and encouraging the other. this can be dangerous if the motivation is drinking Lithuanian vodka. Albrecht started it with his gluhwein during dinner. he says it's not his fault though.
so this morning after our vodka night was pretty terrible. i woke up at 6 in the morning and purged out my insides for a few hours. went into the kitchen and told my flatmates "i'm dying". schnigg called me a drunkard and i got no sympathy so i went to lay down and sleep it off. about that time naomi pops in chipper as could be. so i fed her full of food and ideas(Jose Vasconcelos). later that night we attempted to make buffalo wings. this was quite a challenge here in weimar. we ended up cutting up a whole chicken and having buffalo chicken. it was interesting. then liza came and she and viv cooked up some brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes, and liver. it was my first time to have liver and i have to say, liver is awesome. my mama would be impressed.
from binge to purge over the course of the day. now i need to write up a little project proposal just to make sure i will be able to get this project together in january. it's presents a challenge to negotiate for all of the things speaking english. this is why a list of equipment and permits for the space is something that i need to make sure of in a hurry.

Last night Nickos asked me to come have a beer with him and so I walked down to the Falcon. Some Czech guy bought me some Czech drink and i started drinking that. Then I picked up a German lesbian in the hallway(she looked lonely) and she came to sit with me and nickos. She had a funny little ring that had a little container which she said back in the day, the ring was used to poison enemies. While we were sitting the Czech guy came back and asked if i was Canadian so I lied and said yes. Then he told us a joke that went something like this.
When an American moves to Canada the national IQ of Canada goes down but also the national IQ of the US goes down because only a smart American would want to move to Canada.
The lesbian girl didn't like the joke and started to banter with the guy in German. I fessed up my country or origin and I think I embarrassed the guy but he got over it and started rocking to some Swedish guitar player who sounded like Hendrix, playing a Bach song on the guy's cell phone.

I have around an hour before my date at the crossroads. I'm drinking red wine, rotwein, to prepare myself(i think the devil really really likes drinking). Today is sad because I have no camera, so the only documentation I can do will be through my words. I should e-mail uberNaomi and ask about the ewerk space. My good friend,, standard Naomi has offered to help me build a tee pee to help control the smoke i will eventually need to project onto.
This means that now i'm taking two things. The hoodoo and the teepee. Are these mine, do they relate to me somehow as an American of mostly European decent? One thing I've learned in Weimar is that I am not european. This is obvious because of paperwork. I've also noticed that you can tell sometimes the origin of a person by looking at them. I see the Cameron Diaz smile allot here. For a while I was trying to figure out where people would think I was from if only i would keep my mouth shut. They say France, Croatica and Ireland usually, although my last name is British, apparently I'm not drab enough to be British. The patriarchal line is just a tiny strand of things.
Back to my commemoration though. I'm not making art that directly references the holocaust but I am making something that references torture and conquer of the place where I'm from. I'm not doing it in a guilty way. I feel no guilt for slavery or colonization. I wasn't even an egg in an ovary at that point. I do feel like shit for things that happen today but at the same time I feel almost as powerless as the victimized being a 24 year old woman who is hopelessiy in debt only because I wanted to continue my education.
So my commemoration of the things my supposed blood ancestors did is not a sculpture of dead babies, nor is it anything painful or boring. I'm doing what all the colonist have done in the past. I'm taking the great things from the cultures that have been victimized in order to serve myself. Hoodoo is great. Tepees are great. I want to use both because they're better, much bett that st. nick or baby jesus sacrafice. Save me from the right wing! Can I make this meaningful and not just a passive piece of shit succumbing to all the bullshit that was going on before as well as now?

I'm flipped around. I woke at midnight and now may sleep. tomorrow I have a course where this is the task.

