mobileCategory: life
07/23/08 02:43 - 70ºF - ID#45111
Wedding Story Part 2
I want to preface this with a little note. I know there are some people on this site who can't legally get "married" to the one they love in NYS. In Buffalo Quaker Meeting there is a 70 year old woman who has spent half her life fighting for GLBT rights. And when NYS decides to turn the corner, I know Buffalo Quaker Meeting will be one of the first to recognize marriage for everyone who is in love, and I would be happy to be invited.
Part 2: The Ceremony.
We wanted to have the ceremony outside under this huge tree in the front yard, but we weren't sure if it would happen. The forecast was calling for 70% chance of rain. You can't control the weather, but I was just hoping for 2 rain-free hours to do the ceremony outside. The reception was going to be under a huge tent, so it didn't matter if it rained later in the day, but the ceremony would be so much nicer outside under the tree in the front of the house.
When we finished taking pictures at the lake it was windy, really cloudy, and it had rained on us a little. We went back to the house for the ceremony and we both expected the chairs to be safely under the tent. We arrived at the house, and the place looked totally different than how we left it. I'll never forget pulling into the driveway and seeing all these people, gathering in the country with their fancy clothes on, walking in a hundred different directions, moving out of the way of our car as we passed. And to our surprise all the chairs were confidently set up under the tree.
Getting Everything Ready
Our un-signed Wedding Certificate
There were people everywhere! We only had about 10-15 minutes before the ceremony started. I kind of led Molly through the jungle of people so we could go upstairs and get ready, "hi... good to see you, we gotta go hide upstairs..." We paused to give grandma a kiss on the cheek but that was it. I forgot to shave that morning, so I did that. Then I stuck my head out the door to check on the microphones. We waited on the steps, for things to start. Edgar gave everyone an overview of Quaker practice and what would happen during the ceremony. Then we walked out.
We sit in calm silence until we feel moved to say our vows. People might pray, or meditate, or just quiet down their minds to bring a spiritual calm into their hearts.
Quakers would call the silence during meeting, becoming centered, listening for the light within, or waiting for god. Quakers usually worship in silence, unless they are inwardly moved to speak. We waited about 10 minutes. This must have seemed like a long time to non-quakers, but I noticed many of them dreamily gazing at me and my bride, I think they understood. When we were both calm and ready, we said our vows. The sun was out.
First Kiss
Our Vows:
"In the presence of the spirit, our friends and our family, I take thee, to be my Wife. I promise with love, to be caring and compassionate, to be supportive and patient, to show understanding and empathy, to keep an open and honest heart, and to always nurture our shared unity as your Husband from this day forward."
We wrote our vows together, and remembered everything. After saying our vows, we exchanged Rings, and signed the Marriage Certificate.
Then we looked at each other and we both wanted a hug.
That's when everyone gets teary eyed. We sit back down again, and the marriage certificate is read aloud.
For the rest of the meeting we just wait silently for people to share messages from their hearts.
The dog was interested, but he was calm too.
Our View
Under the huge canopy of shade provided by the the ancient and sturdy Maple tree.
There is no minister leading the ceremony, anyone can speak if they are moved to do so. People just raise their hand for a microphone, and share what they wish. It's unscripted, and the messages are very personal, and very spiritual. We waited about 15 minutes in silence. The first message was a song called 'Simple Gifts', it was shared by someone from Buffalo Meeting. Below is a picture of all the people who shared.
As you can see, anyone can speak, weather they're 9 years old or 90. Many people shared stories about us, or they talked about love and marriage, how happy they were for us, and how good we are for each other. Something like this ... "listening to the leaves, and the birds, and feeling the warmth of the sun, it seems as if the heavens are celebrating with us." "May your love be as broad as the branches above you, and as deep as the roots below." "We love when they do First Day School, they're so nice and fun to be around." "The bride adopted us as her grandparents when she moved to Fredonia. She would arrive late at night to sleep at our house, we woke her up, fed her, and gave her a ride to Quaker Meeting on Sunday." "the groom and I have known each other since we were born, and we did all those important things together, like climbing trees or playing with legos." .... It was realy nice.
