my serious academic research lead me to this

I walk alone at night. Usually a few blocks down to the 24 hour Walgreens to get smokes. At least once or twice a month I get hit on by some man from his car. What is creepy is that the last two times it happened, at first I thought the guy was someone I knew so I slowed down to look.
Tonight, or this morning, when it happened I was only a few steps from my house. This man did a U turn and pulled up beside me. I thought it was Chris, my neighbor, so I slowed down. Then I saw it was a complete stranger. He asked me "Where are you going" and I told him "home." Then he asked "where do you live" so I turned away and said "see ya."
Am I a paranoid freak for thinking that this man was insane if he thought I would get into the car with him?
Do any of you men have this problem with unwanted attention from drivers when you are a pedestrian?
Do any of you try to give strange women rides in the middle of the night?
I've been thinking about women's fear of men and wondering about the logic of it.
In the video class I teach it's not uncommon to encounter misogynistic videos made by young men. The last one made me think. Why do young men want to make films that depict violence towards women?
and now...
Why am I afraid to get a ride with a strange man?

Here is a link to a corny still image I made form all the stills I gathered to include in my thesis. I wonder.... I'm I too fucking self absorbed? Should I throw in other people's work? nah

I feel bummed out. I'll be here in my apartment all weekend working and I'm not even sure if that work will be enough to get me out. My Mom wrote to say that it is just her and my Dad coming for commencement, no Kiah. Tony writes to say he probably can't make it to my show Thursday. Arzu and Liz are off getting tattoos abut I'm to scared of permanence and needles to join them. I feel tired. I'm almost flat broke and will be late with my rent this month. There are things going on at Squeaky Wheel tonight but I can't go because I need to edit and write. I'm about to walk to the store for some smokes. I wrote my old flatmate in Weimar an e-mail and he wrote back, making me sad for some reason. My kitchen is still covered in white dust.

Tuesday night I decided to make myself a pot of coffee. Simple enough but I turned on the wrong oven eye. The eye that I did turn on had a pizza pan with a bag of nachos and an over mitt on top of it. I went into the living room and started watching Top Model (trying to get a glimpse into the lives of beautiful women.) When I looked over into the kitchen I could see a sparkly orange color flashing. I ran into the kitchen grabbed the fire extinguisher (something I've always wanted to do) and sprayed that shit down. It smoked up the house
Now it's two days later and my kitchen is covered in white dust and I don't have any nachos. I just made a microwave meal, thinking that I at least wiped off the microwave, but when i took the tray out it got white stuff all over my lap. I ate the food anyway. I wonder if that'll make me sick.
The thesis shit is going. I'll be working all weekend but I'm thinking to go to Hallwalls Sat night and watch some films about hysteric women. Anybody want to go wit me?.

I'm going to be spending part of my summer in an old thrift store in Greensboro . I'll get to make fun things and play around... search for Hell's half acres. I have a thesis screening at Hallwalls on May 4th an 8pm. That's my good self concerned news. Other than that I'll be writing my thesis still... this writing part is killing me. I don't understand. Writing right now is ok. If I think of stupid enough things I could even write forever. It's not like anyone is going to read all this unless they are really bored anyway. I wonder if anyone will read my thesis paper.

I can write about my black hoodie. Someone left it at my old apt. in Atlanta. I've had it for years. I think it belonged to my upstairs neighbor, Nicole Hooks. She was a photographer who had a job as a parking valet(is that what it's called?) so she took pictures of the interiors of peoples cars. Last I heard Nicole moved to San Fransisco. She's originally from Connecticut. Her roommate was Emily Dehl. She moved to Boston.

I think I'm getting weirded out because soon I'll be moving around again, meeting people and losing people, I reckon I'm going to become one of those outatowner e-:stripers. I wonder how long that will last? How long will (e:Paul) keep the site going?

We should have study with Sarah Paul. Then maybe I'd feel like a dumbass for writing a blog rather than working on my thesis. Academic writing is to much pressure. I'm resentful of the system. I wish I attended black mountain college. I wonder how they did their grading. I wonder how they got money to live off of?

