I have around an hour before my date at the crossroads. I'm drinking red wine, rotwein, to prepare myself(i think the devil really really likes drinking). Today is sad because I have no camera, so the only documentation I can do will be through my words. I should e-mail uberNaomi and ask about the ewerk space. My good friend,, standard Naomi has offered to help me build a tee pee to help control the smoke i will eventually need to project onto.
This means that now i'm taking two things. The hoodoo and the teepee. Are these mine, do they relate to me somehow as an American of mostly European decent? One thing I've learned in Weimar is that I am not european. This is obvious because of paperwork. I've also noticed that you can tell sometimes the origin of a person by looking at them. I see the Cameron Diaz smile allot here. For a while I was trying to figure out where people would think I was from if only i would keep my mouth shut. They say France, Croatica and Ireland usually, although my last name is British, apparently I'm not drab enough to be British. The patriarchal line is just a tiny strand of things.
Back to my commemoration though. I'm not making art that directly references the holocaust but I am making something that references torture and conquer of the place where I'm from. I'm not doing it in a guilty way. I feel no guilt for slavery or colonization. I wasn't even an egg in an ovary at that point. I do feel like shit for things that happen today but at the same time I feel almost as powerless as the victimized being a 24 year old woman who is hopelessiy in debt only because I wanted to continue my education.
So my commemoration of the things my supposed blood ancestors did is not a sculpture of dead babies, nor is it anything painful or boring. I'm doing what all the colonist have done in the past. I'm taking the great things from the cultures that have been victimized in order to serve myself. Hoodoo is great. Tepees are great. I want to use both because they're better, much bett that st. nick or baby jesus sacrafice. Save me from the right wing! Can I make this meaningful and not just a passive piece of shit succumbing to all the bullshit that was going on before as well as now?