A few More Photos from during the messages.
Bride's Family
My Mom Sharing, she's so cute.
The Scene for our big Country Wedding.
After the Meeting Ends our families and wedding party sign the Marriage certificate. Everyone at the wedding also signs the certificate during the night. The entire ceremony was wonderful, things went so well, and we got to do it outside under the tree. We are very blessed. Afterward we said hi to some of the guests, and did family portraits.
Next time, the reception. Honeymoon stuff later too.
I'm glad I'm writing all this stuff down, it's nice to remember it now, and I want to keep all the details.
Enjoy
Part 2: The Ceremony.
We wanted to have the ceremony outside under this huge tree in the front yard, but we weren't sure if it would happen. The forecast was calling for 70% chance of rain. You can't control the weather, but I was just hoping for 2 rain-free hours to do the ceremony outside. The reception was going to be under a huge tent, so it didn't matter if it rained later in the day, but the ceremony would be so much nicer outside under the tree in the front of the house.
When we finished taking pictures at the lake it was windy, really cloudy, and it had rained on us a little. We went back to the house for the ceremony and we both expected the chairs to be safely under the tent. We arrived at the house, and the place looked totally different than how we left it. I'll never forget pulling into the driveway and seeing all these people, gathering in the country with their fancy clothes on, walking in a hundred different directions, moving out of the way of our car as we passed. And to our surprise all the chairs were confidently set up under the tree.
Getting Everything Ready
Our un-signed Wedding Certificate
There were people everywhere! We only had about 10-15 minutes before the ceremony started. I kind of led Molly through the jungle of people so we could go upstairs and get ready, "hi... good to see you, we gotta go hide upstairs..." We paused to give grandma a kiss on the cheek but that was it. I forgot to shave that morning, so I did that. Then I stuck my head out the door to check on the microphones. We waited on the steps, for things to start. Edgar gave everyone an overview of Quaker practice and what would happen during the ceremony. Then we walked out.
We sit in calm silence until we feel moved to say our vows. People might pray, or meditate, or just quiet down their minds to bring a spiritual calm into their hearts.
Quakers would call the silence during meeting, becoming centered, listening for the light within, or waiting for god. Quakers usually worship in silence, unless they are inwardly moved to speak. We waited about 10 minutes. This must have seemed like a long time to non-quakers, but I noticed many of them dreamily gazing at me and my bride, I think they understood. When we were both calm and ready, we said our vows. The sun was out.
First Kiss
Our Vows:
"In the presence of the spirit, our friends and our family, I take thee, to be my Wife. I promise with love, to be caring and compassionate, to be supportive and patient, to show understanding and empathy, to keep an open and honest heart, and to always nurture our shared unity as your Husband from this day forward."
We wrote our vows together, and remembered everything. After saying our vows, we exchanged Rings, and signed the Marriage Certificate.
Then we looked at each other and we both wanted a hug.
That's when everyone gets teary eyed. We sit back down again, and the marriage certificate is read aloud.
For the rest of the meeting we just wait silently for people to share messages from their hearts.
The dog was interested, but he was calm too.
Our View
Under the huge canopy of shade provided by the the ancient and sturdy Maple tree.
There is no minister leading the ceremony, anyone can speak if they are moved to do so. People just raise their hand for a microphone, and share what they wish. It's unscripted, and the messages are very personal, and very spiritual. We waited about 15 minutes in silence. The first message was a song called 'Simple Gifts', it was shared by someone from Buffalo Meeting. Below is a picture of all the people who shared.