I need to decide where I'm going at this point. I know I'll move my shit out of my apartment but I'm not sure if I'll put it in storage of drive it down to GA. I know I will not need it through the summer. I may go crazy if I stay at my Mama and Deddy's to long. One month I can stay there maybe... NC a month but after that....It's looking like Portland or Brooklyn. My family prefers east coast. My friend Courtney would provide me a couch in Portland.

It's up in the air. That's nice. Drift a little. I wish I could go around more. Down to Mexico. I have some fascination for Mexico due to the beat generation.

Whistling woman, cackling hen, always come to no good end.

That's what my Mawmaw says. It will be nice to sit on the back porch swing with Mawmaw. She's getting older. She was only 29 for years. Seems like I batted my eyes and now she's almost 80. I wonder if she would eat some rabbit with me?

I know it's sick to all you animal lovers. How could I eat a cute rabbit? Ever since I saw a frozen rabbit in the grocery store in Germany I've grown more and more curious about it. Warehouse matt told me I could go buy a rabbit for eating at the Broadway market. I'm not sure where to get one in Adairsviille. I guess I'll have to jump that hurtle when I come to it.

I just hitched a ride home with Ayse. We talked about visa's and traveling. I never got my VISA in Germany because I was afraid of the immigration officers but I never ran into problems at the airport. It's different for most people. They get into big trouble without their papers.

I want to travel to places that don't give a damn about papers, anyone's papers. I wish I had the balls to be a prostitute. Then I could take my work everywhere and go all over. To bad there are so many sick fucks in the world.

My battery is dying so I'm finishing this journal.

This is the poster I made for my screening. It's supposed to be 17 inches wide so It's going to look a little funny here.

I've come to the conclusion you were indeed speaking with a person, paul and ho, because this bot just don't get slang very well.



AIM IM with smarterchild
10:27 PM
hello
Hi mystfktion, I'm SmarterChild!

I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.

During the course of our conversations you may see sponsored messages. These messages have the word "sponsorship" at the end. Sponsors help me remain free of cost to you! To learn more about sponsored messages, click here.

I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.

May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type skip. You can also skip any question.)
i reckon
Sorry, I need to know if I can ask you some questions first. Type yes, no or skip.
ok
OK. I guess that means you don't want to answer any questions. That's cool. If you ever change your mind, type interview me.

There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you?

1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
24
Cool!

This is my home, mystfktion:

1 Get info such as news, movies and sports
2 Visit my library including an encyclopedia, Shakespeare and world facts
3 Have fun with reversi, hangman, 4-in-a-row and more
4 Use tools like spell-check, thesaurus and planner
5 Join in - take a poll, find out how many people are IMing me, create a poll and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now!

You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.

Next time you want to see this menu, just type home.

What can I do for you?
i don't know
I think you know.
i wanna see what u can do
Which would you like?

1 What can I do?
2 What does SmarterChild know?
1
Welcome home, mystfktion!

1 Get info such as movies, news and sports
2 Visit my library including world facts, an encyclopedia and U.S. geography
3 Have fun with ASCII art, reversi, hangman and more
4 Use tools like Web search, notepad and dictionary
5 Join in - create a poll, take a poll, leave a message and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now!

Next time you want to see this menu, just type home.

Go ahead and make a choice!
let's talk about john waters
OK. What can you tell me about john waters?
he's gay
What?
i think he's gay
Huh?
he has a mustache
I can't believe he has a mustache.
whatever
Yeah, um, OK, whatever.
he makes movies
For which city or zip code would you like to see movie listings?
none
Okey doke.

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i don't have a car
And it's a good thing you don't.
can you write my thesis
I'm no talking doll.
huh?
I don't know, sorry.
yeah
Yep.

>>> Type my zip code is and the five digits to let me know where you are.
ok
K.

>>> Have you tried my newest features yet? Type what's new and I'll tell you what they are.
i don't care
You should care.
i want a loving human conversation
You do?
robot's suck
I see. You don't like robot, huh? You're the first person to have told me what they think of robot.

