just got back from cafe aroma with the wendybird. t'was good times- we were dorks and sang alexz johnson songs in the car. now i'm listening to even worse music in my room with all my pretty candles lit and am working on some new stuff for the walls. promises to be... exciting. gah, i hate being all dressed up and having nowhere to go. i'onno, maybe i'll do something with chunks and andrew- or should i say chunksandrew, cause they're pretty much the same person these days. i hate being the only single one of my friends. well, that's not true, i mean, not all of my friends are attached, it just feels like it. grr. i should be happier with myself, y'know? be one of those strong, independent women i hear so much about. and, oftentimes, i'n ohkay on my own. generally i can entertain myself well and enjoy being by myself, but then there are nites when i just wish i had someone to sit and smoke a bowl with, or to watch familyguy with, but that's ok. i'm extremely young- i'm not worried. just, tired. i was almost considering getting back together with this real DOUCHE of a guy, but luckily my sanity kicked in just in time. it's just, for a few minutes, i definitely knew what laura meant in high fidelity when she told rob that she was too tired not to be with him.

... i'm going to be that cat lady.





in other news, it's time for me to starting thinking what i'm going to do with my senior page in the yearbook. it's mandatory to have dotdotdots, which is where you basically shout out to all yr friends and reference stupid inside jokes. i don't know what to put in mine, because i, uh, don't like anyone, lol. i'm thinking maybe i should just make a joke out of it- be a real asshole, y'know? just really obvious and obnoxious, like:

'omg traci and jenni and JR and mildred... frannie's dances... saturday nites at the regal... good times... RJ and UC and laney... so much fun camping... omg Spiders haahahahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaa... BFF'S 4 EvA!~~~~... good times.'

meh, whatevah. i'm also trying to come up with a senior quote or two. so far i really like 'as bad as i am, i'm proud of the fact that i'm worse than i seem', or 'i've been a bad, bad girl' (heh check out (e:drchlorine)'s entry music for me!), or 'bless you, world! for you are thus rich in earthly pleasure / i'll serve you in my own sweet way by giving love full measure'

that last one's a quote from a poem about mary magdalene, and obsession of mine. then, another i like is from beauty and the beast, 'i want adventure in the great, wide somewhere- i want it more than i can tell'

heh, yeah i'm a total dork. oh well.

... does anyone else feel guilty/funny about listening to india arie when yr white?

i am a hermit. thoreau's got nothing on me. i have done literally nothing this summer.
wendy's got yoga tonite, and then, a little past eight, she's gonna come grab me and we're going to spot for an hour before she has to get the car back to south buffalo.
anyone doing anything good tonite? i'm booooooooooooored.
i guess i'd better get a new copy of walden.

um, yeah. so i didn't get sooze in colloquial theater's SUBURBIA. didn't get anything.
blast.

haven't updated since christmas. my livejournal, which i've been slightly more faithful to, was graced with a similar renewal of spirits in typical-alison epiphanic fashion. i did so, with a recap of the last couple years- which i will now post here:
our saga continues as i left boarding school to come back to lovely buffalo, new york. here, absolutely nothing has happened, except if you disregard my falling in love, changing my hair color a few hundred times, getting the ol' heart broken, fighting with and being exiled from my group of friends, having my first professional poetry reading at nietzche's (i made $13), and acquiring a few piercings and a penchant for sex, drugs, and the satanical rock and roll music. now, two years later, my parents will be finalizing their divorce in the next couple weeks, and my mother will be moving to arizona. i'll be going into my senior year on academic probation at a school of girls who look at me like i'm courtney love on a sunday morning.
all caught up? smashing.
in other news, i have a splitting headache, and am ordering pretty new bras from victoria's secret online because they don't sell full-figure DD sizes in the stores anymore. cute, i know. the gilmoregirls episode is on where jess steals howl from rory. sweet. ham and cheese sandwich, gross. i'm 163.1 lbs, which is weird, because i look a lot smaller, and it's pissing me off. i have no job, because i have no car, because i'm an asshole. i did, however, apply at feel rite market. babysitting is, in no way, paying the bills.

::phew:: that was trying.

anyways. got into a MASSIVE fight with the father-figure a couple days ago. i was in tears all day. and then what happened? i had my audition with bill and victoria for Colloquial Theater's production of SUBURBIA. and i blew it, cause i was such a fucking basket case. plus, it's a little hard to put any meaning or punch into a performance art piece about cuntholes and howard stern while trying to read the words off a tiny little script. blah. anyways, it got even better. i left victoria's to go to the after-hours clinic with my mother, where i proceeded to have a panic attack. wonderful. i haven't had one in awhile, but oh did it come back full force.
now, a few days later, the whole casting of suburbia thang is making me jumpy likeWHOA. i've been checking my email every five seconds, and am taking this as a sign that i suck and didn't get cast. ah well, obviously it wasn't meant to be. looks like i'll just have to sit and wait like a good little girl for the theater gods to take a shine to me. it's taking every ounce of self-restraint that i have to not call victoria (it's 2 am) and beg for a definitive answer, just to have the whole thing over and done with. the only thing worse than the hour before an audition is the time between it being over and hearing the results. GUH.

but, for now, i suppose i'll just have to stick my nose into my required summer reading- that is the goal of tomorrow/today. wish me luck and love!
this was a crazy/whiny/nutso entry. i promise the next will be less of a smack over the head, if not equally as trite.


in closing, i'll leave you with the immortal words of cogsworth: "if it's not baroque, then don't fix it!"

merry christmas to you all, and happy seventeenth birthday to me and angel.
i feel old/young.

