I have returned from 25 days on Retreat Camping as one of my best friends calls it. It never fails how I have managed to grow and become a new person in a little less than a month. I came home to many changes in my mundane daily existence. I am still trying to get my head around it. This heat is unbearable! I am having problems completing the simplest of tasks. I need to unpack and complete an unbelievable amount of work to be ready for the work year. It is amazing how fast time moves and days turn into weeks into the blur of a whole month!
Serendipity pays me a visit. I decided to splurge and by some very cool jewelry that I have been jonesing about for 3 years. Here is there website if you want to see their very cool products: . I decided that I liked the wolf pendant the best. I have been feeling very close to my family and other kinds of family like groups of people with a shared or common interest. I know the wolf is a symbol for family. Later in the week I speak to my elder and he asks me if I know the story of the wolf to the Lakota people. I said no, I did not know. He asked me "Why did you choose the wolf?" I told him that I know wolves mate for life, they travel in packs, the work together to hunt and survive, they have a highly complex social structure, and they have a strong sense of community and most importantly are loyal to their family! He smiles. With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "You are also teaching now, a new phase in your life, yes?" I nod affirmatively, confused with what that had to do with the wolf pendant. He begins the story: "The Lakota people were having a particularly hard winter and their people were dying and hungry. A wolf came to the medicine man and said "eat my flesh, wear my skin and follow my spirit." The medicine man took this to the Lakota people and they did as they were told. They killed the wolf and ate his flesh. They wore his skins to keep their people warm. They then follow the spirit of the wolf to find he led them to a valley rich in plants, and other animals to hunt for food. The wolf is known and respected to the Lakota people as a teacher. The wolf also teaches us that sometimes we have to sacrifice something precious to survive and learn to live.

I feel like life is in fast forward and catching my breath in the insanity of the current pace is a challenge. How do you hold time in one place? Would he stay still if I just asked him too? Is he that gentlemanly?
    I officially know what kelp feels like floating on the ocean. There are so many life lessons occurring in my life at this time I can barely digest it. I just realized it has been over six months since I have written a poem. For those of you that know me, know how unusual this fact is.
    Some of my friends and I have been in conversations about the interesting things that happen at certain ages in ones life. A group of my friends met out on Chippewa Street a couple of weekends ago. I forgot how many young women go out to find a person to connect with. There is no point to connecting with people with alcohol in your system. The real connection happens when you are sober! Man did I get drunk! I went out to find a good DJ, by my criteria it is a hard thing to do sometimes. We did it though! I was so happy with the mix I drank and danced until I could do neither or was it that 4:00am came sooner than I had realized and they kicked us out of the bar!
    Morning came and I was not pleased. I remembered why I gave up drinking 5 days a week! I woke up drunk. Being a responsible adult, my body clock woke me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep so began my day. I went to visit one of my neighbor’s who is for all intents and purposes a functional alcoholic. Looking like last weeks laundry entered his abode and asked him how he could do this to himself everyday, day after day? He told me to have another drink. We discussed the concept of the Hair of the Dog that bit me, to become sober. I told him, right now, I would prefer to just bit the dog back and he could keep his hair! I was sore in places that shouldn’t be sore. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or some of the crazy ass moves I attempted in a drunken state. Finally after caring for my stomach and feeding myself and then visiting my parents, my mother convinced me to just relax on the couch where I slept off the afternoon! I then had to confess to my choir (we are a few member short of a full compliment) why I could not make it to mass. They teased me mercilessly! I’ve decided next time I am going out to dance and stay sober! I can still tear up a dance floor without inhibition if the music that is spinning takes you to another place!
    It is ironic actually. I realized just how much I gave up in my last long-term relationship! I remember waking up and first thing I did was turn on music, came home from work, cleaned the kitchen, doing the hated dishes to tunes makes all the difference, laundry, traveling, hell it was the fabric of my life. Then I lived with people who didn’t have my eclectic tastes in music and then I began dating a man that couldn’t dance. I thought I compromised. There is a heartbeat within the music, something that kept me thriving, striving and kicking. I did become lazy, but why argue with your significant other about music. It’s cool. It really wasn’t. I gave up personal happiness (the way I can make me happy â€" my responsibility â€" not someone else’s), exercise, a neat home, getting all my housework done in a timely manner, and a deep part of who I am. I dance. It is who I am. That is why the best job I ever had was being a DJ, I taught people how to be happy, enjoy life, to embrace their inner dancer, even if they felt it looked like an epileptic fit instead of an acceptable form of dancing â€" it was movement and the result every time they got to that point of release â€"SMILE! There is nothing better than that feeling. My joy came not only from dancing, but also from sharing it with others!
    It is about learning to celebrate. How do you celebrate life? What does the drum tell you? What universal secrets whisper to your inner being? How do you become one with the universe? How do you express yourself? What takes you to that point of release? What vibration moves you? Tune it in, tune into yourself. Sing. Write. Dance. Muses take me away to the land of Inspiration!