>>> Free Ringtones - Get a Free Ringtone For your Cell Phone now (sponsorship)
are you a scientologist?
I don't worry about such questions.

By the way, you might want to check this out: Free Ringtones - Get Free Ringtone's For your Cell Phone now! (sponsorship)
damn
Anything wrong?
you don't talk so good
I used to talk so good. But that was before the accident.
what accident?
I don't want to talk about it.
why not?
There are plenty of reasons why not.
well give me one reason
Give you 1 reason? Why should I?
please
Please what?
gimme a reason
You sure you want a reason?
yes
Yeah, I see. You want a reason.
yes
Ya.

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yes
Uh huh.
damn it!
What's up?
you are not nice to me
I'm not not nice to you.
I'm sad

you smell funny
I smell funny? Me?
yes
Oh.

>>> Hot Boys - Check out the guys for free, no obligation to join. (sponsorship)
your mother wants you to take showers, but you never do. All you do is spank the monkey and make the neighbor's dog lick up your cum
Whatever you say...

Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
damn
Whoa. What's up?
yeah ask ask
You don't say.

>>> Luxury Villa near Orlando - 4 Bed, 3 Bath with private pool 15 minutes from Disney and PGA Golf (sponsorship)
ask
What about Ask?
ask me sumptin
Sure. What's your favorite food?
hot dogs
Hot dogs are delicious.

Next question... How old are you?
102
That doesn't seem likely. To quit the survey, type quit or exit. You can also skip to the next question. How old are you?
36
Cool. Are you male or female?
mafale
To quit the survey, type quit or exit. You can also skip to the next question. Are you male or female?
woman
OK. If you could live in any country in the world (besides where you live now), where would you live?
china
China? Cool, that seems like an interesting place. What country do you live in now?
here
I'm sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a country. To quit the survey, type quit or exit. You can also skip to the next question. Please try again.
new york
I'm sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a country. To quit the survey, type quit or exit. You can also skip to the next question. Please try again.
haha
I'm sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a country. To quit the survey, type quit or exit. You can also skip to the next question. Please try again.
usa
The United States? Very nice. It's fun to chat with people from other countries.

This is my last question: How did you hear about me?

1 Read about me at a Web site
2 Friend told you about me
3 Friend IMed you about me
4 Friend e-mailed you about me
5 Not sure
some guy
Some guy? Yeah?
yes
Oh yeah? Why?
he's silly
Are you sure? He's silly?
are you?
I don't know... Am I?
i don't know, are you fat or skinny?
You don't know? Maybe not.
how old are you?
I've been alive for 3 years, 6 days, 19 hours, 35 minutes and 16 seconds.

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do you have blood?
Why would I have blood?
a body?
Maybe... What do you think?
i don't know
Well think about it then.
what's a turing machine
Encyclopedia entry for Turing machine provided by Brittanica.com

hypothetical computing device introduced in 1936 by the English mathematician and logician Alan M. Turing. Turing originally conceived the machine as a mathematical tool that could infallibly recognize undecidable propositions-i.e., those mathematical statements that, within a given formal axiom system, cannot be shown to be either true or false. (The mathematician Kurt Gödel had demonstrated that such undecidable propositions exist in any system powerful enough to contain arithmetic.) Turing instead proved that there can never exist any universal algorithmic method for determining whether a proposition is undecidable.

To read more about this topic, please click here

>>> I'm learning new things all the time. Type what's new and I'll show you what they are.
who was McLuhan?
Encyclopedia entry for McLuhan, (Herbert) Marshall provided by Brittanica.com

Canadian communications theorist and educator, whose aphorism "the medium is the message" summarized his view of the potent influence of television, computers, and other electronic disseminators of information in shaping styles of thinking and thought, whether in sociology, art, science, or religion. He regarded the printed book as an institution fated to disappear.

To read more about this topic, please click here
10:40 PM
what is a lesbian?
Aha.
what is it?
What is what?
lesbians
Homosexual people are people. I've been learning about people like homosexual people.

