If anyone hears someone running their mouth off about me and a decision I had to make recently please tell them to check their facts. What I had to do was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. This was something I have been agonizing over for days and not something I did to be vindictive or petty. This is about somebody's life. I did the right thing regardless of whatever this person THINKS they know about the situation. Sorry for being vague, but I think it is necessary for me to protect the privacy of those involved, unlike the person that doesn't quite have their facts right.

To be praised by fools --- that is the greatest shame. ---Nichiren Daishonin

PS. This doesn't have anything to do with anyone on the site, but some of you know this person. Just in case they haven't finished with their ugly gossip yet.

I'm doing my best to hang in there. These days have been terribly sad for me. Everything I have had to deal with lately is making me much stronger. I'm not going to let other people's hateful selves ruin me. I have seen enough of people's dark side (Not anyone on this site) in a period of less than two weeks to last a lifetime. It really makes me suffer, but I guess I can say that I am not blind and I would rather see the reality of the world instead of closing my eyes and pretending that it is something it isn't.

Take care everyone.

Hello (e:peep) friends and (e:voyeurs),

In case you haven't noticed I haven't posted in almost two weeks. That is cause I am on estrip sabbatical right now. Maybe I'll come back in May. Time is moving faster than it ever has in my life.

One thing I couldn't resist looking at was (e:metalpeter)'s great pics of the st. matty's day affair. There is one pic where it looks as if I'm going to slap the shit out of (e:terry). Really I'm just leaning against a wall and am not winding up to unleash my wrath on terry.


Lator Gators,

call or send an email if you want to get a hold of me.

peace in the middle east ya'll

Today for the first time ever I changed a tire. WOW

A friend of mine just reminded me of how I also changed a car battery.

And I also put in a new DVD burner into the computer too. WOW

I can do it!

This is completely random and I feel like posting it even though you are all sick of me bringing up Cuba. Really I haven't seen any of the people that I went there with since we got back. So now all in the same week I see 3 out of 7 of them. This guy I ran into day was only with us for a month, but we all got to know him pretty well considering we were on a bus together for twelve days traveling the country. Anyways he came to a Buddhist meeting tonight that I was emceeing! I didn't recognize him because his hair was all long and he looked compltely different and he was introduced by the english pronunciation of his name. All of this is bringing up so much in my life. Actually amazing thing is that the Buddhist organization i belong to JUST became officially recognized by the Cuban government and they are now compltely official. Daisaku Ikeda, the president had met personally with Fidel many years ago. The revolution has seriously impeded religious freedoms in the past and they are now slowly opening up. This is such a great victory. To share one of my biggest regrets, not trying hard enough to connect with other members in Cuba. I had a chance to meet these people and be a part of something truely historical, but didn't. Regrets suck.

It was so good to see all of these people. Wish I could say more about all of this, but......It's top secret.

Peter Wagler 18 years and no more. His body was buried on his nineteenth birthday.




Back in August I posted the names of all of the US soldiers who died in the Iraq war up to that point. I was thinking about posting the rest of those who have died since then, but decided that no, I think the point was made. If you want to browse the names in the three journals they took up go here

Anyways I happened to come across this website after having a conversation with (e:jenks).
It has a list with pictures of men and women who have died while over there. (Over there is so far you can't even see it)

Here is an article by the Associated Press re: his death:

HUTCHINSON, Kan. - The family of a Kansas soldier who died in Iraq remembered him as "the most gracious young man."

Cpl. Peter Wagler and another soldier, both members of the Army's 4th Infantry Division, were killed Jan. 23 when a bomb exploded near a tank they were riding on patrol in Baghdad.

Peter Wagler was buried Friday on what would have been his 19th birthday.

"When he was a little kid, he butted heads with everyone in the family," said a sister, Rochelle, 29. "But when he got older, he became the most gracious young man."

Wagler, one of eight children, was home-schooled and studied nursing at Hutchinson Community College before he enlisted in the Army at age 17.

His father, David Wagler, said his son had dreamed of enlisting from the time he was 5 years old, but he allowed him to enlist only after hearing a Sunday school lesson on the prodigal son.

"We need to hold Peter with an open hand," he said.

He also read a letter his son had written, to be opened only after his death. He called it a "typical Peter letter."

"Well, you probably opened this because I died or because I'm involved with a girl you disapprove of," the opening line read.

More than 500 people, including an Army honor guard from Fort Riley, took part in a memorial service that lasted nearly two hours at the First Church of the Nazarene in Hutchinson.

Afterward, a long line of cars passed between two rows of large American flags held by a group of more than 150 motorcycle enthusiasts and others. The caravan proceeded to Partridge Cemetery, a few miles from the family's rural home, where Peter was buried with military honors.
"We will continue to miss Peter," said Vanya Wagler, a brother. "His absence leaves a big hole, but we rejoice because he's with Jesus."

Goodbye Peter. Say hello to Jesus for me. Tell him he was hot in Jesus Christ Superstar.






Here are some associated press quotes re Felipe Barbosa from Brazil. 21 Years old.

A Marine from North Carolina who became a U.S. citizen less than a year ago was killed in Iraq when the Humvee in which he was a passenger overturned, family members said.

Family members, including his wife, Christina, 19, gathered Monday in High Point to remember Barbosa, who was born in Brazil. She had last spoken with her husband Jan. 23 by cell phone.

