Happy Valentine's Day or Happy Black Monday a little late. It is a funny thing I only celebrate the Hallmark holiday when I am single and unattached. When I have been in a relationship or dating, my boyfriends at the time, didn't think it was important to celebrate Valentine's Day.
I celebrate it with a day of doing all the things I never have the time I'd like to spend doing. Usually uneventful, but with a friend or doing a favorite activity. Last year I learned how to knit with my best friend, Andi. This year I was by myself on the official holiday doing my artwork. A little out of practice, but struggling to work on a new series that has been incubating in my mind for 5 years... I think I am struggling to birth the series in a painting series. I have half of the sketching done, a third of the canvas's prep ed and only one canvas almost finished.
This year I loved myself fulfilling my passion with my art.
I went to see Wedding Date with my best friend the evening before and Shall We Dance this past Friday with my mom. Between the two movies I think I have a renewed spirit about LOVE.
I have discovered I have the capability to fall in love easily, it is picking up the pieces afterword - that is the real trick.
I fell into a deep depression after taking the risk and telling my new love interest, here is the rub, he never said he didn't love me in return, he also never said he did love me in return. Only that he was honored that I could share my inner most feelings to him. He told me that I was courageous because I was a risk taker and told him that I felt I was falling in love with him, but he never believed that someone as cool as me could love him. I was shocked, hurt, happy, delirious. See it wasn't the answer I was expecting or even not expecting...it was a new place for me. We talked for several months and then he did a Houdini. Beware of falling in love with Scorpio's they sting a bit! After several months of Silence - I decided I needed closure for my own sanity and that is when the healing roller coaster ride began. The Viper would have been a welcomed ride after this nerve racking test of self exploration to return from the bliss of love. I returned to myself alone and sad at the non results from my risk. I went through the usual assortment of mixed emotions: What did I do wrong?, Could I have done anything differently? Maybe I wasn't in love with him after all?, He doesn't love me and I don't know why?, It was all a dream, an illusion, a fantasy. Then reality set in, I still think about him often and 6 months later I am ready to let both my friend and my romantic interest in him go. The hardest part is the grief of losing a kindred spirit, he was in my life for 10 years and now he is gone. True - maybe not forever. Anyone knows as Scorpio's go 3 days, 6 weeks, 9 months or 12 years later they reappear as if nothing has happened since the last time they saw you.
I deserve a love that time will stand still for. A love that all of nature will be our witness. There will be no doubt we love each other. Until then I am open to new experiences, but I think I am more guarded about letting just any suitors in.
What do we really know about another person? Until we meet their family and friends and verify everything they have told us, we never really know that person. We can never really know everything about another person and it shouldn't really matter as long as there is a healthy skepticism to screen people who might be dangerous to our well-being. Once we have past the skepticism there is only the truth. We just are and if we can accept that about each other then anything is possible.

April 25th (Sunday) between 1 and 8 pm at the Unitarian Church on Elmwood Avenue will be a poetry event where I will be reading. Celia White and Joe Todaro are in charge of this poetry event in our community and this will be the 4th Annual Urban Epiphany. There are several poets reading per hour and the event is usually video taped for any of the poets who are reading to have a copy of your performance. I will give directions to the spot with address a little later when I have more information.

I can't believe it has been a month since last I wrote anything. I have been working on my new job and all its rigorous requirements. Attempting to finish my incompete on time, but do to being sick I have spent most of the month on and off the couch with boxes of Kleenex, cough syrup, cough drops and just trying to feel better.
My dad is in the hospital for the last 11 days and most of those evenings were hanging out with dad. My Uncle Mike died. We couldn't go to the funeral due to dad being sick and I had work. I think we might go visit in the spring. The doctors say my dad has 6 to 12 months to live if he stay at his current health status. I have written before about all that. I don't think I am ready for his death. Then again we never are. The Pollyanna in me, says it is possible for him to get better and maybe live another ten years. He is only 57, he is so young to be SO sick.
My job has it's ups and downs and I am learning to fight the good fight. I have been figuring out what is really important to me.
I have been working on my artwork again. That feels really good, but I am taking it slowly. Trying to find little bits of happiness everyday. I started writ ting poetry again. That feels good too. [size=xxl]I have been invited to read at the Urban Epiphany on the Th of April at the Unitarian Church on Elmwood ave. More details as the date gets closer. I will be reading between the 5-PM hour. [/size]
I think the moon is void of course this day and that is why I have been getting absolutely nothing done today. Very frustrating.
I am rediscovering my social life and slowing down my work life into a reasonable pace right along with some of my career goals.