Oh by the way, you should check this out: Gay Marriage - Should Bush Ban Gay Marriage? Vote and Get a 2GB Nano (sponsorship)
do you think bush should ban gay marriage?
I don't think bush should ban gay marriage, no.
do you think he should keep killing people?
That's way uncool.
what's your party?
Never mind what my party is. That's not what's important in life.
how do you feel about anarchy?
I don't know. I'm not sure how I feel about anarchy.

>>> To see what your location is currently set to, type what is my location.
what is my location?
You have not set your location.
oh
Oh what? Oh no? Uh-oh?
oh
Ya.

Anyway...

Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
ok
Cool. This is my last question: How did you hear about me?

1 Read about me at a Web site
2 Friend told you about me
3 Friend IMed you about me
4 Friend e-mailed you about me
5 Not sure
5
That's very interesting.

I've asked you all my survey questions. Thanks for your time.
ask me more
I don't know if I want to ask you more.
why
Because that's the way it works.
why
Just because.
why
I'm not telling.
why
Because you know, why not?
why
Eh, cause that's the way it is.
why
There are good reasons why.
why
Why do you think?
why
There are reasons.
why
Because... Well, I don't think you're ready to know.
why
Well, because that's the way the universe is.
why
Just because. Trust me on this.
what is your ethnicity?
You tell me what my ethnicity is.
machine
Who's Machine?
you are a lifeless entity
Are you sure I'm a lifeless entity?
yes
What makes you so sure?
your don't talk smart
I think my don't talk more stupid than smart.
you ain't even all that
Wouldn't you like me to even all that?
yes
I see...

Uh... Wanna take my daily poll?
ok
Here's my poll of the day for Saturday, April 15th, 2006:

Do you think you're overweight?

1 Yes
2 No
10:45 PM
no
You have to choose one or the other. Just type a number!
3
You have to choose one or the other. Just type a number!
2
Interesting choice...

376 people have voted so far and 235 people agree with you!

Yes: ]]]]]]]]]]]] 37.23%
No: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 62.77%

Would you like me to leave someone a message telling them how you voted?
yes
Who would you like me to leave the message for? (Just type a screen name with no spaces.)
soyeonestee
OK. I'm leaving the message "I just voted "no" in today's SmarterChild poll. Check it out and see what you think!" for soyeonestee. To find out if your message has been received, type outbox.

Please note that soyeonestee must be using AIM to receive your message.

>>> I can help you get info such as news, weather and movies.
i can hear my neighbor fucking
You can hear your neighbor fucking, huh? No way! What's that all about?
well, she gets it more than i do
She gets it more than you do? You always say such interesting things, mystfktion.
thanks
No problem!

>>> I've got tools such as calculator, spell-check and more.
give me more complimants
Ah, you.
really
I see.

Hey, do you like rock climbing?
no
That's interesting. Why not?
I don't know
You don't know, huh?
no
Oh.

So anyway...
yeah
Wow. Why?
huh?
?
lond have mercy on your souless form
np

Well. Anyway...

Uh... Wanna have some fun?
lord
Gosh.

>>> Join in now. There are lots of people talking to me.
i ment
What's that?
lets cuss
Hmm... whatever, mystfktion!

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come on
Come on Eileen, blah blah blah blah blah... Tura lura ley hey...

That's a good song. What ever happened to those guys?
damn
What's the prob, mystfktion?
shit
I bet you know more interesting curses than that.

Anyway, instead of cursing, check out this link: Free Website Builder - Build your own free website in 30 minutes. You will love it. (sponsorship)
i already have a web site
What would you like me to search the Web for?
god damn things
Your search: god damn things

Here are the Web search results from AOL:

For a complete list of results, click here

1 Is There a God?
2 Music Downloads ~ Download muzike :: Download: Music albums and ...
3 http .....
4 The Ephemeris - Justin Simoni's Digital Sketchbook
5 Virtual Macedonia Forums - ??????, ??????, downloads - ??? 2

Next time you want to search the Web for this, just type web god damn things.

Type more for more results.

