Blessings to having a week off from one responsibility and then I discover that I am acting like I am completely stressed out. Can’t really figure it? I just wanted to shut off. No more efficacies. No more to do lists. No more things that need to be done. No more responsibilities. Then it hit me like a load of bricks. I do not want to do this right now. Of course the question was what do I want to do?

We get so loaded up with what we have to do that we forget that sometimes we have wants or needs. Sometimes I just need to sit and watch movies until my brain decides to start firing on its own. The realization occurs to you as you have discovered you really are addicted to spider solitaire. Long hours staring into space and then it hits you really hard.

Many years ago I had a really painful experience of falling down a flight of concrete stairs and knock out of whack 9 vertebrae of my spine. I went to my doctor to find out why I was having headaches and then backaches. Well, DUH! So I am now in physical therapy. I used to be an athlete. It’s like my brain is still wired to working out and I haven’t done it in years due to my other health problem. I’m in there and the competitive edges creeps up on me daring me to go harder, faster and then PAIN! Ouch!

I am constantly told that your young yet and you don’t know about pain. (Well, big fat raspberries to you, bucko!) Everyone has had a toothache at least once in your life. That dull throbbing ache that attacks one space in your mouth that you inspect with your tongue every thirty seconds. Hold that feeling in your mind. Take it out of your mouth and place it at the back of your skull. Your skull sucks it in like smelling roses and the scent wafts as it travels the length of your spine to where you sit, your tailbone. Remember that pain. Imagine it has traveled up and down your spine aching and throbbing until your muscles begin to tighten. Those muscles keep tightening and forget how to relax. Then you tell it to go to rehab!

Rehabilitation. Yes, I want to be able to move again without the pain. It’s amazing how the pain doesn’t leave. It’s ebb and flow does not coincide with my life or its routines. It doesn’t like to go away. This pain is like when you got left out in grammar school. Like when your school chums had to pick teams and you were the one left over that neither team wanted. It just wants you to want it to be there. Yet it does not realize that it is just a huge pain in the ass. Literally the pain that holds your sciatic nerve from stretching, that causes our fingers and toes to fall asleep just because you breathe. It does not matter what position you stand, sit or lay down and still body parts just up and take a vacation.

Spinal struggle. This internal tug of war is causing a stress that I do not know how to avoid and yet they tell there is light at the end of the tunnel. Stress causes more pain in my back. It is an endless evil struggle just to be sane. How do you turn off the trigger? How do I get better? I keep doing my homework. I keep going to rehab. I keep feeling the pain.

My co-teacher in my adult classes just called to tell me that we are canceling classes. I’m like ok why? She just found out she had pneumonia and just got home from the emergency room and getting her scripts filled. So we have to wait until she is not contagious. Everyone I know seems to be under the weather. So I just spent the rest of the time on the phone trying to reach my students on my class roster to cancel class. Now I am exhausted.

I was planning on a more interesting post, but now I am too pooped to continue. Maybe more tomorrow or Wednesday, I’m off to watch Medium and then straight to bed. Night all.

I am not sure if that is a threat or a promise. I have been offline for almost a year. Forgive my silence. So many things, so little time. My father got a kidney transplant. He is on the mend. Of course there is good days and bad days. Several more of my single friends have joined the copious groups of happily ever after entered into marriage and more on the way. Several children have entered the world and have been given a handmade baby blanket from yours truly. I am heading toward the finish line for my certification. Two more hurdles to go. Teaching and creating curriculum have taking over a great deal of what I write these days. I have recently realized that I have to make myself sit and journal. Very bizarre to read the last entry and barely remember why you wrote it. I have meet some really cool new people and am enjoying the process of getting to know them. I have recently found some new addictions that are relatively harmless to the public at large but put large dents into my pocket book and stress for space in my apartment. I am looking forward too many things on the calendar, but am desperately trying to stay caught up with everything. I really think I put too much on my plate. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. Trying to continue managing stress is always an interesting challenge in my life. Lately everyone I know is either really tired or physically ill, something about the progressive strains of the flu and other viruses. Since the writer’s strike I have gotten less interested in television and more interested in DVD’s and books.

Just thought I’d check in and let you all know I am alive.