Sickly Ungrateful Nicotine Rant

I'm having trouble sleeping because my throat hurts but at the same time I have a terrible craving for a cigarette and I'm all out. I've smoked a pack today. I hate it when one nostril is clogged and the other isn't, it just pisses me off so bad. More than anything I like to breath comfortably. I'm miserable when I have a cold. I'm miserable, Oh, Misery! I also have little patience with people when I feel this way. I swear to God Soybean asked me a million times today "You Ok?" I know that sounds nice you know she's a good friend but after the 5th time or so I just started getting irritated then my friend Keith IM's me tonight asking "Karaoke?"
Jesus Christ! I feel like shit I can't breath, my head hurts, my throat hurts, my nostrils are playing musical chairs with the free breathing passage, why the fuck would I want to go sing karaoke? Keith pissed me off the other night when I told him I had a bad cold he asked me if I had the shits! I mean God damn, I wish, Jesus why does he think that's funny? Why is he obsessed with pooping? Oh, you have a cold you must have runny feces as well. Shit is a part of life and everything but Keith, you talk about shit to much and sometimes it makes me all pissed off. Guess what, shit stinks but at the moment I pray for the shits, if I could switch a headache, sort throat, runny then stopped up nose, cough, chain reaction sneezing, achy body, dry eyes, and chest mucus for the mere shits I would gladly do it.