My favorite fake emotion is nostalgia for a time I never lived in. The history of the early 20th century is not very uplifting stuff. Economic depression, two world wars, the resurgence of the KKK, Teddy Roosevelt not winning a third term. Sad, sad, sad times.

Thankfully though, consumerism makes the past whimsical looking! Can you guess what these items are?



Hm...



Salome should be both a clue and a cautionary tale



Oh ya, there is even one for our beloved city.

give up? Ok, this one featuring a tribble should be a dead give away



Yup, paper wrappers for condoms.

play safe kids.

Remember Patty Hearst?

Patty "don't move pig-dog or I will blow your fucking head off" Hearst?




Patty Symbionese Liberation Army Hearst?




The Patty Hearst who we had always hoped was still a covert revolutionary amidst fat cat capitalists to help bring the system down from within?

Guess what she is up to these days.




Congratulations on your Westminster Dog Show win.

I need a drink.

I complain about NPR on here a lot. I shouldn't be so hard on it, as it does make my work day more tolerable. But WNED, you got some 'splainin' to do.

We are in the middle of a beg-a-thon. Local news-robot Sam Anson can't get through three sentences without tripping over his own tongue. So an interruption from that guy who sounds like a bad Jerry Lewis impression to cry for cash is welcome. His voice can cause miscarriages so you want to throw money his way to get him off the air. In fact, I think they only bring him out during fund raisers.

But this year, he is not on. In fact, they aren't interrupting programming at all. What they call "Pledge Free" means during normal sponsor breaks they just have a little blurb reminding you they need money but they wont annoy you during the news. The selling point: we wont harass you as much so give us money.

Now, when I get to work I listen to NPR streaming over the internet. I start the day off with Boston's WBUR for On Point with Tom Ashbrook: a man who never trips over his own tongue. They are raising cash a different way. You give us money, we will send Valentine's Day flowers to whomever you want. The selling point: tax write off and flowers.

WNED emphasizes how fucking obnoxious they are. WBUR emphasizes you having a larger tax return check and sex.

You suck Buffalo NPR.

Ever see those fake personal ads online? They will be lurking in a web pages sidebar where advertisements are. Usually the image is of some impossibly hot person. The hottest guy or gal you have ever seen out at the bars is a dog next to these people, their pictures stolen from a legit site. Well, this one puts them all to shame



Aren't you intrigued at this young looking Don Imus, and by young I mean early 40's and with a skin condition.

Keep an eye out kids. Love is just around the sidebar.

Hi,

I just made 55 calls to random people in Nebraska on behalf of Obama. It is really odd reading from a script at strangers. I mean, I like Obama. I really like him. But it feels so plastic to just read a script written by someone who is not a public speaker. I mean, that sentence about hope and change that also jabbed at Clinton was wonderful but it could have used seven less clauses. The written word is marvelous for a smattering of punctuation marks. The spoken word is not. By call 18 though I was into the routine and was able to joke with people and have a good chat.

Some people asked me questions I was not ready for. Where does Barack stand on gun control? "Er, the NRA hasn't made a big stink about him so I guess he isn't too restrictive" was my off the cuff answer. It turns out I happened to be right, but really, is gun control your biggest issue? What is this? The 90's?

Then someone asked me where he stands on OCEA. Um.. thankfully that was my last call. They were totally going to go vote for him they told me, but had that one question. My phone's battery died while I was trying to google it really fast.

The website where you get these numbers from is fun. They make it competitive. There is a top ten list of the people who made the most calls. I was briefly number nine and had the mofo at seven in my sites. But, with a dead phone all my dreams are too dead.

You kids should go to to make a few calls.

kisses

• update*

I am number seven!


sadly, they are out of numbers now.