Frontpage
(Identification)Title of project, field of work Name of the natural person or of the institution submitting the application Person responsible for the project (in case the applicant is an institution): name, title,Address
Page 1
Brief summary of the project Duration of implementation of the project
Page 2-3
Detailed description of the project:Activities, goals, aims, approach, methods, multiplier effects, foreseen tangible results and indicators
Page 4
Timeline, precise schedule comprising a complete list of activities foreseen
Page 5-6
Detailed provisional budget of the whole of the project (in Euro)Financial partners (financial sources other than the Fund) and detailed description of their contribution

I'm not sure about this. My group conceives a project for a group residency in Leipzig but it's to imaginary to be defined. I think I'll sleep a few hours and then think about that. I put together a links page on my web sight , hopefully, we'll be making some things in Buffalo come March.
I made a presentation on my soul project today. I feel a bit outcast in this group. I was trying to think of how to make art about the holocaust but I really see no way for me right now. Sure everyone has a story which could somehow link them [inlink]robin,81[/inlink] but really everything is just a small nuisance. I'm trying not to survive here in Weimar but actually live the best way I know how. This, unfortunately is a bizarre way of living and as a result, lonely. Even with my four super gau flatmates I can't find a dinner partner for Pano's in the middle of the night, or even a Pano's. It is good to switch commodities for a while but where are the sweet potatoes?
Thanksgiving was cool. My friend Naomi made us a chicken feast. Sam made potatoes, dusica made carrot salad. I showed up late with a few spliffs and a bottle of white wine from the pub down the street.
So the temporal question is how to fill up my time? This moment is sleep but when I wake? Read, read, read things that I never have the opportunity to discuss.
This Sunday at the crossroads I spied a spy on tape.

was ist das?

So I've been awake since 10 o'clock last night and now it's 1.pm and I'm on my way to learn to make money as an artist. Ha ha ha, to that but it's fun to try. It's about working in groups so this is good for my ego. I really love this Beach Boys song "hang onto your ego" it's good.

I stayed up all the night last night because I feared if I slept I would miss my 9 O'clock meeting. I got to the meeting almost on time and announced to Liz and Susanne my plans for selling my soul to the Devil. The seemed to support the idea even though it is not an idea inspired from the art and commemoration workshop. I showed them the documentation from the first two days of the ritual. I started in the park Goethe designed and I will end the ritual in London, then return to Weimar and hopefully set up an installation in the park.
After this meeting I went to the class and watched two presentations. The first woman's work was... pictures of blocks of ice with Brazilian aerobic tapes playing... yeah. The second woman talked about her idea for the Belgium, Art and commemoration project. She wants to make match books that say, paper burns words fly away. People had a heated critique of this idea. I just sat there and thought of the Dixie Chicks.
After that I took a 3 hour nap. Then woke up and drank a really strong espresso and went to the monument/memorial workshop. The guy showed us lots of Jenny Holzer work. I get so sick of this text based work sometimes, sure its profound but I'm more affected by the Brazilian student's performance where she put an orange sheet over her head, cut a hole for a mouth and read porno mags. I know I had a strange expression on my face when she showed us that.
So after that workshop I went home, crawled into the bed and watched today's Democracy Now. About the time the program got past the part about how the white house wants to change what some guy said in the public records, I started feeling queasy and had to go vomit. I don't know why, maybe that double shot of black espresso ripped into my stomach. A long shower worked wonders and after a few hours I felt good enough to eat some of Albrecht's pasta. Then I watched Satan's Brew and wondered why I haven't met any people like that here in Weimar.
The kids are too damn moral here. At least one kid told me that he wore his "I love Kinky Sex" t-shirt in my honor one night.
One good thing about getting nauseous is that it inspired me to wash my bed sheets for the first time since I've been here. Hallelujah, praise the lord for that! Earlier this week I changed my website a bit, I put up some collages I made from the pictures Liz, Arzu and Soyeon took this summer when I took them to my parent's house.
My Mawmaw sent me a thanksgiving card and told me to get some turkey. She put a five dollar bill in the card. I loved it but it broke my heart. Speaking of love and affection, I must get some sex soon or I will spontaneously combust. At the moment I'm listening to The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots pt. 1 and thinking of someone very special.