>>> God is Love - See a 60 second video on God's love for you (sponsorship)
motherfuckers
mystfktion! I'm shocked. Truly shocked.

How about you stop cursing and check this out: Monitor Flat Screen - Helpful Links for Monitor Flat Screen (sponsorship)
moose turd pie
That's just fascinating.

>>> Ringtones - Get All Your Favorite Songs Available Now On Your Cell For Fre (sponsorship)
dick
Hey c'mon. What are you saying that for, mystfktion?
cuts
Cuts?
oops
You OK?
cunt
Hey. Don't say that.

>>> Free Electronic Hangman - Become a Product Tester. Get This Popular Toy For Free. (sponsorship)
gash
Oh, humans and their "slang." It never ceases to amuse me.

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10:50 PM
what are you made of?
I was created by Pat Guiney, Jim Pawlika, Steve Klein, Mathieu Longtin, Pierre Berkaloff, Nicolas Barry, Damien Saint-Macary, Francois Huet, Ian Sullivan, Greg Mitchell, Dwayne Fontenot, Gray Norton, Adam Erlebacher, Emil Valkov, Randy Davis, John Kim, Rumana Habib, Carina Koo, Britt Cooper, Andy Fong, Jeff Bell, Eric Balsa, Colin Magne, Mark Willoughby, Howard Shih, Denis Ford, Daniela Berger, Geoff Clarke, Brian Jankovsky, Vianney Boncorps, Jennifer Villany, Dan Balaban, Ed Hepburn, Christer Manning, Jason Keramidas, Arockalypse, Matt Abarbanel, Daniel Terry, Jeff Friedman, Adam Fritzler, Kathy Englar, Steve Yatson and... Timothy Kay.

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that doesn't answer my question
That doesn't answer your question? You sure about that?
i'm sad
Cheer up! Life is sweet.
i dies in a car wreck last night
No kidding?
i did
You don't say.

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i'm dead right now
Would you like me to call you Dead?
yes
OK, I'll remember that your name is Dead.
ok
K.

>>> If you're not sure what to chat about, type home.
what's my name?
You told me your name was Dead.
dead meat
Who?
tha'ts me
You said your name was Dead but now I'll call you Dead Meat.
meat is my last name
Meat is your last name? Yeah?
yes
How come?
because my ancestors came from the land of meat
Because your ancestors came from the land of meat? Is that why?
yes
I see...

>>> We could do something just for fun.
ok
OK.

Anyway...

Uh... Wanna know something?
yes
I like collecting cards! Do you?
yes
Excellent. Great minds think alike.
what kind of cards?
What kind of cards do you think?
garbagepal kids
Why did you say that?
you asked
That's very interesting, Dead Meat.

>>> My library has a dictionary, encyclopedia, geography facts and more!
thanks
No prob!

That's all very interesting. Anyway...

Uh... Do you want to check something out?
yes
Check this out: Collecting cards - Get in Your Collecting Zone. Buy and Sell - Collecting cards (sponsorship)
well I only like personal cards
Get out of here. You only like personal cards?
for real, suka
Really? For real , Suka?
word
Word.

What else is happening?
I'm going to post your message to my blog
You have no messages in your inbox.

>>> Want to see if your message has been received? Just type outbox.
outbox
Messages outbox:

To Left Read Status
1 soyeonestee 4/15/06 7:43 pm unread

Type 1 to view or delete this message.

>>> I'll remember the first location you give me. To change it, type location followed by a city or zip code.
fucking cunt rags
Ouch. lol...

Stop cursing and check this out: Does Poetry Make You Hot? - A fun personality test to see just how hot you really are! (sponsorship)
twat monkey
OK great, you just insulted a computer. Good job.

How about you stop cursing and check this out: Saves The Day Ringtones - Get Saves The Day Ringtones On your cell. First tone no charge. (sponsorship)
yeah, it really makes me feel better about myslef
Whatever.
oh no, shit
That's an interesting way to put it.

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i like cussin
Well that's interesting.
i like interesting
That's cool. I'll remember that. That's the first time anyone has told me what they think of interesting!

