I'm back on Elmwood. I flew in today and stumbled up to my humble lair. Nothing had changed except my landlords left me a present of white wine inside the door. After assessing my situation and trying to nap but failing I decided to break out the vibrator and man oh man, I like that thing. From now on my vibrator travels with me, I don't care if I have a sex partner I still need my vibrator. What now? hmmm I should straighten up in here but... that's no fun so I'm writing this instead. Its a lot less scary here than I thought it would be, the weather, its not so bad. I'm happy to be off the couch and in my bed or chair or my whatever, I like these meager things I have. The only thing I have lots of is clothes, oh the displaced affection there, or here, my clothes that is.

I grew pubs when I was 10. It had been an awfully long time since I had seen an adult necked, I forgot that people were supposed to have hair on their genitals, so I assumed I was a freak and shaved them off. Years after when I was a teen my MawMaw told me she had done the same thing. By that point I was pretty damn comfortable with my down low hairies and just did an edge snipping when bikini season came around.
I few years later I was living with my lover. He asked me one day if I would do some maintenance on my pubic hair and I was quite offended but then I decided what the hell and shaved them all off. He was surprised. It was fun. The pain however was the growing in process, very itchy. My lover after this decided to shave off all of his pubic hair and he was in itching agony a day later. He apologized to me and said he would never ask me to do maintenance again.
So a couple years after that I made a drawing with glue and pubic hair, it spelled out pubic. Before that I had video taped myself shaving my pubic hair and contemplated making it into a video titled Removing Bush. Then I met a girl who said she wished she had never initially shaved her pubs because they were so much softer before she had. Seeing as how I removed mine as soon as they started I had no frame of reference for that. I have noticed lately that the hair on my lovers belly is much softer that the hair it runs into right above his penis.
One last thing, when I was in jail this year they made me hang out with the other prisoners while they took a shower. I was pretty freaked out because I had never been in a group shower and there I was being handed lice shampoo. I watched the ladies get naked and noticed that they had all managed to do some pubic maintenance. I was embarrassed because I just got in there that day and I was a hairy cave woman. In the end those fat bitchy cops said I didn’t have to shower (I was only serving 15 hours) so I got out of showing my primitive pubies. I’ve noticed with porn that women are usually hairless and chest hair is becoming a rarity among men (in media). I guess it’s a sign of the times but what the hell does it mean?

My new year’s eve sucked because I had a stomach virus that enabled me to pee out my asshole all day long also it helped me to vomit up at least a liter of ginger ale. The good news is I have a driver license one year and 2 thousand dollars after I got a DUI.
I’m missing my own space at this point. I’ve been sleeping on my parents couch since December 10th minus the nights I spent in Andy’s dirty apartment.
The other night at about 4 in the morn I stumbled across a terrible soft core porn titled illicit lovers despite the bad script and even worse acting I managed to get a bit turned on and took the vibrating element from a vibrating pillow and I was in the middle of stimulating myself under the covers when my sister stumbled into the room. Now I was so worried about the vibrating noise that I forgot about the porn and my sister stood there a while before it dawned on me that I was watching some overly gorgeous man fuck some fake breasted blond. That was kind of awkward.
Besides that I’ve been dreaming of the dead lately. First my Granny, then Matthew, then tonight, Rex. It’s a bit strange. In the dreams I always realize that these people are dead or at least should be because they are. My Granny had a bunch of strokes then quit eating. I dreamed that she had glasses and dyed her hair black. I gave her a hug. Rex was shot in the head by his neighbors enraged ex-husband because he was hiding her in the closet. That was two weeks before high school graduation. I grew up with that guy. In the dream I walked by him and fought the urge to give him a hug and tell him he looked good then a while later(in the dream) I remembered that he was dead. The dream with Matthew was a little weirder. It was like he wasn’t dead but had just moved and was mad at me. He was murdered about 6 months after we broke up. This was the guy who popped my cherry and all that we lived together for a while. Well actually I popped my own cherry with magic markers when I was about 12 after reading about how much sex for the first time hurt women. I decided that I would rather do it myself but it still kind of hurt the first time I had sex despite years of masturbation so what’s with that? It’s mental thing I guess.

Hurray for Christmas

Hurray for cleavage

So I slept until 4 again. uh... time keeps on slipping. Hmmm. I think that ??I well. shit This old life is getting me down way down. It is the most boring town. I wish you were around. God Damn it I miss old buffalo.

1. I'm reading this book Sex for One by Betty Dobson. It's a great book but this lady is actually into cunt hair shaving because it makes women look at their pussies. She drew all these pictures of pussies close up to show the differences. It's amazing and beautiful, I think.

2. My boyfriend guy, Andy, is always mistaken for being gay. I used to tease him about it but the other night I had the lovely experience of being teased by my own sister for having a gay boyfriend. I think my sister is just pissed because she hasn't got laid in two months, for her that's a record. Jesus Christ you should see the stupid dicks she's interested in. Thank god I scared those assholes off. So yeah, gender roles suck they need a little more transformation if you ask me.

It was damn near sixty degrees here today. I hung around on the porch and went to D. U. I. school. Ya'll my boyfriend sure can fuck. Last night we started out spooning, He grabbed both of my hands so my arms were behind my back. Then I sat on top of him facing his feet and we fucked like that for a while. In the end we were doggystyle but a couple of variations on that so in the end I was just flat on my stomach and Andy spluged all over my back and said "Lord." Sex. It's even better than mild weather.

I'm here in Adairsvile Ga. I have realized that it's going to be a very long month

I've got to admit that I haven't noticed much of a difference between northern and southern culture since I moved up here from Atlanta in August, well, that is until I spent thanksgiving with my sister in laws family in Pennsylvania. I stayed with the grams and my brother and his wife, Dee. My little niece Gracie was there and she is just as cute as can be. She just learned to walk and her honey blond hairs turned curly. So this northern family delights in giving each other a hard time (my bother is as southern as they come so its funny seeing him away from home). At one point Grams was in the hallway and one of her granddaughters said "get out of the way old woman" and once I was sitting on the porch calling a kitty over when grams said "don't call that cat over here. It's got a mean face if I had a gun I'd shoot it." Ya'll should meet my MawMaw she's the sweetest old lady ever. She sends me cards that says she praying for me and puts five dollars in. Well, the Pennsylvania family was nicer in actions than they were in words I guess cause I didn't do a lick of work while I was there just ate there good food and sat around. They are all Catholics so that's funny. My brother made me promise to keep my mouth closed about the religion thing so I guess I'll save my lectures for my own family. Dee's family doesn't talk about controversial stuff to much. In my family we tell it how it is and then argue. I've finally tried eggnog and I tell you what, that shit is so good, I wish I had some right now. At the end of the trip on Friday I was pulling away from Grams house with my brother and his family. Grams, Uncle Joe, and Aunt Rea all came out on the porch and stood there in a line. I yelled up to them that they looked like the Clampetts and my brother laughed about that halfway to the bus station. He think that Grams don't like him. So now I've been here in Buffalo taking it easy when I should be working my ass off. I did clean up this place. Man, it looks better. Come on over here and see it ya'll!