(WIKIPEDIA - typeHere)

So you might be asking what pray tell is the prize that someone might be winning. The prize is the attention of my boyfriend for the night. Yes, my boyfriend. And why do you ask is he up for a prize? Well, he put himself up on that pedestal himself. I am now playing the waiting game to see if there are any plans with his friends before he decides to hang out with me for the night.

Okay, so I know what you are thinking. . .if he plays games like this, why do I put up with it? Well the answer is simple! (Okay, maybe not so simple as I thought but its an answer! Yeah so what if it is REALLY fucked up). The answer is this, but beware tho it comes in three-fold

1.) I love him
2.) I don't think I could get anyone else to date me. You see, I have low self-esteem and have an extreamly negative outlook on myself. I know, I know that's not good. How can I love someone if I don't love myself. (Obviously you can tell that I have heard this ALL before). I just do. Whenever I look in the mirror, I get a disgusted look on my face and can't stand to look in it anymore. Not normal is it? I know. I just don't know how change my perception of myself.
3.) No other guy would be interested in a fat, ugly mess as myself.

That pretty much sums it up for the most part. Plus Drew has the first guy well, he was my first for a lot of things (but not ALL things).

That's my story and i'm sticking to it (as lousy as it is).

9:48pm and still waiting...i'll probably lose. He says that we will spend tomorrow together regardless. Well of course we will. . . he needs someone to take him to Wegmans. Well at least I am good for something.

(WIKIPEDIA - typeHere)

(WIKIPEDIA - typeHere)

(WIKIPEDIA - typeHere)

When I get stressed, my body hatres me and I feel like I am going to be sick. This my friends is how I have felt all night. Why do you ask? Becasue I let myself get all worked up over a stupid assignment for my History of Higher Ed class. Tell me, can I get anymore stupid?

I mean, I know this is stupid but yet it still happends. However, I have yet to really find a way to make it NOT happen. Its like an unconscious thing. It just naturally occurs without me thinking about it. One minute i'm find and next thing...BOOM...there goes my stomach. BLAH!

I hate my life sometimes.

Its funny how random the mood to write will strike me. I was down in Perks with another Assistant Hall Director when I got this strange urge to just write. I used to get like that when I was younger and wrote several short stories about a detective named Henry Michaels (Middle name and First Name). My favorite story was when he was called on a case to find Geo. Washington's Missing Wooden False Teeth. I wish I saved it from my old comptuer. Who knows...I could have published it and make TONS of money! I guess hindsight is 20/20!

There has been a lot of stuff floating in my head the past week or so. Some good, some not so good and some kinda dirty! (But hey...i'm allowed I'm a guy! What is it they say...guys think of sex every 3sec? 5sec? I wonder if that is different for a gay guy? I sware I think about sex every 1.79sec). Anyways, back to what's floating in my head.

This is the week that my Hall Director hears back whether or not she got the job that she interviewed for. She HAS to hear tomorrow either way because she was told she would her in about two weeks...and that time is now. At times I wish that she didn't tell me that she ihad a job interview. I just keep thinking about the what ifs that might happen. I mean, what if she gets the job? I am going to have to do my work as an Assistant Hall Director ON TOP of the regular Hall Director work. I just don't know if I am going to be able to do it with taking classes and such. So that has been a BIG problem in my head

Secondly, I just realized today that I am going to Washington D.C in a few weeks and really don't have money for it. The trip is pretty much paid for except for maybe some lunches/dinners and extra things. I am probably going to have to ask my mom for a loan which i'm not excited about becasue I don't know when I am going to be able to pay her back. <Sigh>

Thirdly I am having SEVERE self-esteem issues lately. My clothes are fitting differently (some not at all) and that really makes me angry with myself. How could I let me self to get fat? So now I feel that I am fat and ugly and worthless and doubt everything that I do. That is def. not a good feeling to have. I am attempting to eat A LOT healthier and not snacking. I went to Wegmans on Sunday and spent $7.79 for my weekly groceries. It seems that unconsciously that I am trying not buying food and starving myself a little in hopes that I will lose weight that way. But I doubt that is going to work.