As you can see, anyone can speak, weather they're 9 years old or 90. Many people shared stories about us, or they talked about love and marriage, how happy they were for us, and how good we are for each other. Something like this ... "listening to the leaves, and the birds, and feeling the warmth of the sun, it seems as if the heavens are celebrating with us." "May your love be as broad as the branches above you, and as deep as the roots below." "We love when they do First Day School, they're so nice and fun to be around." "The bride adopted us as her grandparents when she moved to Fredonia. She would arrive late at night to sleep at our house, we woke her up, fed her, and gave her a ride to Quaker Meeting on Sunday." "the groom and I have known each other since we were born, and we did all those important things together, like climbing trees or playing with legos." .... It was realy nice.
A few More Photos from during the messages.
Bride's Family
My Mom Sharing, she's so cute.
The Scene for our big Country Wedding.
After the Meeting Ends our families and wedding party sign the Marriage certificate. Everyone at the wedding also signs the certificate during the night. The entire ceremony was wonderful, things went so well, and we got to do it outside under the tree. We are very blessed. Afterward we said hi to some of the guests, and did family portraits.
Next time, the reception. Honeymoon stuff later too.
I'm glad I'm writing all this stuff down, it's nice to remember it now, and I want to keep all the details.
Enjoy
Permalink: Wedding_Story_Part_2.html
Words: 1073
Location: Buffalo, NY
Category: life
07/18/08 10:52 - 78ºF - ID#45063
Wedding Story
Part One:
We got Married in the Fingerlakes at (e:mmtornow)'s parents house on June 28 2008, and had a 2 week Honeymoon in the Adirondacks afterward. My former co-workers did the photography, and they just gave me all the raw photos afterward, I've spent the past week editing them all. We have about 1000 photos from the wedding, and 1000 from the honeymoon. so this is part one.
We did a lot of work ourselves cause this was a backyard wedding, and we didn't have all that stuff banquet halls have. So we reserved the tent, tables, chairs, linens, and bought plates, napkins, decorations, booze etc. We went out to the Fingerlakes on Wednesday before the wedding to get things ready. We were pretty well prepared.
It was supposed to rain all week, but you can't control the weather, and the tent was big enough to hold everyone, so we didn't worry too much about it. I was just hoping to have the ceremony outside. Here's me and my new Bro-in-law on Thursday morning as the tent is being delivered. He's tall.
as you can see it was raining a bit then, and the forecast for Saturday went from 50% chance of rain to 70% through the week.
Friday Rehersal Dinner.
Glad we did this, because a lot of our 'people' had last minute concerns about everything. After answering about 135 questions apiece, I had a Headache, and (e:mmtornow) was wishing we had just done it at city hall, she was overwhelmed and in tears at the end. So we resolved to enjoy our wedding day no matter what. I told her if anyone asked us any questions on the Wedding day just say "that's your area of expertise, I trust your judgment" and move on. After almost a year of preparation, the wedding day we just had to let it fly. We weren't going to worry about it.
Saturday Morning:
Despite our decision to take it easy, there was a small list of things that needed to be done the day of the wedding. Picking up the beer, and making table numbers were the big ones. But I wasn't going to let (e:mmtornow) worry about it. The hair stylist came at about 9:00 and my plan was to let (e:mmtornow) hide in an air conditioned room while I delegated responsibility. Things went smoothly, I talked to all the 'people' mostly friends who happened to have the skills we needed. then I dropped everything and got dressed about Noon.
That's right, breaking with tradition we got ready together. We're not down with that superstitious tradition stuff. I feel like most of it comes from nervous medieval pre-contraception parents, and arranged marriages. We slept in the same bed, got ready together, and took portraits together before the ceremony. For me, as a wedding photographer, I see all kinds of brides getting ready, putting on their dress and hanging with the girls, it's one of those things, I couldn't miss part of my own wedding story. Actually I even took some pictures on my small camera before the photographers arrived. It made me feel relaxed :).
Bride, sans-wedding dress
Marvin wants to come
That's me checking the list in my head, and rushing to get my tie on for photos.
on the move
Portraits:
We headed to Seneca lake park with the Wedding Party before the ceremony. I'd definitely recommend taking portraits before the ceremony. You have a choice to sit in a room nervously awaiting 3 o'clock, or hang out with your closest friends in a park making each other smile. Pictures definitely kept us relaxed, even without champagne. The weather? It sprinkled a bit, not a problem, and the overcast skies were great for pictures. The photographers are Mike from New Visions Photography
my former boss, and Angela my former co-worker. Real easy to work with and friends. They gave me all the Raw files, and did the wedding kind of as a favor.