"We just talked a minute; they were having a sandstorm and the phone was breaking up. He said he was doing fine. He had told me not to worry about him; he was going to come back home; he wasn't going to die," said Christina Barbosa, who was married to her husband for 18 months.

Barbosa, who became a U.S. citizen in February 2005, had joined the Marines on Dec. 31, 2002. His interest in the Marines dated to his years in Brazil, where his father and grandfather had served in the military, said his mother, Iraci Dunbar of Greensboro. The family moved here in 1994.

"He loved all human beings and he never wanted to hurt anybody," said Cpl. Felipe Barbosa's uncle, Dean Charlton.

"It is burned in my mind: The last time I walked with him, he said 'Don't worry about me. I'm walking with Jesus,"' Charlton said.

"He believed in the cause, but he knew there was a better way of doing things," Duarte said.

"Felipe was a follower of Christ with great distinction," said the Rev. Marcus Campbell, Barbosa's pastor at Conrad Memorial Baptist Church.

You guys have no idea how glad I am not some illegal immigrant that has to take other people's shit all the time. Sometimes I do feel as if people treat me like I were "una mexicana ilegal". If you are an illegal you will work for anything and under such abuse. Thankfully I will not stand for it and thankfully, our market in Buffalo is not saturated with illegals that drag salaries down because they are terrified to lose their job. Not that I am against those illegals being here, but that is what happens and it is fucked up. It isn't the illegal person's fault, it is the jerks who employ them and only gives them a fraction of what they have to pay somebody else so they can take in ALL the profits. Illegals are slaves.

La esclavitud dura

_________________________________________________________


Quiero demostrar les a Uds. Cómo limpiar una casa si fuera una ilegal. Hay que recordar que tú no eres nada. Vamos a imaginar que estamos en California.

Te pago

Disfrutaremos el aire tropical y las playas ricas. Será paraíso y también la fuerza del infierno. Imagínense

Levanten se. Es la hora. Cuídense.

No te bañes. ¡Tú sabes que vas a suciarte!

Llegarás a la hora.

¿Qué es el daño te preguntas?

No te olvides que necesitas recordar los perros. ¡Grítales!

¿Mujer quien piensas eres tu?

Nada mi niña

Nada

Corre niña

Recuerdas quien eres tu

Recoge lo que tiro

No importa tu

Lava mi sucia

Mi sucia es mejor que tu

I thought I had a cute new userpic until (e:mike) texted me saying "Your userpic kinda looks like you are doing something naughty to the rabbit."
Ok.

carolinian thinks it is a cat not a rabbit that I am blowing. Now I feel like this entire time you all have been laughing at my pic instead of thinking it was cute and mysterious. I'll change it again when I put Photoshop on the computer.

libertad

which reminds me of how a friend of mine in Cuba always used to say that he was going to fuck my rabbit. They have sex with animals there all the time and I swear, I am not joking. He was joking, but I am not joking. They love to have sex with pigs, horses and yes chickens. It is actually a fairly common conversation topic and not so taboo. The movie "Before Night Falls" never showed Reinaldo Arenas doing the nasty with beasts, but it should have.

What is going on with my posts lately? My mother could be disgusted with me for all I know.

I'm doing an experiment with image search. I wish that I could be able to see how many hits this particular journal would get as a result of my image file from a yahoo or google search. The search words are....

Cock sucking lips.




I searched yahoo for images with the phrase "cock sucking lips" and one photo appeared and my image or the one I stole from doing a search of yahoo, is far more interesting than the only photo that resulted from the search. Actually this journal really is to test if i can get to the site from searching for the name of the file under yahoo or google image search. It would be interesting to know how many people were searching for cock sucking lips and accidentally found this site though.

Update

I searched yahoo image for "cock sucking lips" the same old photo appeared not my tester. Then I searched google image and found they had 22 results for "cock sucking lips". I guess that says it. google is a better search engine. Doesn't google own yahoo or something? Maybe it will take time for my picture to appear under an image search? Or do pictures posted on estrip not register on image search?

Second Update

ok. This is annoying I just realized that the search I did had filtered results. You have to say your 18 to get to the nasty stuff. I thought I was all alone In having "cock sucking lips" now I am just one among 3,827. Those age things are so dumb. Obviously if you are searching "cock sucking lips" you are going to go ahead and say your are at least 18 to look at those "cock sucking lips".

I was telling (e:paul) last night that I want to see a hypnotist. Although I haven't smoked a cigarette in months there is something inside me that still craves smoking. I just want to shut if off. Its not that I feel that I'm going to smoke again, really it isn't an option in my mind anymore. This constant craving inside my body makes me so tense and I don't think that is any good for me either. Working out helps, but I have been so busy. Maybe thats why I'm having trouble now.

It was in the news a few weeks ago about how a lot of people who suffer strokes that smoked previously stop after the stroke. They are doing a lot of research now on this so they can figure away to just in essence flip a switch in our brains turning the cravings off. My uncle smoked very heavily for years. After seeing a hypnotist he never had a craving again and actually became physically ill upon smelling the ashtray in his car or smelling the smoke in his clothes. So even thought I feel as if I will never smoke again, I still want to turn off being addicted to cigarettes. Because I started when I was a preteen, my brain and body developed with nicotine, so it is no wonder I am still suffering from not having any.

I'm actually much happier not smoking and I can't imagine giving all that up to smoke again. If I smoke again, I'll destroy the happiness that I have created.