Life is confusing. I turned 24 last Friday so I invited some buddies to my house to drink Jose Cuervo 1800 and rock it. The next night I went to a performance and then another party. Sunday, I sat around in my mess after sleeping all day and got together all these forms for Germany. I managed to locate my cell phone without having to clean up the party mess. I need to look around for some other peoples cellphones next. Rather than cleaning though, I'm at the UB library intent to focus on my thesis research for a few hours before I go prepare for class but when checking my e-mail just now I got a message from a certain someone stating

just so you know, I'm checking myself into a mental clinic

thanks again for everything

don't you dare write me back

so now I get to be destructed by that all day. I wonder what I could have done to avoid this bull shit. I don't understand why he's going all crazy. What the hell? I know life is tough but he's is pissing me off. I know it's hard when a relationship ends but it's not the end of the fucking world, especially if you were in a relationship with a mess like me. He's using me as an outlet for his anger with the shitty boring life he created for himself which I never had shit to do with. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
I'm flying to Georgia next weekend to watch Joy marry a french guy. It will be good to see Joy. It's been a while. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was with her. We've managed to keep in touch. [inlink ]robin,60[/inlink ] I'm determined not to bring her down with talk about my X. I'm determined not to bring anyone down. I want to pretend that there is no tomorrow everyday. I want chaos and clown suits along with beer and titty sucks.

plan for Wednesday- go to squeaky wheel open screening at 8, show some stuff and look at some stuff. Then head to the pink for some refreshment. Come on out y'all.

I was doing an editing demo on the projector. Then I said, "all right everyone to the editing suites." The students went to the suites and I ran to the bathroom. Right before class started I had eaten a crap load of black berries that I got from wegman's the night before. When I got them out of the fridge this morning one of them looked moldy so I threw it out washed off the rest and then devoured them.
In the UB bathroom all the blackberries returned to sight as I vomited them up. The tragic part is that I was having digestive problems on the other end at the same time. I had to make a choice so I sat on the toilet but then the vomit went all over the floor beside the toilet. It was the grossest looking(like those chunky blueish bits that sometimes come with menstrual blood) and sweetest tasting vomit that ever existed.
then I swabbed up what I could of my blackberry vomit, flushed it, and returned to the suites to help the kiddies edit. Now it's time to go home. I need to fill out paper work, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. but how else can I get to the Bauhaus? Then there's that thesis stuff. Oh, lordy. I just wanted some sweet sweet berries.

Well It's summertime therefore time to rock it. Writing journals in cafe Aroma sucks so I may be a little lacking lately. I'm happy to see Keith and Stickboy back on the chain gang. Paul and Mike, you guys are obligated to rock for Nonna's memory this summer. Drinking is a great way to prolong the grieving process, I bet.
I'm a camp counselor for college students this summer. They're nice people, these students. The class everyday thing is taking me back to simpler times.
Oh yeah, I'm trying to figure out this Germany stuff. I want to switch rooms with a girl but she wants to have roommates. I need to get in touch with the co-op house people.

It's not as hot as I'd like but we're going to go swimming today, maybe. I'm the only person awake right now.

because I still sleep this way sometimes.





I have to go to bed soon when I wake up I'm driving to GA. I'm taking Soy, Arzu and Liz as well. It should be a fun trip. We'll see... I'm ready to go where it's hot for a while.

I can't believe that this joshy character(the twin of the lovable Jason) is stupid enough to suggest that racism is inherited through genetics. I mean, yeah people are indoctrinated with views and such from their family, friends, and authority but what a person ultimately practices has nothing to do with genetics. It has more to do with social conditioning and the individual's capacity for original thought.
Maybe we should gather all the southerners and start doing genetic experiments on them, measure their skulls and shit, lets rewind and go back to the hardcore bigoted eugenics days. Make sure this defective gene doesn't spread to all these good, responsible and moral northerners.

When are they going to make a law against ignorance and complicity?

"Anybody who knows their American history knows that in the mid-1800's South a lot of white girls who had sex with black boys got away scott-free while the black boys went ahead and got murdered."[inlink]joshua,7[/inlink]

To Joshua, anybody who knows his or her American history knows that lynching went on well into the 1950's long after the civil war was over. The south was devastated and lawless after the war and that's how fucked up organizations like the kkk came into existence. If you know your film history, "Birth of a Nation" lets you see through the eyes of a southern white male of that era. White women were treated as trophies without their own agency and black men were treated as moronic rapist who should be killed by mobs. Black women had the most raw deal of all, you can read Zoral Neale Hurston and Toni Morrison to feel that.
If you know your American history you know that whites and blacks spent more time with each other before slavery was ended, you know that when blacks were free to earn wages they became a threat to the poor whites, often former friends or slaves, because now the poor blacks would be taking their jobs because whoever the pay check came from would go for the cheapest labor they could get. This created jim crow laws. If you know anything about current racism toward migrant workers from Central America, you know that these same economic fears are behind the racism. "Why should an illegal immigrants be allowed here when there are plenty of people already here who are unemployed?" Do I support that view, hell no, but I'm making the point that it is there. What this has to do with a basket case woman in Gwinnett, I'm still trying to figure out.