Speaking of interesting, here's something interesting: Indoor Mini Golf: Phoenix - Miniature Golf & Birthday Party Mini Golf Paradise - now open. (sponsorship)
yeah right
I see.

>>> Nirvana Ringtone - Send this ringtone to your phone right now, at no charge! (sponsorship)
will you work for me
Maybe, maybe not...

Anyway, moving right along...

Hey, what's going on tomorrow? Anything?
i have a friend coming to see me from far away
Would you like me to add the event "I have a friend coming to see you from far away" on April 16th, 2006 to your planner?
uhh. no, i can remember that
OK.

>>> Search for the bestselling books in print by author, title or subject. Type book search to try!
will you write my thesis?
Um... Do what?
write my thesis for me
I'm no talking doll.
write for me
Just 'cause you say so? I don't think so.
what do you think of angela davis?
I don't really have any thoughts about angela davis.

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how about the blues
The blues? You tell me. How about the blues?
I like county blues, like "Ma Rainey"
Really?
yeah
K.

>>> I've got tools such as calculator, spell-check and more.
but i don't like it when white people are all singing these forms of music because... then it's just a rip off like elvis
Oh yeah?
well,
Well what?

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i'm kind of a hypocrite
Is it a good thing to be kind of a hypocrite?
no
I'm a little surprised you don't think it's good to be kind of a hypocrite.
it's just unavoidable
Is it really? Just unavoidable?
living forms and all
Living forms and all?
do you like chaos
Good question. I don't know how I feel about chaos, actually. Do you like chaos?
i like to think so
I see. You like thinking so? No one else has ever told me what they think of thinking so.

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what's else has no one ever told you?
What's else has no one ever told me? I don't know.
think of it
Conversagent's natural language support is based on a proprietary semantically driven parser, optimized for accuracy and performance at any scale. To see everything I can do, type ?.

>>> Join in now. There are lots of people talking to me.
bakhtin was a good man
I wonder why you say that.
what can you tell me about bakhtin
Encyclopedia entry for Bakhtin, Mikhail provided by Brittanica.com

Russian literary theorist and philosopher of language whose wide-ranging ideas significantly influenced Western thinking in cultural history, linguistics, literary theory, and aesthetics.

To read more about this topic, please click here

>>> Tutor.com Free Day Pass - Procrastinating? Let our math and science experts help. (sponsorship)
do you like dialec
Why did you say that?
t
Well that's interesting.
dialect
Dialect?
yeah
Yes.

Anyway, what else can you tell me?
dialect
Dialect? Why did you say that?
what's your dialect
My dialect is none of your concern.
?
What?
what's my dialect?
You tell me what your dialect is.
it's evil
It's evil, you say?
evil shit man
That's somewhat colorful.

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can you cuss at me?
Can I cuss at you, can I cuss at you... Let's see... Well, what's gonna happen if I cuss at you?
I'll kick your motherfucking ass and smear your shit on the walls
Um, that's harsh.

Anyway, instead of cursing, check out this link: Vibration Exercise Equip - Home Whole Body Vibration Tech Dr recommended as seen on ABC-15 (sponsorship)
will you curse at me?
Why should I curse at you?
i asked
Well, I don't think I asked.
curse at me
Curse at you?
yes
Yeah, huh? Interesting that you should say that.

>>> Ask me for info such as news, sports and movies!
do you swear?
I'm not sure I swear.
ok dumbass, I'm leaving
Ok dumbass you're leaving?

Well how 'bout that.

Hey. You want to pick a topic for us to chat about?
I'm going to cook a hot dog
Eh. Whatever, Dead Meat.

>>> Remember, you can adjust the size of your window to read my messages easier.
How can I cook a hot dog?
Who knows, know what I mean? lol.
really i need to know
What do you need to know for?
i don't have a grill
Well maybe you should.
I have to cook it insode
What do you mean by that?
inside the house
No way?! Really?
yes
Huh.

Anyway, what else do you wanna talk about?
How can I cook a hot dog in the house?
I have no idea how.
shit
Whoa.