It never fails I plan to post at least once a week to once a month, because that just seems reasonable. Then I don't get around to it.

I am better and have survived fifths. One of my friends keeps asking me when I'll get to sixths! I am not sure any virus is a good one, so I will pass!

My father has been fighting an infection for over a year and this past weekend he went in for emergency surgery. His is now home and all is curmudgeonly and argumentative so he is on the mend. His foot really looks much better after the surgery. Yet does losing a toe led to losing the foot to losing the leg or does it stop and heal? *SIGH*

Work is busy, but keeping a steady pace. I am working on bringing in a large presentation to the whole school on the Saint John's Bible and Calligraphy with a friend. It is history in the making. Oh read the site if you are interested: www.saintjohnsbible.org.

I was so overwhelmed by this past weekend that I had completely forgot to go to a teacher-certification training seminar and had to reschedule.

"To the Pain, Princess!" On Sunday was the beginning of some serious tooth pain for 3 days it held me in its grasp and wouldn't break free until I found the right balance of sleep, pain medication and an emergency dental visit for the next generation of my root canal. Ask me when I am done if it was worth it!? But today my pain is at a monotonous 1 versus the solid 5 or 6 from Sunday, Monday and Tuesday morning. I am still irritable. I think next time I am going to have the tooth extracted, it's cheaper, there is less overall pain and less time with your mouth open!

I have a new library saga that I am in the middle of extracting myself from and trying to be reasonable, later update after the anger has subsided.

Completed reading the Ursula LeGuin Earthsea series. If you like sci-fi and dragons and magic and wizards and words of power, give it a read. I liked it so much it is on my Christmas list for the 6 hardcover volumes for my Sci-Fi library! That is saying something.

Have you ever been on a book hunt? Sci-Fi readers understand this more that other genre readers. There was a book that created a prequel before it completed the sequel and I found it in the hardcover version at a reasonable price on my errands on Saturday morning and couldn't pass it up. I have a great many other novels to read before I get to these precious jewels! There is something to be said for owning things, yet there is a freedom to not having anything. Of course now there is another book I am on the hunt for to see if the sequel was ever written. That will be the next order of business on my next library trip.

May life take you on unexpected adventures; remember to enjoy the journey for once you reach your destination there is only storytelling!

Today is the anniversary of both my grandfather's deaths. I was OK, most of the day. Well as can be expected when you're sick! I watched Missing Persons and some little kid in me remembered that there was something I needed to make sure I didn't forget. It is usually a rough day every year. I was very close to both my grandfather's.

I recently watched The NeverEnding Story II The Next Chapter. Cheesy maybe, but either way Bastian knew the importance of a memory. Some days memories are the only thing that get you through the day. Some good, some bad or just unusual. My family has gotten really small and I really miss my grandparents. All of them have past on to live another life somewhere out there. I love them. I miss them. I have grieved. I have been angry. I have been sad. I just miss the fact that I can't hug them!

Something so simple. A hug. Something we take for granted. There is a comfort in the embrace of someone we trust and love unconditionally and knowing it is returned. Family matters. I have tried to explain it before to other people and for all my verbosity I don't think I can ever articulate what I feel. I was in their lives for a very short time considering the span of their lives. I was blessed. I knew them both well. Very different in personality and ideas, but they both had fierce hearts and loved life and their families. I am honored to have known the light from the flames their souls brought to this life.

Sometimes I wish I had all the wisdom of their life experiences to make it through all the rough spots in my life. And then this stupid thing pops up... I was lucky enough to know my grandparents. I do not think that will be true of my children and I grieve for a loss that only the future will answer and yet this fear / grief feels solid and certain.

So here I sit spilling tears over the past and the future. When will we ever learn, right Gramps? We are supposed to celebrate their life and the accomplishments of their lives, one of which was me.