Next Entry I'll do the Ceremony. We also got new kitties as a wedding present and I want to post stuff, but I'm doing the wedding first. Enjoy!
We got Married in the Fingerlakes at (e:mmtornow)'s parents house on June 28 2008, and had a 2 week Honeymoon in the Adirondacks afterward. My former co-workers did the photography, and they just gave me all the raw photos afterward, I've spent the past week editing them all. We have about 1000 photos from the wedding, and 1000 from the honeymoon. so this is part one.
We did a lot of work ourselves cause this was a backyard wedding, and we didn't have all that stuff banquet halls have. So we reserved the tent, tables, chairs, linens, and bought plates, napkins, decorations, booze etc. We went out to the Fingerlakes on Wednesday before the wedding to get things ready. We were pretty well prepared.
It was supposed to rain all week, but you can't control the weather, and the tent was big enough to hold everyone, so we didn't worry too much about it. I was just hoping to have the ceremony outside. Here's me and my new Bro-in-law on Thursday morning as the tent is being delivered. He's tall.
as you can see it was raining a bit then, and the forecast for Saturday went from 50% chance of rain to 70% through the week.
Friday Rehersal Dinner.
Glad we did this, because a lot of our 'people' had last minute concerns about everything. After answering about 135 questions apiece, I had a Headache, and (e:mmtornow) was wishing we had just done it at city hall, she was overwhelmed and in tears at the end. So we resolved to enjoy our wedding day no matter what. I told her if anyone asked us any questions on the Wedding day just say "that's your area of expertise, I trust your judgment" and move on. After almost a year of preparation, the wedding day we just had to let it fly. We weren't going to worry about it.
Saturday Morning:
Despite our decision to take it easy, there was a small list of things that needed to be done the day of the wedding. Picking up the beer, and making table numbers were the big ones. But I wasn't going to let (e:mmtornow) worry about it. The hair stylist came at about 9:00 and my plan was to let (e:mmtornow) hide in an air conditioned room while I delegated responsibility. Things went smoothly, I talked to all the 'people' mostly friends who happened to have the skills we needed. then I dropped everything and got dressed about Noon.
That's right, breaking with tradition we got ready together. We're not down with that superstitious tradition stuff. I feel like most of it comes from nervous medieval pre-contraception parents, and arranged marriages. We slept in the same bed, got ready together, and took portraits together before the ceremony. For me, as a wedding photographer, I see all kinds of brides getting ready, putting on their dress and hanging with the girls, it's one of those things, I couldn't miss part of my own wedding story. Actually I even took some pictures on my small camera before the photographers arrived. It made me feel relaxed :).
Bride, sans-wedding dress
Marvin wants to come
That's me checking the list in my head, and rushing to get my tie on for photos.
on the move
Portraits:
We headed to Seneca lake park with the Wedding Party before the ceremony. I'd definitely recommend taking portraits before the ceremony. You have a choice to sit in a room nervously awaiting 3 o'clock, or hang out with your closest friends in a park making each other smile. Pictures definitely kept us relaxed, even without champagne. The weather? It sprinkled a bit, not a problem, and the overcast skies were great for pictures. The photographers are Mike from New Visions Photography
my former boss, and Angela my former co-worker. Real easy to work with and friends. They gave me all the Raw files, and did the wedding kind of as a favor.Next Entry I'll do the Ceremony. We also got new kitties as a wedding present and I want to post stuff, but I'm doing the wedding first. Enjoy!