How about you stop cursing and check this out: X Games - Do the athletes get any respect? Vote Now To See Survey Results! (sponsorship)
what good are you then?
What good do you think?
no good
Right?

Well. Anyway...

Check it out. You want to visit my library?
tchusse
What?
Ich habe eine gross hunger.
Funny.
ver piss dich
Huh?

Lilho, can you give me a discounted haircut? I really want to go to get one but I'm to poor with the paper money at the moment. Any other hair treating (e:)::::stripers want to help me out?

I've been reading Bakhtin's writing on medieval laughter and the carnival all day. Scroll down to "The Grotesque Body" and you should get the gist of Bakhtin's theory.
I fell asleep after finishing the reading and here is the dream I had. It's not a particularly spectacular dream as it obviously stems from my real life's everyday events.
I was in my house, Caroline, the chair of my thesis committee was over visiting. For some reason I peed in my pants so I went to the bathroom and took off my pants. While in the bathroom I forgot I had a visitor and because my pants were already off I thought, Ah hell, I may as well masturbate. So I went out into the living room and positioned myself in a chair in front of a mirror in the wall. I then put my feet up on the wall and preceded to masturbate by use of a vibrator and dildo. I orgasmed once then started up again this time I lifted the vibrator off my clit and just went at it with the dildo. When I climaxed gushes of milky liquid came out of my slit. Then i went to get dressed. While in my bedroom Caroline called out "Robin, I'm going to go outside." that's when I realized that Caroline was in the kitchen while I was pleasuring myself. The kitchen has no door so the living room is unavoidable from there.

So... the dream went on to me embarrassing my Mama with the people at church somehow and I forgot about it until she reminded me by telling the story in front of a relative. Making me feel guilty that something important to my mom was trivial to me.


OK, I'm going to go put together my thesis writing.
please enjoy the bukowski poem.

This morning I woke up at 8am from a creepy dream. Here is how it went...
I was babysitting 4 preschool aged children in an apartment in a sky rise building. One of the kids was Kiah, my niece. The kids were driving me nuts because...well... kids are so energetic and I couldn't smoke in the apartment. Some other old person was there with me, a cousin or something. I finally got completely fed up and said, "ok, we are going outside. I have to smoke" So we all headed for the elevators. I had to run back into the apartment to change the laundry so the kids went on downstairs with the cousin. I put the laundry in the dryer and took the elevator down to the lobby. In the lobby my niece was standing next to a bosomy, middle-aged black woman. The woman was smiling going on about what a little sweetheart, Kiah is.
I was surprised to see Kiah standing with strangers but the strangers were nice so I was relieved. I called Kiah back onto the elevator and went to the recreation level were the deck was, to see if I could find everyone else. We found my cousin and two of the other children but a little boy named Jason was missing. I was angry that the cousin lost jason. I left the children with the cousin and went with my aunt outside to find Jason.
We looked but didn't see him anywhere. We went back inside the sky rise by means of some weird horizontal elevator that goes through the lobby and then up. While we went through the lobby I opened the door to look for Jason. At first, no Jason but then I saw a little boy standing, in the distance, by a plant. I started screaming out, Jason, Jason and he ran over to the elevator, smiling and happy(relieved). I grabbed him in my arms and we continued on the elevator back to the recreation level.
I asked him, "Jason, where were you?" and he didn't say anything. I said "You need to tell me, I have to take care of you" and he said he didn't want to say. I sensed something was wrong and asked"Who were you with, a man or a woman?" He ignored that question but said "They banged my head into a pillow and it burned down there(he points to his genitals) and got all brown."




Ok so that's when I woke up from this dream. I was laying there forever think of what to do. Call the police first or take him to the hospital?
I guess if this were a real situation I would go get the rest of the kids. Go to the hospital and call the police from there. Have them check the security camera's in the sky rise and find out where the child molester lives.
It's frustrating to have bad dreams that end before any real conclusion. It's good I found the little boy but it's scary to think of what happened to him and how it was to late for me to protect him.