Forthly I am severly procrastinating with my grad school work. I have tons of work for my Tech class (although 100% pointless and worthless) and I just have not got around to doing it yet. I guess I enjoy procrastination like I do masturnbation...I dunno. (You know the saying...Procrastination is like masturbation...at first it feels good but in the end your just fucking yourself). Hmm..(e:TheeCarey) never head that..maybe its only a Binghamton thing...I dunno! <scratches head>

See that's a lot of stuff in my head jsut floating! Plus not to mention that this is February (middle of it)! I sware I just moved to Buffalo in Aug and into my apartment at UB! And now all of a sudden I am reapplying for my job here! Where did the time go?!?! GOOD GOD!

Well yeah, this is a long rambling of odd stuff. Like I said when I get in the mood I just type and type. But I feel that I should end this with something enlightening or intelligent or maybe a good quote that someone said!!!

Ah yes...I know the perfect quote! In the infamous words of someone VERY VERY famous..."th th th that's all folks"! (Okay..may not be the most intelligent or enlightening thing ever...but it works!)

OH! By the way...welcome (e:kwhoissuper) to (e:strip)! Good luck with the foreskin thing!

Yes know its the wee hours of Monday morning and I am JUST getting around to posting some pics from Thursday nights activities. I've been busy! Anyways, on to the pics!





Hoping for a bullseye! (Don't I look HOT?) ;-)






(e:Theecarey) throws and hopefully hits the board (she was having issues)






(e:) Ladycroft, throws like a pro






My friend Susan from LI who came up for the weeks attempts her 2nd time EVER playing darts






Maybe with her eyes covered, (e:Theecarey) might do better!






(e:ladycrost) I and covering while (e:theecarey) shoots! (out of picture are the group of guys that (e:theecarey) eventually will hit with a wild dart)





(e:ladycroft) is the winner! (Lucky throw)



(e:ladycroft) is the victim of a run-by stapling as she hots her head on a staple sticking out of the wall. The Arrow helps to point it out



(e:Kangarooboi) (myself) with Susan and (e:ladycroft). Sadly (e:Theecarey) had left before this pic could be taken.

HoweverI do have some mysterous photos of (e:theecarey) that magically appeared on my camera. I wonder how THAT could have happened?!? :-p

(e:Theecarey) and I..(My new SOCO and Lime Buddy)





(e:Jenks) and I





(e:Jenks) and (e:Ladycroft) giving me some lovin!







(e:Ladycroft) getting a nice feel from Baby's Daddy!

AHHH!! I so do not know how to use (e:strip) yet!!! So, with that being said, I will now write for the FORTH time about tonight!!

Tonight was GREAT! (e:Ladycroft), myself and some Canisius friends went out tonight to Cole's. However, when we got there we found out that the bar was closed becasue of a private party and moved next door to Mr.Goodbar. Such good times!
While there, I was given the pleasure of meeting some of the wonderful (e:strip) peeps! (e:Theecarey) and (e:Jenks) are two of the most wonderful ladies I have ever met (next to (e:Ladycroft) :-p). Plus, (e:Theecarey) is the best SOCO and Lime partner EVER!
I also had the pleasure of meeting (e:Terry), (e:Matthew), (e:Paul) & (e:Joshua). While I did not really get a chance to speak to them very much, I am hoping I will in the future. (E:Ladycroft) has told me so much about them (especially (e:Paul), (e:Terry) and (e:Matthew)) I feel like I know them already. (E:Decoyisryan) was also there, but I did not get a chance to meet him personally.

If you are interested in seeing pics from tonight, click on "Pics" over on the right and go to the album labeled "Night Out" (or something like that). Such good times!!