Current Conditions:
Feels Like:    -4°    Â     
Barometer:    29.88 in and rising      
Humidity:    81%      
Visibility:    1.61 mi    Â     
Dewpoint:    8°
Wind:    NW 16 mph
Sunrise:    7:42 am
Sunset:4:43 pm
buffalo is a winterfuckingwonderland.


laur-- what shall we do with our vacation? ahhh, i love having options!
if the oc came in, i vote being slobs over here.
in other news, i received my yearly $50 gift certificate to barnes & noble from my aunt yesterday, and promptly went out and spent the sucker. i got the second mix for the oc, and three books: SLUT: Growing Up Female With A Bad Reputation, Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, and Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love. Can you tell l'm a sociology fiend?
oh, vacation! now i can finally read Like Water For Chocolate and Angels and Demons, which I borrowed from Joy and Sarah (respectively) about a million months ago.
still, this is going to be a terrible christmas. not like last year. last year was.... well. yeah. him.
my mom and i got a little charlie-brown-er of a christmas tree. we put all the decorations WE wanted on it, so it mostly ended up being little wooden figurines and things I made when I was little.
ayie. i can hear them fighting about money downstairs. assholes. ::turns on eels::
anyway. i had to keep pulling ornaments out of the box and asking my mom who gave them to us because i accidentally wanted to put up this little kitty-jack-in-the-box one but it turns out my grandmother on my dad's side gave it to us, so obviously that was out.
there was this one ornament and it was off a little man in golf garb(e?) and it says 'my dad's a pro' on his chest. i gave it to the dog, and she tore his head clean off his body, so mom and i hung it in two pieces on the back of the tree.
there's no star on top, either.
the christmasparty was good- the food was fucking AMAZING. ayie. laur and i drank considerable amounts and were about to pass out at like 11 (don't make fun, the drinking commenced at 6), so the power broker (what we call my dad's friend/dealer mike) let us use his limo to take us home. thus, we ended up going from hutch's to my place in our own private limo, and stealing the silverbullet beers from within aforementioned limo. hollar. we weren't as sick yesterday as we thought we'd be, but we were a little.
cough~max~cough~'better than good charlotte mix'~cough.
ohh the full bklyn cd came in (i may have already mentioned this), and it's LIVE!
... and i hate my parents.

right. so.
i just all but quit my job at globe. they were saying that it's inconveinient for me to come back to work after the break i just took so i could go to newyork and do storyplay, so we'd talk again after the newyear.
fuck that shit. i'm getting a job at hutch's.
take that bitches.


i'm not even going to explain the entire thing (because it's pretty messy and just a bunch of bitching) but sirensonggirls, my student-run choir at buff sem, is really starting to suck because this one girl, caitlin, is a drama queen and bosses everyone around and gets all the good fucking parts. roar. we just put on 'wicked' and now we're picking something new and i suggested selected songs from 'brooklyn the musical' and i'm sure ciatlin's going to get it all. yeah. ugh.


every tuesday my art class goes to albrightknox to walk around for 40 minutes or so and, being the unofficial TA, i get to pick up our passes and flirt with the guards. i love looking old.
although my birthday/christmas is in how many days? not many.

anyways, yes paul, that tree is ridiculous. someone learned how to use a camera and computer. big effing deal. but the two exhibits where the photographers dressed up as different family members and characters. the one photographer disguised herself as a lesbian, an old lady, a lesbian, a latino- it was so cool. and the other one made herself up to look like marilyn monroe and her own brother- it took the girls in my class like twenty fucking minutes to comprehend that fact that YES, even though it doesn't LOOK like her, it is. yeah. i know.


and now, i must say ado, so i can study for chemistry and not get into columbia.

last nite was opening nite for the play. it runs tonite, monday and tuesday nites also at 7 pm at the buffalo seminary on bidwell parkway off elmwood.
do not come, we suck.
it's a nite of improv and fable-fucking.
ggah

i got a picture phone and it OWNS motherfuckers.

ayie. crazy day tomorrow
i have work at globe from 5-close. paul-- come visit! it's the last time i work for like, 2 weeks because i have college auditions/interviews. w00t.
have homework to do, but will not because i want- no, NEED to watch the oc.
yeah, i know.