All women who line themselves up to marry Jesus freaks are giving themselves a life sentence. They should all go to jail forever and waste more of the taxpayer's money. Not only is this woman racist against Latinos she's also racist and sexist against white women AND she age discriminates. I've selected a few quotes with links; unfortunately I was unable to find any links about Puerto Ricans. Perhaps Ajay can provide us with a source for that. [inlink]ajay,340[/inlink]

"In her 911 call, Wilbanks sounds frantic and confused, telling an operator she was kidnapped from Atlanta by a man and a woman in their 40s who were driving a blue van"



"Wilbanks gave detailed descriptions of her kidnappers, whom she described as a Hispanic man and a white woman."




"Wilbanks claimed she had been abducted by a Hispanic man and white woman who cut her hair and forced her into a light blue conversion van"



It is not likely that the story would have attracted national attention 10 years ago, said Robert Thompson of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University, but the news business has changed with 24-hour cable coverage and intense competition.

"This is no more a national story than Scott Peterson was an important national story," Thompson said, "but it's the kind of programming that cable news stations want now."



I love this one
"So many girls really are abducted, and she's eating up all the manpower."

If SHE were a man there never would have been all the commotion anyway! That's my point. If a WASP man disappeared do you think we'd have seen "MISSING GROOM!" posted all over the news? Would they be giving the abandoned bride a polygraph test?
Yeah right.
We all know a woman's place is in the home.
I feel comforted knowing that as a white southern woman with a debit card and a mother who loves me, I fit many of the stereotypes that define this runaway bride. All I can say is thank the fucking gods I don't have some stupid man around who is going to flip out the moment I decide to take off on the spur of the moment. I sure as hell don't call my family every time I go out of town. I don't think that I'll be doing that when I'm in my 30's (like the woman in question) either.
Granted what this woman did was kind of crazy but the media is crazier. Getting married in the first place is a crazy thing to do, a weak person's way to temporarily ease the fear of dying alone. A business person's way of figuring out how to save time and tax money.
It's sad that a person can't just disappear for a while without informing all of the people that they want to disappear from that they're going to disappear for a while. I must have a different view of privilege than ajay. I would have thought a privileged class person would be able to take off when they want without seeking permission.
I know that to me living in a subdivision, being white with my ugly, white, stocky, aging and male fiancé, jogging everyday, is not my vision of the ideal life. I actually applaud this run-away-bride for realizing what a boring line up of stereotypes her life consists of and doing something radical about it. Yeah, when her 200 bucks ran out and she couldn't buy more bus tickets (it's a wonder she just didn't take a private jet to Madrid in the first place, what ever was she thinking?) She pulled the coward's move and called the fiancé, rather than lets say, turning tricks at truck stops.
Now she's going to settle into the life, marry the guy, maybe have a kid, maybe not, eventually she'll divorce the guy and marry a guy named Butch, and they'll go out to the honkytonks together, maybe some out-of-luck female friend will move in with them and they'll start having threesomes and wearing matching lingerie.
But in the mean time this person and companion should suffer fines and community service, why? Because there are not yet enough laws. We always need more. Is lying to the F.B.I. a crime? If I walk up to an agent and say "that's a very attractive suit and tie you're wearing" when In fact it's a hideously boring combination in my subjective view, should I be pressed with charges in a court of law? No.
If I walk up to an officer of the law and say "A short black man snatched my purse" and they go out looking and pick up some guy but it's not the right guy but I say "yeah that's him" and they put the guy in jail for a year, should I be pressed with charges in a court of law? Yes
Who did this runaway woman hurt in her actions? Who's civil liberties did she infringe upon? As far as I can tell it's the counties pocketbook that suffered the most damage and in this country capital is the new god. Money makes the world go round. I say we kill the woman and sell her skin to the highest bidder on e-bay. Then we can donate to funds to the county and they can donate the funds to the public library, that's only going to be replaced with the web in 15 years anyways, and then 5 years after that the books will all burn by the hands of a teenage pyromaniac.