this moving thing is going to happen soon i reckon.
I'm dangerous with my student loan money.
I bought some heels today, so bad, so bad.

I read Death in Venice over the night. It makes me sad for many reasons. I can't understand the main character, Aschenbach. He falls hard-core for a teen when he's 50. I could never love a boy like that. I mean sure I can admire and desire but these things occur pretty much everyday so I guess my feelings can never be as intense as Aschenbach. Maybe if I live to be 50 I can be so intense but I doubt it. I'm to twisted already.
or course Aschenbach totally sucks for the most part, no fun at all. He was trying in the end there but then he just upped and died before he even got the chance to jack off a beautiful 14 yr. old. He never even spoke to the kid.


And soy, I agree about how you should want to do something rather than be told to, but at the same time, when you make yourself a student you are subjecting yourself to certain demands.

I don't understand the reasons why Soyeon is shy about her dreams. Is it because people can hold it against her? Why does it matter what people say and think? That could be why I'm not to concerned about most my screwy dreams, I try not to give a shit about what people think of me (this doesn't mean that I'm not dreadfully curious about it) so therefore I don't give a shit what I think of other people.
for instance, if Soyeon wrote that she dreamed of copious amounts of sex with barnyard animals I might say whoa, that's pretty out there, and maybe even tease her about it but in the end it wouldn't effect our friendship. A dream is just the bits of your memory attempting to make sense out of this fucked up existence (and your memories come from all over, actual life, books, television, things people have told you, things you have seen, etc.) I'd love Soyeon even if she dreamed of murdering me and eating my cervix.
What is the point of hiding things? If you hide something is it because you assume that someone is interested? more than likely if you disclose your personal information people will have no interest at all. It could make a person interested if you know something that they don't but... I have no idea, I'm just rambling.

Speaking of boring the hell out of others
I dreamed tonight that I had a suitcase with cadberry eggs that Tony Conrad gave me for my 29th birthday (even though I was aware that I was still 23 in the dream) also Liz moved in with my old roommate Kristin and Kristin gave me a wood pipe.

hmmm... I'm sure that is fascinating ... yes.

I stay up late, I stay up late
This is how I dance, this is how I dance

In Freud's dream analyses he's always trying to say that if you dream of an umbrella it's really a phallic symbol and things like that. I wonder what Freud would think of my dreams maybe he would say you dreamed of a dick so it's really and umbrella symbol.

I did head to that party last night around 1:30. It was winding down at that point, it started at like 4 in the afternoon. I stayed there about an hour and was informed that I could stay because I am extended family. That was nice.

I asked around about portraiture and what the point of portraiture is. Jon kept me entertained with answering that (it somehow lead to a conversation about how people can fuck anything) but Keith was pissing me off because he refused to answer my "GodDamn" question and he kept swearing that I have a mini me walking around but I happen to know this girl and I can assure you that she is entirely her own person. I must have a couple of twins because whenever I go to Louie's hot-dogs the woman working there always remembers me as a person who looks like one of their other customers.

I left that party last night and came home to read and fuck around until about 5 in the morning. I woke up around 2 being jarred out of my sleep by a fucked up and disjointed domestic dream.

It starts out at my parents house. My sister and I were the only ones home. Lori says something like "Harvey's coming here to kill us" so I run to the back and call 911 and I can hear my sister screaming in the front of the house. There are other scary people with Harvey. They tell me I'd better not call the police and I say to the receiver "come to 2-- Stoner Rd as soon as possible" Then my sister is in front of me with Harvey. I'm so happy that he didn't kill her that we laugh and hug but then Harvey jumps on her back pinning me to the ground underneath them. Then Harvey starts to dry hump us. My sister and I seemed willing to give in and choose rape over death.
Then I'm in the front of the house and my Mom is home. A busload of bohemians pull up and my Mom goes out to tell them that they can't stop here but they pile out of the bus anyway and they have small children with them so my Mom gives in.
Then I'm at a fancy restaurant in the mall with my Dad and brother. I want to leave because I don't have money but my Dad ask me to stay so I do but then the order taker takes everyone's order but mine and then she takes the order of two women behind us so I get all pissed when she is finally ready to take my order so I storm out and steal a camera.
Then I'm at home and my joints keep unraveling but their mostly tobacco anyway because one of my brothers took my weed and my dad told me he probably went to smoke it with my other brother.
Finally Harvey is back. He's on top of me and I'm laying on my stomach on two tables that separate a few inches right where my crotch is. We are trying to have sex and I turn around to my mother (Harvey has turned into my Mom) and ask how can you fuck me if you don't have a dick? She says I do and she shows it to me and she's Harvey again. I look at the dick its very long and very thin. While he is trying to put his dick inside of me I ask Harvey what happened you had such a big dick in high school. He says he's become infertile and then he pulls his dick out because he had ejaculated. I said "you came already" with totally pissed off frustration.

Well, that's the end of the fucked up dream. Harvey was my friend Shannon's nutty brother. I don't know what the hell brought him up in my mind. That's the 2nd time I've dreamed about guys cuming to soon. It's a little different from the Chris Rock dilemma of wrap it up. I don't know. Crazy.

I experienced a Paul and Terry sighting a few minutes ago so I honked, laughed and then I felt sad because they looked so happy, not that I don't want them to be happy or anything but I'm bored and I want some of jolly companionship for myself. I might head over to Keith's neighbors and check out their party who knows?

My apartment is chilly for the first time in weeks. I woke up and put on one of my sister's old boyfriends shirt. It's comfortable. I need to straighten up in here. I wonder how I'm going to fit all this junk into keith and jon's place?

Whenever I have to get up before my body desires to I am reliant on the terrible screeching of 3 alarm clocks. Usually I hit snooze for around an hour and then get up.

Today was a damn good day. Tony split open a watermelon while illuminated by a red light. Then he gave us all a piece. We were talking about surveillance and cyber sex for the most part but they didn't call it cyber sex it was online video sex or something. I think Tony was arguing that it's a great form of birth control and protection from std's. I don't like the idea. Sex needs bodies.
I never got around to talking about my thing I've been thinking about but that's ok.
My second day of teaching went fine. I was so uncomfortable and nervous the first day. It's difficult but I think I'm getting better. I showed them a reel of work from my undergraduate school and they liked Andy's video's.
One of my students built this web site www.theyardape.com.
It's a little strange because I have 17 male students and only one female, funny.
I'm thinking about showing a Paul Morrissey film but I showed trash to Soyeon last night and she doesn't think my students are ready for that kind of thing but I think they'll be fine. I have a reading to go with it...
yeah