🏷️ school

I can actually just immediately follow up on my last post.

I finished with having to settle on a place to study.... well, I have!

In may, the application process to study abroad opens at SUNY New Paltz, and I've chosen to go to Seville. I recently had a mid semester interview with one of my Spanish professors, and he really motivated me to go to Spain. My older professor just really didn't know what to tell me and didn't really guid me very well, so it really discouraged me until i had that conversation the other day.

My plans are to go by spring 2015. I'm hoping to work a ton over the summer to put away some money (I wanna get a second job), but i'm really bad at money, so I hope I can exercise some new found restraint.

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Things are going well, mostly. I say that, but in reality, I never know quite how to classify how i'm doing in life... but it's definitely not terrible.

School always seems overwhelming to me. I'm considering asking for a referral to a psychiatrist in order to be tested for ADD. Focus and discipline are my biggest problems I face, and I think if I could just find a way to help myself along, I could be going places and doing things (not so slowly)!

Things are well with Mickey and I right now. At this exact moment, I'm contented, but there's some over-arching issues that will eventually need to be smoothed out. We had a bit of a down time, and I've been writing out things I want to talk about, what I expect, what I feel etc, and I've brought some of it up in conversation, but a lot keep to myself, because I really wonder if I'm just expecting too much, if I need to just cool it. I just feel such an urgency about everything, lately. I'm developing this mind set about where I wanna be and what I wanna do and how I want to feel about my life. I want to feel settled, to create a home, I want to be done with school and pursue my budding dreams, and I don't want to be casually seeing someone a couple times a week while that happens. I can't buy a house yet, or afford much at all, but you don't need a lot to make a place feel like your home, like you have a little burrow or hole or nest with someone that you can grow as a person with. He eventually wants these same things, but doesn't really feel any rush. My opinion is why wait, and his is why rush. His stance is really sensible, but i think sometimes he adheres to imaginary rules for reasons that maybe i don't understand. Living together is an issue for me. Everything about it is a plus to me. I would feel less needy, our expenses would be cut, I wouldn't have to travel across the city all the time between work, school, my place, and mickeys, and thus have more productive days, and I'd be able to be more attentive to my mundane duties and to my animals. How much time have I wasted waiting for busses to go to mickeys... let me actually calculate this.

so the first 5 months, I was spending almost 5 - 6 days a week at his place, going home to feed the animals or to pick up necessities 2 or 3 times during that time. so the initial trip is about a half hour (walking, waiting, riding, walking) and so are the rest, really. so, going there, 2 to 3 trips to and fro during the week, and the last one home until i came back... that's 6 half hour trips if i'm being conservative. 3 hours a week x 4 weeks (12hrs) in a month x 5 months... that's 60 hours traveling, right? that's close to 3 full days. The last 2 months, we limited the time we spent together, so he could focus on the show and I could focus on school so I spent 1 to 1 1/2 hr a week traveling... so if i count every other week and 1 and 1 1/2 hours, that's 20ish hours in 2 months... so I've lost 80 hours of my life, only traveling to mickey's and back home. 3 days and then 8 more hours.

So basically I'm being a brat, and makes me sound dissatisfied, which is ony 5% true.

My sister April, who i used to live with had a baby. her name is ivy. she supah cute.

well that entry was twice as long as i intended to make it.

i did it. it's really fucking hot.

This is the home stretch, folks. I just need to do one last essay and a few make-up tests to get every last thing done for school and then i will be a graduated Robert.

I certainly put it off long enough... I wasn't ready until I was ready, though... I needed those extra "life experiences" years. I needed to know how terrible it was gonna be to work shitty jobs for the rest of my life. (not that my job right now is shitty, but... it's shitty.) I doubt I will ever make very much money here. I don't want to leave, but i don't think i'll be able to get any sort of a career off the ground here unless i start elsewhere and come back later with a skill set. I mean, maybe I will... and maybe I won't. We'll see.

with Spanish, I can do... teaching, translation, interpreting... or if i get another degree, i can just pursue that... but in spanish. Apparently, i only need 3 more classes to get a BA in spanish at UB according to this nebulous sheet of paper i received in the mail. I hate their papaer work. i literally cannot figure anything it is trying to tell me. i feel like you need specialized knowledge just to read it. i'll have to sit down with it some more. i rarely have this kind of difficulty with mailings.

I might just continue on to get a masters or phd in spanish linguistics... but i feel like i should should stick to one step at a time. Times are kind of testy, so i feel like i should just continuously set short terms 2 yr goals for myself. in case the US gets blown up by... i don't know. something. someone really mad at our global shenanigans. it's just that i don't want to over-invest myself in something that I may never finish. what if, what if, what if...

I picked up my cap and gown today, along with 3 tickets to the graduation ceremony. I'm excited to get it done, but I'm nervous to start at UB. Big people school... >_< ECC was so easy.

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I ended up finally going to Don Tequila's... it was great. I loved the food. I got Vegetarian F, haha... I went with Jens and Tanya.

after the bike got fixed up, after almost a year out of commission, the back brakes came off, the tire popped again. there's an actual hole in the tire.... i patched it up and rode it from my friend's house after getting it all sorted out and it popped again on he way home. @terry and @paul graciously offered to let me use the extra they had down in the basement. just gotta get it fixed up. My bike was so old, it had honestly outlived it's usefulness. i probably would have ended up fixing it all summer long. It's too bad, i really enjoyed learning how to fix stuff on my old one.

It's gonna be stressful getting the last of my school stuff done this week. i have a lot of shifts this week.

some extra photos i never got to put up. We got a new Kitten. He's pretty much the best thing ever. He takes my mind off of lots of things :)

i have to read this. there's no mic. I'm gonna die.

i pray that i have the wrong date and that it's really on Wednesday.