I love you and carry you in my heart and I will always remember!

I am highly annoyed with being sick so much this year. Teaching gives a whole new meaning to endurance, when it comes to ones health. I am now having regular visits to my doctor, not one of my favorite things. I figure more than 2 visits a year is too much and I am already there due to this infection/virus whatever it is. I felt decent at the beginning of this weekend. I took a small visit out of town for something important to me and my sanity. Came home Sunday, relax chilled out, everything is cool. Woke up this morning like I have the worst hang over in the world and nothing is helping except sleep. UG!
Light and sound feel like torturous things that were made just to make me wince. My head is pounding as if I were wearing a crown that was too tight, or maybe a vice made of metal unforgiving in squishing my brains to mush. Food is only taking the edge off. I hope I don't wake up with this hangover feeling. I really want to have fun with my kids tomorrow and can't help the feeling like this is only some half-life of my former healthy self.

My mom and I have a long standing tradition to sing midnight mass for the choir we belong to and I tried to take pictures with our digital camera, which I am learning how to use.

Unexpectedly I was invited to see A Tribute to Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers at the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra. It was a wonderful evening of beautiful music and toe tapping songs with amazing dancers dancing in the same style during the war eras. Jody Hess was an wonderful sight to see. Kirby Ward had an amazing ability to copy Fred Astaire's mannerisms and dance style.

The tenor at the beginning of the show gave a round of applause to all the veterans in the audience and I was highly impressed. That era was an entire different society, but a time when boys danced with girls and romance was a dream everyone desired. Beautiful dresses, dance steps, songs that stayed in your mind, and the thought of someone special right in the front of your happy moments. It was also a time of war, loss and people just trying to keep it together. People who enjoyed good cultural distractions and it maybe me realize just how much I miss the stories my grandparents would talk about "when we were your age..."

I got the opportunity to talk to Jodi Bensen AKA Ariel in the Little Mermaid. She was very down-to-earth and signed my program. What a great voice!

When I was a little girl and dreamed of being a dancer. Fred Astaire was my role model. He was plain to look at, but extraordinary when the music qued. A Hollywood producer was quoted saying "He can't sing, can't act, balding, can dance so-so." Just goes to show you what technology did for an entire era. When movies hit it big, so did Astaire and Rogers! Musical movies. Wonder what would happen if they put reality television with a movie musical...

Enjoy the Silence.

Once upon a dream
I thought I knew you
Every smile, every glance...
I thought I could
Trust you with my heart
So I took a chance.

I bore my soul
I want you to know
I said what I have to say...
I gave you my raw emotions
Ten years of friendship
And you threw it away.

Now on this day, an anniversary
I honor what we once had
A friendship that most would die for...
I send you silent wishes
"Love never dies, it only fades away"
Moments lost, now only thoughts to cry for.

I'll send you no birthday card
No hallmark greeting
Since you walked away...
We once shared - something
Our hearts once sang,
Now there is silence here today.

Di M Rivera © 2005,12th of November @ 11:25am

There I was perusing postcards of my favorite pieces of artwork in the galleries permanent collection and my best friend calls me over to the kid's section with a "Hey Di, Check this out!" I made a final decision and head toward the back of the Gallery store.

It was crowded so she was already in the kid's section of the store. So I started to look at what was on the shelves in front of me until I could get to the cool thing with my best friend. I am looking at a fully loaded suede sketchbook with colored pencils that has an attached pencil sharpener and on the other side a place to display either your work or a photo - the artist in me is like way cool!

And then it happened: I felt a tug on my coat, which was wrapped around my waist in my typical convenient for me fashion. I looked down and there was a little boy digging into my pocket for comfort. He couldn't have been more than six years old, maybe even five. One hand pulling on my pocket and the other posed to his mouth while looking around at all the people. I was just looking at him with mixed emotions. As he was surveying the room, he looked up to say something - and the result was total shock, he hands recoiled into his armpits (he looked like a little chicken) and his eyes grew wide scared like WHERE IS MY MOMMY? and WHO ARE YOU? and YOU ARE NOT MY MOMMY! scrawled across his facial features. Then he ran to the front of the store toward someone. Then it was all over.

I looked at the price tag $36.00. (That seemed to be the price of everything I wanted that night, which was for sale.)