Permalink: Wedding_Story.html
Words: 739
Location: Buffalo, NY
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to answer paul's question, I'm not a quaker by birth, but my wife is. There aren't many Quakers around, Buffalo Meeting has like 150 members but about 20-30 attend each week. Orchard park has about 15-20 that attend. There are a lot more in Pennsylvania. And Quakers do play a pretty bad-ass role in history, with abolition and civil rights. And they're not like Amish people with buggies and whatnot. They're just a compassionate group of people, trying to live peacefully and coexist with life. They don't have have any promises or ritual, or dogma. Meeting is like a moment of silence, one that gets comfortable, and lasts for a while. Growing up I was one of those Christmas and Easter type Catholics, we went to the OLV Basilica, I enjoyed some things about church, my mom goes there every week now. I was always a spiritual kind of person. In college I just happened to meet my wife who was a Quaker, I found they fit very well for me. You don't have to be a Quaker to marry one, but I did become a member in the spring.
Quaker weddings are so flexible, you kind of have to make up some things as you go along, but that just makes it more personal. And the open microphone is great, i want to write down more of it cause I don't have any recordings.
Heidi, it's so weird working in the wedding business and then doing it for yourself.
Tiny, One thing I knew for sure, as a photographer, the bride should not wear a strapless dress :) They squeeze the brides body, and things hang out, even on skinny girls, trust me, I have to edit their photos. Unfortunately 90% of the dresses for sale are strapless, (e:mmtornow) had 3 choices, she tried it on in the store and ordered the same one on ebay anyway :) I'm also glad you can identify with the ceremony, it's hard to describe, but people are connected somehow, and the silence is very moving. The wedding certificate is longer, it had room for 175 names, it's a pretty big thing to have framed. Not sure about the flowers on top we didn't choose the type of flower, just the color. I'm pretty sure they are a real flower in nature.
Josh, it was great to hear people speak during the ceremony, I forgot to mention this, the first non-quaker to speak was the boy in the red shirt, my 17 year old cousin, he said something like, "i know marriage doesen't work out some times, for whatever reason, but I hope the two of you stay married and love eachother for a long time." Meeting actually went over about 20 minutes, people enjoyed the occasion.
Are those forget-me-nots on the top of the wedding certificate? They are pretty! Just curious though, did your certificate run into several pages? Such a cool concept. Imagine if someone who would become an extremely famous celebrity in the future, came to your wedding and signed it! :)
I am in love with (e:mmtornow)'s gown. When you are walking out, it has quietly assumed a life of its own and gives an ethereal dimension to the walk with a little twirl and flow. :) I also like the part about sitting in calm and getting acquainted mentally with your audience, your witnesses and yourself before you say what your heart knows. There is something so peaceful in connecting with people whom you are going to speak to. I know this is probably a somewhat unrelated experience but somehow I find it easier to express myself and speak clearly if I have made a kind of mental contact with my audience/patients/students/professors after a moment of silent communication. When I don't take this minute, invariably I sound flustered, indifferent, bored, impatient, snobbish or outright rude. The silent communion is a brilliant idea. :)
As I look at your wedding, I think back to a zillion of my cousins' and friends' weddings back home. Some were nightmares, some downright hilarious, some drunken revelries, dance manias, suffocating rituals, some all-night eating binges, some pompous shows of wealth, some five-minute court-signings (followed by one of the above) and a few were outright weird. I think I like your wedding the best. I need to cc the link to your journal entry to my whole crazy clan and broadcast across the pond and some mountains, now. ;-) I would have loved to be that woman sitting in the grass with her shoes off and enjoying it all in the best way possible. `
Totally flippant comment, but your sideburns rock! I have been trying to get my brother to grow them out. :)
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story! If you see a spike in your views over the next couple months, it's probably me reloading the pictures to look at them all over again. Thank you! :^D
I've photographed over 100 weddings, Jewish, Catholic, Indian, justice of the peace, etc. Planning my own, I had to keep asking myself "can I see myself there, and does it feel natural?" I had to slowly pry my head out of the traditional, cause it didn't work for me. I love working at the Statler Towers, and photographing in beautiful cathedrals, but I couldn't see myself in it. It's worth it to spend time making it your own.
Just kidding, of course.