• This post was stolen almost entirely from Susie Bright's blog.*

I am a lucky man. Porn it is ubiquitous. Go online to look for a car loan and you end up with two buxom babes urging you to click their clits to lower your interest rate. Search for a puttanesca recipe and midget furries gang bang some guy dressed as Spock. But I should say here that quantity and ease of access do not make quality.

The golden age of porn existed in the 1970's. Pubic hair was a little wilder and un-dubbed sound was something of the future with robot maids and flying cars. But, most importantly, it was a world ripe for parody and porn was the Jonathan Swift of the age.

Are you ready for.... Bat Pussy!

Bat Pussy sits in her bat cave. When she senses trouble her labia flutter. In her ratty cape, t-shirt with bat logo, and gym shorts she jumps onto her red ball and bounces off to save the day!

watch. It is safe for work. There is no sex. Just four of the strangest minutes ever captured on film.


What we need to do now as a people is to send a strong message that this most important piece of art needs to be made available on DVD! So I am asking you to please sign this petition. Tell them
The World Needs Bat Pussy!

Despite her New Jersey looks, Amy Winehouse is British and is rightfully HUGE! Before Back in Black was released in the US it was rightfully HUGE in Britain.

Haven't you ever dreamed of seeing her on a BBC comedy quiz show in which she is charmingly trashed, bombed out of her skull, and frickin' hilarious.

As a side point Simon Amstell, the host, is adorable, you just want to pinch his cheeks, tie him up, and keep him in your basement in a giant mason jar. But that might just be me.

Anyway, watch the show. You will be really glad you did.

My favorite fake emotion is nostalgia for a time I never lived in. The history of the early 20th century is not very uplifting stuff. Economic depression, two world wars, the resurgence of the KKK, Teddy Roosevelt not winning a third term. Sad, sad, sad times.

Thankfully though, consumerism makes the past whimsical looking! Can you guess what these items are?



Hm...



Salome should be both a clue and a cautionary tale



Oh ya, there is even one for our beloved city.

give up? Ok, this one featuring a tribble should be a dead give away



Yup, paper wrappers for condoms.

play safe kids.

Remember Patty Hearst?

Patty "don't move pig-dog or I will blow your fucking head off" Hearst?




Patty Symbionese Liberation Army Hearst?




The Patty Hearst who we had always hoped was still a covert revolutionary amidst fat cat capitalists to help bring the system down from within?

Guess what she is up to these days.




Congratulations on your Westminster Dog Show win.

I need a drink.

I complain about NPR on here a lot. I shouldn't be so hard on it, as it does make my work day more tolerable. But WNED, you got some 'splainin' to do.

We are in the middle of a beg-a-thon. Local news-robot Sam Anson can't get through three sentences without tripping over his own tongue. So an interruption from that guy who sounds like a bad Jerry Lewis impression to cry for cash is welcome. His voice can cause miscarriages so you want to throw money his way to get him off the air. In fact, I think they only bring him out during fund raisers.

But this year, he is not on. In fact, they aren't interrupting programming at all. What they call "Pledge Free" means during normal sponsor breaks they just have a little blurb reminding you they need money but they wont annoy you during the news. The selling point: we wont harass you as much so give us money.

Now, when I get to work I listen to NPR streaming over the internet. I start the day off with Boston's WBUR for On Point with Tom Ashbrook: a man who never trips over his own tongue. They are raising cash a different way. You give us money, we will send Valentine's Day flowers to whomever you want. The selling point: tax write off and flowers.

WNED emphasizes how fucking obnoxious they are. WBUR emphasizes you having a larger tax return check and sex.

You suck Buffalo NPR.