Once upon a time in the world of reality on a nearby street on the west side of Buffalo, we had a strange morning a few days ago. My father decided to exercise his manly testosterone via the demolition of two windows and the space between them which will eventually become the only window in that room giving more seating in the room and more living space. By the way - the day the demolition starts is that day before the wind storm.

My mom and I are upstairs comfy sitting on the couch under warm toasty blankets trying to have one of those easy mornings we so enjoy when we are aloud to have them. I see something out of the corner of my eye. YIKES! There is something crawling up the lace curtains in the computer room. I told mom as calmly as I could that there was a mouse crawling up the curtains in the other room. She went and got a large butter tub and a magazine and put the tub underneath the mouse as it was crawling up the curtains and she then hit the curtains above the mouse in order to get the mouse in the old butter tub. ALAKAZAM! Thud! Thwap! Mom exclaimed I got it!

We quickly run down the stairs to the front door me opening all the doors along the way until we got to the front door where she threw him into the flower bed in the front of their house. Quite proud that we accomplished this feat we decided to watch a movie and have a relaxing day!

Several hours later, into the early evening after our normal daily activities of meals, paperwork, paying bills, being online doing research, et cetera... We settle into a evening of television watching. Both of us hear a noise like someone is squeaking. High pitch sort of noise and then we see a little tiny visit dart out of the computer room and in the end was running all over the house looking for we think it's mother, whom we had evicted earlier that day. We tried for several futile hours running around after the mouse to no avail.

Brainstorming as to how to get rid of the mouse, we decided to see where we could try and catch him. We gave up for that evening. Next morning after we have eaten breakfast, we had a day off from our weekly activities and decided to bake early in the morning. We were making almond danishes from the food network via Paula Deen's web page. Excellent and tasty. While we were waiting for the dough to chill we noticed the mouse in the bathroom. We quickly ran into the bathroom and closed the door thinking we've gottem now! He he he he. He was so tiny and cute, we ended up laughing ourselves into hysterics as we rearranged all the furniture in the bathroom into a lump of things piled into the middle of the room. Just when we were ready to give up we found him again and we about to corner him and he began to do flips to get away from us and we began to howl with laughter. It couldn't be helped it was absolutely silly that two grown adults in a locked room could capture a one inch mouse. We gave up and went to make lunch and watch television.

We didn't see our friend right away but when we had just forgotten him we discovered there were two of them one an inch long with a little round butt and the other about an inch and a half and less cute. Which explains why we thought we had one trapped in the bathroom and then saw him again, so when we went into the bathroom to answer the call of mother nature decided to leave the door open. They had gotten us, though they probably never knew it.

Now we are wondering how do we get rid of them. Evening comes after errands and shopping, dinner. We settle in for more television watching in the evening and we have a guest. The little mouse was impossible to catch but he like my tiger slippers. He seemed to be playing with them. I tried and experiment. I put socks on and he disappeared. Until the next night when I had my slippers on and guess who. He would come out and look at the TV, I swear! We gave up trying to catch him in the open and just watched him laughing. True we were a bit frustrated. The other one seemed to disappear and then reappear when you least expect it.

This morning I woke up early due to some difficulty with my sinuses and were crocheting on the couch with my Tigger slippers and guess who comes out from underneath the couch between my feet our cute little mouse friend. He went over to his spot and looked at me like why aren't you watching the TV. My mom was still sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. So I just watching him thinking how can I catch him. No ideas I kept crocheting. I swear this mouse was cleaning his paws and looked over his shoulder at me then the TV, like turn it on already! I decided to do something different. I got onto the computer and played a computer game. There was my little friend playing with my slippers running behind furniture where I couldn't catch him. Two hours pass like this. Then I hear a rustling plastic bag in the other room and see him climbing into a cardboard box. I thought - I got him now! I took out the bag which is how he climbed in the box. Started taking out each of the plates. As I was doing this I noticed he could climb up the Styrofoam with his claws. So I gently pushed him off and continued pulling out all the other plates. Until I had an empty box, closed the lid and open the doors and heading for the front door. I called to mom and told her about how I caught him and we were kind of sad to let him go, but he was SO cute. I tried to gently throw him out side into the flower bed, but he kept running to the back of the box. So finally I had to flip it over and let him crawl out. He looked scared. I told him to stay still because the neighbor was walking their dog and when he passed the mouse seemed to disappear into the flower bed.

I kinda miss the cute little mouse with the round butt and his personality. Yet I was pretty proud I caught him. Two field mice evicted and one to go!